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Blattam Alterar


Pugnus!” A spurt of blood broke out from Evan Rosier’s nose, spraying across the stones of the courtyard, brilliantly red against the grey stone. Evan stumbled backward, grabbing at his face, letting out a shout of surprise as Sirius continued forward and in one smooth motion, punched Evan Rosier square in the gut, making him double over forward with a grunt as the air left his body.

“Stay the hell away from my boyfriend,” he snarled in the angriest tone that any of them had ever heard come out of him. It was like a lion roaring. He glared down at Rosier as his blood dripped down his face from his nose over his lip and he groaned, trying to recover from the quick hits. “I swear to you, Rosier, if you ever go anywhere near him again, I’ll bugger you with a Filibuster’s Firework. A lit one, mind.”

Evan spat a mouthful of blood at Sirius’s feet, then stood upright and stared Sirius straight in the eyes. “Your boyfriend?” Rosier’s voice was quiet so only Sirius and the other Slytherins could hear him, dripping with amusement. “So it is true, then. You two really are a pair of puffskeins!” He chortled and the other boys in his little gang laughed, too.

Remus was going to freak out. You idiot! Sirius yelled at himself internally, You big, impossible idiot! You’ve done it now, you and your bigstupidfucking mouth.

“S’matter?” Rosier asked, smirking at Sirius’s nervous expression. “Didn’t mean to say that?”

The Slytherins around him laughed again and Mulciber was distracted enough that he gave the first year back his textbook that he and Goyle had been chucking back and forth. The tiny Hufflepuff boy turned and ran off as quick as he could, grinning mockingly at Sirius Black over Evan Rosier’s shoulder.

Sirius’s face burned. He could think of nothing to diffuse it, nothing to stop Evan from telling ever blessed soul in the entire bloody school…

Evan Rosier grinned… and nodded his head…

And suddenly the whole gang of Slytherins were on Sirius like vultures. The only thing he could do was defend himself as they descended upon him. He was blocking spell after spell after spell, his heart in his throat as the spells got increasingly more advanced... And then James and Peter and Remus were in there with him and the four Marauders were back to back, their shoulders brushing as each blocked spells coming from the Slytherins nearest them, their wands cracking with sparks and silver protegos...

At first, the Slytherins were winning the fight, their spells prone to being dark - they used pugnus at least once on each of the boys - Dimitri Goyle caught on pretty quickly that Peter was rubbish at blocking that one and laughed as he kept getting him with it. James was excellent at flippendo though, and once he thought to use it against Grant Crabbe, he quickly turned and aimed his wand at Antonin Dolohov, who was sending a burning spell at Remus, trying to actually hit him with the spell that Rey just kept blocking with little flashes of light. “FLIPPENDO!” James yelled and Dolohov went flying backward across the courtyard. He turned on Goyle and did the same to him, rescuing Peter, and then there was Evan Rosier to contend with and Germaine Avery behind him, both on Sirius…

Remus threw a shield charm quickly, blocking the hex Avery had been about to strike Sirius with, and James laughed, as he cast another flippendo, sending Avery to the ground. “Oi! Sirius, what was it that you called this snivelling little bastard before?” he nodded at Rosier as Evan realized his mates were all down and it was now four to one. A fear flashed in his eyes.

“An evil little cockroach,” Sirius answered.

Blattam alterar!” James shouted. There was a CRACK, a puff of smoke… and then on the ground before them was a teeny little cockroach where Evan Rosier had been.

“GOOD ONE JAMES!” hooted Sirius, and he turned to high five his best mate.

A smile as wide as could be crossed James’s face - he was flush from the adrenaline as he stared down at the cockroach scuttling about the cobblestones in a panic. “Well... we don’t want anyone to go stepping on him, I suppose… Engorgio,” James flicked his wand and the cockroach grew to be about two feet long.

Peter squealed.

Avery was just recovering, pushing himself up from the ground. The other three had fled as soon as they managed to recover. Avery stared at the cockroach and let out a funny little shriek, backing away from it as it ran toward him. The Marauders laughed at the sound Avery was making as Evan Rosier went fleeing after him.

The fight over, Sirius grinned about at the other three, also flushed and breathless. They were a mess, they certainly hadn’t come through it without damages - Peter’s face was already swelling up along one side from the punches and his lip was bleeding. At least Rosier wouldn’t be telling the whole school about him and Remus just yet - after all, cockroaches can’t talk and Avery would take a good deal of time coming ‘round to the thing actually being Evan… Sirius was thankful for this, though. It meant he had time to prepare Remus before their relationship status went viral about the castle…

“Now can we go to Transfiguration class?” James demanded.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Sirius turned and he and the other Marauders ran back across the courtyard, ignoring the watching wide eyes that had witnessed the whole thing. There were still streams of students running between classes in the hallway. “I can’t believe it,” Sirius said as they bolted down the Transfiguration corridor, “I can’t bleedin’ believe it, we’re even going to make it to class on time!” he hooted with amusement as they skid through the door of Professor McGonagall’s classroom. Even Evans wasn’t there yet!

McGonagall sat behind her desk and looked up when they arrived. Her face did this funny transition where she’d gone from recognition, to quivering smirk of amusement at the idea that the Marauders were back in her classroom - all four of them together again - to realization that they were disheveled and clearly fresh off a fight. “What in the name of Merlin has happened to the lot of you?” she demanded.

Peter and Remus looked at Sirius and James. James took a deep breath, “There was… a bit of a fight… minor, really. We look worse than it was,” he added, lying. He hurried to tuck his shirt in as McGonagall took in the sight of them.

“More defending ourselves than anything,” Sirius added. “Rosier was bullying Remus again, Minnie… Can’t just let them treat him poorly... can we?”

McGonagall eyed them a moment, contemplating, then she said, “I have heard nothing of this fight,” and turned back to her papers.

James smirked about at the other three.




Despite having gotten away with it, Sirius was on pins and needles all throughout Transfiguration. He kept glancing at the window, judging the time by the sun, and wondering how long it would take Avery to return Rosier to his usual self (he looked better as a cockroach actually, Sirius thought), and how long it would take Rosier to spread the word of what Sirius had said during the fight.

It only got worse after class when Remus turned to Sirius and thanked him for defending him. Sirius was about to tell him what happened when Rey announced, “I gotta go get the first years and show them back to the common room… then it’s off to a prefect’s meeting. But I’ll catch up with you lot at dinner.”

Sirius watched him go.
“You alright, mate?” James whispered as they went back to the Gryffindor common room. Peter had gone to Madam Pomfrey to have the swelling in his face reduced because the longer it went the more it hurt. Sirius and James were now on the moving staircase together, both leaning on either side bannister, waiting for the landing to be reconnected to the swinging case they were on.

Sirius bit his lip a moment, then took a deep breath, “I did something stupid.”

“You always do something stupid. How stupid this time?” James asked.

Sirius sighed, “Really stupid, I’m afraid… You know how Remus has been weird about me and him and all afraid of what the Slytherins will say or do if they found out for certain that they were right? Well...” And he quickly told James about how he’d called Remus his boyfriend and the evil glint in Rosier’s eye when he’d realized how right he was. When he finished, Sirius asked, “So what do I do?”

James answered, “Blimey. Well. I reckon you don’t want him finding out from somebody that isn’t you what’s happened, for starts. Secondly, I… dunno what you should do secondly, but definitely you need to talk to Remus before Rosier or someone else does.”

Sirius nodded.




That night in the Great Hall at dinner, Sirius kept glancing over at the Slytherin table with a horrible rocky feeling about his stomach. Evan Rosier was back in the mess of it all, looking sort of twitchier than usual, but otherwise the same as always. He kept whispering things to the other Slytherins and each time Sirius cringed…

He glanced at James, who raised his eyebrows…

“Remus,” Sirius whispered, leaning closer to him. “I’ve done something stupid.”

“What?” Remus looked at Sirius. “Something else, besides the fight this afternoon? What’d you do now?”

“Well it’s sort of… something that happened… during the fight.”

“What?”

Sirius took a deep breath, “Well. When… when I first went up to Rosier… and… I defended you… I sort of… I called you my boyfriend.”

It took a moment for the meaning of this to sink into Remus and Sirius watched his face go from confusion to pale nervousness. “You didn’t.”

“I’m sorry. I was just so --”

“Sirius! He’s going to tell the whole school! They’re all going to be talking about it and --”

Suddenly, Sirius couldn’t take it anymore and he stood up.

He climbed up on the bench so he was standing upon it.

People were looking over at him - just a few at first but as they nudged their friends and their friends nudged their friends....

“Sirius --” James said, trying to stop him, but Sirius ignored him.

He cleared his throat and aimed his wand, “Sonorous,” he declared…

“What’re you doing?” Remus asked, panicked, looking up at Sirius.

“EVERYBODY, I’VE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE… IT WON’T TAKE BUT A MINUTE OF YOUR TIME…” Sirius declared. Those that hadn’t already been looking certainly were now.

Remus shook his head. “Get down. Now.”

Sirius shook his head right back and shouted, “I’M GAY! SO -- YES, THE RUMORS YOU HEAR ARE TRUE, I’M GAY AND I’M IN LOVE WITH REMUS JOHN LUPIN!”

There was a long pause as the students stared, dumbfounded.

Sirius jumped down from the bench - all eyes still on him - and he leaned down and took hold of Remus’s hair the same as he’d done that very first night nearly a full year ago now and he pressed his mouth against Remus’s in a long, passionate kiss.

Several of the girls that had been holding out hope that the rumors were lies looked near to tears as they watched Sirius Black kiss Remus Lupin.

When the kiss broke, Sirius grinned at Remus, who blinked, stunned, at him.

A smattering of applause echoed around… stunned whispers… Evan Rosier looked rather disappointed that his big news was no longer big news. Regulus Black had dropped his fork on his plate and was staring in dumbfounded disbelief in the direction of his brother… The first years - Vivian, Macy, Dexter, Darcy, Liam, Oliver, and Wally - were all slack-jawed staring…

Sirius stared at Remus, “There. Now they know,” he said thickly. “Rosier can’t tell them because we told them.”

“No. We did not. You did,” Remus whispered, his voice trembling.

“But Rey, it was on our terms, and --”

“It wasn’t on our terms!” Remus said, “It was on yours.”

People were still staring.

“They were going to find out anyway,” Sirius said. “And now we can snog anytime we want to, even in public!”

Remus’s face was scarlet red and his eyes glistened with threatened tears. He got up from the bench and shoved Sirius in the chest. “You’re a bloody arse,” he choked, and he ran out of the Great Hall.