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“Dude, did you see that?” AJ laughed, hitting Brian in the chest to get his attention. “Look at Kevin.”



Brian looked up. A month later, and they were standing at the MTV Europe Music awards. He was tired and overwrought and they'd only been in the hotel for five minutes to check in after their flight before being whisked off to the arena.



So he was sure he wasn't going to think whatever AJ had to show him was funny. But he looked up anyway and listened as AJ continued to laugh.



AJ pointed at Kevin, who was wiping his eyes. “He popped the lid on his thermos wrong and it hit him in the eye when he was drinking.” AJ gripped Brian's shoulder and doubled over with laughter again.



Brian rolled his eyes and looked at Kevin. Kevin just shook his head and continued drinking - sans incident, this time. Everyone dealt with jetlag differently, he figured.



And once again they were in Europe for what seemed like five seconds. They were here for the awards and the next morning they were back on a plane to the states to continue with promo.



Now they were standing backstage and waiting for the curtain to come up so they could start their performance. Brian took a deep breath. This was always the most nerve-wracking part. Not the concerts and not the TV shows and not the interviews. The awards show performances where everyone else in the industry was watching and judging.



Maybe not really judging. Not to their faces, anyway. But it was still nerve-wracking.



The stagehand looked at them and held up her hand. Three... two... one.



The boys walked out on stage and there were a few scattered screams, but not nearly as many as they were used to. Brian scolded himself for thinking that - they were lucky to just be here. And of course it wasn't going to be as energetic as one of their shows.



He stepped up to the mic and took a deep breath as they went into As Long As You Love Me. “Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine, I'm leavin' my life in your hands...”



Little did Brian know, Nick was watching them from the audience. Or maybe he did know, but he didn't know that Nick was on the edge of his seat, hanging onto every word.



Nick's eyes were wide as he strained to listen. Not like it was hard, but the acoustics in there weren't great. They weren't meant for live performances - instead they were optimized for the viewers at home. But Nick didn't care about that.



He swallowed a little bit as he watched Brian sing. Sure, he'd heard this song on the radio before. That and the other one - what was it called? Quit Playing Games? They were only spun every five minutes, it seemed like. But anyone could sound good on a track.



Standing here on the stage, belting out the lyrics, Brian sounded better than the track. The recording had the power in his voice toned down, modelled for radio. Standing here, holding onto the mic and crooning out the words, Brian proved himself to be a more powerful vocalist than any car radio speakers would ever allow.



Nick ran a hand through his hair and looked down at his feet as he absorbed the song.



I've tried to hide it so that no one knows...”



Jesus Christ, he had it bad. The boys were walking off stage when he looked back up, but just when he thought they were gone, they were back again. The bass line was hard and they were going into something more upbeat.



Nick couldn't help but dance in his seat a little bit to it. He didn't think he'd actually heard this one before. Maybe it was new? That was ambitious, given they already had two songs that were dominating the world.



He couldn't tear his eyes away from them. From him. The song slowed to a halt after a couple of minutes, and Nick's breath caught in his throat. Because the spotlight was on Brian and Brian alone.



So everybody everywhere... don't be afraid don't have no fear...”



Nick snorted a little bit at that. Fat chance of that happening. Not with Brian standing there looking like a literal angel right in front of him.



I'm gonna tell the world make it understand...”



Nick chewed at the inside of his mouth. No fucking way. He couldn't tell anybody.



As long as there'll be music we'll be coming back again...”



And just like that the music amped back up and the boys were dancing again. But Nick's mind was still lost of Brian. Still stuck on the moment before where he was the only one on stage, or at least the only one in that moment who mattered.



Nick's hands were shaking by the time the song ended. He had to see him again.



* * *



Nick wasn't much of a praying man, but he thanked god profusely that he wasn't performing that night. It would've been shit after watching the Backstreet Boys. His mind was completely clouded.



After the show, there was the afterparty. There always was and after grabbing himself a drink, downing it, and grabbing another, he walked around in search of Brian.



Or at least, in search of AJ and Howie, who could lead him there. That was probably the better plan.



Thankfully he didn't have to look very hard. He walked around and looked at all the tables, finally seeing Brian and AJ sitting together at one, along with Howie and the other guy in their group.



Nick took a deep breath. You're stupid. His brain screamed at him. What're you thinking is gonna happen? Probably nothing. He didn't care. Maybe that was better anyway. Because if something did happen and someone found out about it?



Dead wasn't even the word to describe it.



“Hey,” he said, trying to smile and play it cool. He glanced at Brian for half a second before fixing his gaze on AJ. Because that's who he was here to see. Definitely. Yup.



AJ grinned and stood up from his chair as soon as he looked up. “Nick! Man!” he exclaimed, pulling Nick in for a tight hug. “You're here too? This is fuckin' great. Can I get you a drink? Don't you love fuckin' Europe?” he laughed on and on and Nick just grinned awkwardly. It seemed like AJ already had his fair share of drinks, but that was fine. “Fuckin' Europe no one's gonna give me shit about having a drink...” AJ hit Nick in the chest and wandered off with a laugh.



“Sit down, Nick,” Howie said, motioning for Nick to take AJ's empty seat. The one beside Brian.



“Uh, yeah,” Nick laughed, sitting down. He glanced over at Brian and smiled. Fuck, he was going to die. He was definitely not going to make it. “I saw your performance,” he said, turning to look at Howie instead. “As long as you love me... baybay...” he sang, purposely making his voice overly high-pitched.



Fuck, he was so awkward. The only thing he knew how to do was make stupid jokes. Where the hell was AJ with that drink?



Howie rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”



But to Nick's surprise, Brian agreed with him. “He's got a point, dude,” he laughed, leaning over the table, right in front of Nick, and looking at Howie.



Nick gulped.



“You do kinda sound like that,” Brian continued on, looking up at Nick with a smile and then leaning back into his own seat.



“Yeah!” Nick exclaimed, looking over at Brian gratefully. “And like, okay, this is weird,” Nick kept on laughing as he looked at the other boys. Brian was looking at him intently, Howie had a raised eyebrow, clearly ready to be unamused by whatever Nick said next and the other boy... Nick didn't know what to think about him, so he avoided looking at him.



“Okay,” Nick continued laughing. “I have a weird question.” His voice was starting to go into that high-pitched tone that it did when he was nervous. “You got that song like... Backstreet's Back, or whatever?”



He glanced at Brian. Brian just nodded. His eyes were totally focused on Nick, and Nick had to peel himself away from staring at them.



“Yeah... but like, your other songs are so fuckin' popular. Where'd y'all go?” Nick snorted like this revelation was the most hilarious thing in the world. Brian laughed along with him and Howie couldn't help but laugh as well.



“It's actually our first single off our second album in Europe,” the older boy sitting next to Howie said, leaning over and giving Nick a look.



Nick swallowed, but continued to giggle a little bit with a smirk on his face.



“Oh come on, Kev,” Brian laughed, leaning over in front of Nick again. This time he placed his hand on Nick's knee to stabilize himself. Nick stopped laughing, but he kept that smile plastered on his face. “It doesn't make a whole lot of sense at home. Admit it.”



“I guess,” Kevin said, smiling a little bit and looking at Nick.



Nick just shrugged, still smiling. Because Brian was still fucking touching him and his heart was beating so fast he thought he might pass out.



Luckily AJ chose that moment to show up with their drinks. He placed what looked like a rum and Coke in front of Nick and sat down in the empty seat on the other side of Brian. “Wha'd I miss, fellas?” he asked, taking a long swig of his own drink.



Brian sat back up and pulled his hand away from Nick. That was probably good, Nick figured, even if he was sort of disappointed by it.



“Nick's making fun of our songs,” Howie said, giving AJ a look.



“Oh yeah?” AJ asked, tiling his head and looking at Nick over his sunglasses. “At least we've got more than one.”



“I've got more than one!” Nick protested, taking a large sip of his drink. He had to fight to not make a face - did AJ get him a double? Jesus.



“Uh huh,” AJ laughed, finishing up his drink. “I neeeeeed you toniiiiiight,” he half sang, half screeched.



“I don't sound like that,” Nick said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Not even a little bit.”



“Whatever, dude.”



Luckily, Howie changed the subject before this got worse. “How's the album going?”



Nick shrugged. “Yeah, good. Almost done. I actually wrote with that guy you guys wrote with. Max.”



“Oh yeah?” Brian sat up glancing over at Nick. “What did you guys write?”



“Uh...” Nick started, sipping at the rest of his drink. “It's like... a ballad... kinda?” He licked his lips. “It goes like. You came and changed what I believe in. The world on the outside's tryin' to pull me in... but they can't touch me 'cause I've got you...” He shrugged a little but when he was done singing the line. “Yeah,” he said awkwardly, shuffling his feet.



“It's really good,” Brian said to him, nodding his head and keeping his eyes fixated on Nick.



“You heard one line!” AJ laughed from the other side of the table. “C'mon!”



Nick couldn't help but laugh at that. That, and he had to keep his cool because Brian was starting to get too close again and it kept messing with his head.



“Yeah,” Nick laughed and then stood up. “I'm getting another drink. Anyone? AJ?”



“Jack and Coke,” AJ said quickly.



Nick nodded and then walked off, taking a deep breath. This wasn't so bad. He'd just drink and hang out with the guys and everything would be fine. Nothing had to happen.



* * *



Brian didn't know how many drinks he had, hell he didn't know how many drinks Nick had. But by the end of the night, he was feeling pretty good.



“Early flight tomorrow boys,” Kevin said, standing up from his seat. “Maybe it's time to call it a night.”



Brian kept on giggling and looking over at Nick. He didn't even remember what they were on about. Just that it was funny, and Nick was laughing and he had a smile that lit up the fucking room.



“Brian,” Kevin said louder, trying to get his attention. Normally Brian wasn't this aloof, and he could tell his cousin was frustrated with him. But he also didn't really care at the moment.



“Yeah, yeah,” Brian said, looking up at him. “You're right, let's go.” He glanced over at Nick. Nick was just looking at him. His blonde hair was falling in front of his face a little bit. Probably on account of Nick running his hand through it all night. It was probably soft. Brian wiggled his fingers together a little bit, imagining was Nick's hair would feel like tangled up in them. And because he was drunk he didn't even fight the thought.



“Where're you staying?” he asked.



“Uh,” Nick said, glancing up at Kevin and the others. “Art Hotel.” Then he smirked. “Just like everyone else.”



“Everyone was put up at that hotel,” Kevin said, giving Brian a look.



“Oh yeah, right,” Brian laughed. “Okay, well you might as well ride back with us then.”



Kevin seemed to accept that. As long as they were getting back to the hotel he obviously didn't care who went with them. So the five of them walked out to the limousine area and got into one.



Nick slid in easily beside Brian, leaning his head against his shoulder. “I'm tired,” he mumbled.



Brian just laughed. “The hotel's five minutes away.”



“Yeah.”



Brian looked over at the others. Kevin and Howie were sitting across from him. AJ was sitting beside Nick, just looking out the tinted window. He looked back over at Kevin and nodded his head down towards Nick a little. He rolled his eyes to try and show him that he thought this kid was ridiculous.



The reality was anything but, but Kevin didn't have to know that. He couldn't know that.



They pulled up in front of the hotel. “I'm gonna take him to his room,” Brian said, giving Kevin a glance. As soon as the words left his mouth, his heart skipped a beat. And it had nothing to do with his stupid murmur. “He's all by himself,” he added, trying not to make it seem too suspicious.



“Yeah Kevin,” Nick laughed, putting a pout on his face. “All by himself.”



Kevin rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Night.”



With that they went off in opposite directions, with Nick and Brian off in search of Nick's room. Nick fumbled with the key for a minute before opening the door. “Yeah... well...” Nick said awkwardly, walking into the dark room.



Brian took a deep breath. He knew he should leave. He should have just laughed and said goodnight and left it at that. He'd see Nick at another awards show or something. He didn't have to follow him into his fucking room.



Except that was exactly what he was doing - walking in behind Nick and closing the door behind him. He stood there for a second, breathing hard and looking at Nick. Nick was inches away from him and before Brian could say another word, Nick threw his lips on his.



Brian's head was spinning and his brain was screaming at him. But that didn't stop him from kissing Nick back. Oh, and reaching up and finally touching his hair. Which wasn't as soft as he expected it to be, and it was sort of wet at the roots probably from how warm it had been in the arena. Brian didn't really care.



“Sorry,” Nick said suddenly, breaking their kiss. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.”



Brian just pulled Nick back onto him by the collar of his shirt. “It's fine,” he said breathlessly before kissing him again.



Nick wasn't a great kisser. That didn't matter. Brian let him kiss him and push him against the door of the hotel room. As much as he'd hated to admit it to himself, he'd been waiting for the the moment Nick sat down at their table.



Brian winced as Nick pulled away from him again. “I...” Nick started, and then glanced over to the bed.



Brian just nodded his head eagerly and watched as Nick climbed onto the hotel mattress. He was way too far gone for this boy - that was the only thought on his mind as he let himself fall on top him and start to kiss him again.



He was so drunk and his head was spinning. The only thought that crossed his mind was Nick's hands, Nick's mouth, Nick's soft breaths.



Everything Nick was the only thing he could think about as the two of them clutched each other. Nothing else.