Why Are We Still Friends

By: Rachel

Copyright 2014

Chapter 45

The food on the tray didn’t hold my interest. I pushed it aside as Nick walked into the room. He pulled a chair up to the bed. “You need to eat Lexi.”

“I’m not hungry.” I commented without looking at him.

“I’m worried about you. You have to take care of yourself.” Nick took my hand in his. I continued to look away. “What about the baby, Alexia? You don’t anything to happen to your child.”

I felt the wetness on my face before I realized I was crying. Nick made me recognize how foolish I was being when it came to my unborn child. I knew better than to let my health go to wayside. Nothing was more important than having a healthy child. I couldn’t let my issues with Brian and Nick risk the health of my baby.

I reached for the tray and pulled it closer to me. Grabbing my fork, I speared some broccoli and put it to my mouth. Nick watched me intently, as I continue eating my dinner. He made me feel like a child.

“I’m glad to see that you’re eating.” Nick said with a smile. I was glad that I was making someone happy.  Lately it seemed like everyone was either mad or disappointed in me. “Alexia, when my doctor told me I had constipation, I really couldn’t give a shit.”

“That was the lamest joke ever.” I stated with a chuckle. Nick joined in. It felt good to laugh. God knows, I hadn’t done it in a while.

Nick removed my empty tray. “See, I knew I could get to you laugh. You look pretty when you smile.”

Right now, I couldn’t go there with Nick. After the conversation with my mom earlier and seeing Brian with Katy Jane; my emotions were shot. I wouldn’t be vulnerable. I couldn’t.

“So, what did you and my mom talk about?” I asked curiously. Nick was gone for a long time, so I knew my mom was doing some type of interference in my love life.

“She’s worried about you.” Nick gently started to play with my fingers. “Your mom wants to see you happy. We all do.” He replied softly.

“There’s no reason for any of you to worry about me.” I sighed softly, and looked away. Nick would know that I was lying.

“Says the girl spending the night in the hospital.” Nick gave it right back to me. I knew he wasn’t going to let this go. “You scared the hell out of everyone. Your judgment hasn’t been the best lately. You’ve always be the responsible one.”

I can’t believe he had the audacity to say that to me. All he did was piss me off. “Spare me the fucking lecture. You of all people have no right to judge me. Maybe I’m better off without all of you.” I said harshly.

Nick’s face told me the truth. He was upset. Without hesitation, he moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I didn’t want him to be this close to me. It was dangerous having him this close. I held my breath, waiting to see his next move.

“Alexia.” He bent down, and placed his mouth next to my ear. “My life would be nothing without you in it. You’re the sunshine in my life. You’re the reason I want to wake up every day.”

Why did he have to say those words? I’d rather him be mad at me. At this point, I could not reciprocate his feelings. More than anything, my heart was telling me that Nick was the one. That he loved me unconditionally. On the other hand, my brain voiced its own opinion. Brian was the father of my baby and someday we were going to get married. We loved each other. Wasn’t that enough?

“Nick.” I didn’t know how to put it nicely, but I had to tell him the truth. “Nick, I can’t do this. I love you more than you’ll ever know. Right now the baby comes first. Things are complicated with Brian. I need time to figure…things out. You adoration of me makes it harder. You make me feel things I’m not supposed to feel for you. I can’t deal with it.”

Nick backed up, but remained on the bed. I thought for sure, my comments would tick him off. The only thing I see on his face is love. “Fair enough. Thank you for being honest with me. It’s not easy for you to hurt someone else’s feelings. Alexia, I won’t pressure you. I’ll give you all the time you need. Just remember that I’ll wait until you’re ready. I promise not to say another word. You can let me know when you decide what you want.”

“Thank you Nick.” I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.

We spent the rest of the evening chilling in my hospital room. Neither Nick nor I mentioned any devotions of love. Instead, we watched television and reminisced about old times.

“So who has been your best sexual experience?” Nick asked with a smirk. I knew what he wanted me to say, but I wasn’t taking the bait.

“Umm…that is none of your business.” I replied with a huge grin. I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of knowing the truth.

“Come on, you know it was me.”  He said confidently. I thought for sure he was going to pound his chest like a gorilla.

“Sorry Nickers, you do not get the honor of being the best lover in my bed.” I replied sarcastically.

“Geesh Alexia, what a way to crush a man’s ego.” He started to pout.

“Like one woman not thinking you’re a stud is going to crush that big ego.” I tsked. He had been with more women then I could count. I’m sure they all thought he was a sex god.

“Was there anything good about sex with me?” He questioned shyly, biting his lip. I had never seen him like this. Why was he so fixated on us having sex?

“Kissing. You know how to kiss.” His face lit up. “Are you happy now?”

“I’m getting there.  Kissing? Are you sure there’s not more you liked?”

Before I had a chance to answer him, the announcement that visiting hours were over penetrated the air. I had never been so happy to get rid of Nick. We were moving back into a territory I wasn’t ready to explore.

Nick stood up and gave me a hug. “You know this conversation isn’t over. I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

I hugged him back. “I hope you’ll be able to spring me out of this joint.”

“Well, you better make sure you poop.” Nick chuckled at his comment, even after I gave him a good swat for being gross.

“Thanks for keeping me company all evening.”

“Anything for my best friend. Maybe we can go to the movies when you’re feeling better.”

“I’d like that.” I gave him another hug.

He grabbed his coat and started for the door. “Lexi, did you hear about the new movie ‘Constipation’?” He asked with a shitfaced grin.

I rolled my eyes at him. “No.”

“It hasn’t come out yet.” He busted out laughing.

“You tell the worst jokes. That wasn’t even funny.”  I threw a tissue at him. “Go home!”

“Night, Alexia.”

“Night Nickers.”  With that he dashed out of my room.

I fluffed my pillow and settled into a comfortable position. Hopefully sleep would come soon. I had my doubts. My mind was filled with more thoughts than I thought I could handle. One thing I did know was that I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.