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«Yo, Melee! Spill it, I don’t get what just happened here».

I couldn’t tell him. Not now, not ever. Jeff thought so highly of me, I couldn’t tell him about my sexcapade. He’s my ‘just in case I end up alone’ guy. We have this pact going on: by 30, if I’m still single, we will hook up and get married. Okay, we made this pact over a 1,5L of Chardonnay 2 years ago. Don’t know if I’ll go along with it, should I still be single by then.

Out of respect, I’ll have to keep this one night stand to myself.

«Well, huh,…see, last year I met him in New York City. We talked over huh,..lunch. Yeah. And we hit it off but you know, it’s not like he needed another friend or anything…» White lie.

« Oh ok..I see…SO you hooked up with him!» Jeff laughed.

«Jeff! You know me better than that! »

«Yeah, I know you'd never do that..I was just teasing you! C'mon let's go back home».

The walk from where we stood to the car seemed to have lasted an hour. Jeff wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he was not stupid either. He glanced at me a few times but I refused to make eye contact with him. Like a gentleman, he opened the passenger car door, gave me an unexpected hug from behind and whispered «10 more years». I nodded.

«You know, I’m seeing someone right now, but it’s nothing serious Melissa. Hopefully by the time you’re 30 we’ll both be single» he said, his deep green eyes never leaving mine. He was sort of handsome, I’ll give him that.

«Don’t wait for me Jay, 10 years is a lifetime. If it happens, it happens.»

His next move, I never saw coming. He lowered his head towards mine and gave me a solid kiss on the mouth. Okay, I might have given in and kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his 6’2’’ frame. Fuck. His tongue was warm, his mouth inviting, his blonde scruff gently scratching my cheeks. I sighed into the kiss and gave it my all; it felt good to be kissed. We stayed that way for a minute or two. Maybe three. Five?

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a white Pick Up leave the parking lot in reverse. Yeah, I knew who that was...
___

That night, I hooked up with Jeff. I shouldn’t have. I had a moment of weakness, I let myself go. What’s sad is that I enjoyed every minute of it. He was very sweet; made sure I had come twice before he even allowed me to pleasure him.

The next morning, I had my very first walk of shame. I walked from his house to my pool house (okay, we’re neighbors…). I felt like shit, let me put it that way; a bed sheet wrapped around my body, his sweater from Buffalo State, my flats and my clothes in my left hand. I clumsily made my way across the grass, being that it was my first few hours without the annoying cast. I went in, took a shower and unplugged my land line, you know, just in case.

--------

I took a quick nap and all thoughts of Jeff vanished at the sight of the Backstreet Boys’ Shape of My heart music video on MTV. Oh my gosh. After what happened last year, I never really gave it much thought. I thought he was gone for good. He was supposed to be out of my life. We agreed on that: we didn’t exchange digits, emails, ICQs, nothing. And i totally refused to let myself fall for him. Not that I like him or anything, but darn, he wasn't supposed to come back. Not tonight, not next month, never!

My second cup of coffee turned out to be too much; I felt sick. Sick to my stomach for what I had done.
I called Emily, gone to her mom’s surprise birthday party. I called my cousin Jennifer, no answer. What’s a girl to do when stuck in a messy situation with a guy? She reaches for her phonebook and calls someone out of the blue for no reason. Then, it felt like a brilliant idea. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I should have called him.

«Millenium Hotel Buffalo, this is Annaleigh speaking, how may I assist you?»

«Good morning, my name is Melissa and huh, I would like to speak with Nick Carter please?»

«Right. You do know we are not allowed to forward calls to Mr.Carter…».

«Oh, right. I’m sorry. He told me to call him today. Sorry about that. I should have known.» I was ready to hang up when she added «Hold on, what did you say your name was? »

«Melissa, Melissa Miller»

«We do have a forward authorisation for a Melanie here. Close enough. I’ll transfer you. You have a great day now Miss» she said and the line went dead. I waited and someone picked up. And that someone had a rather high pitched, feminine voice.

« Huh Hi, may I speak to Nickolas please? » I asked timidly.

«Who is this, laundry service?» the girl said.
I hesitated and thought ‘what the fuck?’ but went along with it «Yes. His card didn’t go through» I lied.
The girl then proceeded to put his hand to cover the receiver end of the phone and yelled «Nicky, your American Express is not going through downstairs!». I could hear Nick run to the phone.

«What? What’s wrong with my AmEx?» He exclaimed. I could imagine lines of wrinkles forming on his forehead.

«Nick? Hey,…It’s huh, … Melissa. You know, from the mall last night? And last year?»

«Oh hey! Thank God it’s not some jerk fooling around with my credit card. Hey, how are you?». Then he let out a faint ‘hey babe, I got this. Laundry’s being a bitch downstairs right now. You go right ahead, take a shower and we’ll finish our game after, K?’.

«Ok. I can talk now.» he said.

«Sorry, I shouldn’t have called you, you are obviously busy. I can call back at a better time» I informed him.

«No…Don’t, it’s good. I was afraid you were not going to. (he paused for a few seconds) Hey, Taylor is having a spa day here at the hotel and I thought maybe, you know, maybe we could get together later today for drinks…Hello?

«Huh, oh, I don’t know Nick - » he didn’t let me finish.

«I think I remember where you live, you can’t say no. Imagine if I were to show up…» He said. «I thought you said you were single. Single girls do not give tongue baths to random guys, tsk tsk» he added, laughter in his voice.

«I knew it was you in the white Pick Up truck,perving! And for the record, I am single. I got lonely, that’s all».I lied.

«Hey, whatever. So, about them drinks? Say, 2 pm at Buffalo Brewpub? My mom’s ex runs the place. It’s decent»

«You didn’t even ask if I was busy, working or if I had plans!» I questioned him.

«Do you?»

«No…So,…Okay then, I’ll meet you there. Don’t be late, I hate waiting» I heard him laugh, «I’m serious Nick! Don’t be late».

«I’ll be there. See you at 2. It’s a date» and he hung up on me.

The perks of being a girl…Make up, hair, clothes? Ugh! I knew it wasn’t a real date but I still felt the need to dress to impress. I wasn’t expecting anything out of this ‘not-a-date’ but you know. I grabbed a pair of dark jeans, a lacy tank top and my leather vest and let my long hair down. Mascara and lip gloss and I was ready to leave. I didn’t even bother to look at myself in the mirror; I knew my face had ‘just been fucked’ written all over and I didn’t need more shame…

As I was walking towards my car, thoughts of Jeff came back to haunt me. I sat in the driver’s seat and rested my head of the wheel for a few seconds. See, the night before, after we kissed, Jeff slid in the driver’s seat (my foot was too weak to drive) and he offered to take me to the mall, in my car. The fooling around started IN the car before we took it inside his parents’ house. There was this sweet Polo scent all over the car seats, Jeff’s manly perfume had impregnated my car. And to think I was on my way to meet another man. Great. What have I gotten myself into.

The car basically drove itself to the bar. Shania Twain’s latest hit was playing on the radio but I didn’t pay much attention to it. As I stood outside the bar, leaning against my Volvo, a familiar white Pick Up truck came into view. Nick parked his truck and joined me.

«See, I’m not late» he greeted me.

«Nice to see you to Nick». He caught me by surprise and grabbed me in a papa bear hug. «Let’s go inside, I need a drink». It then occurred to me that we were both underage. He must have read my concern because he then explained his mom’s ex runs the place and that he would let us drink without questioning. Besides, we were the only customers at this hour. I walked in before Nick and looked around; decent place indeed. Lovely wodden chairs and tables, plaid curtains, it looked decent all right. We were greeted by Ralph, Nick’s mom’s ex and he said he’d hook us up with ‘coupla brews and ribs’.

«Nick, I’m not even hungry» I said.

«Food in your stomach will have you stay longer. You can’t run away in front of a full plate o’ribs now, can you? ».

«Alright. So,…let’s sit and enjoy this then. How long have we got, an hour? Two?» I asked him.

«I can be yours ‘til tomorrow if you want me to. Taylor has my credit card, she won’t need me until it’s maxed out. It could take a few days!» I raised an eyebrow at him and he understood what I meant, «Taylor, my girlfriend» he added.

«Right.». A rather old looking waitress brought us two pints of orangish beers and coasters.

«I like your hair » he said, toying with his coaster. What an icebreaker.

«Thank you. You do know this is awkward, right? You know nothing about me so I can’t fill you in on stuff you missed. DO you even know my last name?» I asked.

«I know, I was just trying to be nice. And no, I don’t know your last name»


«Then, I propose a toast. Here’s to first names» I said, laughing. We both rose our glasses and took a sip.