The next day was a blur of press and tech runs of the show. I avoided Aj since I was not really sure where we stood at the moment and was a bit relieved when I was able to prepare without running into him or Josh backstage. Everyone else seemed to be giving me some space so I assumed I was giving off some vibes that betrayed how conflicted I felt even though I tried to suppress them and focus on what I needed to do for the day. When we circled up backstage I chanced a look at Aj and saw that he was looking not his usual perky self either. He must have felt my eyes on him because he looked up and met my stare. I gave him a small smile and he returned it before putting his head down and closing his eyes for the prayer. We made our way to our starting positions back stage and I gave him some space, taking as long as I could before I had to move behind him for the opening of the show. He was focused with laser intensity at the screen in front of him as the intro video played and I sighed and fought the urge to put my hand on his shoulder and give him a reassuring squeeze. I wanted to let him know that it would be ok, that we would be ok, but I knew that I had to let him be.
The show went quickly and our onstage chemistry only fueled the confusion as it flared hotter than ever before. It seemed that when we ignored each other our hormones decided they could run rampant. Thankfully I had a sleepover to look forward to so while the guys were escorted quickly to their buses for the drive to Manchester I hung back until I found Josh and we made our way hand in hand to the dancer’s bus. The girls were prepared by the time we got there, already showered and in pajamas with bowls of popcorn and chips and open bottles of wine. I excused myself to shower and left Josh to fend for himself with Mollee hoping that at least Sophie could keep her in check while I wasn’t there to protect him. Even so I showered quickly and changed into some soft pajama pants that looked like they were made from squares of different red themed fabrics and a white tank top. I braided my hair into pig tails and headed out to relieve Josh so he could change.
“Is she being on her best behavior?” I asked Sophie while indicating to Mollee
“You act like I’m going to embarrass you. He’s the one I like, remember?” Mollee said as I rolled my eyes
“Let’s have a no Aj rule tonight. No one mentions him and we just focus on what’s in front of us” I suggested before devouring a few chips. I’d begun to discover that the after show adrenaline made me hungry for food and sex. I was learning that if gave into one then I was less likely to crave the other. That was the theory anyway.
“Good idea” Mollee agreed as we launched into an awkward silence
“I feel like you must have been talking about me if it’s this quiet when I re-enter the room” Josh joked upon his return in grey sweat pants and a black fitted t-shirt. He sat next to me and I leaned into his strong chest
“Don’t be so paranoid. Plus it’s more fun talking to you when you’re here. Can I offer you some wine?” Mollee asked handing Josh a glass of wine before he could answer. She offered some to me but I declined
“I’m taking a break from drinking” I said as Mollee shrugged
“I heard someone cannot hold their liquor well. Is it true you threw up in the middle of rehearsal?” Josh asked with a grin as I flushed red
“This night is supposed to be about getting to know you so let’s skip the stories of me and my drunken escapades” I dodged as Josh chuckled
“Alright fine, what do you want to know?” Josh asked taking a sip from his wine. I paused not knowing where to start but Camie jumped right in
“How about we play truth or dare?” She asked mischievously as Mollee and Sophie eagerly agreed
“Ok it’s worth a shot” I conceded though deep down I felt that this couldn’t possibly end well
“Ok I’ll start. Josh truth or dare?” Mollee asked eagerly as I rolled my eyes
“Didn’t see that one coming” I joked as Josh just chuckled
“Why do I feel I’m trapped no matter what I choose? Ok truth” He said as Mollee grinned
“Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?” She asked as my cheeks warmed in embarrassment
“Never” He said proudly and I had a hard time hiding my smile
“Ok Kat, truth or dare?” Josh asked
“Dare” I said immediately
“She always goes for the dare” Mollee informed him as I scowled at her
“Ballsy. I’m not surprised” Josh said with a look of affection towards me “I dare you to try my Nutella and spaghetti sandwich”
“Excuse me what?” Sophie asked with the same face I had made when I first came face to face with his creation
“It’s Josh’s lunch of choice. Alright if we have all the ingredients in our kitchen whip one up and I’ll eat it. I never back down on a dare” I said as Josh hopped up followed by Camie and Sophie to make the sandwich
“See? Isn’t he fun?” Mollee asked as I sighed
“Mollee I’m already dating him please stop trying to sell him to me. And I don’t appreciate the cheating question. I’m not stupid. I know you’re trying to point out how he wouldn’t hurt me like Aj did” I said, frustration saturating my tone
“Just making sure we’re on the same page” She said unfazed as always at my discomfort when she believed what she was doing was right.
The sandwich was as odd as I expected. It didn’t taste bad but the foamy bread texture and the squishy spaghetti with the sugary Nutella did not endear me to it. Josh was grinning widely when we were done so I turned back to him
“Josh truth or dare?” I asked as he pouted
“I just went!” He whined
“There is no limit on how many times you can go!” I retorted and the girls backed me up
“Fine dare” He said as I giggled
“Let us give you a makeover” I said and the other girls squealed with delight. About five minutes later Josh’s hair was corn rowed with bows at the end and he had some very bright and offensive makeup on. We were chasing him around trying to get pictures before we overturned a bowl of pretzels and that got everyone to calm down to clean it up and then resume the game. It went on for about another hour with lots of gross food concoctions being eaten and embarrassing questions being asked. Slowly the other girls made their way to bed citing the need for rest for our show tomorrow night. Mollee was the last to go with a departing wink and a reminder to only do things she would do. I made Josh his bed up front on the couch and cuddled next to him under the covers with the lights out
“Mind if we keep playing truth or dare?” He asked nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck
“As long as I don’t have to move from this spot” I said happily and I felt him smile into my shoulder
“Sounds good, truth or dare?” He asked
“Truth”
“I thought you never chose truth!” Josh said excitedly as I laughed
“For you I’ll make an exception. Just don’t tell Mollee” I joked
“Ok deal. Do you have feelings for me?” He asked flirtatiously
“I do. I can’t believe you even have to ask that” I said with a grin
“The question has two parts. Is that ok?” Josh asked
“Sure but you’ll have to answer two questions next” I said as Josh nodded his agreement
“Do you feel the same way for me that you do for him?” He asked shyly as my heart sank. Even without using his name Josh had clearly made his intention known. He wanted to know who I chose. It wouldn’t be such a difficult question if I wasn’t so conflicted on the subject myself
“No” I started and I felt his heart sink so I elaborated “With him everything is complicated and hard. I end up hurt more times then I end up happy. With you things are effortless” I said which seemed to placate him “My turn?”
“Two questions, go for it” He said abandoning the pretense of truth or dare since we both knew we just wanted to find out more about each other in this personal setting
“How many girls have you been with?” I asked
“Serious relationship or hook ups?” Josh asked
“Both. I get a two part question remember?” I asked with a mischievous grin into the darkness
“Good point. Two serious relationships and four others” He said as I smiled. Those were numbers I could deal with. We talked late into the night revealing our relationship pasts and I told him a little bit about the whole Rich ordeal. There were no gory details but he knew it ended badly, so badly that the police had been called and Mollee and I were more or less on the run from him. I fell asleep in Josh’s arms that night feeling content and I actually got a decent night’s sleep, even on a small couch.
The next morning I awoke to a flash of light followed by giggles as the girls managed to get a few cute pictures of me asleep in Josh’s arms but I didn’t mind. I reluctantly let Josh go to find his stuff and his new hotel room for our stay in Manchester. I didn’t envy him having to hop from hotel room to hotel room. It was much more to my liking to have one place to call home even if it was small and had wheels. I fielded questions from the girls before escaping to shower and change. I checked my phone and saw two new voice messages. The first was from Brian wanting to hang out before the show and explore Manchester. The second was a song so it was clear who it was from.
And seven nights of empty tries
It's ritual, habitual
But it's never gonna work this time
We're to the point of no return
And along the way the only thing we've learned
Is how to hurt each other
I'm looking back and wondering why
It took so long to realize
That nothing's changed and never will
All these years of standing still
And still we stay in all this pain
And nothing's gonna make it go away
I don't wanna wait another minute
Put me out of my misery
I can read your mind baby you're not in it
And we're not what we used to be
No you wouldn't have to lie to me
If you would only let me go
And I don't wanna wait another minute to hear
Something that I already know
I know, I know, I know
So save your voice
Don't waste your breath
Can't you see we're at the end
And this goodbye is permanent
So wish me well and try to forget
And all the fights
And all the ways
We almost made it
But we never did
And it's finally come to this
We cannot hide what we've become
So sick and tired of being numb
It's done, it's done
It's done
The last words rang through me so hard that I dropped the phone ending the message before the final chorus. Tears stung my eyes. This was no typical song message from Aj. This was a declaration. He was through. I know I wanted him to move on and stop hurting but in this moment it felt like I was losing him all over again. I hated myself for it but even after having spent the night in Josh’s arms I could only think of how much I would miss Aj’s.
“Hey are you ok?” Mollee asked coming up behind me and picking my phone up from where I had dropped it
“Not really” I squeaked trying my hardest to hold back the tears. Mollee wrapped me in her arms and I cried into her shoulder. When I pulled back to wipe my face Mollee checked my message and listened to the lyrics that had upset me.
“Booger this is a good thing. He’s letting you go” Mollee said as I sniffed
“Then why does it feel so awful?” I whispered still trying to catch my breath as the tears ran unchecked down my cheeks
“It’ll get better. It’s still raw. You can’t see it now but this is a good thing, it really is. Think of how nice it’ll be when you’ve both moved on enough that you can be friends” She said as I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out
“I just wasn’t ready to give it all up yet” I said quietly
“But this is better. It’s fairer to you and to Josh and to him. Trust me Booger this is good” Mollee said pulling me into another hug. As I cried some more into her shoulder I couldn’t shake the feeling that this whole thing was a huge mistake. I knew Aj had made his decision and I had to respect it but it took a lot of control not to run to his bus and demand some sort of explanation. “Want me to call Brian back for you? A day out with someone not involved in this whole thing might be good”
“Yeah tell him to meet me here” I said sadly. I took a deep breath and shook my body out a little before showering and changing into a faded pair of jeans and a plaid black and white button up with a collar. I took out my braids from last night that had set into waves and let them fall down to my shoulders before putting on a black cowboy hat and some cowboy boots. I slipped on some sunglasses, in serious need of some privacy from the insinuations from my mood ring eyes, before I heard a knock on the door
“Hey girly let’s get going!” Brian said happily and I gave him a weak smile in return while he took in my outfit “Why you’re a country gal at heart”
“Only when I’m hanging with you” I said trying my hardest to hide my pain. Brian took my arm, looped his through it and pulled me across the lot to a car he had rented “Ouch Bri, in a hurry?”
“Sorry I’m excited! I have an idea of what to do today and it is inspired by you!” He said cheerfully but quickly while pushing me into a black SUV before running around the other side and starting it faster than I thought would be physically possible
“You’re allowed to be excited but damn Bri” I said rubbing my elbow a bit where I had hit it when he had all but thrown me into the car
“Sorry. I need to control my energy. I hear that all the time” He said quickly but relaxing a bit as we left the lot behind us
“So where are we going?” I asked through a yawn. Even though I’d had a good night’s sleep last night with Josh this morning had been eventful to say the least and I was back to feeling exhausted
“Horseback riding” He said happily with a grin
“I love horses” I said smiling with real enthusiasm for the first time since I woke up
“Well good. As long as you’re ready to be schooled by the master” He said playing up his country drawl
“Oh bring it on” I joked back punching him lightly in the arm
“That was my singing arm! I’ll never sing again!” He yelled clutching his arm dramatically while I rolled my eyes. The ride to the barn where they housed the horses was quick and painless. It made me remember why I loved to hang out with Brian so much. He could make you forget all your problems in seconds flat with his antics. I fixed my hair while Brian ran around to open my door for me and help me out
“This place is gorgeous” I said looking around the English country side. The barn was quaint and very English with its thatched roof and stone walls and in every direction all you could see were rolling hills of rich greens with winding brown paths through them. Though it was almost noon there was still a fine mist creating a carpet over the landscape giving everything the feeling that it was somehow ancient and not to be disturbed
“Isn’t it?” Brian replied calmly having clearly been affected by the mood of the view in front of us. He took my hand and we walked silently to the barn where we met a proper British man who outfitted us with some helmets and introduced us to our horses
“Do you have any experience riding?” The man asked Brian who nodded confidently
“Yes sir I grew up in the back woods of Kentucky riding on the family farm” Brian said and I giggled at his country drawl
“Well then Artemis will do nicely. He’s a bit strong willed so we don’t give him to beginners but if he trusts that you know what you are doing than he will take good care of you” The man said pulling out a stunning black stallion with a little white diamond between his eyes. His coat gleamed even without the benefit of the sun and his strong muscles moved flawlessly under his skin
“Nice to meet you sir I’m sure we’ll get along just fine” Brian said taking the reins and petting Artemis on the nose with the same gentle nature that you normally only saw when Brian talked about his son. I was watching this tender moment intensely when I felt a nudge at my shoulder and turned to find a chestnut brown mare with a white belly. There was a bit of apple that had fallen at some point in the morning on the ground by my foot and she clearly wanted help reaching it
“Here you go sweetie” I cooed grabbing the apple and holding out my flat palm to her so she could get at it easier. She took it in one large and slimy chomp and I giggled as I watched her happily devour it
“Well that’s interesting. You seem to have attracted Sadie’s attention” The man said as I turned and saw him and Brian watching my interaction
“She’s beautiful” I said happily as she flung her mane back as if she understood she was being admired
“A bit proud but she’s a good girl. She hasn’t been very social lately so it’s nice to see her taking to you” The man said and I frowned
“Why?” I asked turning back to her as she nudged me again and I rubbed her nose
“We had to sell her mate a few weeks back and she’s been pining. Poor thing we would have kept him if we could have but…” He trailed off with a shrug and quickly checked her hoofs before saddling her
“Well I think she’s just perfect. You don’t need any man to make you special” I said into her eyes and I swear it felt like she smiled
“Interesting sentiment coming from you” Brian said smugly and I stuck my tongue out at him. Behind me Sadie whinnied and I smiled
“I think we’ll get along just fine” The man helped me onto Sadie while Brian expertly swung onto Artemis’s back causing me to whisper “show off” under my breath
“Now all of these paths are fairly circular so if you stray make sure to keep at least one in sight so you can find us again. Have a good time” He said as Brian took the lead and I nudged Sadie along behind him
“Where would you like to ride off to?” Brian asked once we were out of the immediate area of the barn
“What do you think Sadie?” I asked and Sadie nudged her head to a small path to our left “Good choice”
“What are you the horse whisperer?” Brian joked as he brought Artemis up beside Sadie so we could talk
“You’re just jealous you can’t have as many and varied talents as I do” I retorted as Brian laughed. The path we were following was winding and it brought us over the first large hill and down into a valley full of little purple flowers that peaked up over the mist to absorb the small bit of light this overcast day was bringing. Then Sadie took a turn off the path towards one of the tallest hills I could see and Brian got nervous
“Hey why don’t we just follow this path?” He asked as I grinned back at him
“Don’t trust my girl? Typical” I joked and Brian sighed before bringing Artemis up behind us as we began to climb the large hill
“Why would she pick the steepest hill here?” Brian asked as we leaned forward over the horse’s necks to help them propel us up the steep incline
“She must have a reason” I said quietly while giving her a pat on the side of her neck. We struggled up that hill for almost ten minutes and just when I thought she would drop from fatigue Sadie peaked over the crest and stopped to take in the view. My mouth dropped open as I gazed at the picturesque scene in front of me. Hills rolled in every direction as far as the eye could see with nothing disturbing their peace but a small wind that whistled through the one tree in the whole area. That tree was right beside us and its snarled branches gave us the shade from the sun that was now forcing its way through the clouds. It illuminated the different colors hidden in all that misty green as little white and blue and yellow flowers seemed to sprout right in front of our eyes to meet the sun in its arrival
“Well well. Sorry Sadie. I’ll never doubt you again” Brian said as he came even to us and Artemis pushed a big gulp of air out through his snout
“Want to give these guys a break?” I asked and Brian nodded before quickly dismounting and then helping me do the same. Artemis headed a few paces down the hill for some prime grass but Sadie stayed where she was just on the edge of the tree’s shade staring almost sadly down at the view. Her eyes seemed to hold deep sorrow and longing and my heart melted “I know how you feel”
“Talking to horses again?” Brian asked quietly after giving Sadie and I a moment of staring at the scene in silent connection
“We’ve got a lot in common” I said patting her lightly
“You know horses are great listeners but I’m better at conversation because I can talk back” Brian said smartly and I grinned
“Well is there something specific you wanted to say to me?” I asked as Brian took my hand and led me to the tree’s trunk where we could both lean back and look over the valley stretching out in front of us
“I hate to see you like this over some guy” Brian said as I rolled my eyes
“He’s one of your best friends. You know he’s more than just ‘some guy.’ Especially to me” I answered
“Well he doesn’t define you. Just remember that you are a beautiful person with or without him no matter what happens” Brian said and my brow creased in worry. What the heck did that mean?
“Bri-” I started the question not fully formed in my head or on my lips
“Just have faith that you are wonderful person even without a certain Alexander James McLean” Brian said with a definite end to the topic. I frowned as my thoughts reeled. It was like a warning that something bad was going to happen but that I had to be strong. What is Brian hiding? We talked about nothing for about an hour longer and then took the horses a long way back. We said thanks and goodbye to the man at the barn and I had a heartfelt moment with Sadie
“We’ll make it. The two of us are strong” I whispered to her and fed her a carrot. We jumped into the car and drove back as the sun began to set. It was early but fall was the beginning of the loss of hours of daylight so even though we had a show to do in about four hours it felt much later when we pulled up to the lot. We walked towards the arena in the wonderfully crisp fall weather with the sunset to our backs. I held Brian's hand tightly, feeling somehow that if I let go the serene calm that had filled me after our excursion would vanish and I would be tossed back into the reality that was my complex love life. We neared the venue in a happy silence and I stopped Brian before we got too close to the backstage entrance that would signal the time for warm ups and hair and makeup and the guy I was avoiding like the plague
"Brian, thank you so much for today. You're right I really needed to get out-" I started but Brian pulled me quickly away from the backstage entrance and towards the side entrance for employees of the arena
"Hey come see what the fan view looks like" He said quickly
"Do you think we have time? I still need to stretch and get into hair and makeup-" I started but Brian interrupted me and I watched his eyes dart to something behind me and then back to me again nervously
"We have plenty of time. They can’t start the show without us" He said practically pulling my arm out of my socket
"Bri what is the deal? Are you trying to keep me from backstage?" I asked with a sly smile thinking of Josh and his spontaneity. I wonder if he had asked Brian to take me out today to prepare a surprise
"No, why would you think that?" He asked nervously as his eyes flashed over my shoulder again
"Brian you can't even focus on me. Come on. What am I not supposed to see?" I asked trying to duck around him but he sidestepped and blocked my movement
"Kat just don't ok? You've been through a lot and you had such a fun day. Let's just go stretch on stage for a bit and then we can go get ready" He said with worry prominent on his face. My heart sank. So this isn't about Josh.
"Brian what is it?" I asked trying again and failing to get past him
"Please just trust me Kat? Please?" He begged as my stomach tied in knots
"I have a right to know Brian. I'm a big girl" I said angrily as he blocked my attempt to pass him for a third time "Just let me go!"
"Alright, alright" Brian sighed stepping aside quietly. With a smile of victory I took two fast steps towards the door that led backstage and then stopped dead in my tracks. I had half expected to see Aj waiting to intercept me or perhaps apologize for his message. Well I saw Aj and he was leaning against the backstage door but he wasn't alone. There was a girl about my height with long dark hair with him and when I say with him I mean all over him. They were glued together by the lips and he moved his hands over her curves in a very familiar and lusty way. By the look on her face she was enjoying it as much as I once had
"Who is that?" I asked quietly with my heart hammering in my chest as if it were trying to break free
"Missy, one of his ex girls" Brian said slowly approaching me and putting his hands on my shoulders
"What is she doing here?" I asked as anger quickly replaced my pain. Not only was he making out with this girl but he was doing it in front of the only entrance to the backstage area. Was he hoping I'd see?
"We found out that she was going to be in town yesterday and that Bone was planning on seeing her-" He started and suddenly everything clicked into place
"You didn't just randomly decide to take me out today did you?" I asked and felt Brian shake his head slowly
"She's here until we leave for Scotland so we had a plan. I had you today, Howie tomorrow, Nick and Mollee the next day. Aj promised to keep her away from you but apparently that flew out the window..." He trailed off "Hey let's just get on stage. We don't need to watch this"
"Wait" I said quietly. I was transfixed on his hands and the way he moved them through her hair. I know it's a little strange and maybe even a bit perverse to need to watch an ex make out with another girl but I couldn't look away. I felt like I was searching for something. Some sign that he wasn't enjoying it. That maybe he was still thinking of me.
"I don't know why he's doing this" Brian said quietly but I shook my head
"He's pretty mad at me. He had to walk in on me and Josh I'm sure he just wants me to get a taste of my own medicine"
"Well that's pretty shitty" Brian said bluntly and I tore my eyes away from the scene to look at him. He wasn't one to swear
"He's in a lot of pain Bri and it's because of me. Maybe I deserve this a little. Maybe that's why I can't walk away" I said sadly and Brian pulled me into a tight hug
"Nothing you did was malicious Kat. You are a beautiful person and you've tried to spare his feelings at every step of this whole mess. What he's doing is wrong. He’s attacking you like an enemy when you've been trying to be a friend. Now come on. If I have to watch him purposely hurt you for another minute I may do something I'll regret" He said scaring me a little at the end of his speech as his words hit home. It was sweet that Brian saw me as the innocent in this but I knew better. Despite what Brian thought I was no better than Aj. I unwrapped myself from Brian's arms and took his hand and let him walk me to the side stage entrance without a backwards glance.
“Where did you just come from?” Howie asked as Brian helped me up on stage
“The arena entrance” I said shortly before plopping down to stretch
“Why?” He asked and Brian shook his head over my shoulder so Howie let it drop
“Hey girlie how was your day?” Mollee asked bounding over to me and squishing me in a big hug
“Brian and I went horseback riding and that was awesome” I said grumpily which made Mollee frown
“Clearly I’m missing something” She said looking at Howie who just shrugged. Brian motioned to her and she went over to him while I pressed my head between my legs and closed my eyes. I immediately regretted that decision because preserved behind my eyelids in perfect detail was that bitch all over Aj
“What an incredible bastard!” Mollee exclaimed and I cringed
“Leave it Molls” I said seriously not needing to meet her eyes to know that she was fuming
“We had a deal, that fucker” She said and Brian actually laughed a bit. Mollee glared at him and he blushed
“Sorry” He said quickly looking down
“Why does my girlfriend look like she’s about to spit fire?” Nick asked walking in with Sophie. I pulled my purse to me and crammed on my headphones so I wouldn’t have to hear the whole play by play between Brian and everyone else. I could practically see it without looking up. Brian would explain and try to make it seem like less of a big deal and Mollee would correct him so it made it seem like Aj had been naked with this girl on my bed. Then Nick would get mad because he’d believe Mollee’s version and Howie and Sophie would try to figure out the truth and I was just in no mood for the whole thing. In fact I didn’t need to stretch out here anymore. I got up and attempted to walk out but when I stood up I found myself face to face with Aj
“Sorry” I said nervously. He met my eyes dead on, daring me to confront him with what I’d seen and I just stared right back. He’d have to make the first move if he wanted to throw down right now
“Oh shit” Nick whispered and was elbowed by Mollee as everyone watched. Aj just blinked at me and when it became clear that I wasn’t going to confront him he just stepped aside and let me pass. I walked back to hair and makeup and got everything done before anyone else came in before finding a secluded corner to stretch. Then my phone rang.
“Hey” I said with relief at the one voice I really wanted to hear right now
“Hey there bright eyes, what’s shaking?” Josh asked cheerfully, clearly unaware of all the drama, which was how I liked it to be honest
“There’s a whole lot of drama as always. I miss you” I said and meant it. I could almost hear Josh’s smile through the phone
“Want to come watch a movie with me in my hotel room after the show tonight?” He asked
“Nothing would make me happier” I said “But I have to run for huddle up. Meet me backstage after the show?”
“You can count on me” He said sincerely and I smiled wide. I threw my phone with my stuff and ran to make the huddle squishing between Brian and Howie
“You ok?” Howie asked meeting my eyes
“I am” I said confidently which caused Howie to smile. We said the prayer and the cheer and ran to our spots backstage. I dallied a bit on purpose so Aj would get to his spot first and I could just sneak in behind him but he was waiting expectantly when I arrived a minute before the video started. I was in no mood to be hurt in front of him so I quickly decided I was going to pretend I hadn’t seen his public make out session earlier today or gotten a phone message declaring he was over me. The video started and Aj was still staring at me “What?”
“Nothing” He said harshly before turning abruptly back towards the screen. Was he mad at me? What reason did he have to be mad at me? I almost tapped him on the shoulder. I almost grabbed him to make him confront me. I almost screamed at him in front of all the stage hands. Instead I took a deep breath, pulled my hood up and thought of Josh.
The show was one of the oddest I had ever been a part of. When Aj and I were on stage together everything was lust and love and pain. Each song seemed to speak directly to us, each breath was synchronized as our hearts beat as one and each touch sent electricity so intense through our bodies that we were both missing steps left and right. But when we stepped off stage Aj was furious at me. He wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t talk to me and wouldn’t even say my name. During one quick change I was accidently standing in his way but instead of asking me to move, he stood behind me until my quick changer made a comment. I moved aside but the delay caused him to be late for his next entrance. The show was exhausting as we oscillated between the two extremes so when we were done I all but ran into Josh’s waiting arms and allowed him to pull me excitedly off of the lot completely and into his hotel room. We watched the movie innocently enough as I tried to shut my head off from the psychological warfare that had erupted during the show. When it was time to sleep I cuddled in Josh’s arms and stared into the blackness. Unfortunately the thought that stayed in my head was a nagging curiosity about who Aj was holding in his arms tonight.
