Deeply losing in-between pillowslips of slumber, it was the same routine each and every day.
I no longer wanted to be here, I mean I was only here for only 3 days since Kevin brought me here.
Against my own will i may add.
The slivering rituals were wake up at 7 for breakfast, have group sessions or some nonsense, followed by some outdoor time then more groups and lunch and groups..dinner then bed. It was driving me more insane than I probably already was.
Not to mention cocktail hour with meds which seemed to go on and on as the day angrily passes.
It was as if I was my own prisoner and nothing would end this madness of mine.
I sat perfectly cross-legged on my comfy bed, waiting for the next section of my new life to envelop me...how did I ever get to this point of my life?
Wasting away i felt as natural light spun it's web at my face..wishing I could drown within the beautiful tone that seperates me from living to death.
A troubled sigh, i shut my eyes for all glory in me to last briefly while the dizziness on the medications that were newly given to me to take it's control.
A combat on war I fought for myself in more ways than others could imagine.
I hated how these pills made me feel, like a warped zombie thing battling the demons one by one.
And in a slight instance somewhere inside me triggered a response I myself was not prepared for.
Snapping at the elastic seams of what is left of a burden I carried through all these years and releasing a declaration of not giving a fuck anymore.
At least that is what I planned on.
I smiled to no one as I mesmerized the other patient's emotionless faces. Grey and unruly like oil puddles shimmering upon a summer's haze.
Fake and laced with a poison they so kindly feed us on a day to day bases.
They can do fine being the hospital's robots but I'm certainly am not giving in.
Not now..not ever...
Gee where did I get my sporadic behavior from?
Suddenly there was a delicate knock on the door and drunk-like pulled my gaze toward the unopened door.Thinking lastly yet again as I hammed my good hand roughly on the imprint of the mattress..waiting to regain my own control back.
A think-skinned woman strolled in with her black rivers of hair flowing down along her frame of shoulders, as I noticed she was carrying a small Deeply losing in-between pillowslips of slumber, it was the same routine each and every day.
I no longer wanted to be here, I mean I was only here for only 3 days since Kevin brought me here.
Against my own will i may add.
The slivering rituals were wake up at 7 for breakfast, have group sessions or some nonsense, followed by some outdoor time then more groups and lunch and groups..dinner then bed. It was driving me more insane than I probably already was.
Not to mention cocktail hour with meds which seemed to go on and on as the day angrily passes over me.
It was as if I was my own prisoner and nothing would end this madness of mine.
I sat perfectly cross-legged on my comfy bed, waiting for the next section of my new life to envelop me...how did I ever get to this point of my life?
Wasting away i felt as natural light spun it's web at my face..wishing I could drown within the beautiful tone that seperates me from living to death.
A troubled sigh, i shut my eyes for all glory in me to last briefly while the dizziness on the medications that were newly given to me to take it's control.
A combat on war I fought for myself in more ways than others could imagine.
I hated how these pills made me feel, like a warped zombie thing battling the demons one by one.
And in a slight instance somewhere inside me triggered a response I myself was not prepared for.
Snapping at the elastic seams of what is left of a burden I carried through all these years and releasing a declaration of not giving a fuck anymore.
At least that is what I planned on.
I smiled to no one as I mesmerized the other patient's emotionless faces. Grey and unruly like oil puddles shimmering upon a summer's haze.
Fake and laced with a poison they so kindly feed us on a day to day bases.
They can do fine being the hospital's robots but I'm certainly am not giving in.
Not now..not ever...
Gee where did I get my sporadic behavior from?
Suddenly there was a delicate knock and I drunk-like pulled my gaze upon the unopened door.Thinking lastly yet again as i hammered my good hand to the imprint along the mattress, waiting to regain my own control back.
A think-skinned petite woman strolled in with her black rivers of hair flowing gently along her frame and shoulder. Carrying a porcelain tray with medications.
My medications....
That I personally did not want as she approached me carefully like a prey in the jungle, I had to act fast.
Racing my thoughts pumping my heart into adrenaline.
Even though i sat ill on my bed as she set the tray down and smiled at me sweetly, she made contact, handing me a plastic cup of about four sad pills and a glass of water.
" Here you go Nick." she spoke instantly and I glared at her. She frowned as if already reading my mind.
" I'm not taking these." I mumbled and she withdrawn her arms back and held them as if they were sacred.
I still refused.
" Well why not?" she kindly asked and I snorted. Nice try toots but this shit ain't gonna work for me, no matter the cause nor cost.
" I just don;t like the way they make me feel.." I began firmly and she rudely interuppted me like I had no choice either way.
" Ok honey..maybe we can switch your medication or.." she started but jumped off my seat and stood a couple inches in front of her, not a care in my damn messed up world. I make my own brakes HONEY..thank you!
Anger boiled from within me and there was not a tame spot on this fury storm.
" NO! I am never going to..you hear me!!!." I screamed and a crossed shock of panic ran on her face and I continued not to care.
I didn;t stop there either, when the raindrops on my storm quickly hurried onto me.
I picked up a floral printed lamp and battered it on the wall, breaking the bulb in unflattering pieces.
" Never!! Fuck off or better yet just go so I can finally die!!!" I spat, roaring with all my mind caged in and hanging at the door.
I wasn;t entirely certain on how or why I was doing this but felt like a needed token to me.
I pretty much trashed the room as the nurse called out a Code Grey...what the fuck??
What did that mean and my panic matched my breaths.
I knew this wasn't gonna be good.
" Code Grey! We have a Code Grey situation." she called out an then two men appeared into my room and coming towards me.
Crushing myself against the wall as they attempted to get a hold on my shoulders, i started flying the good fist balled and ready for action., punching at my intruders.
Completely breaking the other's hand, my teeth chattered together as my skin was scorching hot.
I figured my anxiety was running on high and my fears blazing a glory I never thought were alive.
As the nurse called in for more back-up, i gulped as 5 muscular men charging into the room.
After a few minutes of trying to fight them off, I knew I couldn't take them.
They grasp a hold of me, my shirt ripped as i continued to fight as much as I could.
They placed me on the bed and one of the guys was holding some belt looking thing.
Oh God they were going to restrain me.
Proceeding to pin my legs and arms down, careful not to bother the broken hand, moving quickly to place me down.
I felt my cheeks redden in frustration, letting out a series of heart-wrenching screams for this reminded me of too much.
The ceiling was spinning and closely heard the nurse tell them to get a needle and some medicine called cozpa- something to sedate me. I was out of control but I still didn't care.
A few moments later the nurse returned carrying the enclosed needle and a small the of liquid.
Because my arms were wrapped up, they explored other viable veins to use and settled on the one bulging from my upper left thigh.
I struggled to free myself from the restraints to no avail. They cleaned off a little spot and felt a sharp hit from the needle filling my veins with defeat, fury calming down.
" that's right, just relax sweetie." she cooed pulling the needle out and disposed of it professionally, she enveloped me with a thin wool blanket.
" Fucking bitch." I whispered before the glazing heaviness of my eyes won over as I slipped in further away from myself.
Hours later I awakened trying to sit up but realized I was still tied down.
Fuck i breathed and then an unknown hand was grazing on my knee.
I glanced up to see kevin's worried brow curtained a premature darkened room. He shot me a half-smile and continued to comfort me. I seemed all groggy and my head felt like it was filled with pudding.
" hey little brother." he finally spoke. Now here comes the lecture followed by this short message from the lunatic.
" Hey." I stated facing away. i wasn't in the mood to chat about what I've done, I was so strong on this though I don't want anymore meds.
" What happened bro, i thought you were getting better?" he asked and rubbing my sore thigh and I winced. I was unsure of the whys and the hows I couldn't control it and that scares me. I'm not even convinced they should take off my bindings either.
Not understanding how to answer, I decided best to ignore and of course kevin kept prodding.
" they have been checking on you every thirty minutes to make sure your ok." he continued you shaving his thumbs over the sadness that nests in his chin.
" And their going to come now to check you over before....>" he paused and my fears started producing yet again. He locked his gaze on me and he looked to age about ten years..poor Kevin, I'm sorry to put you through all this.
" Before they take off the straps and bring you to you new room...I mean are you fine now..completely relaxed?"
I hid back a little as he studied me from his position on my bed. A new room I thought? But why?
" Sure I guess." i hesitated and he wasn't satisfied enough with my answer.
" No they need to be sure for everyone's safety. Christ Nick you broke a man's hand and gave the nurse a black eye!" he exclaimed throwing his hand over to cover his anger that quickly levitated.
Damn I didn't even remember that..was I bad enough for them to do all this? Wait don't tell me for i already know of the monster I had become.
A new nurse entered the room with a stack of paperwork and equipment to check my temp pulse and all that.
" Hello Nick, my name is Trina and I am going to give you a little check-up then I am going to bring you to your new room." she explained as she placed two fingers on a little map in my wrist and listened for my pulse.
After she took my temp and blood pressure and scribbled on the paperwork.
" Everything looks really good, are you ready Nick?"
I nodded not trusting anything anymore. She brought in a wheelchair and told me it's to ensure everyone's safety and all that blah. Kevin trailed behind and signaled to me that he was there for me, I felt happy immediately..until we turned the corner to a sign that read CRISIS WARD. Then every feeling went numb as i slowly read those words over and over again.
Trina brought me to room B100 and inside was a more simple set-up than it was before.
There was a wired bed with a soggy plump mattress and a poor toilet nearby and also a little phone hanging on the wall.
" So Nick, now you are in the Crisis Ward. You will be monitored constantly with our video cameras." pointing up to 2 that sat on each side of the room. I felt uncomfortable to be watched but I guess they had to..considering how I was earlier.
" You will me monitored for at least 24 hours and then we will see if you are better enough to return to your old room." She sweetly said and I dissovle into the bed, feeling so much dread come over within my mind.
" Any questions?" Trina asked and both Kev and I shook our heads.
As Trina waited for Kevin to lead him out, he turned and gave me another long and deep hug, brushing away my tears as he quietly left..leaving me to this bed, toilet and phone with the cameras as decoration into my own sickened world.
Author's Chapter Notes:
repost
Chapter End Notes:
sorry it took so long to repost this, hopefully i can have chapter 10 up sometime today..thanks for reading :)
