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Lily Needs to Talk


Newt Scamander’s arrival turned Hogwarts upside down. He had been expected after the Holiday, so none of the faculty had been ready for his appearance - Filch had a near heart attack as he hadn’t cleaned the castle top-to-bottom as he normally would have with the expectation of a visitor’s arrive. Additionally, the guest rooms in the North Tower had not been adequately prepared, but that turned out to be quite alright as Newt positively refused to sleep anywhere except in his old dorm room in Hufflepuff, which led to some sixth year Hufflepuffs having a very odd new roommate indeed. Newt would attend the Care of Magical Creatures classes - each and every one of them, and draw whatever creatures Kettleburn was exhibiting, only making odd remarks here and humming quietly to himself - some American showtune they didn’t recognize.

“Newt Scamander seems nice enough, he’s just so bloody weird,” said Lily one day when they’d passed the sixth year Hufflepuffs looking traumatized in the hallway while the Gryffindors were walking between Charms and Transfiguration.

Remus said, “I dunno the story exactly, but he was apparently expelled once, but he had Dumbledore as a teacher back in the day --”

“Hang on. How bloody long has Dumbledore been teaching?” James asked.

Remus lit up with the opportunity to teach them something. “Newt Scamander was born in 1897. Dumbledore was born 26 of August 1881. Dumbledore would’ve been in school from 1892 to 1899, and Newt would’ve turned eleven in 1908. Depending when his birthday is, he either went to school 1908 to 1915 or else 1909 to 1916 and Dumbledore probably would’ve started teaching sometime around 1905 or so…”

“Bloody hell you’re as a bad as Binns!” exclaimed Sirius.

They’d all come to a stop in the hallway. “Why was Newt Scamander expelled? And why did he keep his wand if he was expelled? They snap their wands when students are expelled!”

Remus shrugged, “I told you. I dunno the story exactly. I only know Dumbledore and Scamander became great friends from it. Dad said once Dumbledore’s the most respected wizard in the entire world and Scamander was one of the people he listed off who owes Dumbledore his entire career.”

Suddenly, Sirius was shoved quite hard from behind and he tripped forward, knocking over Remus in the process. Lily let out a shriek and leaped forward to help Remus up. Sirius rolled over to see what had pushed him and he spotted Regulus, laughing a few feet away, following behind the group of first year Slytherins. Sirius gave him a very rude gesture before scrambling up to help Lily, James, and Peter lift Remus back to his feet and restore his crutches to him. “I’m so sorry mate!” Sirius exclaimed, “I didn’t mean to - my toerag of a brother pushed me. I ought to hex him so bad Mother won’t be able to recognize her ickle little Reggiekins when he goes home for holiday to be smothered with adoration and praise.”

Lily looked the way Regulus had gone, “He’s your brother!”

“Yeah, well, he hates me and I hate him so he can bug off,” Sirius grumbled.

Lily bit her lower lip staring at Sirius with a curious expression.

“Anyway - we better get to Transfiguration, I doubt McGonagall will take the excuse we were dawdling in the hall talking about Newt Scamander and that’s why we’re late,” Remus said.

“Yeah I can’t be late for her class again or I’ll be in loads of trouble,” Peter said, who’d been late several times because of forgetting his textbooks so frequently.

They all started on down the hall and Lily hung back, kneeding her lower lip between her teeth a bit as she puzzled over what had happened with Regulus and Sirius. When they were about to go into Transfiguration room, she grabbed hold on Sirius’s arm. “Wait. Sirius. I need to talk to you, please.”

Sirius looked into the room, he could see McGonagall up front already and the other three were scrambling into their seats, James looking over his shoulder at them in the doorway with a questioning stare. “But -- class is about to start.”

“I know, it’s important though!” Lily said, “And - you know I don’t cut class but it’s worth cutting for. Please.”

Sirius looked back and shrugged at James, seeing a shadow pass over his mate’s eyes (he had a feeling he’d be getting a talking to later from him), then rushed to follow Lily away from Transfiguration before McGonagall could see them.

“Where on earth is half my class?” demanded Professor McGonagall when she turned about and saw Sirius and Lily were missing. Remus looked about in surprise, having not realized the other two had run off, and so did Peter.

James cleared his throat, “I, uh, someone shoved Sirius over in the hall,” he said, “And I think he hurt his, uh, something. And Lily was taking him to - to the, er, the hospital wing to have his, uh, whatever it was he hurt looked at.”

Remus blinked at James, thinking that if McGonagall didn’t question that line she’d be a great disappointment to him. When he turned back, it was to see McGonagall’s eyes had narrowed. “Oh really, Mr. Potter?” she drawled.

James nodded, “Uh huh. That’s, uh, that’s how it went.”

McGonagall’s mouth set a line. “I should take ten points from Gryffindor for shoddy lying, Mr. Potter,” she said threateningly, “But seeing as we’re a bit close for comfort to Slytherin at the moment…” Her voice trailed off. “Well, just know that I should, Potter.” Quickly, she went to the doorway and looked about the corridor, but there was no sign of Sirius or Lily anywhere. She was fuming as she went back to the front of the classroom.

“He’s not lying, Professor. It was Regulus Black that pushed him,” Remus announced, his tone smooth.

McGonagall looked at him in surprise. “Oh?”

“Yeah. I dunno what he hurt, either, you know Sirius - he was loud and howling and going on about it in his typical dramatic fashion,” Remus shrugged, “Near impossible to get anything out of him when he’s like that.”

McGonagall made eye contact with Remus and Remus breathed very deeply trying to keep himself steady as could be as she stared him down. “Alright,” she said, and with that, she turned back to the blackboard and began writing the notes for the day.

Remus looked around to see James giving him the thumbs-up. He forced a smile, though he really felt like rubbish lying to Professor McGonagall like that. Especially when he had no idea what it was that he was helping Sirius and Lily to cover up…




Lily had pulled Sirius into an empty classroom down the hall. “You have no idea how long I’m going to hear it from James about this, Evans,” Sirius said.

“Well James Potter can shut it,” Lily replied hotly. “I don’t want to talk about him. I want to talk about your brother, Regulus.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “You’re making us miss Transfiguration for that little tosser? I don’t want to talk about him.” He started for the door.

“WAIT.” Lily had flung herself between Sirius and the door. “Wait.”

Sirius stared at her. “Oh bloody hell, please tell me you don’t have a crush on my brother or something. Please!”

Lily shook her head, “No I don’t! It’s you that I --”

“Please don’t have a crush on me, either, Evans,” Sirius said quickly, cutting her off before she could finish her sentence again, “James would hex me so fast --”

“Again with James Potter! Are you Siamese Twins?!”

“No but --”

“Then shut it about James Potter and listen to me!” Lily said. “I need to talk to you about siblings!”

“I’m hardly an expert at siblings,” Sirius said, “You saw him push me back there.”

Lily nodded, “Yes, and I need to know how it is you deal with that - emotionally, I mean.” She looked up at him pleadingly and he noticed, for the first time, that she had a very, very intense sadness in her eyes. “There’s got to be a - a trick to it, and you seem to know it - and - Sirius, please.”

He sighed and licked his lips, looking down at his shoes a moment in hesitation. He really didn’t want to talk about Regulus but the watery, begging look in Lily Evans’s eyes was impossible to ignore. After a long moment, he looked up at her again. Her face had crumpled. “Honestly, I’m not… not really an expert at that either,” Sirius said, “The dealing with it, I mean.”

“But you seem alright, you seem --”

“I seem, Evans,” Sirius said, “I seem alright about a lot of things. I seem alright about Reg and about my parents and about every other shoddy thing that goes on in my life. It’s just that I don’t think about it anymore than I’ve got to. I sort of… I sort of push it away from my brain. If I thought on it, I’d go mad.”

Lily blinked back tears. That was exactly the opposite of the answer she’d been hoping to receive. “But, Sirius -- there’s got to be a way. You - you’re the only one that could possibly understand what I’m going through. I have nightmares about it!”

“I have nightmares every bloody night,” Sirius said sharply - and then, suddenly, it felt as though a flood gate opened up. “I cry myself to sleep most nights as quietly as I can so James and them won’t hear it. I feel sick everytime I think about the fact the holidays are coming up. I don’t dare to go home because when I do I end up on the floor with my mother doing the cruciatus curse on me. I end up in a mess on the floor because - fun fact, you wet yourself when you have the cruciatus on you too long. She hates me because I’m a Gryffindor, because I have friends like you and James - she calls you mudbloods and blood traitors! Heaven forbid she ever found out I was mates with a halfbreed, too, she’d have a ruddy coronary! Not to mention what sort of horrific spells she’d cast on me. I’d probably end up avada kedavraed for that! But OH bloody Regulus! The ickle little golden perfect child. Goes to Slytherin so she practically worships him like he’s the ruddy Christ child or something! Nothing Regulus does can be wrong! He’s soooo precious! And soooo perfect. And I’m nothing but rubbish! And then there’s my Father - my father the bloody death eater hunter who’s trying to kill everybody - who killed Alice Bell! - who tried to kill me in first year, out in the woods - would’ve done in Voldemort had told him to. Seems he doesn’t think much of me, either, but likewise it’s all OH REGULUS, THE PERFECT ONE, OH ALL HAIL REGULUS BLACK! with him, too! And Regulus! HA! Don’t even get me started on that little prick. He’s blackmailing me, you know. He stole all my letters over the summer, stole them with his filthy old House Elf, and he knows about Remus and he keeps threatening to tell Mother or the Dark Lord or just the bloody school the secret… And there’s nothing I can ruddy do about it. And Remus is pissed at me and --” Lily’s face was just so perplexed that he realized how long he’d been going on for and he stopped and he let out a long, loud sigh, his arms, which had been moving about as he spoke animatedly, fell to his sides. “That’s it,” he said dismally, “That’s the whole secret to Sirius Black!”

They stood there in silence for several long moments and the longer it stretched on, the more like an idiot Sirius felt.

“Please say something,” he said finally, thickly.

Instead, Lily rushed forward and wrapped Sirius in the tightest hug he’d ever had. He stood there stiff as a board, unsure how to react to the interaction. Sure he was alright with an arm ‘round the shoulder- with a pat on the back or something of the sort - he was alright with a quick mate hug from James or Remus - but this… This was something entirely different, something he’d never felt before and it bloody terrified him. He held stock-still as this girl wrapped herself ‘round him and pressed her cheek against his chest, her red hair in his nose all smelling like roses and vanilla and strawberries. Finally, after what seemed a decade, she pulled back and looked up at him, her hands still on his shoulders.

His eyes were very wide, very traumatized looking.

“I’m sorry you’ve been through all that,” Lily said. “I mean, I knew your parents weren’t great and I knew you weren’t getting along really well with Regulus but I didn’t know - I had no idea that all that was inside of you like that!” She had tears welling up in her eyes, “You needed this talk even more than I did!”

She hugged him again.

Sirius still had no idea what to do. He stood there just letting her squeeze him and his arms sort of hung at his sides and he breathed that strawberry scent and blinked at the far wall with confusion at the things he was feeling. It wasn’t like he liked Evans, at least not like James liked Evans, more like he suddenly felt very close to her and glad for her existence or something. Which was a very odd feeling. And the hug - well it was alright, he supposed, even though the first time she’d done it it had made him all tense inside - all his muscles had gone rather rigid, but how they were sort of loosening up and he could feel his heart rate slowing down a bit and breathing was a bit more natural and finally, unsure he was doing it right, he brought his hands up on her back and sort of squeezed back a little bit.

Lily took a deep breath, “Ah now you’re getting the hang of it.”

“I’m not sure I like it,” he said stiffly.

“You do,” Lily assured him.

When she pulled back after another long hug, she looked up at him, straightening her hair, “You needed that.”

He did feel better. It was funny. He never would’ve guessed he needed a hug, but blimey it had helped quite a lot. Then again, he’d been fine before she’d prodded him and made him tell her all that bloody stuff, too, so really she hadn’t fixed anything that she hadn’t broken herself anyway but -- Sirius looked her over. “So what’d your sister do?”

“She called me a freak,” Lily replied.

Sirius frowned. “Why?”

“Because I’m magical and she’s not,” Lily answered.

“Well that’s a dumb reason to call you a freak. You’re a muggle-born, I mean, not all your family’s magical, that’s the whole point of being muggle-born…” Sirius said.

Lily nodded. “But she’s my twin. Shouldn’t we both have been magical?”

Sirius shrugged, “I dunno. Apparently not.”

Lily looked quite sad. “I’d do anything for her to be magical. I’d give her my powers if I could. I’d do anything to be sure she was happy, whatever it meant for me.”

Sirius thought about these words a moment, relating them to himself and the things he would do to protect Remus from himself, and he said, “I understand what you mean.”

Lily’s eyes were positively flooding now, long streams falling down her cheeks. “You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that,” she said, and she started toward him to hug him yet again, but Sirius held his hands up to stop her.

“Oi, we’ve done that twice already, I think that’s about all that I can handle for one day,” he said. “How about a nice handshake instead?”

Lily laughed in spite of her tears and reached out her hand to shake Sirius’s. He gave her palm a good squeeze. “There we go, that’s much better, yeah?” he asked.

Lily shook her head, “It’s not the same.”

Sirius sighed and pulled her into him, “Go on then.”

She wrapped her arms around him again, crying into his chest.

“You know who would gladly let you hug him all day if you wanted?” Sirius asked.

“I’m not hugging James Potter,” Lily answered.

Sirius patted her back awkwardly. “Alright. But he’d really enjoy this a lot more than I am. I’m just saying.”