Why Are We Still Friends

By Rachel

Copyright 2014

Chapter 21

I spent the rest of the evening inside my room. I didn’t want to face anyone. Brian had called a few times, but I couldn’t even talk to him. What was I going to say? Because of everything I knew my relationship with Brian was going to change. No longer would it be about friendship. I would always thinking of him being in love with me.

Was this how Nick felt about me? Our friendship never seemed different. I wanted everything to go back to normal between Nick and me. I didn’t know if it could. If he chose Anna over me, I would lose a good friend. I knew my friendship with Anna was over. She’d still be around because of Nick.

I was feeling jittery for some reason. Maybe it was because I was losing all my friends. I had no one in my life. Things were downright pathetic.

I grabbed the cd Alisa gave me and popped it in. Maybe music would help me clear my mind. I was curious to hear what was on this cd. The familiar melody of Larger Than Life sounded through the room. It made me smile that the cd was going to be full of Backstreet Boys songs. Of course Alisa’s cd would be full of their songs.

I lay on the bed listening to song after song. The wind was blowing the curtains. I didn’t even realize it had gotten dark. I was lost in my own thoughts. I couldn’t stop thinking about Brian.

There was no way Brian could be in love with me. I couldn’t see what Nick or AJ saw. Maybe I should ask Bella what she thinks. I’d believe the female perspective more than any man’s.

“I hear your voice, And I start to tremble, Brings back the child that, I resemble. I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends, Don’t want to be, Alone tonight.”  The lyrics wafted through the air.

I sat up straight on the bed. My heart started beating faster and I started to sweat. I wrapped my arms around my knees and rocked myself to the music. Tears poured down my face.

Nick was right. Brian Thomas Littrell was in love with me. How could I be so blind? The touches and caresses. The teasing that was really flirting. Brian was always doing nice things for me. He sent me flowers and threw me a party when I got my job promotion.  I thought he was being a good friend. None of my other guy friends, including Nick treated me that way. God, I was a fool.

What did Brian see in me? I wasn’t anything special. Really, I was just average. I didn’t stand out in the crowd or try to show off. My time was spent working, going to school, and volunteering.

The realization that Brian was in love with me was odd at first. But thinking about it for a while, it felt comfortable. What did that mean? I thought back to the last few times I was with Brian. The little unreadable looks and the touches that felt weird, were they because he was in love with me? Why would I be feeling those sparks of electricity when he touched me at the party?

Did I have feelings for Brian? Could I love him more than as a friend? These last few months we had been spending more time together. He was a great guy; caring, compassionate, fun, understanding, handsome, charming. I could go on forever about his attributes. I didn’t feel as strange about it as I did in the beginning.

I was in love with Brian. OMG, it was him all the time. Why hadn’t I seen it before? He was everything I wanted and more.

I jumped off the bed and grabbed my car keys. I ran downstairs. AJ and Bella were sitting in the living room.

“Hey, I’m going to go out for a while.” I slipped on my flip flops. “Don’t wait up for me.”

“Where are you going?” AJ raised an eyebrow at me.

“I’m just going for a drive. I need to clear my head.” I lied. I didn’t need to tell my brother my every move.

“Just be careful. Call me if you need me. I hope everything is okay. You know you can talk to me.”

“Thanks, AJ. I know and I appreciate it.”

Within ten minutes I was pulling into Brian’s driveway. The clock showed eleven thirty. Maybe it was too late to talk to him. I wasn’t going to chicken out. I grabbed the sweatshirt off the backseat. It was a Kentucky Wildcats hoodie that I borrowed from Brian.

Nervously I walked up to the porch. I knocked on the door and waited. I was shaking from anticipation. The door opened slowly. When Brian appeared I smiled.

“Is everything okay? I’ve been worried sick about you. You haven’t answered…”

I pressed my lips to Brian’s. At first he was shocked, but I could feel his body relax. I wrapped my arms around his neck as my tongue probed his mouth. That jolt of electricity I felt with Brian was even stronger now. I had kissed a few guys in my life, but it never felt like this. I didn’t want to let him go. I could continue kissing him for hours in front of his house.

We broke apart a few minutes later. “What was that for?” He smiled and his eyes twinkled. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Let’s go inside.”

We stepped inside, but didn’t leave the foyer. I couldn’t stop staring at him. For the first time I was seeing him in a different light.

“Brian, why didn’t you tell me that you loved me?” I asked softly looking at the ground.

“Lex, you weren’t ready. I knew how you felt about Nick. There was no way I was going to risk it by telling you. I cared about our friendship too much to lose you.”

“What if…” I started.

“I don’t care about the what ifs. I’m still in shock by that kiss we just shared.” He smiled at me.

“Oh, Peter Pan. It finally dawned on me. I’m in love with you.”

Brian pulled me close to him. We stood there embracing each other. It was right. I was happy in Brian’s arms. I looked up at him and was met with a kiss. We took it nice and slow. Our tongues taking turns dancing in each other’s mouths. Brian’s hands cupped my butt. I was so turned on.

I broke away from Brian’s lips. “Make love to me.” I wrapped my legs around his waist. He took the stairs by two. I think he wanted it as much as I did.  Everything was perfect.