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Chapter Twenty-Five


Nick

After rehearsal, we crowded backstage and dug into the catering the venue had brought in, gathering little meat pies and sandwiches from foil covered hotplates. Settling down at a couple folding tables, Jaymie scootched her chair closer to mine and stared around as the other guys settled in and started eating, banter flying across the table. “So, Jaymie,” Kevin said suddenly, making her head snap in his direction in surprise at being addressed, “What is it that you do back home in LA?”

“Besides Nick?” she joked. A month ago, this joke would’ve caused awkward silence. And at first that’s what it was received with until Brian laughed and the other guys joined in. Jaymie smiled, her nerves melting just a little bit at the warmth of them laughing at her joke. Once the initial ice was broken, soon the guys were laughing and joking with Jaymie, just like I’d hoped. I leaned back in my chair and watched, sipping on a cup of coffee.

When we’d finished the food, the VIPs were lined up outside and I kissed Jaymie on the cheek and went to do the soundcheck Q&A and meet and greet. Jaymie sat in the back of the crowd, watching, and I smiled at her a couple times during the soundcheck part as we sang some of the songs we don’t get to do in the show. After the tiring string of meet and greets had finally ended and the auditorium was clear, I collected Jaymie to head back to the hotel.

“We’ll be back in a couple hours,” I told the guys as we left.

“Better be,” Kevin said.

“I’ll make sure he’s back in one piece and on time,” Jaymie reassured him.

Back at the hotel, we made a list of the shelters that were most likely and split the list between us, each of us had about thirty numbers to call. I was starting to get a headache, so after I’d called a couple shelters, I went to the bathroom and leaned over the sink, my eyes closed, taking deep breaths.

Wetting a face cloth with icy cold water, I rolled it and set it on the back of my neck, leaning down onto the sink and pressing my forehead against the cold of the faucet. The headache was settled right behind my eyelids, a huge amount of pressure pushing against the front of my skull. It was like a bowling ball had been rolled forward on the inside of my head. I reached up and turned the light off, my knuckles tight against the counter.

“NICK! OH my God! They have him! I found him!” Jaymie’s voice was loud and seemed to echo around the inside of the bathroom, making my head ache even worse. I winced. “Nick, c’mere, quick! What’s Chris’s last name? Holy shit.”

Her excitement seemed foreign and for a second I almost couldn’t bring to mind why she was excited. Then I remembered: Rusty, the dog. She’d found the dog. Chris had to go pick him up. I took the cloth off my neck - it was hot and gross now from my body heat, and I dropped it into the sink, emerging into the too-bright living area of the hotel room. Jaymie was on her knees, looking ecstatic on the bed. “Nick, quick. What’s Chris’s last name?”

What is Chris’s last name? I wondered for a moment before it came to me, “Uhh, Stens -- Stensby,” I answered.

“Yes… yes Chris Stensby will pick him up… Do you take credit cards?” she turned away, clutching the phone to her ear in excitement as she finished rescuing the dog, oblivious to how shitty I probably looked. I reached in my pocket for my wallet and handed it to her. She mouthed the words thank you as she took the card from my palm. I nodded and headed back to the restroom because I could feel the meat pies and sandwiches crawling their way back up my throat.

When she’d hung up her phone, Jaymie knocked on the door, “You okay in there?”

“Be right out,” I called back. I was sitting on the floor in the dark, my forehead in my hands now.

“As long as Chris picks him up in the next two days we’re good,” she informed me through the door.

“Great,” I replied.

“You were brilliant,” she said, “Coming up with that idea. You’re amazing.” I heard her reach for the door handle. But I’d locked it, as she discovered. She rattled the handle. “Nick? You sure you’re okay?” she asked, concern coming to her voice.

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure,” I replied. I got up and took a deep breath, staring into the mirror to make sure I didn’t look completely unraveled, then opened the door.

Jaymie studied me a moment, then, deciding I really was okay, she said, “Nick, thank you so much.”

“No problem,” I said. “Like I said earlier, my mom did this to me once. I understand what it’s like to suddenly be without your -- what’re they calling them these days? -- fur baby?”

Jaymie laughed and smiled and wrapped her arms around me. “Still. You’re a hero.”

I laughed, “Not really.”

Yeah really,” she nodded, and she kissed me softly. But only briefly before pulling back. “Are you sure you’re okay? You feel clammy.” She put her hand to my forehead. “Jesus Christ Nick, you’re burning up.”

I hummed the opening chords to the song.

“No Nick, I’m serious,” she turned to the suitcase and started rooting around. “You need an Advil or something to break that fever…”

“I’m okay, really,” I replied.

Jaymie still dug out the pills and shook two into my palm, then went for a bottle of water from the mini fridge. “Take those,” she commanded.

I took them.

“Are you sure you’re okay for the show tonight?” she pressed, staring up at me. I nodded. “Absolutely sure?”

“Jaymie,” I said, finishing the bottle of water she’d given me, “I thought we had an agreement about this?”

“I’m not saying you need treatment, I’m asking you if you’re okay.”

I sighed, “I’m fine. I swear. Lemme call Chris and tell him what’s up with the dog thing.”

Jaymie nodded and stepped out of my way as I went over to the bed and sat down. The truth is, I sat a little heavier than I intended to because my legs gave out on me a little. I gripped the edge of the mattress and closed my eyes for a second as I scrolled through the contacts list and called Chris, hoping for the world to stop spinning.

The Advil must’ve kicked in while I was on the phone explaining to Chris what was up with Rusty because by the time I’d hung up, I felt a little bit better. I smiled up at Jaymie, “Chris is gonna go get him in a couple hours,” I told her. “Said he’d text me once he did.” I looked at the clock, “We better get back to the venue.”

Jaymie was still staring at me in concern, but she didn’t ask again if I was okay, which I appreciated but also kind of felt a little nervous about. I hoped she didn’t think that my snap had been indication not to talk to me about personal stuff again or something -- that hadn’t been how I’d meant it. But I didn’t know how to say that to her, so we just walked down to the waiting car out front and went back to the venue, where the fellas - and a sold out audience - were waiting for me.

And I really was okay for the show.

Or at least for a good part of it.

The lights were hotter than hell and bright. They seemed brighter than they used to be or something. I squinted against them as I danced, the sweat building up on my body like a slick outer layer. Brian came by a couple times and asked if I was okay, and every time I assured him that I was. I couldn’t see Jaymie, she had seats somewhere in the first twenty rows, but the lights were so fucking big and bright I couldn’t see past the third row, so I wasn’t sure where she was at.

Before the break to the acoustic set, I stepped to the side to get my guitar, just as I’d done at the rehearsal, except this time Brian came over. “Nick,” he whispered, “You okay out there?”

I glanced at him, “I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Brian raised his eyebrow at me.

“Right,” I said. I nodded, “I’m okay, though.”

Brian nodded too. “Okay.” He bounded away, his guitar already around his neck in the short amount of time I’d spent chatting with him. I went after him and climbed about my stool.

“We’re gonna take you on a journey waaay back,” Howie was saying by way of introducing the song,”Back to the place where we first began. If you know the words, sing along…”

And just like that the fellas launched into Quit Playing Games and I scrambled to do the same.

”Even in my heart… I see.. you’re not being true to me… deep within my soul… I feel… that nothing’s like it used to be…” Brian sang, leaning into the microphone, strumming his guitar.

I played too, my eyes traveling over the audience, staring into all these eyes and the lights moving, flashing and blinding me then moving along, swiveling, shooting beams of multicolored lights all over the venue. Girls screamed, the music swelled as Brian started singing the chorus…

”Quit playing gaaames with my heaaart…” He smiled over at me.

And the music played…

...and played…

And the guys were all staring at me… and the fans were mumbling…

“Nick,” Howie hissed, “Your verse dude?”

I looked over at Howie. “What?”

“Your verse. Sing your verse.”

I turned to the mic and realized I had no fucking idea what the lyric was.





Jaymie

He looked like a fish out of water, like that ad for asthma awareness where the goldfish escapes its bowl. Nick sat there looking perplexed until Howie jumped in and started singing the next line - “I live my life… the way… to keep you coming back to me…” But it was too late and the tension in the venue was obvious as everyone stared at Nick, whose fingers had slowed on the guitar as he stared at Howie in shock. He glanced back and forth. Brian was leaning forward to try and see Nick’s face.

Suddenly, Nick just stood up and swung the guitar off his shoulders and walked off the stage.

“Shit,” I gasped and I got up, pushing my way through the rows of girls to the front, where Mike was climbing onto the stage to go after Nick. “MIke!” I yelled from the third row. “Excuse me,” I snapped, pushing by a particularly stubborn-to-move fan. “Mike!” He turned around and spotted me, and pulled me onto the stage with him and we both ran after Nick while the other Boys tried their very best to pretend nothing crazy was happening, though I did see them glancing back over their shoulders with worried expressions as Mike and I dashed to catch up to Nick.

He was off stage by several feet, kneeling down, throwing up into an overturned fedora from the All I Have to Give set. Several of the roadies and production guys were standing around, looking disgusted as Nick retched into the hat.

“God damn it, someone get him something better to barf into,” I snapped at them as Mike and I approached. One of them dashed off to find something at my command. “Nick,” I said, kneeling down beside him. Mike did, too. “What’s wrong? And don’t you dare say nothing.”

“I forgot the lyrics,” he choked, eyes red, snot coming out of his nose. “They just… they weren’t there…” His stomach empty, he kept retching without producing anything, his hands shaking.

“Shh,” I whispered, and I rubbed his back. The roadie that had gone in hunt of an appropriate barf bucket returned with a tiny bag-lined trash bin, and I took the vomit-filled hat from Nick. Mike took it from me and threw it away in a huge bin a couple feet away. “It’s gonna be okay, Nick,” I whispered as he stayed bent over, hit with a new wave of sick every few seconds. I felt so helpless, just rubbing his back, telling him it’d be okay, because I didn’t know what the hell else to do. “It’s okay… it’s okay…”

But I was terrified it wasn’t.

“One of you call an ambulance,” I barked at the roadies again.

Nick shook his head, “No,” he spat out, looking desperate. “No ambulance. It’s just… just a little… throw-up,” he struggled. “I’m okay.”

“How the hell can you say that?” I demanded as Nick pushed himself, wobbly-kneed from the floor. Mike caught his arm, steadying him. “Nick you are so not okay,” I said.

“Yeah no I’m okay,” Nick gurgled and he pushed himself up. “Really.”

“Mike,” I pleaded, looking up at the guard as Nick started to attempt to hobble toward the stage.

Mike grabbed hold on Nick’s arm. “Nick, she’s right,” he said.

“I’m fine,” Nick scowled, “I’m not leaving… another… show…” he pulled out of Mike’s grip and wobbled three steps toward the stage before he started to go down again, but this time, Kevin was there, coming from the stage and caught him head-on before he fell down.

“The fuck is going on?” Kevin demanded, “I thought you said your cardiologist cleared you?”

Nick looked miserable.

“His cardiologist cleared him,” I confirmed pointedly.

Nick glowered and pulled out of Kevin’s grip, “You just wanna tell everyone, don’t you?” he snapped at me. He ripped the little headset microphone from his ear and shoved it at me. “Here. Tell the fucking world why don’t you? Just get it over with, just tell everyone. Just shout it out into the microphone, why don’t you?” I stood there, stunned. Nick pushed me out of the way and hobbled backstage.

“Nick!” Kevin shouted, and went after him. Mike did, too. I stood there, dumbfounded, unsure what to say or do.

Brian appeared. “What happened?” he asked.

I looked up, still clutching the microphone.

“You’re wrong,” I said, and I shoved the microphone set into Brian’s hand before charging after Nick.