Brian yawned as he stood in the studio the next morning. He'd woken up early - 5:16, to be exact. He'd slept decently before but, but as soon as he'd started to wake up and remembered that Nick would be joining them in the studio that day, it was all he could think about.

Sleep was just a distant memory at that point.

Now, he was leaning over soundboard, staring down at the book of lyrics in front of him. There must have been dozens of songs for them to choose from, their management having gone through the list and earmarking ones that they thought would be a good fit.

Brian sighed to himself and stood upright, taking a sip of his tea and glancing at the door.

So far, it was just the four of them left to their own devices. They'd met with Max earlier to go over the options and then they were given the task of picking a song. Nick was supposed to be joining them too.

Brian glanced down at his watch. That was thirteen minutes ago. He tapped his foot on the floor and stared at the door again. As if that would will it open and Nick would walk through.

He didn't, so Brian glanced down at the book of lyrics again. He looked over at AJ who had a pair of large headphones over his ears. He was clearly listening to some demos as he swayed along with the music.

Brian laughed to himself and was so absorbed in watching his friend that he almost didn't hear the door open from behind him. As soon as he heard the joints squeak open, he turned around.

Sure enough, there was Nick. He soft blonde hair was loose, falling around his face instead of being slicked back with product. He was wearing loose-fitting jeans and a red hoodie - upon closer inspection it appeared the embroidered logo was that of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Not that Brian was looking too hard.

“Hey,” Nick said, running a hand through his hair. It did little to keep it pushed back - because it just fell in front of his face again. “Sorry I'm late. Room service was slow,” he laughed.

He walked over to where Brian was standing and shoved his hands in his pockets. He offered Brian a small smile before looking down at the book.

Brian gulped but he forced himself to tear his eyes away from Nick and ignore the heat building up in his chest.

“What'cha looking at?” Nick asked, sitting down on one of the stools and resting his arms on the soundboard. “Lyrics? Y'all wanna pick a song based on lyrics?” he laughed again, his blue eyes crinkling at the sides.

Brian rubbed his face with his hands. “I-” he started, but he was cut off by Howie.

“AJ's listening to some demos,” he said with a smile. Brian shot him a bit of a look, though he didn't really know why. Howie just shrugged his shoulders.

“Cool,” Nick said, standing up and walking over to AJ.

“The lyrics are important too,” Kevin said, looking over at Nick.

Nick nodded his head while he whispered to AJ and laughed. He picked up the tape and walked back over to the soundboard, popping it into the cassette slot. “Maybe,” he said, fiddling with some of the knobs. “But Max isn't exactly a lyrical genius,” he giggled, sliding the volume up and letting the room fill with music.

“Which is why we should be reading the lyrics first,” Kevin muttered, but he was ignored.

The boys stood in a circle, bopping along to an upbeat song.

“I like this one,” AJ said after a minute or so, swaying his hips to the beat and looking up at Nick and laughing. “I must confess that my loneliness...”

“Is killin' me nowwww,” Nick joined in, intentionally raising the pitch of his voice.

Brian couldn't help but smile, even if he didn't agree that the song was any good. If he thought this was going to be weird, it really wasn't. Nick actually did fit in with their group quite well - at least they had that going for them with this collaboration.

“I don't really know if this lends itself to any harmonies,” Howie said with a shrug, glancing up at Kevin.

“Yeah, he's right,” Kevin replied. It was just as well, as the snippet was coming to an end. “Next.”

The five of them looked at the ground as the next song started, trying to absorb the music. There was just a lead-in of a guitar and a chorus for this one.

“Don't wanna lose you now, baby, I know we can win this...”

Brian tapped his foot to the beat. The song was good, really good actually. He could see them recording this one. He glanced up at the others. Kevin was nodding along with it as well. AJ and Nick looked up and glanced at each other. Nick wrinkled his nose and AJ laughed.

“Not this one,” Howie said, looking up at Nick.

“It's just...” Nick started as the demo continued to play in the background. “It's a little bit... I dunno.”

“Boring,” AJ finished for him. “It's boring.”

“I think it's nice,” Kevin protested, looking over at Brian for support.

Brian sighed. He didn't want to side with Nick and AJ - this would be a whole lot easier if he agreed with Kevin. He did like the song, but it probably wasn't a hit. Maybe they could record it on their own as an album track or something. “I don't think it's what we're looking for.”

Nick looked over at him gratefully. Brian just looked back down and shuffled his feet as the next song started.

The one was fuller, starting off with a guitar melody before going into the opening lines.

“You are my fire, the one desire. Believe when I say... I want it that way...”

It was infectious and Brian couldn't help but tap his foot along to the music. Maybe it was because this song was a bit more fleshed out than the others, but he was drawn to it right away.

He glanced around at the others. Kevin's eyes were closed as he nodded his head along to the beat. AJ was tapping his hand on his thigh in time to the music. Howie was mouthing along to the chorus already, because the words were easy enough to pick up.

And Nick? Brian watched as he mouthed along to the lyrics, softly ad-libbing here and there as the song drew to a close. His eyes were closed tight and Brian had to fight to keep his mind on the song and not let it wander back to that night in Nick's hotel room.

“That's the one,” Brian said softly once the song finished. Another one started playing after it, but none of them were paying attention. “That's the song.”

He looked around at the others before finally settling on Nick. Nick just smiled at him, nodding his head in agreement. Even Kevin, who usually held an even keel on decisions like this was grinning ear to ear.

“Yeah,” Kevin said, looking around at the others for approval. “That's definitely it.”

All four of them instantly looked at Nick. Nick looked confused for a second, like he'd forgotten that he had to agree to it too. That he wasn't just a part of their group. “Yeah, totally,” he said quickly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Let's do it.”

“Great,” Kevin said before turning to walk out of the room. “I'll let management know.”

* * *

The process of choosing the song had only been the first in many steps. They'd spent a long day in the studio recording and after fans caught wind that they were in the studio any thoughts of going out to eat dinner were gone. Instead they were whisked back to the hotel.

“Dude, what the fuck?!” Nick covered his head with his hands as they group of them ran into the hotel lobby, security keeping a tight cone around them. “Is it like this everywhere you go?”

“Mostly everywhere Brian goes,” Howie said once they were inside, brushing his hands onto the thighs of his jeans.

Nick chewed at his lip. Yeah, that's not surprising, he thought to himself.“Uh huh,” was all he said instead. “That's fuckin' whack. I didn't even bring security with me. Nobody cares what I do.”

“Must be nice,” AJ muttered, glancing around and taking a deep breath. There were still screaming girls outside, but the hotel had them at bay. Finally, they had a little breathing room.

Nick stared out towards the front of the hotel in awe. He could still hear the muffled screams - it sort of freaked him out to think that one day that might be the same reaction he'd get. He could only hope to be that successful, anyway.

“Whatever,” he said with a wave, walking towards the elevators. “I'm going up to my room to play PlayStation and I guess I'll be ordering pizza cause like hell I'm going out there.” He looked around at the others, as if to try and coerce some of them to come with him. And he tried to look at all of them equally - he definitely didn't look at Brian longer than the others.

Besides, Brian would probably declare he had a girlfriend and run screaming anyway.

“I'm down for that,” AJ said, following behind Nick.

Nick shrugged like that was fine.

“Maybe we can get a car together in a while and try to find somewhere else to eat?” Kevin suggested, looking around at them.

Brian cocked his head to the side. “Are you insane?” He gestured over to the font of the hotel again. “I'm just gonna go with these guys.”

There was a long pause that even Nick noticed. And he usually didn't pick up on that sort of thing. But even he couldn't miss the long sigh Kevin gave after what felt like twenty minutes. “Fine, I guess you and I can go figure out food then.”

“Without this guy?” Howie laughed, slapping Brian on the back as he and Kevin broke off from the group. “It'll be a lot easier.”

With that, AJ, Nick and Brian gathered into one of the large glass elevators with security in tow. As they rode up to his room in silence, Nick was careful to keep his eyes fixated on the brightly lit numbers above the doors. This was the best case scenario, really. This way he got to hang out with Brian, and with AJ there it wasn't like anything was going to happen anyway. His mind couldn't get carried away and he didn't have to worry about it.

He stole a quick glance over at Brian before looking up at the numbers again. Now, if only he could believe that.

* * *

AJ laughed, tossing his controller down onto the floor. “Dude, you suck at this.” He looked over at Brian before leaning back and stretching his legs out on the floor.

Brian rolled his eyes. He'd never been good at Madden. There was a reason he didn't play sports video games. Sports? Yes. Video games based on sports? Hell no. He tossed his own controller down on the ground beside himself. He and AJ were both sitting on the floor at the edge of the bed. Nick was laying on his stomach on the bed.

And Brian was doing everything he could to not look at him. For the millionth time that evening, he scolded himself for even agreeing to this. He should have gone back to his own room. Should have just called Leighanne and gone to sleep, oh and maybe gone out with Kevin and told him about his fucking heart surgery.

Then he berated himself for how stupid he was being. Nothing was even happening.

He twisted around and reached up to grab another slice of pizza out of the box that was sitting on the bed. For a split second he made eye contact with Nick. He gave him a half-smile and then sunk back down to his spot on the floor.

Idiot. He thought to himself as he chewed on his pizza. You're such an idiot.

“Dude,” Nick said from behind him. He heard him shuffle on the bed, crawling off the edge and grabbing AJ's controller off the floor. Nick's arm brushed Brian's shoulder, and Brian jerked away from the movement. His heart sped up in his chest, but when he looked around, neither Nick or AJ seemed to notice how awkward he was being.

“Let me show you how it's actually done,” Nick continued, pressing some buttons on the controller and starting the game up again. “Brian, c'mon.”

He didn't really want to play, but he found himself picking up the controller anyway. He half-heartedly pushed the buttons and watched as Nick completely kicked his ass in the game.

“And that's how it's done,” Nick said triumphantly, tossing the controller on the bedspread and raising his hands above his head.

“Uh huh.” AJ obviously didn't care about Nick's Madden skills. He stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets. “This is lame, I'm outta here. Gonna go find a bar.”

Brian looked up at Nick once AJ was out of the room. He should have probably taken the opportunity to leave himself, but he didn't. Which meant that he and Nick were now alone - a fact he was keenly aware of.

“Again?” Nick asked, picking up the controller and shaking it.

Brian shrugged. He didn't really want to play again, but he couldn't think of a better excuse to stay.

“Or you could suck my dick and run off afterwards,” Nick said. He cocked his head to the side and laughed a bit, but Brian didn't miss the tinge of bitterness in his voice.

But at least Nick had broken the ice. “Nick, you know that wasn't...”

“Oh, I know.” Nick nodded his head, his eyes wide. He was still hanging over the edge of the bed like this was some sort of teenage sleepover party. “I get it. It's not like we can go out there and tell the whole world we're gay for each other.”

Brian rolled his eyes. Nick was making this harder than it had to be. “It's not really about that,” he said, even though it sort of was. “There's...” he started, trying to think of what he could say to make Nick understand. “It's complicated,” he finally settled on.

“Uh huh. Yup. I told you, I get it.”

Brian put his head in his hands. If only his relationship - whatever it was - with Nick was the biggest of his problems at the moment. “I'm having heart surgery,” he muttered, deciding he might as well get it out. He slowly looked back up at Nick, half-expecting his expression to have changed. It hadn't. He still had a raised eyebrow and a slightly open mouth.

“Huh?”

Brian sighed. Nick clearly didn't understand the gravity of what he'd said. But now that the floodgates were open, Brian figured he might as well talk about it. He had to talk about it with someone. He climbed up onto the bed and leaned back against the headboard. “I'm having open-heart surgery on May 8th.”

“Oh May 8th,” Nick repeated, frowning. He rolled over and moved to sit beside Brian. “Dude, that's in like...” he looked down at his hands, counting softly. “March... April... three months.”

Brian nodded, swallowing a lump that was starting to build in his throat. “Yeah.”

“Is it serious?”

“No, Nick,” Brian said sarcastically, unable to stop himself. “I just thought it'd be fun to go under the knife.”

“Okay, sorry.” Nick reached up and softly placed his hand on the left side of Brian's chest. He glanced up at him, locking their eyes before pressing a little bit harder. “It's beating though.”

Brian took in a deep breath. He was too worried now to snap back at Nick with another sarcastic comment. Too focused on Nick's hand touching him. Hopefully Nick hadn't noticed his heartbeat picking up. “It won't be for much longer... if I don't have the surgery.”

“Shit...” Nick whispered, keeping his hand on Brian's chest as they both looked down.

“I haven't told anyone else,” Brian continued. “I mean, obviously Leigh knows,” he paused awkwardly when he said her name, but Nick didn't flinch. “But the other boys don't.”

Nick looked up at Brian, shocked. “You haven't told AJ or the others? They don't know that you're having fucking surgery in three months?!” he asked incredulously. “Dude!”

“I know.” Brian sunk down and put his head in his hands. “I know, I just... they're gonna kill me.”

“They'll probably kill you more if y'all book a show or something and then you just don't show up. Seriously, dude. You gotta tell them.”

“I know,” Brian muttered into his hands. “It's just, I just...” he glanced up, looking into Nick's concerned eyes. His lips were turned downwards, and Brian craned his neck upwards to kiss them.

If he thought Nick was going to push him away, he was wrong. Nick pulled him in closer, shuffling downwards so Brian could climb on top of him.

“I... is this okay?” Nick asked him softly, placing his hand on Brian's chest again.

“Yeah...” Brian replied, leaning down to kiss him again. No - nothing about this was okay. But it wasn't like that was going to stop him.