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Chapter Twenty-Eight: A Good Friend


They sat up in the little around-the-table powwow until the small hours of the morning, and the sun creaked through the window in the kitchen. AJ put his head down on the table and his eyes drooped dangerously close to sleep. "I think it's time we all go to bed," Kevin announced finally, standing up and taking the two cold bowls of stew remains from the table and putting them into the sink. The other guys moved from the table, too, except AJ, who Kevin roused with a nudge to the shoulder.

"Bed?" AJ mumbled.

"Yeah, c'mon," Kevin answered. He herded Brian and AJ to the couches in the living room and game room, then Howie onto the one in the studio upstairs.

When it was just the three of them, Nick murmured, "Kelsey was using one of the two guest rooms."

Desi volunteered, "I'll take Kelsey's room. I -- I'm used to her... being there. All her stuff and everything."

Nick stared at the door like it might be haunted.

Desi turned and pushed it opened, took a deep breath, then said, "Well... night." And he stepped inside.

Kevin turned to Nick as the door closed behind Desi. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern on his brow. Nick wasn't sure he'd ever be okay again. But he nodded anyways. "You sure?" Kev pressed.

Nick shrugged. "I will be I guess," he answered. He hesitated, a question that had bothered him all night finally coming to his mouth. "Kev?"

"Hmm?"

Nick chewed his lip. "Well see, I know what Howie and Brian say about it... but... I dunno... Whenever they talk about it, Heaven sure seems really... I dunno, boring... with like the harps and agels and clouds and lights and shit." He paused. "Kev, it ain't boring, right? There's shit to do, right? Music that isn't the crap on the Christian radio stations?"

Kevin smiled, fighting back a chuckle at Nick's honest, childlike question. "Nobody really knows, Nick," he said, "But I mean, God made everything, right? And he didn't make us a boring ass earth, did he?"

Nick shook his head, "Nawh."

"So why would he make heaven any different?" Kevin posed.

Nick nodded slowly.

Kevin put his hand on Nick's shoulder. "Go to bed, buddy. Get some sleep. There's a lot of growing up to do in the mornin'."

Nick nodded as Kevin guided him toward the bed room. "Thanks, Kev, for being here," Nick said.

Kevin nodded. "I'm proud of you," he said, "And not just for the song, either, you know that, right? I'm proud of you, just being you."

Nick felt his throat tighten. He'd waited for those words for years, it seemed. If he wasn't completely cried out already he would've teared up at them just 'cos he'd waited so long for it. "Thanks Kev," he murmured.

"Night, lil Bro," Kev said, and he turned and headed for the second guest bedroom at the end of the hallway.

"Night Kev," Nick whispered.

When he went in the room, Nick stood in the doorway, looking around for a moment at the messiness of the room. The sun was coming in through the blinds, and he walked over and tugged them shut. He knew he should listen to Kevin and get some sleep, but instead, he sat down at the desk he had in the corner, grabbed a notebook and his guitar... and started to write.




In the guest bedroom, Desi had his eyes closed, breathing in the smell of Kelsey that permeated the air. In fact, the room smelled so strongly of her that when Desmond had his eyes closed like this, he could almost convince himself it was the late eighties and he was standing in Kelsey's childhood bedroom back home in Brockton, singing her Beach Boys songs when she couldn't sleep when she got the chicken pox in fourth grade. (He'd gotten them immediately following - probably because he'd spent half the time she was sick up in her room singing her Beach Boys songs). He sat on the bed, absently humming Don't Worry Baby, and looked at the nightstand.

Kelsey had an old photograph of them together leaning against the lamp. The photo was an old Polaroid, and she'd torn it in half and taped it back together at some point -- and sometime recently, Desi thought, because the colors hadn't started yet to fade from the edges of the tear like they did with most photos. She'd probably ripped it in a fit of anger that very week, Desi thought, remembering the anger in her face when she'd shoved him on the steps when he'd followed her out, moments before he'd confessed his love to her.

He lifted the photo. He could remember the moment it was taken - by a roving photographer in the parking lot of a fair up in New Hampshire. The guy had handed them a business card and told them if they wanted the picture to stop by his booth later on. Desi had been laughing, carrying Kelsey like a sack of potatoes over his back, forcing her to face her fear of heights and ferris wheels. She'd been shrieking and kicking her legs at his chest, though laughing the entire time. He smiled as he remembered her decision that ferris wheels weren't so bad after all, now that she'd been up in one -- but then nothing's too scary when I'm with you, she'd added.

He sighed and put the photo back on the night stand, and laid back into the pillows where her scent was so strong he felt like he could've drowned in it. He closed his eyes and imagined the weight of her, the way she felt when he held her, remembering the feeling of her eyelashes scraping against his chest as she blinked.

Desmond fell asleep like that, laying in the smell of her, and he dreamt long about the future they could've had if they'd only been given the time in which to create it.




Nick could hear everyone else getting up by the time he'd finished writing. He stared down at the scribbly notes and messy lines, arrows, and cross-outs he'd made all over his notebook page. He nodded slowly, then tossed the notebook onto his desk and slid the guitar to the floor. He crawled across the bed, and dropped face-first into the pillows, closing his eyes.

It was only a couple moments into sleeping when there was a knock at his door. He didn't answer, but the door opened anyways, and Howie stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, put his hand on Nick's back. "Nick," he said, "We gotta talk."

Nick rolled over and looked up at Howie. He took a deep breath and realized some part of him had been expecting this moment when Howie would wanna talk about the song after the blurting confession Nick had made in the car. He could see the disappointment already teetering on the edges of Howie's expression. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Yesterday... in the car..." Howie paused. "Nick, who wrote the song?"

Promise me you'll make it right...

I promise.

"Desi did," Nick said softly.

Howie's eyes became fully vested in sadness and Nick felt like shit. He diverted his eyes from Howie's, but he could still feel them on him, even though he couldn't see them. "Didn't you think we'd find out Nick?"

"I bought all the rights from the song," Nick mumbled.

"Why would you do this?"

He chewed his lip. "Well... I -- I... I thought... I dunno. I just wanted you guys to - to be my friends again, and I thought writing a song was the only way y'all would be."

Howie shook his head, "We never stopped being your friends, Nicky."

Nick gave Howie The Look.

"Nick," Howie corrected himself. He smirked. "Buddy, we've always been your friends. Seriously."

"If I'd called any of you, you wouldn't have talked to me. All y'all would say to me was sober up, sober up. Y'all weren't my friends anymore."

Howie shook his head, "We did that cos we loved you and cared about you, man, not 'cos we weren't your friends. We just wanted to see you happy and healthy and... better."

Nick sighed. "Well it was easy to think ya'll weren't my friends no more," he said. "And I thought maybe if I wrote a really good hit song that y'all would ...I dunno, come back. I just wanted my friends back."

"Well you never lost us," Howie said, "But I mean why didn't you just tell us that? And man, screwing over Desi like that? He seems like a damn good friend. Why would you do that to Desi?"

A friend? Nick hadn't thought of Desi as a friend before. He'd been a New Guy at AA, then the Weird Guy with the Hot Girl at the Bluebird. Then he'd been the Songwriter Guy and finally Competitor for Kelsey's heart, but he'd never been a friend before. Although Nick wasn't sure why not. He liked Desi. Desi was funny, Desi was cool with that inherent kinda coolness that made Nick be, like, in awe, like he'd been with Kevin and Brian and Howie and AJ when he was thirteen... and they'd ended up being the best friends in the entire universe.

It'd just never occurred to him to look at Desi as a friend before.

But it made sense.