- Text Size +
Jealousy Waves


Sirius lay on his back on the Gryffindor common room couch, his legs over the back of the couch, his head hanging over where his legs should’ve been, illuminated by the glow of dying embers in the hearth, as he kicked his sock-covered feet to the beat of Rat Bat Blue by Deep Purple, which played quietly on his stereo. He was lipsyncing the lyrics, his eyes closed, playing a bit of air guitar…

“You do know you have an exam in the morning?”

Sirius was so surprised to hear the voice that he tumbled heels over head off the couch and landed on his arse before it, looking up to see Lily Evans standing there, a bemused expression on her face, her hair hanging in two messy, uneven braids.

“Well Merlin’s nipple, Evans, you didn’t have to scare the piss out of me.” He rolled and hit the stop button on the stereo and with a click the stereo came to a stop and he turned back to look at her warily. “How long were you watching me?”

Lily smirked. “You were singing Brown Eyed Girl when I came down… I went out to the loo and came back and here you are air guitaring like a maniac,” she replied.

Sirius grinned. “A maniac. I like it.”

Lily came ‘round the couch and sat down and said, “You have quite an eclectic taste in music, Sirius Black.”

He shrugged, “Its life, Evans, music is life. There’s just nothing like it. Muggle music especially. Muggles make magic with their music.” His eyes sparkled with the words as he said them. He stared up at her. “John Lennon has to be a wizard, he has to be.”

“Muggle,” she said, shaking her head.

“I refuse to believe that!” he said dramatically, “I mean, have you heard Imagine?”

Lily nodded.

“But you haven’t really if you can say it so calmly, with just a nod - Evans!” Sirius launched himself at the stereo and switched out the tapes, fast forwarded for a few moments and crawled back over as the familiar piano notes filled the room, turned up a bit louder than he’d had it before and he climbed up beside her and curled into a ball at the end of the couch, hugging his legs to his chest, wiggling his toes as the song started, a smile crossing his lips… and he whispered the words along with John Lennon, and Lily found herself more fascinated with him reciting it than she was with the song itself.

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace… you…
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world would be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…. you
You… You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
And I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one…


He opened his eyes as the song ended and looked at her, one eyebrow cocked.

“Amazing,” she relented, smirking at him.

Sirius smiled sheepishly, then flicked his wand and the stereo shut off. “Sorry, I know I get sort of… nerdy… when I go on about music. I used to do that to Remus, too. I’d start in about some shitty little piece of music nobody else really gives a damn about and he’d just nod and what have you…” he held his wand in one hand, his wrist limp over his knees. He stared at the stripes on his pyjamas - old pyjama bottoms he’d had since second year. They’d been big then, but now they only barely reached his mid-calves anymore, he’d grown so much taller. Though still not taller enough to be as tall as Remus Lupin (bloody hell was anything that tall?).

Lily said, “I think it’s lovely you have something you’re so passionate about.”

He smiled.

“Sirius?” Lily asked.

He looked up. As his eyes met hers, Lily thought - he really was a handsome boy - Sirius Black. She could understand why Carly Shaw fancied him (even though Lily never could herself… he was definitely Remus’s man). He had the darkest eyes Lily had ever seen - flecks of grey sparkling in them.

“You’re going to think I’m mental,” she said quickly, words blending together, “But I have a question for you.”

“Okay?” he was already thinking she was mental for the look on her face.

Lily took a deep breath (she even thought she was mental). “Mum wrote me last week and she said we’re going to be going on holiday to the sea for a week after I get back from Hogwarts - me and her and Tuney. And she’s given me and Tuney each permission to bring along a mate if we wish and Tuney’s bringing her boyfriend, Vernon Dursley - he’s horrible - but anyway, mum wanted to know if I wanted to bring anybody and I told her I’d think on it. I wasn’t sure who to bring and I was wondering if you --” she paused.

“If I…. had suggestions who would want to go?” Sirius guessed in the silence. “I mean… knowing you, probably Alice or Marlene…”

“Do you want to go?” Lily said.

Sirius stared at her. He paused, taking in this question and scratched his head right behind his ears in a way that reminded Lily of a dog. “You’re serious?”

“No you are.”

A grin spread across his face, “Strangely satisfying, making that joke, isn’t it?”

“It really is,” she ceeded.

Sirius grinned.

“So… do you?” she prodded.

Sirius held onto his toes and stared at her from behind his knees, his eyes wide. “You really mean it? You count me as a mate enough to, like, take me along somewhere… in public?”

“What is it with you boys and asking me if I mean to take you into public? Are you especially horrid in public?” Lily asked, laughing.

Sirius grinned. “I’m not any better in public, I’ll say that.”

Lily said, “I mean the way you talk you’d think you did terrible things.”

“I mean, I’m a terrible person,” Sirius laughed.

“Don’t say that, even jokingly,” Lily admonished him.

“Jeez, sorry Lilith,” he said.

The name came so smooth, as though he’d said it a hundred and one times before, though this was the first time he had (at least… in this timeline).

Lily rolled her eyes, “My name is not Lilith.”

Sirius grinned, “Lilith Susan Evans.”

“Not even close.”

“I’d love to go to the sea with you,” he said finally.

Lily smiled, “Good, okay. I’ll tell my mum in an owl tomorrow.”

Sirius paused, “Although. I mean. There’s… there’s James to think of.”

“James?”

“He’ll be right jealous of me.”

“Does James like the sea?”

Sirius stared at her, one eyebrow cocked. “I don’t think James will give two shits if it’s the sea I’m at or the mountains or anywhere in the bloody world, if I’m next to you, James will be jealous. He’s jealous right now, even in his sleep, I can feel it. That’s the funny humming sound you hear - it’s James’s jealousy waves radiating through the common room.” Sirius hummed and waved his fingers.

Lily snorted.

“He might bring me to the pound if he finds out I went to the sea with you.”

“Well maybe he could come visit you while we’re at the sea.” What are you saying Evans? What are you saying? she scolded herself, You’ve just invited James bloody Potter! so she quickly added, “And maybe Peter, too. I know Remus is going to Iceland so --”

“Fuck Iceland,” Sirius murmured.

“Yeah, fuck Iceland,” she said, seeing the upset in Sirius’s eyes.

Sirius looked at her and a grin crawled over his lips. “Lilith Iris Evans, you’ve just said fuck.”

“Yes I did.”

He rolled forward and hugged her, “Congratulations, love. You’ve a dirty mouth, it’s official.”

“You’re such an idiot, Black,” she said, pushing him off, and instead of ridding herself of him, he rolled onto his back, his head in her lap and he grinned up at her. Lily pushed a bit of his hair out of his eyes. “It’s grown so long,” she murmured.

“Thank Merlin. I wasn’t me without my hair.” He ran his hands through it. “It needs to be longer.”

LIly smiled, “It’ll get there.”

Sirius closed his eyes and snuggled his head into her lap, smiling. “So, Lilith Wallalallabingbang Evans,” he drawled, “The sea, huh?”

“Yes, there’s a marvelous boardwalk there with loads of good food and a long pier and you can go swimming or ride this fantastic ferris wheel and there’s a carousel.”

“I don’t know what that is but --”

“It’s a ride, Sirius. It has plastic horses you ride and you go in circles and the painted ponies go up and down -- like the Joni Mitchell song.”

“....you can only look behind from where we came and go round and round and round and round in the circle game,” Sirius sang in a near perfect impression of the woman’s voice, his nose crunched up to hit the high notes.

Lily laughed.

Sirius stared up at her again, and he said, “Not a lot of people count me as their mates.”

“Well. I do.”

“Thank you.”

Lily smiled and pressed her finger on the end of his nose. His eyes closed as she beeped him, as though she’d pressed a button, and she laughed and said, “You’re welcome, Sirithomy Thomas Black.”

Sirius grinned. “Lillian Dorcus Evans.”




The problem with staying up all night is that one does not wake up very well the next morning. And Sirius was still in bed as the other three were getting dressed to go down to the O.W.L. for Transfiguration. “C’mon, mate, you’re going to be late,” James said, shaking Sirius’s knee.

“Five more minutes,” Sirius begged.

“There isn’t five more minutes,” Remus said.

“There’s always five more minutes,” Sirius whined.

Peter said, “We need to be in the Great Hall in just a few minutes and you’re not even dressed!”

Sirius groaned, but he sat up, his eyes bleary and his hair sticking up at an odd angle.

James was finishing with his tie, “It’s Transfiguration, mate.”

“I know. Gods.” He stretched and groaned as his muscles resisted waking up. He wondered if Lily was regretting staying up all night, too. Blast her for showing up and being good at conversation. He closed his eye.

Upppp,” Remus intoned.

“I am up!” Sirius argued and he stood up, nearly tripped, righted himself and repeated, “See? Up.” He went over to the trunk and started digging for clothes.

Peter squeaked, “We’re going to be late.”

Remus said rubbed his knees absently, nervously.

James saw it and he said, “You two go on and we’ll catch you up once slowpoke is ready.”

Remus nodded and he and Peter went out the door quickly. Remus was more nervous about Transfiguration than he had been for any of the other exams.

James watched as Sirius picked through his stuff in the trunk.

“So… Prongs, I have to tell you something,” Sirius said.

“What?”

“Lily and I talked last night in the common room, as friends.”

James laughed. “Alright.”

Sirius could feel those jealousy waves again. They were humming loudly and they were about to go up to maximum strength. He looked over at James, into his brown eyes and he said, “She’s invited me on a holiday with her family.”

James stared at him.

“Speak, Prongs.”

“Why would she do that for?”

“As mates,” Sirius said. “Her mum told her to bring a mate so she’s - she’s asked me.”

James tried to wrap his brains around this. In the old timeline, sure, he could picture it happening then, but not now. Lily barely knew Sirius now. They weren’t as close as they’d been in the old timeline. Or were they? Was this another artefact? Could relationships artefact? And if they could, why the hell hadn’t his relationship with Evans artefacted? He hated that he’d lost it all and now Sirius was apparently getting his relationship with her back.

Even the bleeding universe was conspiring against him ever getting to be with Evans.

James felt his throat tighten up.

“Are you alright?” Sirius asked.

James nodded absently. “Yes. Yeah. Just. I’m just -- nervous. Transfiguration exam and all. Hurry up and dress.” He looked down at his hands.

“She said you could come visit us at the sea if you wish,” Sirius said, leaving the bit about Wormtail out. James needn’t know she’d invited Peter, too.

“She did?” James looked up hopefully.

Sirius nodded.

James felt a little rush.

Somewhere in the castle, a clock chimed - signaling the hour. They were officially about to be late. “Fuck,” James gasped.

Sirius was still in pyjamas. He started changing double time. “Go on, Potter, I’ll run down behind you. Go. Don’t be late.”

James jumped up, “Alright. See you down there.” And he bolted out the door.

Sirius yanked on his jeans and grabbed a random t-shirt from the trunk - he didn’t have time to get dressed in his uniform. He grabbed his wand, biting it with his teeth as he hopped out the door, tugging on his boots even as he went…

Sirius ran. He ran through the castle as fast as he could. He wasn’t too far behind James, but he must have been far enough behind because as he stumbled down the stairs into the entrance hall, shouting for Hagrid to wait wait I’m coming I’m coming, he found the entrance hall was entirely empty and instead of Hagrid there it was Minerva McGonagall, having wanted to see her students off into their exam and answer any last minute questions and when Sirius came running about the corner to the doors - he saw they were sealed already and McGonagall’s smile melted from her face as she stared at him.

“What are you doing out here Mr. Black?” she asked.

“I’m - I’m late - I’m late,” Sirius wheezed, “I’m late. Let me in.”

Professor McGonagall stared at him helplessly, “Mr. Black, you know I can’t do that. Once those doors seal -- Ministry regulations -- I -- there’s nothing I can do, Sirius!”

He stared at her, “But… but if I’m out here, then I’m not in there and if I’m not in there, then I’m not taking the exam, and I’m - I’m failing. I’ve failed.” His eyes watered up. “Bloody hell, I’ve failed you.” And before she could say a word, he turned and ran back up the stairs, tripping on his untied bootlace, but not stopping, even when she called his name.