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Sirius Black’s O.W.L.


“You studied?”

“Yes, every day since term ended.”

“And you’ve got your quill, ink pot?”

“Fuck.”

“Here. Luckily for you, I thought ahead.” Dorcas Meadowes shoved a little ink pot and a feather quill into Sirius’s hands as they stood in the little brass elevator in the Ministry for Magic. “Bloody hell your hair’s a fright.” She licked her fingers and reached over, running her hand through the mop of hair to smooth it out. “I wish we’d had time to have you change your clothes, Dolores Umbridge is a bit of a --” she paused.

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

“She’s a piece of work, I’ll leave it at that,” Dorcas said. “Now, listen, she’s probably going to say stuff and you need to keep your temper in line, do you understand?”

“Sure.” Sirius was still tired, his heart raced from the running they’d done - from the yard in the Lupin house, through the fireplace floo, across the wide hall of the Ministry…

Ding! The elevator door opened and Dorcas ushered him out. The laces on Sirius’s boots flopped about, untied, clicking against the thick soles.

They arrived to an office door with a gold name plate stuck upon it - Dolores Umbridge, Secretary of Education and Testing Regulations, Ordinary Wizarding Levels.

Dorcas put her hands on Sirius’s shoulders. “You’re going to be brilliant, I know you will. Deep breaths, stay calm, just focus on your test and it will be all right. Alright?”

Sirius nodded.

Dorcas reached out and knocked on the door.

It opened immediately and a squat woman stood in the door, dressed head to toe in pink, with curly blonde hair, was smiling out at them. She reminded Sirius of a horrible toad. Dorcas said, “Good morning Ms. Umbridge.”

“Good morning Miss. Meadowes,” the woman said in a sugary voice. She turned to look at Sirius. “You must be Sirius Black,” she said and her eyes sparkled in a way that made Sirius uneasy. “Our little hoodlum.” She looked him over head to foot - his black trousers, the thick boots untied around his ankles… the skin-tight tank top and tattoos… messy hair, despite Dorcas’s efforts… smudged eyeliner... Dolores Umbridge didn’t look impressed. But she stepped aside anyway and let him in, but she blocked Dorcas. “You may come to collect him in exactly one and one half hours.” And she closed the door.

Dorcas’s hands shook. She closed her eyes and sighed, leaning against the wall across the corridor from Umbridge’s office… and slid down to sit and wait, not daring to go far, just incase Sirius needed her.




Dolores Umbridge locked the door of the office and walked primly around to her seat. She paused. “Would you like some tea, Mr. Black?” she asked. But she didn’t wait for a reply, she magicked a cup before him and a teapot appeared from somewhere and poured a spot of red tea into the cup. “There you are. Calms your nerves.”

“Thank you,” Sirius murmured.

“I assume from your… ghastly appearance… that you were running late again today?” she asked with accusation lingering in her tone.

Sirius said, “Well it was one of my mates birthdays yesterday and we were camping out. That’s all.”

Dolores Umbridge said, “I should have thought that your friend would understand if you missed his birthday celebrations in order to focus on your studies that mean so much to you according to Ms. McGonagall and Mr. Dumbledore.”

Sirius said, “I guess.”

She stood up, “So you admit that you’re a very irresponsible little boy.”

“I’m sixteen,” Sirius said, “Nearly seventeen, m’am.”

Dolores Umbridge’s eye narrowed. “You should only speak when asked a question. Have you no manners?”

Sirius stared up at her.

“That was a question,” she said firmly.

“I - I have manners,” Sirius said, confused.

“Then we should practice them, shouldn’t we?” she smiled.

“Yes, m’am,” Sirius replied stiffly.

Dolores Umbridge seemed quite content with this and she asked, “Did you bring your quill and inkpot?”

“Yes.” Sirius held them out.

“Very good. You may have a seat over there at the little table there.”

Sirius went over and sat down where she’d indicated, putting his quill and ink pot on the desktop. Dolores Umbridge walked over slowly, carrying parchments and a copy of the written examination. She put them down before him and said, “You may begin, Mr. Black.”

“Thank you, m’am,” he answered, and he bent forward to begin his work.

Dolores stayed standing over Sirius, watching his quill move over the parchment, the only sound in the room the scratching of the quill over the paper. Her shadow extended over him and he felt very unnerved by her presence, hovering there. He shifted uneasily in his chair, moving the parchment a bit so his arm curved around it as he wrote and he glanced up at her. She gave him a wide smile, and continued to stand there.

It was very distracting, and Sirius’s free hand shook in a fist against his knee as he forced himself to try to ignore the toadfaced woman leaning, staring, reading his answers. Dolores clucked her tongue several times and he made an error, splashing a bit too much ink onto the page and he had to cross out words and the parchment was becoming a bit of a mess from his nervousness… and he would glance up at her and she’d just grin wider.

“Ten minutes, Mr. Black,” she said after what felt like eternity.

Sirius was muddling through the essay question and he swallowed back a bout of anxiety as Umbridge leaned against the table beside him, reading his answer as he wrote it.

“Five minutes, Mr. Black,” she said.

“Yes m’am,” he murmured.

“Remember, Mr. Black, that Ms. McGonagall only accepts Outstanding students in her advanced Transfiguration classes,” Umbridge said in a girly little voice.

“Yes m’am,” Sirius said.

“Two minutes, Mr. Black.”

“Yes m’am.”

“You’ll want to finish up your thought in that essay, Mr. Black.”

“Yes m’am.”

SHe watched to the very last second and then she said, “Time is up, Mr. Black, please lay down your quill.”

Sirius had just finished. Literally put the period at the end of the sentence in a scrambled instant as she said that time was up. He dropped the quill and held up his hands before she could accuse him of anything. She looked displeased that he’d finished and she waved her wand and the parchments rolled up and a wax seal closed them up. She stared at Sirius. “Very well,” she said, “I will send your results by owl post this week with the other O.W.L. scores. You’re dismissed.”

“Thank you, m’am,” Sirius said.

Dolores Umbridge smiled. “Good day, Mr. Black,” she said quietly.

He got up and walked swiftly as he could for the door.

Dorcas Meadowes was still sitting in the hall, waiting patiently. When Sirius stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind him, she looked quite nervous - nearly as much as he felt. “How did it go?” she asked.

“It was… it was alright,” Sirius said. “She stood over me the whole time though, it was really unnerving… I dunno.” he looked deflated.

“What is it?” Dorcas asked.

“Minnie only takes outstandings and there’s no way I scored outstanding,” Sirius said, “Not with that toad hovering about around me like she was.”

Dorcas walked him down the hall, “Deep breaths, Sirius.”

“I don’t want to let Minnie down,” he explained.

Dorcas patted his shoulder, “Sirius, I think it would be quite a challenge for you to let Minerva McGonagall down.”

“What?” Sirius looked up, interest peaked.

“I’m just saying,” Dorcas said, “After the things she said about you when we spoke --”

“You spoke to Minnie about me?”

“She asked how you were doing,” Dorcas shrugged.

Sirius stared. “What - when? Why? What did you tell her?”

Dorcas said, “Relax, I can’t discuss details about your sessions with me with anyone, remember? But I do need to submit sort of updates on your progress to your school and to St. Mungo’s - it’s required, just in case you were unstable or something, your school needs to know that to protect you and other students. McGonagall is acting as headmistress right now while Dumbledore is away on business - so I was there to tell her that you were doing much better and she said that you’re one of her favorite students she’s ever had and she’s very proud of you and was glad to hear you’re doing well.”

Sirius’s eyes were wide. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Dorcas patted his shoulder.

Sirius’s heart swelled. He just hoped that Minnie would still be proud after she got his score.