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To Protect Lily (Severus)


Severus waited for Filch to come back from chasing down what he'd thought was Peeves, but once the caretaker was gone for more than fifteen minutes, he decided he would be okay to go. He slid off the seat Filch had shoved him into in his office and, glancing back at the place he'd been sure that James's thoughts had originated, he stepped into the hallway, looking each way for signs of Filch's returning. Seeing nothing, he scrambled quickly away down the corridor, back toward the library.

Lily was sitting exactly where he'd left her in an empty classroom two doors down. She stood up when he came in and closed the door behind himself carefully. “Where the bloody hell have you been, then?” she demanded, her voice as fiery as her hair. She had one hand on her hip, “I started to think you'd gone for a jaunt and forgotten me here.”

“Filch caught me,” Severus explained, “Brought me to his office.”

“What?” Lily looked equally horrified and exhilarated. “But then how did you – what did you –?”

“He got distracted,” Severus said. He paused. “Say, I know you've been getting on with James Potter and all lately… How, uh, skilled is he?”

Lily turned red. “What kind of question is that?”

“I mean, like, is he fairly quick at learning complex spells?” Sirius questioned.

Lily frowned, “Not particularly that I've seen. He's still trying to master some of the charms and transfiguration – ugh. Don't even get me started! That boy is awful at transfiguration spells, always asking Remus to help him. Well his homework isn't Remus's job, but him and Sirius Black seem to think it is.” She shook her head. “Seriously, do not get me started on James Potter and what a layabout he is.”

“Interesting,” muttered Severus.

“Interesting? Why is that interesting?” Lily asked.

“No particular reason,” Severus lied.

Lily wanted to press on, but she didn't know if she dared, so she changed tact. “Did you get into the library at least, before Filch caught you?”

“No,” Severus answered. He wasn't thinking about the library anymore. He was thinking about James too hard to think about the library. If James wasn't terrific at casting spells, how would he have learned something as complex as an invisibility spell? Something good enough that he could've hid himself and Sirius and snuck into Filch's office like that without being caught? “What about Black?” asked Severus, “Is he any good?”

Lily sighed. “I've just said him and James both try to cheat off Remus Lupin, haven't I?” she asked. Narrowing her eyes, Lily asked, “Why are you suddenly fascinated with the other Gryffindors?”

Severus sighed. “Well… alright. It's just I think they were in Filch's office and they might've knicked that prefect Weasley's file from his drawer. They were invisible.”

“Invisible?” Lily's voice and eyebrows expressed supreme doubt. “Sev, come off it, invisible?”

“It's possible,” Severus snapped, “There's spells that can do it, but if they're as bad as you say then they couldn't have done.” He rubbed his chin.

Lily looked amazed that there was such a thing as one being invisible. “They can't have been in Filch's office,” she said once the thought of invisibility had sunk in a bit, “James and Sirius are both in Defense Against the Dark Arts class - like I should be,” she added pointedly.

“Maybe they've skivved, too,” Severus suggested.

Lily sighed, “Sev, why don't we just wait and do this when the library's open?” she asked.

“Even if we do, I can't go on borrowing anymore of the occlumency books, Lily,” Severus explained, “Madam Pince is already asking why I'm so interested in it.”

“So tell her why,” Lily answered with a shrug. She didn't see what the big deal was, why Severus was being so secretive about studying occlumency and in having her help him with it. They should be able to sit in the library at any of those comfy tables with the books and work on it from the soft plushness of a nice chair, not having to be hunkered down, skivving off classes, in abandoned classrooms in the dark with a stolen book from the closed library.

Severus shook his head, “I can't, Lily,” he said emphatically. “I've told you I can't.”

“But why?” Lily asked.

Severus couldn't explain why very easily. It was because he didn't want Malfoy or any of the other older Slytherin boys to see him studying occlumency now that he'd already told the Dark Lord that he'd teach him it. His plan this week was to get the book, study a bit more, yes, but also to attempt to teach a bit of occlumency to Lily, too, just to see how hard it was to teach it, or at least sound like he was teaching it. Lily would be an excellent test-student, he'd decided, when he'd come up with the plan, because she liked to ask questions that seemed rather irrelevant but were really important when it all came down to it. Lily had no idea this was a part of Severus's plan, as he hadn't told her that bit, and couldn't, because then she'd ask who else he was teaching it to and above all else Severus did not want Lily to know anything at all about the Dark Lord.

Not telling her was his way of protecting her.

“So when the library opens, then, I'll go and take it out myself and we can study it then,” Lily suggested. She refused to try to break into the library, which was how she'd ended up in the classroom waiting for Severus to return in the first place. They'd had a bit of an argument once Severus had revealed his full plan. She felt bad enough skivving the Defense Against the Dark Arts class already, but hadn't wanted to say 'no' to Severus after the fight they'd had before the holidays and everything, so she'd decided that if she got in trouble for it she'd bring up Remus Lupin's unaddressed disappearances again as her defensive to get out of trouble.

Severus shook his head. He didn't want Lily, who had a reputation of being the smartest witch in the First Year, to be seen taking out the occlumency book. What if the Dark Lord heard somehow that a clever witch had also learned occlumency and decided to ask her to help him, too? Severus had heard rumors about the Dark Lord and his disregard for muggle-borns and if they were true, then Severus knew Lily would not be safe in that sort of situation. She was far too sassy to ever stay in the good graces of the Dark Lord for long. He'd steal the book out another day, another way, he told himself.

“Well now what then?” Lily asked with a frustrated sigh.

Severus shrugged. Suddenly he felt quite ill at ease as he looked at Lily and her fiery ginger hair and thought about the Dark Lord and the things his regime stood for. Muggle-borns like Lily were not a part of the world the Dark Lord meant to build. What would become of them once he'd risen to power? Severus wondered. What would the Dark Lord think of Lily if he ever saw her? Probably nothing good, he realized, and a dread built up in his stomach, a panicked unsettled sort of feeling.

“I guess just never mind it,” Severus said, looking out the window at the position of the sun for the time. “We can make it to our second classes.”

Lily frowned. She'd skipped Defense for nothing? “Alright then,” she said, frustrated with him.

“Alright.”

Lily got up and left the classroom, leaving Severus there alone. He sighed. He knew she was frustrated, but there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He needed to come up with a new plan, that's all there was to it, because he no longer felt that including Lily in this part of his life was safe. He got up and looked into the hall to be sure she'd gone before he started out, headed down to the dungeons to get his books. He had herbology to go to that could distract him from the lingering dread that had his innards knotted up all tight now.

He was just going to have to continue on reading the books at night, after the others in the dormitories had gone to sleep and learn everything there was to know about his talent. He'd have to keep practicing. He'd practice on James Potter, he decided, in the Great Hall at meals because James's head was the easiest to get into and he didn't feel bad at all prying about in that git's brains. Especially not if it meant keeping Lily out of it from now on.

Back in the dungeons, Severus passed by the prefect's toilet slowly, his eyes skimming over the door, thinking ominously of everything there was to come.