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Adustio


Neither Remus nor Sirius dared bring up what Sirius had asked.

The evening was awkward at best, James quiet and seeming almost sullen, Remus anxious and trying to clean everything he could get his hands on, Sirius quiet and brooding, while Dora and Charlus tried to talk their way through the uncomfortable silences. Charlus would crack a joke and smirk and none of the boys would laugh, and he’d chuckle uncertaintly and look at Dora with a plea in his eyes.

“I think we’re all very tired and should go to bed,” Dora announced. “Long day for the lot of us. Off you go -- pip pip.”

And so they climbed the stairs.

In the hall, Sirius paused to look at James, who kept his eyes diverted and hurried down the hallway, rubbing his left arm as he went. “Hey. Prongs.” He didn’t turn around. “Prongs!” Still didn’t turn around. “Oi. James.”

James paused and looked back.

“What do I gotta do, mate?” he asked.

James hesitated, his eyes darkening. “Just leave me alone,” and he ducked into his bedroom and slammed the door.

Sirius closed his eyes, letting the pain wash over him.

Then he turned to look at the door to Remus’s bedroom, which they’d been sharing, and he felt a wave of nausea join the painful twist in his stomach. He tugged on his t-shirt and he sort of wished he’d worn a different one that day… one that wasn’t the Please Return to Remus Lupin shirt because he had a feeling the sight of it would just freak Remus out even more than he’d already done.

Stupid big dumbarsed mouth, Sirius admonished himself, smacking his forehead with the heel of his hand. Idiot that can’t think things through. James is right, I don’t think about stuff before I do it. I am always sorry for something. Why am I a bloody idiot?

A shiver went through his chest.

Not now Achlys, he thought.

There was a whisper. Just reminding you that I’ll always be here for you… and he felt his throat tighten.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius pushed his way into the bedroom.

“Moony,” he said, “We need to talk about before, about what I said in the living r---” But Remus wasn’t in the bedroom.

The window was open.

Sirius went over and stuck his head out. Remus was sitting on the roof of the porch, his back against the outside wall of the house, his wand lit and laying on the roof tiles beside him. He was holding Sirius’s cigarettes, stolen out of his leather jacket, and he had one lit and hanging from his mouth.

“You know that’s a filthy habit, babe,” Sirius declared, climbing out the window.

Remus looked over. “I’m the one that told you that.”

“It doesn’t look as sexy when you do it as I do.” Sirius held out his hand and Remus took the cigarette out of his mouth and handed it over. Sirius promptly stuck it in his own mouth and took a long drag, puffing the smoke out into the sky.

“I choked when I tried to do that,” Remus confessed.

“Of course you did, darling.” Sirius inched closer and slid his arm over Remus’s shoulders.

Remus stiffened.

Sirius sighed. “Don’t be like that.”

Remus looked over. “How am I supposed to be?”

“I got excited.” Sirius took another drag off the cigarette.

Remus stared at the yard below.

“Last time I was part of a proper family photo, it was this absolutely horrid painting Mother had done the summer before we started Hogwarts, and she hung it over her bloody fireplace in her library. We all sat about for hours while a professional portrait painter did it. We were all stiff and standing quite upright and Mother yelled at Regulus because he sneezed and she was afraid that his portrait would be sneezing quite a lot once it was finished, like that would be the quality that it captured of him. What she didn’t know was that all I bloody wanted to do was run the fuck away… because I was realizing how horrible things were… I was starting to think for myself.”

Remus hugged his knees, turning the cigarette box over and over in his hand, his wand still glowing on the roof between them. He smirked a little bit. “First time for everything I s’pose.”

Sirius looked over. “Don’t be an arse.”

“Sorry, go on, babe,” Remus murmured, turning back to stare at the lawn.

Sirius lowered the cigarette, his arms draped over his knees. He flicked the ash from the end of the smoke.“Portrait me spends a good deal of time hiding behind the frame and being dragged out by my Father…” He paused to take a drag. “... by the hair.” Sirius spit a good deal of smoke into the sky.

Remus looked over.

“That’s what I thought a proper family was most of my life.” Sirius stubbed out the cigarette. “Surely you can understand why I wasn’t thrilled at the thought of making my own ever.”

Remus said, “I mean, that sounds like a picture perfect example you had.”

Sirius laughed, “Yes. A dream family. So that’s why I saw the photo downstairs and I realized that families have portraits where the only hair-pulling that happens is brothers playing around and everyone wants to stay in the frame and be recognized. I realized families aren’t things to run away from.”

Remus took a deep breath. “I’m not running away.”

“Then what is it?”

Remus stared at the grass below.

“Is it me? Us?”

“No,” Remus said.

“So you still love me and all that sentimental rubbish?”

“Sentimental rubbish galore,” Remus replied.

“Brilliant,” Sirius said.

Remus turned suddenly, twisting his legs about into a knot before him. “I’m sixteen.”

“You don’t say?”

“You’re seventeen.”

“You can count.”

“Yes. I get all E’s.” Remus paused. “Now is not the time for us to be thinking about starting our own families. Right now, we’re still busy being kids.” Sirius looked down, and Remus grabbed onto his hands. “I absolutely want to make a family with you someday, Sirius, but let’s be kids together before we go having them. Alright?”

Sirius nodded. “Okay.”

Remus smiled at him, then shuffled himself even closer to Sirius. “You know, it’s traditional that when people fight, there’s this… make up… ritual… they partake in…”

Sirius’s eyes sparkled.




Adustio.”

It was as though his skin was being twisted about him, feeling like it was tightening, like he was set on fire and burning. He had his mouth open, screaming, but there was no sound coming out. He’d been silencioed. He vibrated against the stone floor, his cheek pressed hard to ground, tears pouring from clenched shut eyes.

The spell released and James lay upon the floor, sweating profusely.

Exonero.” There was a pause as Voldemort walked slowly around him as he lay, catching his breath, feeling the stone against his bared chest. “Tell me… what… you know.”

James’s voice was muffled against the floor. “I told you… I don’t know anything about him. I don’t know anything about where he is or his stupid clocks… I don’t know!”

“Liar.”

“I’m no---”

Silencio!”

James’s voice cut off.

Adustio!” cried Voldemort and James was on fire once again. “You’ll either tell me, or I’ll torture you until he comes out of hiding to rescue you.”

James closed his eyes.

Help me! he screamed within his mind, Help me!




Lily sat up, drenched in sweat.

She rolled out of bed, feeling as though she was burning alive, and she moved across the room, nearly tripping over her trunk, and wrenched open her bedroom window. Ice cold air poured in and she leaned out into the night, the wind chilling her cheeks as she breathed in, her heart racing.

She’d seen him. She’d heard him. Screaming.

She clutched the window sill.

Even the frigid winter air outside wasn’t enough to cool her skin.

His skin. It was him that was burning in the dream, not her.

“Gods, James,” she whispered, shaking her head.

She pushed herself away from the window sill, turning back to her desk, and grabbing a pen from the drawer as her curtains swirled about in the wind that came in through her bedroom window. She tugged the stationary towards herself.

James,
I hate that we got interrupted the night of the Yule Ball. I didn’t get to finish talking to you. It’s terribly important that I talk to you. As soon as possible. I need to see you. Perhaps we could meet at Fortescue’s on Saturday? Please. Owl me back.
Lily.





The owl came at breakfast.

“More bacon, love?” Dora asked, putting her hand on Severus’s shoulder.

He looks thinner than he did in summer, she was thinking.

“I’m okay,” Severus replied.

Charlus looked up. Something’s wrong. “What? Only one serving of bacon?” he chuckled. “Who are you and what have you done with my son?” Perhaps we should call Dorcas Meadowes to see him. He might be depressed. After everything that happened this summer, it only makes sense if he’s depressed.

“No - nothing - no, I’m okay, I’m --” Severus said, a rush of panic rising in his throat. He added quickly, “I was just kidding. Loads of bacon, please.”

I wonder if Dorcas is available later. Charlus chuckled, “That’s more like it.”

Kidding about. After everything he’s been through. Dora leaned down and pushed Severus’s hair off his forehead, pressing a kiss against his face. “As much bacon as you want, dear.”

Severus forced a twitchy smile.

Sirius came in the room then, yawning, stretching his arms above his head, still wearing the same blasted t-shirt he’d had on the night before - hot pink with If Lost Please Return to Remus Lupin written down his chest. Idiot shirt. Severus looked down at the plate of mostly bacon and some egg.

Sirius’s mind was practically shouting. It was hard not to hear it really. Severus closed his eyes as his own mind was barraged with an endless stream of thinking… and internal singing… if that’s what you could call it…

Peeeeeeople come onnnnnn and do it riiiight... shake your behinds like its dyyyynooomite… OH YES ORANGE JUICE I FUCKING NEED ORANGE JUICE… Chuck all your worries and toss your thiiiighs being tame is a pain when you reeeeeeeeealizeeeeeee… you gotta mooooove... people gotta mooooooove….

Severus grit his teeth.

Even silent Sirius Black was annoying.

Sirius moved ‘round the table and sat down, carrying the orange juice.

Somebody’s in a good mood, Dora thought, and she came ‘round the table and petting Sirius’s head. “Morning dear.” She kissed his head.

Sirius’s eyes flickered to Severus. Watching this Potter? Mom thinks she’s my mom.

“Hungry?” Of course you are. She didn’t even wait for an answer, she started piling it onto a plate before him. “Where’s Remus?”

Probably remembering how to work his legs after last night. “I think he’s still asleep, Mrs. P.”

“At this hour?” Charlus checked his watch. I remember when I was able to sleep this late. Gods when did I get so old that 8am is having a lie in?

Why is he acting like 8am is late? “Yeah, Mr. Lazy Bones.” His bones weren’t so lazy last night…

Severus stood up. “I’m going to go for a walk.” He had to get away from all the thinking. Especially Sirius’s dirty thoughts.

Sirius looked up at him. Go for a walk? Since the fuck when do you exercise?

Remus walked into the room. “Morning.”

There he is. There’s my Moony. Sirius was grinning.

Severus stared at Remus Lupin’s back as he opened up the fridge and got out a bottle of pumpkin juice. His mind was blissfully blank. As usual.

“Morning sleepy head,” said Charlus, smiling.

Severus hurried for the back door.

It was when he opened it that the owl carrying Lily Evans’s letter flew in.

Sirius grabbed the letter up. Evans! “It’s for you from Lily, James!” he said, flapping the envelope.

Severus walked over and took it.

She’s gonna tell him. She’s gonna tell him. Thank gods! Maybe he’ll forgive me if she tells him. Sirius was staring up at Severus eagerly. “Open it, man!”

Severus held the envelope…. Slowly he tore it open, feeling sick.

He shook out the letter.

He stared at it.

He’s going to actually kill me with this, Sirius was thinking. “What’s it say?”

Severus stared. “She’s… invited me to Fortescue’s. Saturday.”

Sirius beamed.