Kevin watched as AJ sunk down on the couch as the other guys were still in the recording booths, finishing their parts to one of their new songs. He hated seeing his brother like this and he knew, that even after 3 weeks, AJ was still hurting from Sam leaving.
“How are you doing Bone?”
It had been forever since Kevin has used that nickname for him and it caused him to look right up at him. He could see the love and concern in his older brother’s eyes and it caused his own eyes to fill up. There was no way he was going to cry in front of the guys even though he had difficult moments at home where he’d just sob into his pillow.
“I’m alright.” AJ replied, wiping a tear from his eyes and turned towards the booth. “The song sounds pretty good huh?”
Kevin rolled his chair over to the couch and stopped right in front of AJ. He knew that his younger brother was suffering and all he wanted to do was fix it for him. That was the part of him that always came out around the guys, he just wanted to help in any way he could even if it was hard for everyone to hear.
“You’re lying through your teeth J and I’m tired of just watching you walk around like a zombie.” Kevin paused, not wanting to overstep. “Have you heard from her?”
The word “her” went right to AJ’s heart. He missed Sam more than he’d ever thought was possible. No other woman had this effect on him and it truly hurt him to have her so far away.
“She’s texts every other day or so.”
AJ wasn’t lying when he said this, she truly was texting every couple of days. The problem with the texts was that they were very short and didn’t show much emotion. All he wanted was for her to tell him she loved him or that she would be home soon; he didn’t want to push her but his heart was hurting and he wanted to know if he should keep hanging on.
“Maybe you should just ask her.”
It was incredible to him, even after all these years, that Kevin could give words to exactly what he was thinking.
“Are you sure you’re not psychic?” AJ asked him. “You keep telling us no but I’m not sure I believe you.”
Kevin smiled even though he knew AJ’s comment were just a distraction from how he was feeling. He had wanted to ask AJ something for a while but kept stopping himself, not wanting to push his brother away. Unfortunately, he thought that this was the best moment.
“Have you ever thought about seeing someone?”
“What?” AJ asked incredulously. “Sam just left a few weeks ago, I don’t want to see…”
“That’s not what I meant.” Kevin said, raising his hand. “I’m talking about seeing a therapist.”
AJ didn’t say anything; part of him wanted to tell Kevin to stay out of it, that he didn’t need to talk to anyone about his feelings. The problem was that AJ had been thinking the same thing for a little while. He didn’t know how to help Sam or to help himself; the situation was overwhelming and, as much as he pretended he could handle it, he was doubting himself.
“Maybe I should.”
________
“How are you Sam?”
She didn’t know how to answer that question today any more than she had when she first called Dr. Finke. Matias had given Sam her name and assured her that she was a terrific doctor who was able to get her patients to open up to her. So far, Sam could see why her friend had sent her here, Dr. Finke was kind enough to let her share what she wanted but was forceful enough to make her question things that she had been through and decisions she had made.
After a few visits, Dr. Finke had diagnosed Sam with PTSD and she was shocked to hear that diagnosis. Sam was under the impression that the only people who could possibly claim to have PTSD were soldiers that had experienced battle. The doctor told her that was a misconception and she had explained how, “normal people” as Sam put it, could have developed PTSD.
“PTSD is a medical condition that is the result of witnessing or being involved in traumatic situations. It can cause panic, anxiety, depression as well as other medical problems. Granted, men and women serving in the various armed forces are subjected to prolonged and more violent situations than you and I are, but that doesn’t mean someone like yourself can’t develop PTSD.”
It took Dr. Finke a few weeks to finally get through to Sam and she had to admit that dealing with the abuse Ryan had inflicted on her was definitely challenging. Admitting that she could have PTSD made her feel vulnerable and weak but the doctor assured her that dealing with her issues and emotions showed how strong she was. Sam didn’t accept that at first, especially when she was detailing all of the abuse and how long she had stayed with Ryan before leaving. She thought that she was weak for staying as long as she had but Dr. Finke had finally worked through those issues with her. The only thing left to work through were her feelings about AJ and whether she was going to stay in Boston or going back to California.
“I don’t know if I can go back and face him.” she admitted after a few more sessions. “I hurt him and I left without looking back.”
“But you have been looking back, you told me that you’ve been texting every other day.”
“I know but I’m not sure I can actually go back. What if he’s moved on or if he can’t forgive me?”
“While I don’t know him personally, from what you’ve told me, he was there for you through so many difficult times. He doesn’t sound as though he’s the type of man who would just “move on” or not forgive you.”
Sam wished there was a way she could make herself believe that.
Old Wounds by Kyrie
