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The Duel in Potions


Vocalis oves,” James Potter whispered, aiming his wand.

“...and you crush the salamander’s eye with the edge of your --BBAaAHH… BAH BAHHHHhhhH… BaAAAAAAh…” Severus Snape grabbed onto his throat as suddenly all he could do was bleat like a sheep. He looked quite panicked at first, then, as he realized what was happening, he turned toward James and Sirius, who were laughing hysterically (like most of the rest of the class), “BaAHHhh!” he yelled at them, but the bleating effect continued.

Finite Incantantum,” called Slughorn lazily from the front of the room. He looked around, “Who cast that spell?” he demanded.

“POTTER’S DONE IT!” shouted Snape, pointing.

“I haven’t!” James exclaimed, “I haven’t even got my wand out!” He’d stowed it away in his bag the moment he’d finished casting the charm. He held his hands up, “Snape’s just got it in for me.”

“James is just sitting here, taking notes Professor,” Sirius added, looking up. He grabbed James’s parchment and waved it for Slughorn to see, knowing the lazy old man would never walk all the way across the room to inspect when the last note had been taken… or that they were notes about the glass at all. Which they weren’t. It was actually a note to Sirius saying he was about to make Snape bleat like a sheep and to watch this. But Sluggy couldn’t tell that from the front of the class.

James slipped Sirius a low-five under the desk.

“He is lying,” Severus accused.

Remus sighed and stared down at his book, but Lily, who was sitting beside him, was looking gooily at Severus Snape with her paled green eyes. “How could that do that to him?” she whispered ot Remus, “He was giving the correct answer - he’s soooo smart. How could they possibly be so mean to him? I ought to hex them --” she started to turn around and Remus caught her arm.

“Why cause more trouble?” he asked.

“Because they’re bothering Severus and I love Severus and he doesn’t deserve to be treated like this by your bully friends!” Lily cried passionately. Her voice rose above the argument between Severus and James, silencing the whole room a moment. She looked around and flushed as everyone in the room stared at her.

Severus looked at James. “See that, Potter, she loves me, so you might as well bugger off.”

James’s face was red. “FLIPENDO!” he shouted and Severus was knocked over backwards, with quite a bit of force, right over Evan Rosier’s lap and onto the floor beyond, between the two rows of Slytherin desks, then, grabbing his bookbag, he stormed out of the room.

“MR. POTTER!” shouted Slughorn and he struggled to get to his feet, his large girth wobbling as he rushed across the room after James. “MR. POTTER, STOP RIGHT THERE!” his voice echoed out into the hallway and he ducked down the little flight of steps that led up into the Potions classroom and out into the corridor after the boy.

Sirius was smirking down at his parchment as Severus got to his feet, his greasy hair sticking up in an odd angle, and he swiped it down with his palms with an annoyed expression on his face. Lily looked positively raving mad. She rushed over to help Severus up, offering him her hand. “You lot are horrid,” she shouted at Sirius, “Look, he’s hurt.” It was true, Severus had hit his head and it hurt sitting up, so he winced. “Do you need to go to Pomfrey, my love?” she asked turning to him.

Evan Rosier sneered down at Lily as though he was looking at something disgusting, then turned away as she stood up and pulled Severus with her. “C’mon, I’ll walk you to Pomfrey’s.” She looked at Sirius, “You ox!”

“I didn’t do it, did I?” Sirius said, “All I did was sit here.”

“AND DEFEND HIM!” Lily pointed at the door to indicate James.

Sirius shrugged, “I didn’t see him do anything wrong.”

“Hey Mudblood, why don’t you shut yer hole and sit the bloody hell down on your own side of the classroom? You oughtn’t be talkin’ back to a pureblood - even if it is a pathetic excuse of one as Sirius Black!” called Antonin Dolohov from across the room.

“Yeah, have a seat Mudblood,” echoed Evan Rosier, snickering.

Remus and Peter turned around now. “Don’t call her that!” said Peter, angrily.

Evan Rosier grinned, “Why not? That’s what she is, ain’t it? Mudblood.”

Severus muttered something quietly, “C’mon guys, we’re in a class,” it sounded like.

“Aren’t you going to properly defend your girlfriend you love so much?” Sirius jeered.

Evan Rosier raised an eyebrow, “Oh -- oh, I’m sorry, Severus… does us calling your girlfriend a mudblood offend you?”

Several other Slytherins cackled.

“Call me whatever you like, you trolls,” Lily said, “I don’t care what you lot think about me.”

Evan Rosier grinned. “He thinks you’re a mudblood too, he just wouldn’t ever say it to your face.”

Lily rolled her eyes, “Sev doesn’t think I’m a mudblood. Unlike you, Severus has a heart!”

“Calls you mudblood all the time in the Slytherin dorms,” Rosier answered, eyes twinkling with the information.

“Can we please just stop saying the M word?” Remus demanded, glowering, “This is ridiculous! None of you would have the gumption to say any of this to her if Slughorn was still in here.”

Evan Rosier snickered, “Guys… the puffer fish wants us to stop calling her a mudblood.”

Sirius raised his wand, “DON’T YOU DARE CALL HIM THAT IN FRONT OF ME.”

Remus turned quite red. “Sirius, don’t - it’s not worth it…”

“Sorry,” Evan Rosier said, raising his palms up, “I didn’t mean to offend you, blimey. I forgot how defensive you are over your little swordswallower.” Dimitri Goyle gave him a high-five.

And then all hell broke loose.

Slughorn returned within moments of it happening, towing an extremely sour looking James Potter along, “...very important that you treat the classroom as a sacred space, there’s to be no hexing other students in the bounds of my cl-- WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!”

Spells were being shot this way and that way across the room. Sirius Black had upended his desk and was using it like a shield, popping up over it to fire curses at the Slytherins, who had all banded together around Evan Rosier - save for Severus, who had thrown himself and Lily to the floor to avoid the flying sparks. Remus Lupin had been hexed to the floor by Dimitri Goyle, his wooden potions spoon repeatedly poking him in the face as Goyle leviosaed it from across the room, laughing heartily as the spoon jabbed and jabbed. Peter Pettigrew was hunkered down with Sirius behind the desk, and looked quite surprised as his jelly-legs curse actually worked on Antonin Dolohov.

Slughorn looked absolutely dismayed. James grinned widely at the forray, wishing only that he’d been a part of it so he could get in a couple good strikes against the Slytherins, too.

“THAT IS ENOUGH!!” Slughorn shouted and he waved his wand, setting off a very loud BANG that acted to shock all the participants in the duel to a halt. They looked around to see Slughorn in the doorway, fuming. “I have never had to give an entire class a detention before,” he said angrily, “But there is a first for everything, I reckon. Five points each from Slytherin, ten each from Gryffindor, since there’s so few of you in this year. You’re all to serve detention Wednesday evening.”

“But that’s the quidditch game!” shouted James, snapping out of his grin.

“I AM QUITE AWARE.”

“But Sirius, Lily and I are on the team, that’s almost half the team in detention! How is Gryffindor supposed to play?!” James exclaimed, panicking.

“THEY’LL FIGURE IT OUT!” Slughorn shouted, and he waved his wand to stop the wood spoon from hitting Remus’s face. The spoon fell lamely to the floor with a clatter that echoed about the now silent classroom.

Lily was crying. Severus wrapped his arms around her and she turned to put her face into his shoulder.

“Now you’ll all clean this mess up before you leave, I don’t want to see a single chair out of place by the time you’re done,” Slughorn grumbled and, having exerted quite enough energy, he waddled back to his chair and sat down, glaring about at them.

When they’d finished uprighting the desks and chairs and siphoning up spilled potions and ingredients that had spilled across the floor from their potions kits, it was time for the class to be over. Lily and Severus were the first two out, Severus still having his arms around her as they scurried out of the door. Evan Rosier was smirking to himself as he collected his books and Sirius glowered over at him. Remus was the next one to hurry from the room, holding the strap of his book bag as though it would protect him, and keeping his head down, he ran down the corridor with tears stinging his eyes, refusing to cry until he’d gotten away.

Sirius caught up with him on the third floor, where Remus paused on the steps to catch his breath.

“Don’t let them bother you, Rey, they’re stupid and they dunno what they’re talking about,” Sirius said, grabbing onto Remus’s shoulder to stop him from turning away, “You’re not gay; the people who matter know it, and that’s what’s important in the end, isn’t it?” Remus was shaking his head but Sirius continued, “They’re just stupid Slytherins! They don’t know anything about it. They say those horrible things because they’re idiots. You’re the least gay person I know.”

Remus tore away from Sirius. He wanted to shout at him that it was him, Sirius, who knew nothing, but the words caught in his throat.

Sirius did look surprised, however, at the way Remus had pulled away from his touch and his eyebrows folded in a little, “Rey, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I dunno, you seem… you seem upset that I’ve defended you or something,” Sirius said, unsure exactly what it was that was putting the tension between them at that moment. He stared at Remus, “I didn’t do it because I think you’re a baby or anything. I did it because I couldn’t stand them making fun of you like that. And I was already worked up for them saying all that stuff about Evans and --”

“Would it be so horrid if I was gay?” Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged, “I dunno. I don’t suppose it’d be any worse than Lily being a muggle-born…” A funny look came over Sirius’s face. “But you aren’t… right?”

Remus’s throat ached. “I --”

James came running up behind them at that point, leaping onto Sirius, knocking him over onto the stairs, “YOU STARTED A DUEL!” he laughed, “In class!” He was howling with laughter, “You’re mad!” Peter was laughing, too, as he waddled up a few feet behind James, though his laughter was wheezy and punctuated by panting as he caught his breath.

Sirius grinned, “Yeah I did. And we would’ve bloody won it, too, if it wasn’t for Slughorn interrupting us!”

“Woodhouse is going to murder us, though for getting that detention, you know that?” James said.

“We’ll have to break it to him gently.”

“Annalee and Marlene will probably break up with us over it,” added James, thinking this would be as good an excuse as any to get them out of the problem of explaining why their Valentines dates (who had supposedly snogged them for over an hour after the tea according to the tall tales they’d told Peter and Remus) suddenly wanted nothing to do with either of them.

“Very true,” Sirius nodded. He looked at Remus, “Are we okay?” he asked him, having forgotten the question that had suspended between them just moments before James had charged up and knocked him over.

“We’re brilliant,” Remus said hollowly.

Sirius didn’t notice the hollow tone, either.

“Great! Brilliant!” He threw his arm over Remus and Peter’s shoulders. “We’re like the Three Musketeers, you lot,” he said, “Dueling with horrid Slytherin big-mouths like Evan Rosier…” They all four started up the stairwell together, Sirius and James discussing how to break the news to Andy Woodhouse about the detention. “Maybe,” said Sirius, “If we go talk to Professor Minney… Maybe there’s something that can be done…”

“Oh you’re brilliant,” James agreed, eye wide, “McGonagall’s never gonna let half the team miss a game! She’ll talk reason into Slughorn!” He grinned, “Let’s go see McGonagall!”

“Alright!” Sirius dropped his arms off Remus and Peter and said, “See you lot in the dorms!” Remus half waved as Sirius and James broke away and charged back down the stairs toward the Transfiguration wing.

Peter watched the other two go, then he looked at Remus for a long moment. “Are you really alright, Rey?” he asked.

Remus nodded, steeling himself, and turning away from watching Sirius and James running down the stairs. He started back at going up to Gryffindor Tower, but Peter touched his forearm softly to stop him. “It’s Sirius, isn’t it?” Peter asked.

Remus tried very hard not to let it show on his face - after all, the last person he wanted knowing his secret was Peter, the worst of them at keeping a secret. But it was too hard and he could see it reflecting on Peter’s face. Remus choked, “Please. Don’t say anything to anybody. I mean it, Peter, please.”

Peter nodded, “I wouldn’t.”

Remus turned and hurried to go up the stairs, Peter running after him.

“Do you really think they’ll be able to get McGonagall to reschedule their detention from Slughorn?” Peter asked, trying to lighten the mood between them now with a new conversation.

“Dunno,” Remus said thickly.

“Do you really think Annalee might break-up with James if they can’t get the detention rescheduled?” Peter asked a bit hopefully.

“Dunno, Pete,” said Remus.