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Chapter Three



Nick

It took a couple days before the doctors decided, in their very German opinion, that I could leave. But when they finally decided I could go, Eddie booked the next flight home to Los Angeles he could get us on. I texted Jaymie on the way to the airport, between Brian asking me if I was okay and Kevin rushing to grab all my bags before I could try to carry anything heavier than my cell phone.

Can you pick me up at LAX at 4?

A few moments later: AM or PM? Because like 4am? wtf?

PM.

OH. Well. that’s a horse of a different color isn’t it? See you then.

I put my phone back in my pocket as the car pulled up to the curb. A group of fans were standing out front, once again knowing in their mysterious, magical way that we would be there. They wore worried expressions, staring at me like I was a puppy that had three legs or something. We hurried by them, only time to quickly touch finger tips as we passed. I didn’t feel much in the mood for hugs and photos and all that and luckily the guys sensed it and ushered me along without pause. I felt bad, snubbing the girls like that, but I mean, I had just had a heart attack and everything.

On the plane, as other passengers were taking their seats and Kevin was trying to jigsaw puzzle all our carry-on bags into the holding bin overhead, I checked my phone again. I had a missed text from Jaymie. Are you ok by the way? AJs bad at keeping people in the loop btw.

Yeah hes almost as bad at that as he is at keeping secrets, I typed back. Then, I’m not dead.

Well that’s good. I mean it’d be a little cool because then I’d be getting texts from a ghost.

Eh its really expensive to send a text from heaven yknow... thats why people don’t do it much.

Gotcha.

The flight attendant had come over and helped Kevin finish getting the shit all up in the compartment, and he settled down next to me. “You okay?” Brian asked from the other side of me. Brian was taking one for the team, sitting in a window seat, despite his aversion to flying, so he could sit next to me.

“I’m okay,” I replied.

Kevin fiddled with the in flight menu and magazine and shit in the little pocket on the back of the chair in front of him, stretching out his legs and sighing. Brian was readjusting his seat belt for the ninth time. He’d keep doing that until we took off, too. He always did. I looked back at my phone.

See you soon then, she’d said.

See you, I answered, turning the phone off and leaning back in the seat.

We weren’t in the air long before Kevin and Brian were both asleep. I sighed, running my palms over my knees. My hands were sweaty. I stared at the little TV screen, The Neverending Story playing. I slid my headphones off, letting them rest around my neck, and sat there listening to the hum of the plane and the general din of people sleeping all throughout the cabin. It was a long flight, and long flights were good for thinking, particularly when you’re the only person besides the flight attendants that was awake.

“Would you like anything to drink, sir?” whispered one of them as they walked by.

“Maybe a ginger ale?” I requested.

She smiled, “Let me get that for you.”

I stared past Brian at the window. Outside it was a mirth of dark blue - sky, ocean, everything all mixed together in one uniform palette, broken only by the glow of the moon I couldn’t see from the window glowing on low settled clouds to form a grey horizon line in the distance. Recently, everything in my life had started feeling a little bit like that, I thought, all the same, all dark and distant and blurry. I sighed. Or, at least, it had been like that, and my life only now looked like that, in retrospect.

The flight attendant returned and held out a cup of ice, a small straw, and a can of Seagram’s Ginger Ale. “Here you are, sir.” She smiled.

I took them and put them on the drop-down tray in front of me. “Is there wifi on this flight?” I asked her quietly.

She nodded, “The password is in your in-flight instructions pamphlet,” she replied, waving to the laminated chart in the seat pocket in front of Kevin.

“Thanks,” I said.

I pulled my phone out and used the password in my chart to log on my cell phone’s browser. While my email loaded, I poured my ginger ale. My email was pretty boring, so I opened my instant messenger and scrolled through contact names until I found Jaymie’s.

TampaBuccsFan28: u up?
PurpleNailPolish: yep are you?
TampaBuccsFan28: yes…this flight is boring as fuck
PurpleNailPolish: so literally you are up then ;)
PurpleNailPolish: would you prefer it end like Lost and your on an island somewhere eating Howie’s liver?
TampaBuccsFan28: Howies liver is too spicy
PurpleNailPolish28: whose liver would you rather then?
TampaBuccsFan28: Idk. Maybe AJs????
PurpleNailPolish: Too much ink poisoning from the tattoos.
TampaBuccsFan28: true. neways.
TampaBuccsFan28: what r u wearing?
PurpleNailPolish: a pink gstring and a lacy bra to match
TampaBuccsFan28: really?
PurpleNailPolish: yes because thats what I really do wear to bed at night when you’re not here.
TampaBuccsFan28: i’d fuck u even if u were in sweatpants
TampaBuccsFan28: i miss your boobs
PurpleNailPolish: lmao...Really? Thats’ what you miss? My boobs?
TampaBuccsFan28: yes. i miss squishing them. send me a picture of them?
PurpleNailPolish: okay. one second.
PurpleNailPolish: you ready?
TampaBuccsFan28: yes.
PurpleNailPolish: okay.
PurpleNailPolish: here you go
PurpleNailPolish: ( . )( . )
TampaBuccsFan28: ha.
PurpleNailPolish: you laugh but you’re probably jerking off looking at that aren’t you?
TampaBuccsFan28: dont be a bitch lol
PurpleNailPolish: it’s ok if you are...boobs are boobs...even if they’re just typographic depictions
PurpleNailPolish: when you get home they’re all yours
PurpleNailPolish: like the real ones ,not the drawing
TampaBuccsFan28: O Good I was worried I’d be stuck with four parentheses and two peroids
PurpleNailPolish: :P

Jaymie and I kept talking for awhile, just bantering back and forth like that. It was nice to stop thinking, stop worrying, and just let myself fall into mindlessness with her. That was the beauty of my relationship with Jaymie, and always had been. There wasn’t anything to it. It wasn’t complicated, it just was. I liked that she didn’t ask me a hundred million questions about everything, didn’t continuously ask if I was okay. It helped me forget that I probably wasn’t okay, something that I realized I was going to have to start coming to terms with more. I just wasn’t ready to fully engage myself in my own reality.

And Jaymie made it possible to forget.




Jaymie


I pulled up to the arrivals door in Nick’s car and parked in one of the ten minute spots, standing at the back end of the car with the trunk open and biting my fingernails. I was exhausted. Nick had stayed online chatting for hours and hours (it would’ve been easier to stay awake and pick him up at 4am than it was to get up to go pick him up at 4pm, as it turned out). I felt like a zombie and I was pretty sure I looked like Night of the Living Dead Sex Friend. Especially since I’d worn sweatpants and one of Nick’s old Buccaneers jerseys.

I was just beginning to notice a cop was eying me and the timer over my head - which was now reading twelve minutes since I’d occupied the space - when Nick finally came out the door, Kevin beside him, dragging a luggage trolley. Kristin was waiting with Max and Mason a few cars away, I realized, as I heard a squeal of delight and she rushed over to him. Nick looked up from his cell phone, a rare phenomenon, and glanced around, squinting in the light. I waved. He nodded and said something to Kevin as he reached for the trolley. Kevin pulled away from Kris and pushed Nick off the trolley, then came toward me with it.

“Hello,” Kevin said stiffly.

Okay so now I guess is as good a time as any to let you in on a secret you may or may not have guessed yet -- the other Backstreet Boys don’t particularly approve of me. AJ is the closest one, I mean he’ll talk to me, even hang out with me, but a lot of times the other guys… especially Brian… well, they don’t exactly approve of the relationship Nick and I share. Never have. I know for a fact that Nick and Brian have dueled it out over me before, though not because Nick has ever told me about their fights, but because Brian’s actually pretty vocal about it himself. And don’t even get me started on what his wife thinks of me. The looks Leighanne has given me is similar to look I imagine that God gave the earth to cause the great Ice Age. And though Kevin’s always been civil, I know he’s not terribly impressed with me. Even Kristin hung back with the kids, one hand on Mason’s shoulder, like she was holding him back, like you see women do in movies when they’re protecting their children from evil political leaders.

I sighed inwardly, but smiled outwardly, “Hey,” I said, “How was the flight?”

“Boring. As. Fuck.” Nick announced.

Kevin cleared his throat and nodded at the kids.

“Sorry,” Nick said, then, to me, “Boring as duck. But with an F.” He grinned at Kevin and I heard Mason laugh.

Kevin sighed, exasperated, and shoved Nick’s bags into the open trunk of the car. “Now listen to me,” he said, staring at Nick, “I want you to make an appointment with your cardiologist on Monday and get this taken care of. No putting it off, no being stupid about it, no going out drinking instead, none of that bullshh--- turd.” He glanced at Mason and Max. Nick grinned. Kevin’s eyes traversed back to Nick. “I’m serious,” he added. “For some reason, I actually like having you around and I’d like you to stay alive for another twenty years, if you don’t mind.”

“I’ll do my best,” Nick answered.

“You better.” Kevin sighed, this time more of a heavy, doubtful that Nick would listen to him kind of sigh, and pulled Nick into him for a hug. I looked down at my feet as Kevin crushed Nick and Nick patted Kevin’s back awkwardly.

“I’ll be a’ight Kev, I ain’t a kid no more.” Nick pulled away.

“I know,” Kevin said. He nodded at me, then took the trolley with his own luggage still on it, and walked off with Kristin and the kids.

Nick looked at me. “Well, hi,” he said.

“Hi,” I replied. I smirked. “Are you ready for your welcome home present?” I asked.

Nick’s eyes twinkled, “Am I gonna like it?”

“Mmhm,” I nodded. “I think you’ll like it a lot.” Eager, Nick slammed the trunk shut as I walked around to the door and got in, starting up the car. He followed a moment later, tossing his sweatshirt into the backseat and licking his lips as he pulled the seat belt across his chest.