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Chapter Twenty-Two


I sat on the plane with my headphones on, staring up at the ceiling as my shuffle blared in my ears, feeling like I'd been crushed in the chest. AJ slept, his mouth hanging open. I didn't understand. It felt so real. When I could remember it, that is, the whole future me thing felt so real. But then I'd stop thinking about it a second or two and it'd start to fade and go away. Part of me wanted it to fade completely, to just go on living my life, but then those almond shaped eyes would strike me and I'd realize I didn't want to lose them - not ever - no matter the cost. Even if it meant I was crazy.

So I kept thinking about it.

2014. 2022. 2006. Future. Past. Meira.

I wanted so bad for her to show up again, and I constantly found myself looking around, waiting for her to be there, going on about being early as she always was. But early for what? I wondered and would she ever be on time?

When the plane landed at LAX, AJ said he'd see me in a month when we restarted the tour and wished me a Merry Christmas. He waved as he walked away from the baggage claim hauling his bright orange suitcase behind him. I stood there by the claim watching the bags go by, waiting and trying to remember what my bag looked like. I only figured it out when I saw the Buccaneers logo on a luggage tag. I pulled the thing off and hauled it out to the curb, looking around the lot. Did I have a car parked at the airport? I wondered. Probably not, I decided, and I got into a cab.

"Where to?" the driver asked.

I had to sneak a glance at the tag on the suitcase to tell him my address.

When we got to the house, I tossed my fare at the driver and climbed out. It was gaudy - way, way too big for just me to be living in alone. But in 2006, I reminded myself, I had a billion and two friends that were always there, always ready to party, always ready to drink the free booze that came with running with Nick Carter. I thought my own name in a bitter attitude.

I dragged my suitcase up to the front door, and fished my keys out of my backpack, but before I could reach for the knob to unlock it - the door opened from the inside.

I looked up.

"Finally. Good Lord, where in the hell were you? I've been waiting for you for days." Brian was standing in front of me.

I stared at him.

"I just - you were - you - you're in --" I sputtered. Then I realized that present-day Brian was on his way home to Georgia. Therefore this must be... "Brian?"

"Nick?"

"2014 Brian?" I clarified.

His forehead moved with relief, "Oh thank the Lord almighty!" he sang out. He wrapped his arms around me. "When you told me to come back all those years ago, I thought you were absolutely insane, Nick. Completely gone. You know that? I went home and told Leighanne, I was like Nick's finally lost it. I can't believe this is all for real!" he practically shouted. "After all this time!"

"It's only been like thirteen hours for me," I said.

"Thirteen hours? No way."

I nodded.

"That's insane." Brian's eyes danced with the math of it. He's always been a nerd that way. I swear if he hadn't become a Backstreet Boy, he probably would've done some kind of geeky/dorky/sciencey stuff. "I would love to figure out how all this works. It must be some seriously intense thinking behind it, huh?"

"I'm just glad to know this all ain't just a hallucination," I confessed. I hesitated, "How much have I changed?" I asked. "Have I fucked everything up in the future?"

Brian hesitated, "I dunno... Not that I know of... but, I suppose if you messed up something in the past then I wouldn't know, would I?"

Seemed logical. "Meira prolly would've said something if I messed it up too, too bad, though, right?"

Brian stared at me for a long moment.

"Right, Brian?" I asked, pressing.

"Who?"

"Meira," I repeated. "You know... Meira."

Brian shook his head.

"But... but she's the reason I'm here. 'Cos the message I gave her was for me to - to go back," I argued. "Brian. C'mon. Stop fuckin' with me. You know Meira."

"Nick, I swear to you I have no idea who you're talking about."

"The girl - the girl with the - with the -- and the --" I waved my hands over my head to indicate Meira's wild hair and my chest to simulate her ample boobs.

Brian was shaking his head slowly.

"I'm gonna marry her," I said, my voice climbing in pitch and volume with desperation, "You gotta know."

"Nick, I'm sorry."

"But I marry her, she's my woman," I said. And the words were becoming more and more important as I said them. It suddenly seemed like it was of absolute, vital importance that I end up with Meira. There may have been billions of girls in the world but there was only one I wanted and it was her.

It was her and she was out there somewhere, God only knows where. Doing God only knows what. With God only knows who. Because something I'd done had ruined the part where I met her.

And then a chill went up and down me.

Meira had said the first time she met me she'd been about to kill herself.

What if... what if something I changed in the past... altered the future... and I never met Meira? What if... what if she followed through and had killed herself and I never met Meira?

"Brian," I choked, "I've made such a huge mistake trying to fuck around with everything. I shouldda listened to her when she told me she was afraid of what my message would do." I rubbed my forehead. "Aw shit, shit. Brian, I can't just let the best thing in my life be deleted just like that." I snapped my fingers. I jumped up. "Brian... we gotta fix this. We gotta fix everything. We gotta find the girl."