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Diagon Alley



Andy and Ermalene found themselves apparated on a street corner in London, traffic so busy rushing by that they went without noticing the sudden snap-pop of their appearance. The feeling of the apparition wearing off, Ermalene looked about as she reoriented herself with their surroundings. A great rush of excitement ran through her when she read the steadily creaking sign overhead, a squeal of joyousness squeezed from within her. “Oh my stars,” she gasped, “Andy… Andy, look, it’s the Leaky Cauldron!”

“I know,” he laughed, “I’m the one who’s apparated us here, aren’t I?” he asked - or meant to ask, he didn’t get the words out all of the way before Ermalene had grabbed hold of his wrist and yanked him along behind her as she rushed through the doors of one of the oldest wizard establishments in London.

Inside, Ermalene could not contain her awe. All around, witches and wizards sat at tables with goblets of mead and bottles of butterbeer, dressed openly in their cloaks and hats, owls perched upon the backs of chairs, none of them concerned with the Statute of Secrecy. She stared, slack-jawed, as a couple of men leaned back in chairs, smoking from pipes, spitting out smoke rings as playing cards levitated before their eyes as they played some wizarding form of poker that featured miniature dragons which crawled about the table. An old wizard and a young witch played wizard chess in another corner, and a barmaid walked by, waving her wand as plates of food followed behind her. “Pardon me, coming through,” she sing-songed as she passed Ermalene and Andy in the doorway.

“Oh my stars, oh my stars,” murmured Ermalene, her heart pounding a tattoo against the inside of her ribcage. It was almost too much to take in.

Andy smiled apologetically at an old hag whose scowl and glare clearly depicted her dislike for Ermalene’s enthusiasm, and he quickly took hold of her shoulders and steered her away, “Come on, this way,” he said, guiding her to the brick wall that lined the back of the room. Glances came their way from the bar, the barman keeping an eye on them as they passed.

“Ohhhh, Diagon Alley,” squealed Ermalene, “Which bricks do you have to touch to make the passageway appear?” she asked eagerly, jumping foot to foot like a child.

Andy grinned, amused by her excitement, and, without verbally answering, pressed his wand to the bricks. One by one, they seemed to leap back and the wall receded, revealing the archway exactly as Ermalene had always imagined it would. She was about to marvel at the archway’s appearance, but before she could say a word about the seamless departure of the bricks, her eyes fell upon her first look at the bustling entity that was Diagon Alley and her breath was stolen away from her lungs.

“Oh. My. Stars.”

Everywhere she turned her eyes, there was something new and amazing to look at.

Andy held out his hand. “Let me show you around,” he offered.

She took his hand, their palms pressed together, and he laced his fingers through hers. Ermalene’s heart might’ve been beating fast with excitement, but so was Andy’s as he led her along the cobblestoned street, he thought that nothing in the world - not even a full vial of Felix Felicious - could feel as marvelous.

“There’s Eeylop’s Owl Emporium,” Andy pointed at a window filled with birds behind a feather-strewn sidewalk. Ermalene thought fleetingly of the fact that she’d yet to send an owl home to tell Matthew and Caterina she was okay. She’d do that later, when they returned to Shell Cottage, she promised herself.

“There’s Quality Quidditch Supplies. They’re the largest Quidditch retailer in the world… Last time we came, mum and I saw one of the beaters of the Chudley Cannons in there getting a new bat.” Ermalene marveled at the shop, the window fashioned with magical atmosphere, a broom swooping among clouds of it’s own accord to the delight of a gaggle of children watching and pointing from the street. “There’s Gringott’s, of course,” Andy waved at the looming white marble bank. “See that part there, up at the top? You can tell the difference in the marble from the repairs they’ve done since the dragon escaped up there. Grampa Bill told me all about the reconstruction process; he was a part of it, after You-Know-Who was defeated.”

“Wow,” Ermalene whispered as they approached the fork in the road that swept on either side of the great triangular building that housed the wizarding bank. It was larger even than she’d imagined and she wished fiercely that there was a vault in there to visit, just for the experience, but there was none in her name, and so she followed Andy as they came ‘round the corner.

“Here,” Andy announced, his voice dipping with grandeur, “Is the greatest part of Diagon Alley… at least, I think so.” he grinned and waved his arm to direct her gaze to the bright, colorful storefront which hardly needed an introduction at all, and yet he gave it one just the same, “Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. The most brilliant wizarding joke shop in all the world.” He grinned, proud of the shop, whose windows hummed, popped, and sparked with outrageous joke products and silly signs. “C’mon,” he said, “Let’s see if Uncle George is about.” And he quickly dragged Ermalene across the street, through the crowd gathered to watch the storefront window display, and they entered the shop.

The moment they were through the door, before Andy had even a moment to look about, a tall, slim man with violently red hair appeared and engulfed him into a tight grip ‘round the neck and a noogie to the head, “There you are, you nefarious bloke, I heard you were in town!”

“Freddy!” Andy cried, struggling to get away, “Hold off or I’ll jinx you.”

“Like to see you try at it,” Freddy laughed, but he also let Andy loose. He turned to Ermalene, “Well then, Andy,” he said with a grin, “I approve of your girlfriend here, she’s very lovely. How do you do, I’m Fred the Second, meaning of course I’m twice as good as any other Freds you know. It’s nice to meet you.”

Ermalene laughed nervously and shook the hand that Freddy held out, “Hello, I’m Ermalene… the uh, the first, as far as I know.”

Freddy grinned, “Of course yer the first, m’lady, you didn’t think anyone else has been with this bludger-headed nincompoop, did you?” he slapped his arm onto Andy’s back.

“She’s not WITH me,” Andy said, straightening his glasses, “She’s only here... with me. We’re friends.”

Freddy nodded, “Ahh, well. That does make more sense. Still nice to meet you, even if you aren’t on the path to becoming my in-law,” he grinned. “So what brings you two ‘round shop? Dad’ll be disappointed he didn’t get to see you. He just popped off home, Roxanne’s due home tonight and mum’s in a right fit about it, sent a patronus telling him to be home in time to clean up the laboratory. Left it a mess, says he’s working on some new nougats with Uncle Ron that turn your hair crazy colors, but the dyes are awful when they spill. Get on everything and you know Uncle Ron’s a real buzzer at spilling things. Dad came in entirely orange the other day, head to foot because of a spill. Said it was nice to see his hair the color it’d always been before it turned gray,” Freddy laughed.

Ermalene felt like Freddy had drank entirely too much coffee, it seemed as though he couldn’t stop speaking and she could scarcely follow the meaning to all of the words that poured from him. She was glad that Andy had seemed to follow it all, for the most part. “It’s okay, we can say hi to Uncle George another time, I’m sure this won’t be our only visit to the shop.” He smiled. “I’m just showing Ermalene around. She hasn’t been to Diagon Alley before. Ermalene’s my friend from America. I met her at Flamel Academy.”

“How do you like Flamel’s?” Freddy asked, “Terrible strict policy on joke products there is all I know.”

Ermalene went to answer, but Freddy bowled on.

“We had to get specially produced boxes just for Flamel student shipments. Enchanted boxes so when the faculty look in all they see are balled up pairs of socks and underpants to conceal the joke products. Though they’re starting to catch on a wee bit and every now and then they send back the shipments. We’ve even had a few boxes of actual underpants sent back to us from suspecting members of their teaching staff!”

Andy laughed. “I certainly hope you haven’t received any of my knickers mum has sent to me at the dorms.”

“If I had, they’d be flying from the flagpole out the front door, cousin,” Freddy replied with a twinkle in his eyes.

"And a good revenge I would have, too, when nobody came in the shop on account of the tighty whities up the pole!" Andy grinned.

Freddy laughed heartily, "Right you are. We don't want to be scaring the fine shoppers of Diagon Alley away!"

"Fred," called a middle aged witch from behind the sales counter beyond him, "Could you step back and help me a mo'?"

"Coming Love," he called. Turning back, he explained, "The Missus needs a hand. You enjoy the shop kids and remember the family discount means you can buy twice as much!" He winked and ducked away.

Andy laughed as he and Ermalene turned to begin perusing the store. "He's so chummy I always forget he's the same age as me dad," he said. "Right ball of energy he is, that one."

Ermalene smirked, amused by how much more British Andy sounded the longer they were in London, the more of his relatives he spoke to. She giggled.

"What's funny?" Andy asked.

Ermalene shook her head, "Nothing in particular. We are in a joke shop after all."