Brian shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the doctor's office. He and Leighanne touched down in Kentucky the day before to spend three days of Christmas with his family - and this was what they were doing?

He sighed and glanced over at her. She'd called and booked the appointment. She'd driven him there and she'd told him in absolutely no uncertain terms that she was going to follow through with whatever medical advice he was given.

He knew she was right. He knew that. But did she have to be so god damn motherly about it?

“Brian?” the receptionist called for him to go into the room. He stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Leighanne asked, lightly touching his arm. “I'm coming with you,” she said before he had a chance to answer.

Why'd she even bother asking? Brian fought not to roll his eyes. They walked into the doctor's office and took a seat across the desk from him.

“Well Mr. Littrell...”

Brian tried to concentrate on what he was being told. He really, and truly did. But having a bunch of X-rays laid out in front of him while the doctor went over a bunch of medical jargon wasn't exactly the easiest way to get him to listen. He'd heard all of this before anyway - it was a lot of the same. His heart was messed up, he needed surgery, he wasn't going to live for much longer if he didn't...

Wait. That part was new.

“W...what?” Brian asked weakly, leaning in closer and peering at the X-rays in front of him. As if that would help him understand better.

“The ventricular septal defect is causing your heart to enlarge. It's imperative that you have surgery as soon as possible to repair it,”the doctor said, making eye contact with Brian.

“As soon as possible,” Brian repeated, his mouth dry. Mentally, he went through his schedule with the boys for the next little while. They were supposed to be starting work on their next album in the new year. They were also supposed to be doing some promotion during that time. Rehearsals for the tour that summer... “We're...” he tried to list off everything they were doing, but it was futile.

Leighanne snapped her head towards him. “The group?!” she nearly shouted. “Brian...”

He bit his lip. Maybe he could do it in the spring. Before the tour in the summer and after they got some of their rehearsing done. “I guess... in May...” he mumbled, almost inaudibly. “I could do...”

The doctor seemed to accept that, nodding and thrusting a whole bunch of forms at him to fill out and take to reception to actually book a date.

Brian's mind went numb as he filled out the forms in front of him. All of it was fairly standard, but Leighanne's tapping of her foot was driving him nuts.

“What?” he asked, glaring at her and looking up.

“I just...” she licked her lips and paused. “The fact that you even had to think about this...”

“I have a job, Leigh,” he sighed, shaking his head and turning his attention back to his paperwork. “I can't let down the other boys.”

Brian didn't look back up at her, but he didn't have to. He'd seen her reaction to this multiple times. She'd purse her lips and widen her eyes, like she couldn't believe how callous he could be with his own life.

Except it wasn't his own life. It was Kevin's, Howie's and AJ's too. As much as she didn't understand that, it was true. If he put the brakes on his career, it would affect them as well.

“Of course you can't,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes and shifting in her chair.

“I'm having the surgery,” he said, gathering up the papers and standing up. “I don't know what else you want.”

And with that he walked out of the room, leaving Leighanne sitting there stunned for a moment before she sighed and followed behind him.

* * *

The drive back to his parent's house was quiet. Brian sighed to himself. The radio was on low in the background as well, and Leighanne was just staring out the window.

He glanced at her before staring back out at the road in front of him. She was just trying to be supportive. He knew that - but it didn't mean she didn't annoy him. Her holier than thou attitude and inability to look past anything but what was happening in her own life was starting to drive him up the wall. The group was important to him and his career was important to him.

He rolled his eyes. She'd just given up her entire career to be with him. It had flattered him at first. Now he found himself with very little in common with her.

“You're listening to Hot 102, All The Hits and this is number three this week. It's I Need You Tonight, by Nick Carter.”

Brian sighed, but he turned up the radio all the same. He swallowed, listening to Nick's voice through the speakers.

He hadn't even spoken to Nick since that night in Rotterdam. Or, more accurately, the morning after. He didn't even know how to get into contact with him if he wanted to. Not that he wanted to...

“You actually like this song?” Leighanne broke the silence, looking over at Brian and wrinkling her nose.

Brian's heart skipped a beat. Yeah, if only she knew. “It's not a bad song,” he said, trying his best to sound light.

She rolled her eyes. “He's awfully nasally.”

Brian tensed up. He certainly was not (even though, if he thought about it objectively, he really was.) But he found himself defending Nick to her. Even though there was no reason for it. Because he wasn't ever going to see him again or anything. “I've met him a couple times,” he said. “He's a really nice guy. He works with a lot of the same producers that we do.”

She eyed him, and for a second Brian thought maybe he'd gone too far. Maybe Leighanne figured it all out. Even though there wasn't really anything to figure out. Aside from the fact that he'd spent one night with him. But it was one night. It didn't mean anything.

“Well they obviously gave him the rejects,” she said, turning to look out the window again.

Brian just shook his head and kept on driving. He sang along softly. Really, the song wasn't that bad. And maybe he could see Nick again. Cause he'd gotten it out of his system now. And they could just be friends.

He chewed at his lip. Now, if only he could believe that.

* * *

Nick stared out the window of his family's house in Florida. Christmas Day was always the worst. Try as they might to be normal, it always ended in some sort of drama.

Today his parents were screaming at each other over the gravy, of all things. Nick was hardly listening as he chopped up potatoes. (Which he'd bought, by the way. Just like everything else they were going to eat that night and everything else in the god damn house.)

He kept staring out the window. There was no way they'd have afforded a house like this on their own. There was a stretch of beach outside with a tiny dock and his own pontoon boat.

He set the knife down and walked towards the sliding glass doors.

“Where do you think you're going?” his mom screeched at him, putting her hands on her hips.

“Outside,” he said simply.

“And what about supper? You know everything isn't just about you Nickolas...”

She continued on, Nick was sure of it. But he wasn't listening anymore. He didn't really care what she had to say to him. He walked down to the dock and climbed into his boat, prepping it to go off.

“What're you doing?”

Nick looked up. His younger sister, BJ, was standing in front of him. She must have followed him, but Nick hadn't heard her with his clouded mind. She was only a couple years younger than him, but she already had a striking resemblance to their mother.

Except with her bleach-blonde hair, her tube top and jean cuttoffs, you'd never know it was December. Nick chuckled to himself as he pulled the rope off and tossed it to the side. The boat started to pull away from the shore. “Taking a break,” he said, still puttering around the boat.

BJ rolled her eyes and stepped into the boat herself. They started to drift away slowly and Nick glanced back at the house. He was sure it was still loud as hell in there, but out here he couldn't hear any of it.

“This is the only thing I've ever done for myself, Beej,” he said, pulling at the sails one more time before sitting down and looking across the way at his sister. “This fucking boat.”

She sighed. “Nick, no one ever asked you to-”

“But they did, didn't they?” Nick snapped at her. “Do Mom and Dad work? No. They just let me provide for all of you. Like I'm the one who's responsible for that.”

“You have more than enough money,” she said, still giving him a look.

Nick sighed and stared out on the water. She just didn't get it. Sure, he had money. And yeah, it was probably more than enough for just one person. Or it would be once his album dropped and hopefully did well.

“I'm going to buy a house,” he said, even though he hadn't totally decided on that yet. But the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he needed to get out. To get away from all this bullshit. Because coming home got more dreadful every time he did it.

“You already bought a house,” BJ said, looking at him and motioning to the house that was getting smaller by the minute.

“I mean my own house,” Nick clarified. “For me.”

“Nick...” BJ said, almost cautioning him. That was laughable, considering he was the one paying for all of their shit. If he was so self-sufficient, why couldn't he move out?

“I mean it,” he said. “You don't know what it's like, coming back here all the time.”

“Oh, I don't?!” she snapped at him. “I do, believe me I do. You get to go off and go to all these exciting places. I have to stay here all the fucking time and deal with mom and dad and everyone else when you're gone. You can't just abandon me...”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He hadn't thought of it like that. “I guess...” he muttered.

The worst part was obviously having to go through all of this alone. Whatever friends he had in Florida didn't get him anymore - they were too busy mocking him for being a “celebrity” now, or whatever he was. He sort of envied AJ and Howie - at least they had the other guys in their group to talk to about all this. There was always someone else around who was going through the exact same thing.

Which of course, led him down the path of thinking about Brian again. The boy who'd left him in the room in Rotterdam a month ago. It wasn't that shocking - they were both drunk and stupid. As soon as Nick had woken up he'd known what was going to happen. Because there was no way everything was going to work out perfectly. It never did.

But still, he gulped when he thought back to that night and what he remembered of it. Brian's hand on his shoulder, Brian's smile lighting up his whole face, Brian's mouth on his skin...

“Nick?” BJ pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“We should probably go back,” she said, nodding towards the house. “Mom's probably having a fit.”

Nick sighed. His mom would probably be having a fit anyway, regardless if they were there or not. But still, BJ was probably right. They couldn't stay out here the entire night. “Yeah, okay.”

He swung the sails to turn the boat around and start heading back. It didn't take much concentration, he'd done it a million times before. His thoughts wandered back to Brian. Maybe he could just be friends with him. They didn't have to do anything or be anything more than that - they'd gotten along just fine before they'd even kissed or anything else.

He nodded to himself, feeling calmer than he had when he'd first come outside. Yeah, he could just call up Brian and they could be friends. That'd be fine. He was sure of it.