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“Well hello there sunshine, thanks for finally joining us!” Kevin joked as he watched their youngest brother saunter into the restaurant with Mike trailing behind him.

Nick glared at the group before him; he wasn’t sure why, but his anger continued to build up on their drive to the restaurant. He didn’t need them to wait around for him, it just would have been nice to have been told by them that they were leaving. And in that, he just felt left behind, by the four people he loved and trusted most; that’s what bothered him.

“Oh, hey Nick, you ready to go? Hey Nick, we’re leaving! Hey Nick, we’ll meet you at the restaurant!” Nick mocked as he approached the table. “Thanks for leaving me behind fellas!”

“Don’t be such a sourpatch kid, Mike had been at your door, knocking way before we left. Besides, we haven’t ordered anything yet.” was Kevin’s simple reply.

Nick rolled his eyes, “Yeah, like no one has phones that could’ve called or texted me?”

“Would you eat quesadillas if I ordered it?” Kevin decided to completely ignore his tantrum and change the subject, “We could share that appetizer, and they have house salsa and guacamole coming out soon too.”

Nick just shook his head and huffed, “Whatever man.” hr grumbled as he looked for an open seat to take.

Howie scooted his chair over to make room for the seething man to sit next to him, “Hey, are you really that mad at us?” he asked quietly.

He stayed silent for a while, as if thinking it over. “Nah dude, just sucked finding out that I was left behind and none of you guys even told me that ya’ll were leaving. A text would’ve been fine!”

“I’m sorry,” it would be Howie to be the only one to apologize, “Mike had gone to check on you and we were waiting outside for a while. When you didn’t answer, he said he’d wait up for you so we went ahead.”

“I was in the bathroom, I didn’t even hear him at the door.” Was he pouting?

Howie sighed, not knowing how to make his friend feel better. “But you’re right, one of us should’ve texted you. I’m sorry bud… do you forgive us?” he asked in a playful tone, batting his eyelashes.

Nick wanted so hard to remain mad at them, but being in Howie’s presence, he just couldn’t find the power to stay that way. “I forgive YOU… you’re the only one who apologized.”

Howie smirked, “Then that’s all that matter, because I’m the only one who matters!”

Nick huffed and tried desperately to hide the grin that was threatening to break out. One minute he was worked up, beyond furious at the four that sat before him, the next he found himself calming down, all thanks to Howie. His eyes wandered over the table, taking in each and every single person he was surrounded by. They were talking, laughing, drinking… even Howie had resumed talking to one of their management. And here Nick was, having came in with an attitude, sitting amongst a group of people, with no one to talk to. Now his calmness was turning into loneliness; he decided to bury his head in-between his menu and make himself look busy.

“Stop your fucking crying already Nick!”

Nick’s eyes widened as he popped his head up from behind the menu, immediately focusing on AJ, who was seated across from him. AJ hadn’t spoken to him like that, since… well, since they were young and constantly at each other’s throats. Where was this coming from?! “What the hell dude?!”

AJ trailed off in the middle of his conversation with their stylist when he heard Nick; he was the only one Nick would refer to as “dude”, so he was unsure if he was talking to him or not. He glanced over at him, and did a double take when he noticed blue eyes trained on him. “What happened?” he drawled out in confusion.

Oh god… he was hearing their fucking voices in his head now?! It was so loud and clear, he was sure that AJ had actually said those words to him, but the puzzled look on his face told him otherwise. How is supposed to correct this now that he’s got his attention? “You gonna share some of the chips and salsa over there or what? You’re hoggin’ it all man!” he laughed uneasily; it was the best lie he could think of on the spot.

AJ glanced down at the basket of chips that was placed more in front of him, “Oh, sorry dude, it’s just where they placed it…” he pushed the chips and bowl of salsa towards Nick, “it’s on the house, so they’ll be topping us off with more soon!”

“Ugh, I bet they don’t have anything on Ro’s mama’s salsa and guac!” Nick said as he sniffed the chip with salsa he held, trying to hold a conversation to smooth it all out. “She’d put this place outta business with her good cooking!”

AJ laughed, “Right? I’m telling you dude, I’mma open her up a restaurant back home!” he turned back to the stylist, “My mother-in-law, hands down, makes the best tamales ever!”

Nick internally sighed, glad he was able to get himself out of that awkward situation and divert AJ’s attention back to who he was originally talking to. He couldn’t believe that just happened, as if his whole shaving fiasco earlier wasn’t enough!

“I’ll talk to you however I want to talk to you.”

He heard Brian say, but as he looked over at him, he had rose from his seat, his phone tucked between his shoulder and his ear, walking away to talk to whoever it was on the other line. Probably Leighanne.

“Don’t be such a sourpatch kid.”

Looking over at Kevin, he was chatting it up with their security team, laughing at something one of them said. He watched him as he continued listening to the joking guards, picking up the last slice of quesadilla and eating it. So much for sharing Nick thought with a scoff as he glanced at Howie, who was busy giving his order to their waiter.

“You’re being… really annoying right now Nick.”

Hearing their negative words about him was getting him all worked up again. Thinking back to their younger years, he was nothing but a stupid blond child in their eyes. A spoiled brat in AJ’s eyes. An annoyingly needy friend in Brian’s eyes. An irritating pest in Howie’s eyes. A kid period in Kevin’s eyes.

“Don’t, stop it Nick, you’re not helping.”

“Shut up Nick!”

“You’re stupid.”

“Sit the fuck down, and show some fucking respect!”


They thought him to be weak and stupid, he would show them! For far too long he’s been taken advantage of, just laughed at, forgotten about, he’ll show them all what he’s really capable of.

“Like I’m shaking.”

They all underestimated him… he’ll give them a reason to fear him.

“A toast, to the end of our 20th Anniversary tour.”

Nick snapped out of his trance, eyes widening with the realization of his wicked thoughts. Breathing heavily, he looked around to find Kevin holding up his drink, leading the whole crew in a toast. Hell, did no one even notice that he hadn’t rose a glass to toast with all of them?

“I need to get out of here…” he muttered breathlessly.

Hearing mumbled words, Howie lowered his glass a bit and leaned over a bit towards Nick, “What’d you say?”

Nick looked up at Howie, hoping he hadn’t heard him, thinking of what he could say. “I said we need to get outta here… go vacation somewhere, relax, just the five of us!”

“Wasn’t this tour a vacation? I mean, I love flying, but I’d be completely okay NOT getting on another plane for the next two years!”

Nick shot him a look, trying to be his normal self, “Touring is NOT a vacation Howard! A vacation is when you escape everything, isolate yourself from every means of people contacting you about something work related…”

Howie shook his head and smiled, the kid was serious. “Lets just get home first and then we can discuss it. Weren’t you the one whining about how much you’re missing Lauren, but now we’re talking about flying off to somewhere remote?”

“Yeah, well… I’m in need of a vacation too, as we all are, so maybe that’s something we can do… after I see Lauren. Just the five of us.”

Howie nodded and just stared at Nick with uncertainty, smiling all the while. All his years of knowing him and watching him grow up, he’ll still never understand the kid. “Okay Nick.”

Nick smirked as he patted his older friend on the shoulder. Why was he pushing for them to do this anyway?

~*~*~*~

“I am seriously ready to knock the hell out… hot damn I am stuffed!” AJ voiced as he rubbed his distended stomach. “I think I’ve ate enough Mexican food to last me for the next few weeks!”

The boys all filed into the lobby of their hotel, followed by a few of their management. “Don’t go home telling Ro that, her momma will never make you tamales again!” Nick joked.

AJ moaned, “Ugh, don’t mention anything about food right now!”

Before they could reach the elevators to take them up to their floors, Jen’s voice brought them to a halt. “Okay guys, I know you’re gonna kill me for this, but I need you guys to do something before we all retire for the night.” They all groaned out collectively. “I know fellas, but it needs to be done! We need to shoot a vid real quick to put up on the website,” she continued on despite the protests, “it’s our last day here, we’re done with the tour, you guys need to thank the fans and I’d like to post it before midnight, so if we could hurry and get this done.”

“Why didn’t we do this before we went out for dinner?” Nick whined, stumbling over to the nearest seat and plopping down. “I feel like a stuffed turkey right now, and I know I’ll look even worse on camera!”

“We could’ve done this before we had gone to dinner, if we weren’t missing a fellow Backstreet Boy.” she snarked back.

Ouch. Well that answered that. “C’mon guys, it’ll be real quick, just thank the fans, tell them what you have planned next, sign off from the tour, then we can all go to sleep! Just… go stand by that wall for all I care, and I’ll start filming.”

Without another complaint, the five of them gathered in front of the wall near the elevators. Jen silenced the remaining staff who were around as she aimed her phone at them, “Annnd… go!”

“Hey, we’re the Backstreet Boys!”

“Hola!” Howie greeted in his native tongue, “We’re reporting live all the way from Mexico! The very last stop of our…”

“Long ass!” AJ quipped.

Howie could only chuckle and shake his head at his friend’s choice of words, “Long butt tour… two years to be exact, but we wouldn’t have it any other way!”

“Our 20th Anniversary tour, go big or go home baby!” Brian added.

Howie nodded in agreement, “And it’s all thanks to you guys that we’ve been here this long, for keeping the Backstreet Pride alive, so this tour was all for you!”

Kevin, who was standing a little further back from the group, in between AJ and Nick, clapped his hands down on their shoulders and leaned forward, “But now that we’re finally done, what do we do now? What’s next for us fellas?”

“Lets do it all over again!” Nick replied, but AJ’s response drowned him out.

“I don’t know… maybe another album, what do you guys think?”

Kevin pretended to ponder on that statement, shrugging his shoulders, “I think we could whip something up…”

“We’re headed back into the studio baby!” Nick exclaimed as he threw his arms out for emphasis.

Kevin glanced at Nick and nodded, “That’s right, we’ll be back in the studio, writing, producing, singing, doing it all over again, and we hope to give you more information on that and possibly a time frame for our NINTH” he held up nine fingers as the rest of the guys acted like they were counting their fingers, “album drop real soon!”

“Aww, c’mon Kev,” Brian voiced, “don’t go building us up buttercup baby just to let us down… you know our time frame sucks!”

“Backstreet Time… blame Backstreet Time!” AJ pointed out as Kevin answered his cousin, “That’s why ‘hope’ and ‘possibly’ were thrown into the mix.”

“But how are we gonna top this boys?” Brian continued on, asking no one in particular, “I mean, this last album was our first under our own record label, it helped commemorate our twenty years together, we released a documentary in theaters…” he looked over at Nick, “any more grand master plans Nick?”

At first Nick was staring off into the distance, as if pondering that question and wanting to say “what do you think?!” After a few seconds of silence, he smiled delightfully, “Of course! I always have plans!”

“Shouldn’t have asked that…” Howie muttered under his breath.

This was his opportunity to push for them to vacation in an isolated area, still unsure of why he wanted that so badly. “I’m thinking… one band. one island. five guys. five cameras. different pasts. all present. taking on the future. What happens we stop being fake, and start getting real…”

“Sounds like if Survivor, The Blair Witch Project, and the Real World were to have a baby, it would be our new show.” AJ added, eyes widening with a realization, “Oooh, that could be the name of our album and documentary… Project Survivors of The Real World!”

And, of course, the guys decided to not honor his discovery/joke with a response. “Am I the only one thinking that the last person I’d like to be stuck on an island with is you Nick?” Howie asked as he glanced over at him, “No offense of course!”

Of course, being the overdramatic one he was, Nick let out a fake gasp, “Ouch bro, where’s the love? I thought we were best friends…” weren’t they? “We’re brothers, till the end!” he tossed his arms playfully over their shoulders and reeled them all in close to him, “I love you guys man!”

Shaking his head, Kevin looked directly into the camera and sighed, “You see now, this is where I gotta cut the line!” he said as he jokingly fought Nick off of him and focused back at the camera. “Thank you to all our fans again for coming to see ya boys this tour, we can’t wait to do it all again… stay tuned, and we’ll be seeing you all again real soon! Peace and love!”

“And, we’re done!” Jen voiced as she stopped recording and slipped her phone into her pocket, smiling at them. “Thanks fellas, have a good night!”

Nick watched as everyone parted ways, with Kevin following the security team to god knows where, AJ and Brian going off to do god knows what, and Howie being the only one making his way to the elevator.

“Hold up!” Nick exclaimed as he quickly darted into the elevator cab, “What are you gonna do?”

Howie sighed as he pushed the button to their floor, watching the doors slide close, “No Nick, you cannot follow to bother me.”

“I just wanted to know what you were gonna be doing, jeez! Do I bother everybody that much?!” he grumbled as he leaned back against the wall, folding his arms across his chest in annoyance.

Howie immediately looked over at his sulking friend, feeling bad for the way he came across, “You know I was just joking bro, you don’t bother me.” After a few moments of silence, he proceeded to answer Nick’s question, “I’m just gonna Skype Leigh, see my boys, and then probably turn in for the night. What are you gonna do?”

Nick shrugged, trying to fight off the building feeling of being unwanted and questioning his brothers’ loyalties. “I dunno, probably do the same… call Lauren, then head to bed.”

Howie continued to stare at him, “Are you okay Nick? I really didn’t mean for you to take my words that way, I was just kidding.”

Nick sighed, “I know you were, it’s okay.”

“I can’t help than to feel like I’m messing up left and right, with us leaving you here at the hotel and not telling you, and now with what I said.” he chuckled uneasily, “And with you just wanting… bonding time with all of us; we’re not having you feel left out are we?”

Nick focused on the numbers above; they were heading up to the twenty-fifth floor, and they were only passing the sixth floor now, weren’t hotel elevators faster than this? Why did this ride seem longer than it had to be, especially being stuck on it with Sweet D and his counselling ways, who seemed to be figuring him out all in that moment. He forced a laugh, “It’s not that serious bro, I was just being my crazy ole spoiled self throwing a temper tantrum… I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t right?” he tried to justify with a snort, rushing on before Howie could answer that, “And the whole vacation thing ain’t nothing more than that… which, come to think of it, I don’t know why I’d want to waste my vacation with you dinosaurs anyway, I should be sick of you all… which I am!”

Howie knew better than to take his explanation seriously; aside from knowing he wasn’t sick of them, he was truly baffled by his behavior as of recently. One minute he was pushing for them to vacation altogether, the next he remembered they were together for the last two years? He wasn’t sure what was going on in that blond head of his, but he decided not to pry too much. That’s the kind of person Nick was, he’d keep everything in to himself, to sort and figure things out on his own, which was definitely his strong sense of self-pride. But when all else fails, he’d retreat to lick his wounds, then come crawling out to those close, as if to seek out and ask where he went wrong. Howie knew he couldn’t push him, but to be there when he was ready. “I know you Nick… you just can’t get enough of us, just admit it! We’re your favorite band!”

“Uh, you must be confusing me with the egotistical one,” of course, he was referring to AJ, “I happen to fancy myself some Menudo!”

Howie cringed as he placed his hand over his heart, “Ouch, straight through my heart… and here I thought I was your token Latin lover!”

At hearing that, Nick couldn’t help than to laugh, “You know you are Howard, you’re my one and only… I would never cheat in our brolationship! I’m the avocado to your guacamole, you’re the diablo sauce to my chalupa, we’re tequila and lime, we just… go together!”

“I don’t know if I should be scared that we have what you call a brolationship, or upset that everything you referred us to was seemingly racist.” the doors slid open and they both stepped out onto their floor, “You truly are one of a kind Nick.”

“Racist would be a sombrero, a moustache, gardening and mowing lawns.” Nick pointed out.

Howie shook his head as they stopped outside of Nick’s room, “But all joking aside, I’m sorry again for tonight. And I may never know what’s going on in that head of yours, I think I’d be pretty scared, but… if you need someone to talk to Nick, you know where to find me bud. No matter the time, or where, or what I’m doing… I’m here for you kid.”

Nick looked down at the ground and smiled; no matter how old they get, they’ll always and forever still refer to him as kid. “Thanks D., I know.” he fished his room key out and opened his door as he watched Howie retreat to his room a few doors down. “You have a good night, and tell Leigh I said hi!”

“Will do. Good night bud.”

Upon entering his room, Nick was greeted by darkness. Sighing heavily, he closed the door behind him and leaned against it, closing his eyes and allowing himself to be claimed by the lonely pitch dark. Howie’s words rung through his mind: I may never know what’s going on in that head of yours, I think I’d be scared. How he wished he didn’t even know what was going on in his head, because he was truly scared.