[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
** HOWIE **

The line up at Starbucks was out the door, snaking along the sidewalk in the early morning sun. For a brief moment, I debated about heading straight for the meeting without a caffeine fix, but I decided to cut my losses and get in line. I knew that I was only fooling myself anyways; I was useless without my morning coffee. As it was, the guys in Neverest were used to me running behind schedule. Apparently, ‘Backstreet Time’ existed far beyond the reaches of Backstreet itself.

I joined the back of the slow moving line and adjusted my sunglasses. The sun was just starting to peak above the Toronto skyline, and the blinding rays were reflecting off of the multitude of recently constructed, glass condo towers. For just after eight-thirty on a Sunday morning, it was already fairly busy in the downtown core. I had scheduled the meeting for 9:00 A.M. in the hopes that I would be able to bypass some of the downtown chaos. Clearly, I had underestimated people’s ability to drag themselves out of bed before nine o’clock on the weekend.

“Sorry I’m late! The subway was jammed at Yonge and I missed my connection.”

I watched with mild interest as the young woman standing in front of me threw her arms around the woman who had just issued her the apology. The two of them hugged for a long time; both of them clearly happy to see one another, and their rapid chatter began the moment that they pulled apart. I tried not to listen to what they were saying, but it was difficult not to overhear their conversation as their voices increased in excitement. From what I could determine, the tiny brunette had recently gotten engaged and the willowy blonde was one of her bridesmaids; the two of them were on their way to the Bridal Show.

I suppressed my smile as the three of us finally made it off of the street and into the crowded coffee shop. The last thing that I wanted was for one of them to turn around and realize that I had been eavesdropping. I was in the process of deciding whether or not I wanted a breakfast sandwich with my latte when I found myself getting sucked back in to their conversation for the second time.

“What the ...” The brunette had pulled an iPhone out of her purse and was staring at it in apparent disbelief. “Becca, have you seen this?”

“Seen what?” The blonde leaned over her friend’s shoulder and stared at the screen. Her slender hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God!”

“Do you think it’s true?” The brunette sounded like she was about to cry. “It can’t be true!”

“Have any of them tweeted about it?” Becca pulled her own iPhone out of her purse and began tapping hastily at the screen. “What site did you see the story on?”

My attention was peaked. I lifted my sunglasses to the top of my head and craned my neck in an attempt to get a better look at the brunette’s phone, but she was holding the device at an angle that made the screen unreadable. I dared a quick glance around the store at the rest of the waiting customers; no one else appeared to be paying the two women any notice.

“I don’t see anything official on Twitter.” Becca’s eyes were now firmly glued to her phone. “Even Perez hasn’t said anything about it.”

“It seems to be a lot more than just speculation.” The brunette lifted her now watery eyes to her friend. “The headline says that it happened early this morning.”

“Think about it, Hailey, it can’t possibly be true.” Becca shook her head. “Why would something like this happen to Nick Carter? I mean, it’s not like the boys are even popular in the mainstream media anymore.”

My brain snapped to attention at the mention of Nick’s name. I was now fully engrossed in their conversation, but the two women continued to be oblivious to my presence.

“Maybe we should check their official site.” Hailey still appeared to be in denial. “Let’s see if something has been posted on one of the message boards.”

Becca rolled her eyes. “Those boards are going to be filled with crazy fans making up even crazier scenarios. Are you sure that you want to read that shit?”

My heart was hammering in my chest and my hands were slick with sweat as I struggled to pull my own phone out of my pocket. I tried to reassure myself that I was working myself up over nothing. If something had really happened to Nick, someone would have called me, and my phone hadn’t rung all morning. I finally managed to finagle the device out of my pocket, and I almost flung it clear across the store when I looked at the display. I had over twenty missed calls from AJ, and he hadn’t left a single message.

I checked the time, 8:41 A.M. The last missed call from AJ had registered at 8:39 A.M. My stomach plummeted; I had accidentally set the sound profile to silent. How could I have been so stupid? Something had clearly happened to Nick and I had missed it. I raised my eyes to the two women standing in front of me and stared at their backs. I needed to see what they had already seen before I phoned AJ back.

The line inched forward again and the two women put in an order for identically crafted skinny vanilla lattes. I stepped up behind them before the cashier had even finished ringing in their order and added my own selection to their bill.

“And a grandé Americano.” I pushed in-between the two women and thrust a twenty dollar bill at the cashier before either one of them could protest. “It’s on me.”

Both women turned to look at me, but the blonde obviously made the connection first. Her eyes widened in surprise and her mouth formed a small ‘oh’. “Holy shit!”

“Can I have a name for the order?” The bored looking cashier asked as she handed me my change. She was clearly too young and too tired to know, or even care, about who I was.

“Howie.” I plastered a smile on my face and made eye contact with both Hailey and Becca in turn.

The cashier scrawled my name across the cups and motioned for us to move to the side. The three of us shuffled off in the direction of the ever growing crowd that was still waiting for their morning jolt of caffeine, and I manoeuvred our small group into the most secluded corner that I could find. Becca and Hailey exchanged a look that was a mixture of confusion and awe as I motioned for them to come closer.

“I’m Howie.” I unnecessarily introduced myself once the three of us had formed a tight circle.

The two women exchanged another quick glance. “We know.” They answered in unison.

After a brief pause, the brunette returned my ridiculous introduction. “I’m Hailey and this is my friend, Becca. Thanks for the coffee.”

“No problem.” I dismissed her appreciation with a quick wave of my hand. “Listen, I couldn’t help but overhear some of your conversation while we were standing in line.” I paused when I realized that my voice was shaking. “Do you mind showing me what you were looking at? The stuff about Nick, I mean.”

“You haven’t heard about it?” Becca looked me dead in the face as Hailey began to fumble with her phone. “So, it can’t be true then?”

“I’ve missed some calls.” I admitted, well aware of the fact that I should probably be careful about divulging too much information. “I just really need to see what it is that you were looking at. What did the report say? Did it say that something has happened to Nick?”

Becca dropped her gaze from my face. Her pretty features contorted into an expression that could only be described as grief.

“You’re better off reading it for yourself.” Hailey held out her phone. “This is what we were looking at.”

I lowered my eyes to the screen and the headline immediately hardened the contents of my stomach: ‘Nick Carter found dead in Tennessee’. I pulled Hailey’s phone out of her fingers and handed her my own phone in exchange. My fingers were flying across the screen, scrolling through the full report. This didn’t sound like an exaggeration or a hoax. It wasn’t posted on TMZ or on some other random, untrustworthy gossip website; it was on CNN.

“Howie!” The barista shouted. “Two skinny vanillas and an Americano for Howie!”

I whipped my head up at the sound of my name. What had I been thinking when I had given out my real name? Most of the time, I didn’t mind being approached in public, but right now the last thing that I wanted to do was act cheery and pose for a picture. All I wanted to do was determine whether or not there was any truth to the headline that was currently eating its way through my retinas. My eyes nervously scanned the crush of people who were still waiting for their orders, but nobody around us had even bothered to bat an eye.

“I’ll get it.” Becca offered. She quickly disappeared from view, leaving me alone with Hailey and my gut-wrenching thoughts.

By the time Becca returned, I had successfully managed to back Hailey and myself away from the majority of the crowd. My back was pressed firmly against the wall, which was probably a good thing because I wasn’t sure how much longer my legs were going to be able to continue to support my weight. My entire body felt weak, like I had just finished running a marathon.

“Here.”

Becca handed me a cup and I automatically accepted it, my eyes never leaving the screen. For some reason, I had developed the irrational need to read every single word that CNN had posted about Nick’s alleged death. I didn’t feel as though I would be properly equipped to talk to AJ otherwise.

I was so involved in the horrendous details that my own ring tone nearly gave me heart failure. The same was true for Hailey who was still clutching my phone in her left hand while she waited for me to finish using hers. She nearly spilled her entire drink down her front as the old-fashioned ring tone blasted through the speakers at top volume. In my haste to take my phone off of silent, I must have accidentally put it on the loudest possible setting.

Hailey looked down at the display. “It’s – it’s AJ.” She stuttered and attempted to shove the phone back into my hands.

“I can’t!” I panicked and pressed myself even tighter against the wall. “I’m not ready yet!”

“What?” Hailey stared back at me, dumbfounded. She seemed afraid that my phone was about to grow fangs and attack her. “You’re not ready for what?”

I shook my head. “You answer it.” The rational part of me knew that I had to speak to AJ, but the irrational part of me seemed to be taking control. As long as I didn’t talk to AJ, Nick’s death wouldn’t be real. Everything would be okay as long as I didn’t answer the phone.

“You answer it!” Hailey jammed the still ringing phone into her friend’s hand and backed herself into the side of my body. “There’s no way that I can talk to AJ McLean!”

Becca’s fingers scrambled to keep the phone from dropping to the ground and her thumb grazed across the screen, unintentionally accepting the call. She stared at the phone in horror before bringing it to her ear and giving me a helpless look.

“Hello?”

“Howie? What the fuck is going on? I’ve been trying to call you for hours! What’s wrong with your voice? You sound like a mother-fucking chick.”

I cringed as AJ’s voice coursed through the speaker. So much for avoiding him; I could hear every single word that he was saying and I wasn’t even the one holding the phone.

“I am a chick.” Becca involuntarily pressed up against my other side as another wave of people descended upon the Starbucks. “My name’s Becca.”

The blonde gave me another helpless look and indicated that I needed to take control of the phone call, but I vehemently shook my head. I still wasn’t ready for the news.

“What?!” AJ was shouting now. “Where’s Howie? Why are you answering his phone? Who ARE you?”

“I met him in a Starbucks.” Becca paused. “Just now.”

“Is he there!?” AJ was so loud that Becca actually had to pull the phone away from her ear. He might as well have been on speaker. “What’s he doing?”

“He’s reading the CNN news coverage about Nick on my friend’s phone.” Becca admitted. “He approached us in line after he heard us talking about it.”

“Jesus Christ!” AJ continued to scream. “He’s avoiding me, isn’t he? I don’t know who the hell you are, but you can go ahead and tell Howie that he needs to fucking talk to me. Tell him that this isn’t going to go away even if he avoids me for the rest of his God damn life.”

I sighed audibly at AJ’s words. The man obviously knew me too well. I passed my drink off to Hailey and reluctantly motioned for Becca to hand me the phone.

“Hi, AJ.” I brought the phone to my ear and braced myself as best as I could for what I was about to hear.

“Howie?” AJ’s voice had lowered considerably in volume. “What’s happening over there? Where are you? Who was that random girl who just answered your phone?”

“I’m in a Toronto Starbucks. I was supposed to have a meeting with the guys from Neverest this morning.” I took a deep breath to steady myself and continued. “I was waiting in line and I heard these two women talking about how something bad might have happened to Nick. So, I checked my phone and I saw that you had been trying to call me. I panicked and practically forced these two girls to let me use their phone so that I could find out what was going on before I called you back.”

“Jesus.” AJ breathed. “You’ve seen the stuff on CNN?”

“Is it true?” I glanced down at Hailey’s phone that I was still clutching for dear life in my other hand. The word ‘murdered’ stared back at me. “Do we know if the report is true?”

“The police came to Kevin’s house …” AJ’s voice wavered with emotion. “…Nick listed him as a next of kin.”

I wasn’t even aware of the fact that I was sliding down the wall until I was on the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose. The tears were coming, I could feel them building up behind my eyelids. I just hoped that I could manage to keep myself together until I made it out of the store.

“Howie?” AJ’s voice had taken on a hint of panic. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah.” I could barely get the word out. My brain felt as though it was shutting down. “Nick’s dead?”

“You need to come home, Howie.” AJ was blubbering into the phone. “You need to come home.”

I could feel the tears sliding down my face; pushing their way hot and fast through my closed eyes. I was faintly aware of the fact that Hailey and Becca were gasping above me. I could hear them rustling around and setting down their cups.

“Howie?” Hailey’s tone was gentle and uncertain.

I opened my eyes and disconnected AJ’s call. I would call him back once I had figured out when I could get on a flight back to the States.

Hailey gently pulled her phone out of my hand and tucked it back into her purse before dropping down and placing her hand on my shoulder. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

I nodded and wiped hastily at my tears with the back of my hand. I suddenly felt like a fool. I was sitting on the floor in the middle of a Starbucks in a foreign city, crying my eyes out in front of two strange women who could have already taken damaging pictures of me and tweeted them out to the world.

“You need to get out of here.” Becca advised. She pushed several napkins into my hand and urged me to stand up.

I did as she recommended and got unsteadily to my feet. My legs still felt wobbly and I took a few uncertain steps forward. A few people gave us curious looks as we pushed our way out of crowded the coffee shop, but the majority of the customers paid us no attention at all.

The sun had now fully risen above the city, but its warmth did nothing to ease the chill from my body. The fact that I was standing in the sun, alive and well, suddenly seemed grossly unfair. Every aspect of my life suddenly seemed overly lavish and unfair now that Nick was gone.

“Maybe you want to call your wife?” Hailey suggested.

I nodded dumbly in response, even though I agreed with her suggestion. I did want nothing more than to call Leigh and cry to her for comfort, but first I had to book a flight back to the U.S. Like AJ had said, I had to go home.

“Do you want us to call you a cab?” Becca offered.

I shook my head and offered them both a small smile. Looking into their sad, anxious faces made me realize just how fortunate I was. I had no idea how involved in the fandom these two women were; although I had heard them allude to the notion that they belonged to the fan club, so it was pretty fair to assume that they were at least moderately dedicated. They could have easily freaked out when I had approached them, they could have taken advantage of AJ on the phone, and they could have behaved like crazy people when I was a sobbing mess, but they hadn’t. For all that the two of them had done for me in the past twenty minutes; I valued their normalcy the most.

“Thank you.” I hoped that I sounded sincere; my voice was still pretty rough and wobbly. “Really, thank you.”

The two women returned my sorrowful smile and looked at one another knowingly. It was Hailey who spoke first. “We won’t tell anyone.”

Becca nodded in agreement. “We promise.”

“Thanks.” I acknowledged, glad that I hadn’t been forced to bring the subject up myself. “That means more to me than you’ll ever know.”