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Story #4: V-Day

-- Nick --

"I think I'm going to pass out."

"Nick, it's not that bad."

I took a deep breath. Livvy didn't understand. It was that bad.

Today was Peyton's birthday.

It was also v-day. No, not Valentine's Day. It was the day my swimmers would cease to swim.

The world wept.

Liv leaned over and kissed my cheek. She smiled. "You don't know how much this means to me."

I closed my eyes. "I don't want you to ever doubt how much I love you ever again."

Liv laughed. I was far from laughing. My hand clutched the inside door handle.

The day before had been torture at the studio. AJ had hung plastic dicks all around the room with scissors clamped around them. Brian sang 'Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye.'

Howie was the only one that didn't do anything. Of course, that was because he hadn't been there.

I was too busy worrying about myself yesterday to worry about D.

The house faded away in the rearview mirror as Liv drove towards the hospital. I scratched my stomach. I scratched my arm. I scratched at my neck.

"What are you doing?"

"I think I'm having an allergic reaction," I lied. Liv smiled.

"It's not going to work, Nick." She reached over and took my hand.

"Look at it this way. After this is done you can have all the sex with me you want."

I licked my lips. "All I want?"


"You've never denied me sex before," I pointed out. Liv stopped at a red light. She looked down at her growing stomach.

"Tell me about it."


"So what are we doing today, Mr. Carter?"

My eyes widened in surprise. I stared at the surgeon. "You don't know?"

The surgeon smiled. "We have to make sure you know what we're doing."

I shifted uncomfortably. I was in one of those stupid hospital robes. My ass was hanging out.

"I'm having a v...v...va...sectomy."

"A what?"

I groaned. "Please don't make me say it."

"So we're doing a vasectomy today, right?"

I nodded.

The surgeon pulled up a chair. He held up a pen.

"I've got to mark you."

"Mark me?"

"I have to mark the incision spot."

"You've got to be kidding me. Can't you do this when I'm unconscious?"

"I need you to see that you're marked."

"How the hell am I going to see that?"

As if on cue, the door opened. A nurse came in with a mirror.

Liv burst out laughing. If I didn't love her so much, I would have killed her.

I sat back. The surgeon lifted my robe and I felt a pen on my balls.

"Okay, Mr. Carter look down."

I didn't want to, but I did. It looked like Brian had played a practical joke on me in my sleep. Two blue x's glared back at me.

"We're going to make two small incisions after we numb the area. I'll be severing the vasa deferentia and then I'll tie it in a manner which prevents sperm from entering the seminal stream."

"So I'll be shooting blanks."

The surgeon smiles. "Basically."

"How effective is this?" Liv asked.

"Well it's more effective than a tubal in women. Failure occurs in every 200 to 300 cases. With a vasectomy, the agreed upon rate of failure is about one in 2000 cases."

Liv gave me a look. I knew what she was thinking.

"Of course, that failure rate usually occurs one or two months after the procedure." The surgeon smiled. "In your case, you won't have to worry about that."

"That's good to know."

The surgeon nodded. "Are there any questions?"

I raised my hand. He looked amused. "Yes?"

"How long does it take before I can...we can get back to normal?"

"You mean have sex?"


"About a week."

I smiled. It was probably the only smile anyone was going to get out of me today.

"That soon?"

"It depends on pain, but yes."

"Good to know."

"So are we ready?"

Liv came over and kissed my forehead. I pulled her close and kissed her belly. My last little babies.

"I'm ready."



I heard Liv's voice, but it sounded far away. The light broke through my eyelids. Her face swam above me.

"You're out of surgery. Everything went fine."

"It's done?" I said groggily.


I felt her hand stroking my hair. It felt nice. I closed my eyes again.

The next time I woke up, I wasn't feeling so hot. Actually, I felt worse than not so hot. I had been kicked in the balls before, but this was a million times worse.

"I'm going to be sick," I said.

I don't know who did it, but before I heaved I had a bucket tucked under my head.

It seemed to take forever, but finally the surgeon came back to check on me. They pumped some pain meds through my IV. A half hour later, I was feeling better.

Three hours later, they took the IV out. An hour after that, I was released. My phone rang before Liv even got buckled in.

It was AJ.

"Did they give you one of those plastic cones to wear around your neck?" he asked.

"Fuck you," I said. He laughed.

"How'd it go?"


"You sound groggy."

"I am groggy. You try getting your nuts clamped off and tell me how it feels."

"I don't have to," AJ said. "I stopped playing recklessly eight years ago my friend."

I groaned.

"All joking aside, rest up, okay?"

"Will do."



I winced as I put my phone in my pocket.

"Who was that?"


Liv smiled. "He had to get one last comment in, didn't he?"

"Of course."

"Well, it's all over now."

My eyes closed. I was still feeling loopy. She was right. It was all over. The surgeon had ripped the red capes from my guys.

My superpower was gone.