- Text Size +
The Sceechsnap


The first week of term was flying by. They’d attended their Herbology class following the introductory Divination course on Tuesday, followed by Charms and Transfiguration on Wednesday, and then History of Magic first thing Thursday morning. It was after lunch that they were to attend their first Defense Against the Dark Arts course for the term. For the first time in as many years as they’d been there, it was not them who met the new teacher first, and it left them with having to hear hand-me-down stories from Frank Longbottom, Andy Woodhouse and even Meg Johnson about what the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was like.

“His name is Ned Veigler. He’s rather brilliant - mad, I’m sure - but brilliant,” Frank had appraised the professor on Tuesday after having his first class with the man.

“Mad?” asked Remus, “What’s so mad about him?”

“You’ll see,” replied Frank Longbottom.

This, of course, had intrigued the boys and they kept speculating about the Professor.

“Frank’s right, he’s a nutter,” said Andy Woodhouse on Wednesday, nodding vigorously.

Meg Johnson, who was in Andy’s year, agreed, “Yep, definitely crazy, but he’s really smart, too.”

By the time Thursday afternoon came about, the boys were itching to meet this brilliant nutter and they hurried through their lunch to get up to the Defense corridor and visit Professor Veigler. They were so quick about it that they even beat Lily Evans up the stairs. “I feel like we’re always running up here to meet new professors,” Sirius said as they leaned against the wall around the door.

“Every year,” Remus said.

“Twice first year - we had Moody for half the term,” James reminded them.

“I wish they’d given us more detail about Professor Veigler,” lamented Peter. “Did anyone hear if he’s easy on the grades or not?” He sounded worried.

Sirius shrugged, “Nobody said but I reckon everyone’s going to be a bit harder on us this year than they have been, seeing as we’re getting older.”

“Yeah,” said James, “Expectations can only go up.”

Peter sighed.

“Any sign of Veigler?” Lily called, running down the hallway to join them.

“Not yet,” Remus replied.

As though on cue, however, there came around the corner behind Lily a young-ish man with slick dark hair and a pair of thick glasses with squarish frames that matched his squared jaw. The man had a cleft that was slightly off center and a way of holding his shoulders that was also off centered, one side seemingly much lower than the other. He carried a funny looking plant that seemed like some sort of odd, black, slimy thistle with a wide, fanged mouth across it, which was snapping and biting at the air as he walked.

“Morning,” he called, withdrawing a large ring filled with dozens and dozens of keys from his pocket as he approached the door with the hideous plant. Sirius ducked out of the way as the plant took a snap at him, his eyes wide. Professor Veigler jangled the keys for a few moments, hunting for one in particular. “There it is,” he said, and he held the ring in his teeth, selecting the one he wanted from the loop, and inserting it into the keyhole, shoving open the door. “In you go,” he nodded for them to pass through as he held open the door. The Gryffindors made their way inside and Veigler followed, letting the door slam shut behind him.

The desks were gone - leaving the center of the round room completely empty. The students stood awkwardly in a cluster near the front, where the teacher’s desk normally stood, but it, like the student desks, was missing, as was the great big chalkboard that usually stood at the front. Lily looked about, “Was there a robbery?” she asked.

Veigler laughed, “No, my dear, we’ll be having more practical classes this term.”

“Practical?” she asked nervously.

Peter looked pale.

Veigler nodded and went to the center of the room, putting the plant down before them, then taking a couple steps back. “Alright, gather ‘round.”

They looked at one another, then moved forward to crowd about the plant, which trembled and snapped in random directions, clearly unsure which of them to be most wary of as they encircled it. Veigler stared down at it a few moments, and the students did, too, unsure what else to do as Veigler had yet to give them any instructions. Finally Remus couldn’t take it anymore, “Professor, what are we doing?” he asked.

“This,” Veigler announced, “Is a sprig of fresh Screechsnap. This one happens to be a seedling, but they grow to be much, much bigger. When left unpruned, a Screechsnap plant can spread and inhabit very large areas. They’ve been known to take possession over entire homes. A potion brewed and mixed with bubotuber pus and espresso can be sprayed upon them to make the plant recede, but it’s a rather dangerous business, as the plant is a carnivore and if it catches you --” the plant chose this moment to snap viciously in the direction of James, who leaped back from it quickly, nearly tipping over, making Sirius snicker, “-- it’ll take a good chunk of your flesh with it.”

Peter looked sick.

Lily raised her hand.

“Yes… the er, the ginger one?” Veigler asked, looking her direction.

“It’s Lily Evans,” she said, “And I was wondering, shouldn’t we learn about this in Herbology, as it’s a plant?”

“Perhaps, and I’m sure they’ll come up again at some point there - probably for your O.W.L. - but we’ll be covering it today in Defense because the Screechsnap, if you’ve read the Prophet lately, has become a bit of a concern as it seems a large amount of them have gone missing from Ministry greenhouses all over the country and the Minister has declared that they were most likely taken by none other than the Dark Lord himself and may therefore become of use in dangerous plots of Dark Magic. Therefore, we shall be learning how to defend ourselves from it.”

Sirius snickered, “We could just get some water guns and fill them up with the espresso-pus stuff.” He mimed shooting a gun at the plant.

It snapped at him and he jumped back, too, the same as James had gone. James shoved him, feeling vindicated for Sirius having snickered at him for jumping away from the snapping plant’s jaws now that Sirius had done the same thing.

“As you see, the plant is resistant to any attacks being made upon it, preferring to make the first strike. They have an impeccable perception. They can tell when you mean to cause it harm long before you approach it, and will respond accordingly. If your intentions are good - to build up the plant’s well being, for example - then it will allow your approach. Observe.” Professor Veigler reached into his pocket and withdrew a large bag, from which he pulled a dead rat. He held the rat up and walked toward the plant, letting the rat hang by the tail from his fingers. The plant twitched and moved so that its wide mouth aimed in Veigler’s direction. Veigler held the rat high and the plant opened its jaw. Veigler took two quick steps forward, dropping the rat into the wide maw of the plant. The mouth closed around it and the shape of the rat was clearly visible in the closed petals as the plant processed the food. Lily thought of a venus flytrap that she and Tuney once had kept as a science project in elementary school. Veigler was able to pet the plant, gently stroking the head of it as though it were a good dog.

Sirius looked disturbed. “Why the bloody hell would you want to pat it?”

Veigler smiled, “The screechsnap, while quite vicious, recognizes its caretaker if it becomes familiarized with them… and the caretaker has the ability to control the screechsnap if the proper care has been given. The screechsnap will learn to intuitively recognize those who it ought not to eat and only attack others. Many skilled herbologists use the screechsnap as a sort of security system for that reason. So that, er… you, the rebellious-looking-one… is why you’d bloody hell want to touch it.”

“It’s Sirius,” he said,” Sirius Black.”

“Yes. Yes, I know that,” Veigler muttered and he turned back to the ugly plant. “Questions?”

Remus asked, “So you have to feed it to gain it’s trust? What if you didn’t know it was there and don’t have anything to feed it?”

“Well, you always have something to feed it,” chuckled Professor Veigler, “If you don’t mind losing a limb or two.”

“I would mind,” muttered Peter.

Veigler smiled and said, “Well, the alternative to that would be to cast a spell upon it.” He backed away from the plant, “But they are far less docile when you approach with the intent to do it any harm.” He withdrew his wand. “Observe.” He stepped toward the plant, which had seemed so calm and happy with it’s rat having been digested, but the moment he got too close with the wand drawn, the plant’s disposition changed dramatically. It began snapping in wild, rapid succession, leaning as far as the pot it was rooted into would allow it, so violently that it nearly tipped the pot over. Not only that, but it was making a horrid sound, something between a scream and nails being dragged across a chalkboard - and Remus understood very quickly why it was called a screechsnap for it was certainly screeching.

The students covered their ears. Lily looked horrified.

Silencio,” said Veigler and the plant’s mouth continued to strain and snap but the noise it had been making stopped.

“That was terrible!” cried Peter, nearly in tears from the horribleness of the sound.

Veigler nodded, “The screech of the screechsnap is often just as painful as it’s teeth. That was a very small sound compared to a full grown screechsnap.”

“That was small?” Sirius said, his hands still half raised to his ears, not trusting the silencing spell to be able to hold the horrible noise too long before it would be broken. “A full grown one must make a man’s ears bleed then.”

“They’ve been known to. It’s said that the use of screechsnap as protection is what has led to muggles inventing alarm systems that make noise when an intruder breaks the locks.” He smiled calmly at the wildly thrashing, highly agitated plant before him. “But as you can see, the plant takes rather unkindly to any advances in it’s direction that are unfriendly.”

“And what spells do you use to stop it from trying to kill you?” Lily asked.

“Well, you could immobilize it,” said Veigler, “The petrificus totalus will freeze the plant and allow you passage as long as the spell holds. However, once that wears off, the screechsnap will be even less trustworthy of you than it was before and will snap regardless of how you approach it. They hold grudges, screechsnaps.”

“They’re delightful little buggers, aren’t they?” James murmured.

“Another option,” continued Veigler, “Is to cast a spell which makes it believe you are trustworthy. This is the falsum fidelius.”

Falsum fidelius?” Lily murmured, and she quickly scribbled the words down in on the parchment she had been taking notes on.

“The falsum fidelius charm will create a strong illusion to any screechsnap - or anyone else around you - that you are completely trustworthy, even if you are not. It’s a very dangerous spell in the hands of a bad wizard, seeing as it can lure the target into a false sense of security around the caster. But it’s a very good spell to know - especially in times that you’re in need of playing to the gallery.”

Remus looked doubtful, “You mean when you want to trick people.”

Professor Veidler thought about it a moment, “Yes, I suppose that’s the cruder way of putting it.”

“Well if you have use for such a spell, then you’re probably not a very good person, are you?” asked Peter. “Or else you wouldn’t need to use it.”

Veidler made a motion as though weighing something with his palms, “Well, yes and no. There are times when a perfectly trustworthy person would need to prove his or herself to others, and there may not always be enough time to do such, and these are times that the falsum fidelius would come in handy. Or when trying to approach a screechsnap.”

Lily was still making notes on her parchment, her quill scratching quickly over the paper.

Veidler swept his wand through the air at the nastily snapping plant. “Falsum fidelius!” he cast the spell.

Later, as they left the classroom, James was gushing about how brilliant Professor Veigler was. “I feel as though the bloke knows bloody everything there is to know! We’re going to learn loads from him! Blimey, I love this class!”

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed, “Loads!” Lily and Peter nodded vigorously in agreement.

Remus couldn’t help but wonder if he was the only one who thought Professor Veigler had been a bit dodgey about the use of the spell. It seemed that a spell like falsum fidelius didn’t have a place being taught to third years, and that perhaps it was the sort of spell that Dark Wizards alone would make use of. Remus couldn’t help but think it was almost a sort of an imperius curse, this so-called charm, forcing a person to think good of a person who hadn’t earned it. But the others didn’t seem to feel the same way. Veigler had easily won over the hearts of the others, who were already quite eager to proclaim he was their new favorite teacher at Hogwarts.