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Free Her Now


Sirius lay across the couch in the Trophy Room Passageway’s little alcove, his head in Lily Evans’s lap. She was gently running her fingers over his face, across his cheek and along his hairline, softly brushing his hair from his face. He’d cried until there were no tears left… sobbed until he’d nearly lost his voice, and now he lay there, still, staring into the darkness numbly, lips chapped. Sirius hadn’t moved or made a sound in over a hour.

Lily leaned forward, seeing the time on a clock upon the wall, and asked quietly, “Sirius, do you want to go and eat? It may make you feel better to have something warm?”

Eat, you’ll feel better,” Sirius whispered, choking on the words, and his shoulders shook with silent, tearless sobs.

“I’m sorry,” Lily said, realizing as he shook why that had been the most awful thing to say to him. “Oh Sirius. I’m so sorry!”

“You wouldn’t be if you knew what I’ve done!” Sirius covered his eyes with his palms. “If you had any idea… you’d hate me.”

“I won’t,” Lily said. “Tell me what happened, Sirius. Get it out.”

And Sirius told her the entire story, beginning from when James had first mirrored him back at the holidays and told him about the fight he’d had with Snape at the park behind the Evans’s house, when they’d first found out Snape could read minds, all the way until the moment when he’d dropped to his knees in Gryffindor Tower and begged Remus Lupin not to break up with him.

Sirius held out his hand. The spot on his middle finger where the gold ring was worn was pale, the skin unused to being exposed, and the indentation of the ring quite obvious upon his finger.

Lily had tears in her eyes as she stared at the spot. Her heart ached. She wanted to tell Sirius it would be okay, but she couldn’t. Remus Lupin had broken up with Sirius with very good reason, and she could understand herself why he’d done it - she would’ve done exactly the same…

But something twisted and crept about in her.

James Potter had saved Severus Snape.

Sirius looked up at her. “Do you hate me, Lily?”

“No. I think you made poor choices, but I don’t hate you.”

“I hate me.”

She brushed his forehead again softly, “Don’t, Sirius. Don’t say things like that.”

“But I do. I can’t believe I did this. I feel as though I’ve been insane for the last whatever and I’ve come out of it now and I see what I’ve done and I feel so… incredibly… stupid…” he sat up and turned on the cushions so he was sitting next to her. He leaned back, looking up at the ceiling, at the lantern light flickering there, pale orange one moment, then more vibrant the next as the flame danced.

“You have to forgive yourself.”

“I can’t.”

Lily turned to look at him, tucking one knee beneath herself as she looked at him, head braced by her palm. “Sirius, Remus just needs some time. He really does love you so very much. Maybe once he’s had time to… to process, to think about what happened and his heart’s had some time to mend, maybe he’ll be able to take a step back from it and see the whole picture, see your intentions, see that, although it was misguided, you meant it to protect him.”

“What if he tells the whole school, Lily? What if Snape turns around and tells everyone what happened?”

She shook her head firmly, “He won’t. I’ll see to it that he won’t.”

Sirius realized suddenly that his biggest mistake had been not going to Lily to begin with. LIly Evans was the one person in the entire castle that was able to talk to Snape and make him leave Remus Lupin alone.

It only made his heart ache worse.

“Remus is the first person that ever loved me,” Sirius said. “I fell in love with him because he loved me. We were in Diagon Alley at the Leaky Cauldron, after Lyall Lupin warned him -- warned him this day would come -- and he told me he loved me. Lily, I was fourteen years old and in fourteen years nobody had ever said those words to me. Ever. Ever.” He shook his head and looked down at his lap, “And then there was Remus and he didn’t just say them, he meant them, and he looked at me different than any person’s ever looked at me before. He touched me different than anybody’s ever touched me before. Gently. When he hugged me, it didn’t hurt. My skin has scars you cannot see, Evans, from my mum’s cruciatus curses. They live just under my skin… and he’s slowly taught me that I can be touched without it hurting.” He looked at Lily. “I never would’ve been able to let you touch my face like you have been just now. I would’ve flinched away…”

Lily remembered, what seemed like a hundred years ago, when she’d told Sirius about Petunia the very first time - when she’d hugged him, how stiff he’d gone. How stiff he’d always gone when she touched him. She remembered Marlene McKinnon complaining about Sirius not wanting to hug her or touch her, how awkward it was kissing him because he kept his mouth a hard line and would pull away if she got too persistent… Even just the other night, when they’d snuggled as friends in the common room by the fire, he’d stiffened when she’d first rolled into him. Her heart broke at the thought that the reason for it was that he’d been abused as a child and she suddenly had this image of a little boy with grey eyes, a tiny Sirius, in a stiff grey suit, cowering in a corner…

“Remus changed me,” Sirius continued, “And how do I repay him? By betraying ---” he couldn’t even finish the sentence. He closed his eyes as pain speared through him. “By Godric, Evans, by Godric and Merlin and by every god - of Heaven and of Earth, by the very fabric of time itself, I swear I will never… ever… ever betray anyone again. I would rather die than feel like this.” He looked at her, “It’s like dying anyway, being cast away.” He sank into her, wrapping his arms around her. “Please, Evans,” he whispered. “Hold me before I fall to pieces.”

Lily wrapped her arms around him and he buried his eyes into her neck.




Mulciber laughed evilly. Avery beside him. They were in the dungeons, turning in to one of the old empty cells along the corridor headed toward the little docks. Mulciber threw the girl they’d just plucked from the corridor to the floor, a Gryffindor second year named Mary Mcdonald, and she hit the stone, her knee bursting with blood, her hands scraping the stone. She was screaming, shouting for help…. Mulciber waved his wand, “Silencio,” he said, and laughed as her shouts were silenced, her mouth still moving desperately, but nothing coming out.

“Mudblood,” whispered Avery, cackling evilly.

The girl struggled, trying to get to her feet but with a flick of his wand, Avery swept her feet from beneath her and she landed on her back.

“Pretty little thing you are,” whispered Mulciber quietly, “Pretty little thing.” And he and Avery descended upon her in unison - in a practiced move. They’d done this before. They took the girl up by her elbows, shoved her against the wall and the shackles that hung there - chains left over from days when these dungeons were actually used, long - long - long ago, under crueler headmasters in crueler times - closed ‘round her wrists and ankles, suspending her off the ground.

Mary cried, silently, her face red from the efforts of trying to scream, but the spell keeping her silent.

Mulciber laughed and undid the girl’s Gryffindor tie slowly, balling it up and shoving it into her open mouth, packing it tightly. He laughed when she gagged on the cloth against her tongue, and he reached for the buttons on her oxford.

“Gonna be alright, ickle thing,” Avery cooed, leaning against the wall beside her, “We’ll obliviate you when we’re done… don’t worry.” He sneered at her, baring his teeth. “Mudbloods steal magic, it should be understood when we steal… magic… back.”

Mulciber laughed, “Dunno if magic is the word for this one, she’s a bit ugly once you get a better look at her.”

“Yeah, next time we’ll have to be more careful and be sure we get ourselves a prettier one,” he laughed and he raised his wand to the girl’s face, “Pugnus,” he whispered and with a crack, her nose was broken and bleeding and she shuddered as she tried to scream ‘round the tie in her mouth...

“What are you doing?”

Mulciber and Avery turned around.

In the doorway stood Regulus Black. His eyes wide, he looked over the girl strung up on the wall, at the red of her face and the tears pouring over her cheek, mixing with the blood from her nose… The tail of the Gryffindor scarf hung from her mouth, her oxford shirt nearly entirely unbuttoned, her skin exposed beneath… A chill went through Regulus as he realized exactly what they’d been up to. He shook. “You filthy animals!” he exclaimed, “How could you!”

“She’s a mudblood,” said Avery, as though this was a reason that made what they were doing okay.

Regulus drew back his sleeve, showing them his Dark Mark and Mary Mcdonald’s eyes widened when she saw it and she started struggling against the chains all the harder, flailing desperately, kicking at the wall, punching it with her fists. “The Dark Lord does not want us exposed here at the school, you imbeciles. What if she tells what you’ve done? What if there’s an inquiry and Dumbledore checks our wrists? Then what? Then the Dark Lord will be angry and he’ll kill you both! You absolute idiots! FREE HER NOW.”

Avery and Mulciber exchanged glances.

“I SAID FREE HER NOW!” Regulus bellowed.

“We were going to obliviate her when we were done,” said Avery.

“Yeah, Reg… c’mon, don’t you want in on this? You can even have the first go!” Mulciber offered.

Regulus’s eyes flashed. “LET HER GO OR I WILL TELL THE DARK LORD WHAT YOU’VE DONE!”

Hurriedly, Avery and Mulciber rushed to wave their wands at the chains and let the girl fall to the stone with a heavy thump, her limbs weak from fear.

Regulus stood firmly in his place.

Avery and Mulciber glared at him as they started to the door, stepping around Regulus, so much taller than he was, Avery especially, and Mulciber twice as thick with muscle. Regulus’s heart pounded in his chest as Mulciber leaned in and whispered in his ear, “You better pray I never find out that you’re lying to me, boy, about how close you are to the Dark Lord, or I’ll make you sorry for your lies.” And he turned to the door.

Mulciber stared at Regulus for a long moment as Avery stepped into the corridor. His eyes flickered to the girl as she shook, trying to do up the buttons on her oxford, and then he spat into the corner, “She’s an ugly mudblood anyway… there’s prettier stock to take.”

Regulus turned to look at them, “I best not find out you’ve ever done this again - to anyone.”

Mulciber sneered and stepped out of the cell.

Regulus waited until he could no longer hear their footsteps, then he turned to the girl, rushing over and kneeling down, tugging the tie from her mouth. “Finite incantantum,” he whispered and her cries became audible as her fingers trembled too much to fix her buttons. “Here,” he said, reaching down and helping her do them up, careful not to touch her inappropriately, “Are you okay? Did they hurt you? Episkey.” He healed her face. “I’m so sorry,” Regulus whispered, “I’m so sorry.”