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Chapter Thirty-Two / 2013


Nick

Abbey woke up with a little bit of a start when I brought Nacho inside after jogging around the complex. I unhooked his leash and he jumped up on the couch at Matty's side. Abbey blinked at me, then glanced down at Matty and Nacho and looked at the clock. "Oh man," she groaned. She slid carefully out from under Matty to free herself and stood up, stretching her arms and neck. She looked at me, "Did you just come in?"

"Yeah," I replied. We went out to the kitchen and Abbey started making coffee. I leaned against the counter and watched. "Lauren called. She's gonna be out of the house today."

Abbey stared down into the coffee can. "So I guess that you'll be going home then."

"I guess so," I said. She nodded and carefully started spooning out scoops of coffee into the filter.
She took the caraft and filled the tank with water, turning it on. She watched it for a long moment as the tank started to heat up and the machine gurgled with anticipation. She busied herself putting the lid onto the can of coffee as we stood there in the kitchen, waiting for the coffee to brew. She got out two mugs and the creamer and some sugar and put them all on the counter in a neat row.

"Abbey," I said.

She turned aroud and looked at me.

"Are we... you know... together?"

She leaned against the counter. "Well," she said slowly, eyes cast at my shoes instead of my face, "I mean, we're either together or else we're just, you know, having meaningless sex." She cleared her throat.

"Is it meaningless for you?" I asked.

She continued staring at my feet. She shrugged. "Is it for you?"

I hesitated. "I don't know," I answered.

"Me either," she replied.

Our eyes locked.

"Okay," I said.

"Yeah," she replied.

"I think maybe when we figure out if it is or not that we should tlel each other," I reasoned.

Abbey nodded.

We stood there kind of awkwardly a moment, then she cleared her throat and turned away, opening the cupboard and starting to go through the contents, and I looked down at my feet and shoved my hands in my pockets. I felt like a kid having just asked a girl to the dance for the first time, my palms were all sweaty and stuff.

I don't know why I didn't just tell her what I was feeling, about the magic and the breathlessness and the wow-factor and all that. About the fun, great, that's it. But I didn't know how to tell her that because as close as I'd been to Lauren and everything it felt too soon. But at the same time Abbey felt right. Abbey felt more. I don't know.

Abbey turned around to look at me, holding a can of sliced potatos. I felt like I'd never seen anyone in the world hold a can of sliced potatos quite as sexily as she was doing.

"You're beautiful," I said because the words kind of took over my mouth and just came out before my head could stop them.

Abbey looked surprised. "I'm a mess," she answered. She was wearing sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt, her hair was in a ponytail that had mirgrated to one side of her head in the throws of our sexual escapades the night before. "I'm not beautiful, I don't even have make-up on," she answered. She turned around and picked up the manual can opener and started working at the can. I stepped up behind her and rested my chin on her shoulder, bringing my arms around and taking the can and the opener and twisting the knob myself. She hummed as my body pressed against hers.

"You don't need make-up," I said.

She closed her eyes.

I swooped her hair away and softly placed kisses on the back of her neck.

"It's not meaningless," she said.

I stared at the counter over her shoulders, my lips pressed to her skin. The words had sent cold shiver down my spine. I stared at the pattern on the counter top.

Abbey licked her lips. "It's okay if you can't say the same thing, Nick, I --"

"It's not meaningless," I said.

We stood there another couple moments, again all awkward-like. The coffee finished brewing with a gurgle and Abbey turned around to get it. It occured to me that I needed a couple minutes to breathe and collect my thoughts and that until I had that I'd just say one stupid thing after another, like an avalanche of bullshit. I stumbled back as Abbey poured coffee into the first mug. "Do you want cream and sugar?" she asked, staring into the steaming cup.

"No," I said, "No. You know, actually, I should go to the house. Check on stuff. Make sure she took care of everything right, you know, that I'm not missing anything or whatever." I knew Lauren wouldnt take any of my stuff or go all Carrie-Underwood-Louisville-Slugger-to-both-headlights on me, but it seemed like my only excuse.

Abbey turned around, "You're leaving?"

"Yeah," I said. She looked disappointed. This had to be some kind of record. Less than five minutes and I was already disappointing her. I puffed out my cheeks. "I'll come back, though. I mean, I promised Matty I'd take him to the mall and stuff. And there's Jeraldo. He needs to be moved later." I just wanted that disappointed expression to go away.

Abbey nodded, "Okay."

"Okay," I agreed.

I tiptoed out to the other room and got my duffle bag. Nacho looked up as I slid the bag onto my shoulder. He glanced at Matty, as if wondering who he'd rather stay with, then reluctantly jumped down off the couch when I held up his leash. I think he was still a little pissed at me for the impromptu run through the cold parking lot, to be honest. I clipped his leash to his collar and he waddled alongside me back out to the kitchen. "Call me if you need anything," I said.

Abbey was stirring sugar into her mug. "I will," she said.

"Tell Matty I'll be back."

"Okay."

I picked Nacho up. "See you later," I said. I was backing towards the door. I didn't really want to leave. But I knew I needed to. I needed to process without her smelling good and looking good and being there.

I walked across the parking lot to my car, Nacho wriggling under my arm. After stowing him into his crate, I got in and started driving. I didn't even get out of the apartment complex before I wanted to turn back.




Abbey

After Nick left, I sat at the table thinking about everything, drinking my coffee while Matty slept on in the living room with Gator laid across his chest. The apartment felt empty, like a cave or something without Nick and Nacho there. Already the world felt incomplete without Nick in it. It only seemed natural for him to be there. I looked at the Christmas tree. I'd always felt that way, even as a little girl, about the holiday decorations. They were only there a month, but when you took them down the world seemed just a little bit more empty - probably why January seemed like such a terribly sad month to me. The emptiness wasn't emptiness at all, it was the norm, spoiled by the presence of magic. And that's what the apartment was. The apartment was January.

Matty woke up just as I was sitting back down after fetching a refill for my coffee mug. He yawned and stretched and sat up, knocking Gator onto the floor.

"Well hello, sleepy head," I called out to him as he looked around the apartment.

He crawled off the couch and came over, crawling up onto my lap, glancing over my shoulder at the kitchen as he did. "Where's Mr. Nick?" he asked.

"He had to go home," I answered, "But don't worry, he'll come around to visit he said."

Matty looked at the floor and back at the couch. "He took Nacho with him?"

"Well, yeah," I answered, "Nacho's his dog."

Matty sighed. "Yeah."

I pushed his hair back from his forehead, kissing him gently. His skin felt a little bit warm. "You okay?" I asked him, concerned.

"Just sleepy," he answered.

I had to fight the urge to panic at the words. For seven years, a tempterature and lethargy had indicated issues with Matty's heart. I already knew what was going on, I already knew there wasn't anything much they could do at the hospital. This was the treatment plan. Come home and enjoy the holidays. I took a deep breath.

"Don't worry, I'm okay," Matty said, his voice level and mature far beyond his age.

"I worry because I love you," I replied.

"I know," he answered. "Just, I don't like it when you worry."

He was like a little grown up, I thought. I wondered if he'd have turned out to be as grown up so young as he had if it hadn't have been for his condition. Would he still have the same thoughtful attitude, the same manners? Or was this maturity a side effect alone, something that sprang from having been around adults more than other children?

"I'm gonna go color," he decided, sliding off my lap, and he walked away, his socks padding against the carpet. I watched him set himself up on the coffee table with the crayons and the paper. He'd been up all night, I thought to myself, that's why he slept late. And his cheeks were warm because of the temperature in the house. The heater was on, it was cold outside, and he wasn't used to the heater running. He'd just woke up. His temperature had always been higher right after waking up. Always.

I got up and put my mug in the sink, cleaned up the mess of the coffee. When I finished, I noticed I had a missed text message from Nick on my phone.

So if it isn't meaningless... he typed, Are we, you know, together then?

I stared at the words.

Yes, I typed back, I think we might be.

I stood there, panicking, feeling the emptiness of the apartment press in around me, listening to the sound of Matty's crayons on the paper in the living room. I bit my lips and waited for him to answer. I was afraid that maybe this was too much too fast, that maybe the question had been his hope that I'd say no. Maybe he was afraid of what my answer might be.

Then I got his answer.

It was a smiley face.