[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
Chapter Seventeen / 2013


Abbey

That night was the first time I dreamed of Nick.

I woke up in the chair sweaty and breathing heavy, blinking into the dark, my heart pounding. In my dream, Nick and I had been tangled up, limb to limb, our bodies wrapped around one another like vines. His mouth had been on mine and his hand sliding slowly down my back, pulling me closer, my breasts pressed against his bare chest, his pelvis pressed to mine.... It was entirely unfair I had to go and wake up when I did.

It'd been years since I'd dreamed of Nick this way. Once upon a time, just after our fateful first encounter in that bar on Halloween, I'd dreamed of him for months, practically shaking from withdrawals like an addict. But I'd forced myself to move on, to let go of the wonder that I'd discovered that night, and go back to life as-close-to-normal-as-is-to-be-expected after one has the perfect night with the perfect man and never hears from him again.

I regained my composure, closing my eyes and trying to get back to sleep but every time I started to slip off to my dreams, I could feel him and I'd wake up again, half expecting him to really be there.

In the time that Nick had been back in my life, I'd managed to keep it strictly platonic. This relationship between us was about Matty, not about me and Nick. He was engaged, very happily, to a beautiful woman whose deep brown eyes and narrow waistline were things I couldn't even begin to compete with. And besides, I legitimately liked Lauren. Both times that I'd met her she'd been friendly and outgoing and all smiles. The me and Nick thing? Not gonna happen... and I'd known that from day one.

But try telling my subconscious that.

"You look sleepy," Matty commented when he woke up as he stretched out his arms and yawned.

"I didn't really sleep too well," I replied.

"Why not?" he asked, looking concerned.

I shrugged and leaned forward to take his hand, "How about you? Did you sleep good?" He nodded. "Any good dreams?" I asked. He shrugged. "Not telling me stuff anymore?" I teased.

"You know how it goes, mom," Matty said, "You can't tell stuff you want to have happen or it doesn't happen." He shook his head like I was crazy for thinking anything else.

Monica came in the room for his morning vitals before I could say much else. She came the same time every morning, and Matty always woke up, like clockwork, just before she did. "Good morning," she chimed as she stepped up to his side, sliding her stethoscope off her neck, "How are we this morning?"

"Mom's tired," Matty announced as he scooted forward for Monica to get to his back. She blew on the stethoscope and pressed it to his skin as she stuck the ear pieces in.

"Couldn't sleep, Abbey?"

"I'm okay," I replied.

Monica hummed and moved the stethoscope around, listening, then scribbled something down on her clipboard, and moved on to getting Matty's blood pressure. "So I heard you had an exciting Thanksgiving treat yesterday while I was gone," she said.

"Yeah!" Matty practically shouted, "Yeah! It was so cool, 'cos Mr. Nick came with a big cooler full of the turkey and we had dinner and it was just like on TV when they have all the food and the plates with the turkeys. And I drawed Nick a letter, see, look." Matty snatched the thank you letter he'd drawn off the table and waved it in Monica's direction.

Monica slid the BP cuff off Matty's arm and took the picture in her hands, studying it. "Oh wow, this is a great thank you letter. You did a really good job with it. Nick is going to love that."

Matty grinned.

Monica did a few more checks, scribbling results onto her clipboard, then she looked at me. "May I speak to you a few moments in my office?" she asked.

"Sure," I answered nervously. I stood up. "I'll be right back," I told Matty.

"Okay," he answered, but he was already turning on the TV set, so he barely noticed us leaving.

In the hallway, I looked at Monica, "Is everything okay?"

She nodded, dropped off Matty's charts at the nurse's station, and led the way back to her office. She waved at the chair, "Have a seat," she said, and she went around the desk and lowered herself into her own chair. She took a deep breath. "You need a break."

"What?"

"You're getting burnt out. I understand why you haven't left all week, but Abbey, you need a break. You look like crap and you haven't slept. You need to get out of here for a few hours and breathe and clear your head and get some sleep."

I blinked in surprise. "But what about Matty?" I said, "I can't just leave him here and --"

"He's doing great today. I'll keep a special eye on him today. You need to go recharge your batteries." Monica smiled ruefully, "It's important for Matty that you be on your game, so it's really for him that you need to do this for you. Do you understand?"

"I guess," I answered. But I didn't really. I felt like I was being kicked out.

"Call a friend, go Christmas shopping, get lunch. Walk around a park. I don't care what you do as long as you go do something and get at least eight hours' sleep afterwards before you come back." Monica winked, "Doctor's orders."

"Maybe tomorrow I could --"

"Today," Monica answered. "It's gorgeous outside, the weather is immaculate."

"Okay."

Monica stood up. "Go, have fun. Remember what it's like to be human." She smiled.

I stood up, too, but I wasn't really sure what I was going to do now. I thanked Monica and headed back up the hallway, waving hello to Phil as our paths crossed, and returned to Matty's room. He was watching some cartoon. I stood there for a few moments before he even noticed I was back. He smiled, "Hey."

"Hey." I took a deep breath, "So. I was thinking. I'm going to go see about getting you that five-star Christmas present."

He looked at me in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah," I replied.

Matty stared at me for a long few moments.

"Then I'm going to take a quick nap and I'll be back. Okay?"

Matty nodded, "Sounds good."

I remember a time that every time I tried to leave a hospital room he freaked out and wouldn't let me leave without screaming so loud we could hear him clear down the hallway. I remember a time when he was scared to be alone in a hospital room. It was second nature to him now, after years of doing it.

I went over to the bed and gave him a big kiss on the forehead. "Be good today. If you need anything at all you call me. Even if you just miss me and want me to come back. Okay? Promise?" He nodded. "Okay." I gave him a hug and he wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged tight back. I could feel tears forming behind my eyes and lingered in the hug longer than usual. Parts of me were scared every time I let him out of a hug that it'd be the last time I felt those little arms around me and I hated to let it end for fear of wishing I could go back in the future.

The air was crisp outside, but Monica was right, overall it was a beautiful day. I breathed in the smell of the cold, kicking a bunch of dead autumn leaves that had gathered at the edge of the walk way. I'd stopped and gotten coffee on the way out from the cafe and it was warm in my hand. I was fishing the car keys out of my purse as I walked when I almost plowed into Nick.

"Hey, hey, look out," he laughed, just dodging me. "You almost poured coffee all over me," he accused with an amused smile.

"It wouldn't be the first time one of us poured liquid onto the other," I teased.

He looked confused.

"You dumped half a glass of liquor down my back the first time we met," I refreshed his memory. "You had to bring me off to get new clothes because you felt so bad and... that's how we ended up making Matty," I added with a slight blush.

Nick grimaced, "Oh Jesus, I used that move on you?" he asked.

"Move?"

Nick's face was one of partially amused shame, "So I was a tool when we first met, you know this about me..." he laughed, "I had all these... fantastic moves..."

I raised my eyebrow.

"I just wanted to get you out of the clothes you were in, basically," he said. "I did that a few times... It wasn't one of my more successful moves but..." His mouth curved into that signature grin of his, "Obviously it worked at least the once."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You said it was an accident."

"That's part of the move," he explained. "You dump the drink on the girl, by accident, then come off as a sincere gentleman when you offer to replace the clothes you just ruined. She's so indebted to you for your kindness that she sleeps with you."

I shook my head. "That, sir, is diabolical. And I can't believe I fell for it." I shook my head. "So you never really planned to call me."

"I don't remember meeting you," Nick said, "But I remember letting you walk away." He took a deep breath, "I really intended to call. I kept your number for seven years. My plan was to get sober, then call you when I was a better man, when I was good enough for you. Because what I remembered of you, I knew I wasn't good enough for. But, like a lot of things back then, I fucked up and I never was good enough."

The playful moment we'd started in had completely melted away into a moment of intensity. At some point between me almost walking into him and this moment, we'd moved closer, so I was staring up into his eyes, my heart beat clumping loudly inside of me. It felt like those moments in the movies - just before the two main characters spontaneously kiss. I could feel my breath shaking just thinking of something like that happening.

And I wanted it to. I wanted it to so bad.

But then Nick turned away.

I let out a low breath. I don't know if it was relief or disappointment I felt.




Nick

I'd been close to kissing her. Dangerously close. When I turned away, it'd taken every ounce of will power in my body to turn me. I hadn't realized I'd been feeling all the stuff that had come pouring up from some deep well in me. It'd been years since I'd seen her, and only one night that we'd had together, but the connection had been so deep that it'd lingered.

I couldn't remember the moves I'd made on her to get her there, but I could remember the way she'd looked under the parking lot lights at the Walmart, standing there, leaning against my car. I remembered the speech she gave - a version of which I'd delivered to the guys when I suggested we title our album Unbreakable. They were words that had stuck with me, motivating me through the worst times of my life, "Everything we perceive as being broken about a person is actually just another step in the process of them becoming who they were meant to be. If you think you're broken right now, just know that you're not... You are unbreakable."

I'd wanted to kiss her then - and I had - and just thinking about those words again, about that kiss in the parking lot again...

But I was engaged. I had Lauren. I wasn't the bachelor that I'd been back then, roaming through bars and clubs to pick up women. I wasn't able to just kiss people when I felt the swell of desire. I couldn't let that happen. Lauren was being so amazing about everything, I couldn't turn around and betray her like that for some whim that meant nothing.

So I turned away, just a fraction of a second before I would've leaned in for the kiss.

And just like that, the moment had gone to awkward.

We stood there in the cold, both of us looking different directions. She studied her coffee cup and I squinted off in the direction of the hospital doors, watching people walk in and out.

It didn't mean nothing, I thought to myself. If I had kissed Abbey just now, it would've meant something. But what?

I glanced at her. She was still staring down at the coffee cup lid, drawing patterns on it with her finger tip. I cleared my throat and she looked up, her eyes a little wider than usual. "Where ya headed?" I asked, and even as I asked the question something inside of me was yelling at me, telling me to just turn around and go inside and see the kid, like I'd told Lauren I was doing, like I'd intended to do.

"I was going to maybe go Christmas shopping," she answered.

"Would you like some company?" I asked.

Go the fuck inside, stupid! This can only lead you to trouble. Go inside!

"Sure," Abbey answered, "Company would be nice."