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Author's Chapter Notes:

Coll woke up disoriented on the lounge couch. She looked around the immediate area and began to remember what had happened.

“Shit.” She whispered to herself.

She sat up on the couch and looked around. The lounge was quiet, she realized, and empty except for Billy who was sitting in a chair by the door with his feet propped up on a crate, watching some sporting event on a very tiny tv.

“Billy?” She asked. The way her body still felt so heavy, she knew she had been deep asleep for a while.

He looked over at her and smiled, “did I wake you?”

She couldn’t tell if he was joking.

“What time is it?”

“About 9:30.”

“Holy shit.”

He laughed as she pressed her hand into her forehead and then ran her hand over her face. She touched the top of her head and smoothed her hair a bit mindlessly. “They thought about waking you. Leighanne convinced them to let you sleep.” He said, “she saved you some dinner.” He pointed to a covered dish on a table diagonal from her.

She looked between him and the table for a moment before taking a deep breath and swinging her legs off the side of the couch to stand up.

9:30… i slept for… four hours or more? Holy shit.

“You must have been really tired.”

“Yeah, wow... I slept through dinner? All that commotion?”

He laughed and returned his attention to the game, “That is pretty impressive. They didn’t even pull any pranks on you!”

She giggled as she moved in the direction of the table. She lifted the cover to see what Leighanne had saved for her and smiled at her selection.

“Oh she’s good.”

Coll left the plate and Billy briefly and retreated to the nearest restroom to wash her face off. Still amazed she slept so long, she looked her features over in the mirror.

For as much as she knew she needed that sleep she just got, she also knew this threw her schedule off again.

Her eyes were still a little puffy from sleep and her ponytail was really sloppy.

She thought back to that night in Spain and wearing Andrea’s clothes and the perfect ponytail… the old woman who said she could tell they were in love. It filled her body up with anticipation. She closed her eyes and leaned over the sink, pressing into her palms.

“You don’t have anything to be afraid of.”

She shook her head free of the thoughts and turned to return to the lounge without fixing her hair.

As she made her way through the plate of food Leighanne left for her she made small talk with Billy, and before she was even done eating, everyone was arriving back from the show.

Leighanne and Becka arrived first, asked her how she was feeling and how her nap was.

Soon after, the guys arrived back to the lounge as well.

“Sleeping beauty, how do you feel?” Kevin asked.

“You weren’t joking about being tired.” Brian laughed as he patted her on her head.

“Are you okay for real?” Nick asked with a concerned smile, leaning over the table across from her.

“I can’t believe I slept through everything.... but yeah I feel fine now.” She giggled as Becka approached across the table.

Becka and Nick looked at each other each of them thinking back to their conversation earlier


-- “why are you acting surprised? You’re the one who kept her up all night.” Becka asked, looking at Nick.

“She was with you all night!”

“Don’t play me, Carter.”

He looked at her and laughed, “I’m not??”

Becka narrowed her eyes at him. “Well she went somewhere in the middle of the night.”

Nick’s stomach dropped. “What?”

“You seriously weren’t with her? You two didn’t sneak off somewhere?”

“No. I seriously went to my room took a shower and went to bed. I didn’t see her at all.”

--

“Loving this hair situation.” Leighanne giggled as she touched Coll’s ponytail.

Coll blushed and her eyes met Nick’s again. He smiled shyly at her and everyone began about their regular after show business.

“You look really cute.” He said.


Upon arriving back at the hotel, Howie mentioned he was going to get a drink at the bar and several members of their group decided to join him. Becka declined mentioning that her jet lag was catching up to her, but encouraged Coll to go if she wanted to.

“Go have fun! There is no possible way you could even be tired right now.”

“No I’m going back up with you. I want to get back on a normal schedule.”

“Alright, whatever you think.” Becka smiled as Nick came over to them.

“We are going to go upstairs.” Coll said before he could ask.

“I’ll walk with you.” He nodded.

The three of them, along with Angela and Q, rode the elevator up to their floors together and again, Becka took the key from Coll to get a head start, leaving them to say goodnight to each other.

Nick and Coll lingered in the hallway outside his door saying goodnight for as long as possible until there was a silence. Nick moved in closer to her.

“Stay with me tonight.” He said quietly, slipping his hand into hers.

“You know I want to.”

“I want you to, too.”

“I don’t want to leave Becka alone, and I really need to get back on some kind of normal sleep schedule. If I’m able to sleep tonight then-” She paused, noticing him watching her closely. Not just her face but her whole body. She felt warm.

He smiled softly at her running his hand up her arm. “But it’s so lonely.”

“Tomorrow night, I promise.” She whispered.

“That’s so long from now.” His other hand crept up her neck and he was nuzzling his face against hers.

“You’ll be okay.” She said quickly before he started kissing her softly.

“Well,” He began, pulling back slightly to look at her, “if you change your mind…” he smiled and something about the look on his face ignited a fire inside of her. She had been attracted to him, turned on by him, enchanted by him and drawn to him before but this was different, this was a different intensity. Her spine tingled and her eyelids felt heavy.

“I-“

“It’s whatever you want.” He said as he placed his hand on her cheek, looking from her eyes to her lips and giving her the chills.

He kissed her again, slowly and deeply and she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

“Nick.”

“Yeah?”

Her mind went blank, she didn’t know what to say.

She ran her hand through her hair nervously and took a deep breath. “Sleep well.” She said and turned to leave him at his door.




Coll showered and got into bed with Becka who was half asleep already.

“By the way… Where did you go last night? Originally I thought to Nick but he said no.”

“Sorry i woke you. I tried to be as quiet as possible.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“I just wandered around for a while then I was talking to A.J.” She explained.

“Ohhh.” Becka yawned, “Okay tell me more tomorrow.”

“Goodnight sleepyhead.” Coll said and flipped the light off. She remained sitting upright against the headboard while Becka drifted off into a deep sleep.

Her mind was racing and she tried to settle herself but there were so many things to consider. And most of them delighted her.

She thought about being on a beach with Nick - maybe in Florida, spending the day between the sand and the sea and being undisturbed by the rest of the world.

She thought of him driving with her in the passenger seat singing along with the radio, to taking silly photos together… more sneaking off away from everyone.

She thought about Brian and the corridor of life.

She thought about the old woman at the restaurant.

She thought about A.J. and their conversation the night before.

She thought about the photo of them in Spain.

She thought about becka and trusting herself and Bunny’s, and Florida and Boston and sex and running her hands through his hair and the bag and the fountain and she thought about his face that first night in Germany. Why did he seem so relieved?

She thought about calling him at the end of a long library session, him keeping her a secret to the fans … or not. Either one worked.

She imagined them making big decisions together…. him in her life and her in his.

She thought about handing him everything and trusting him with it.

All in.

She thought about the way he made her feel that night in the hallway - like her entire body was craving his.

She slid into a laying position and closed her eyes, willed herself to feel sleepy and tried her very best to settle the thoughts of him.

It didn’t work. The intensity he left her with had remained and the sleep she got earlier was making this harder now.

She wanted him. And she wanted him to know it.

Her eyes were wide, staring straight ahead blankly into the darkness. Her heart was pounding.

“If it’s meant to be you can’t screw it up.”

She had to tell him.

She laid there fully awake and a little bit terrified, but so desperately wanting to see him.

Finally she worked up the courage to put her feet on the floor... slowly she made the choice to stand up and go to Nick and tell him everything. Tell him everything.


Quickly she moved into action before she could change her mind. She moved quickly to the door of the suite and out to the hallway, being careful to be as quiet as possible as she pulled it closed behind her.

The steps she took down the hall to Nick’s room were quick and gentle, truly sneaking away to him.

She stood there hesitant for a few minutes cracking her knuckles and messing with her hair on the hall side of his door. She knew that these words had to be spoken but that once they were out there was no going back. But she didn’t want to go back.

Standing there, she told herself she would figure out how to navigate it if he seemed freaked out or obligated. She was so consumed by the need to tell him something real that the concerns she had all along about things she had only projected on him were taking a backseat now.

She pressed her fingers into her forehead, took a deep breath as she looked at the patterned carpet under feet, she hadn’t even bothered putting her shoes on. She closed her eyes briefly.

Finally she knocked.

Her body felt like it was moving in slow motion with a dull ache of anticipation weighing her movements down.

Her stomach didn’t know where it belonged in her body and her heart was pounding.

He opened the door and he smiled at her. She was frozen in place for a moment before she entered his room quickly.

“Nick, I just-“ she began but he cut her off, quickly reaching for her and pulling her in for a kiss that lasted anywhere between fifteen seconds and an hour - she had no idea. Time essentially had no place in her life when she was with him, she noticed. His mouth on hers was too good, a massive distraction from everything else. So good, it made everything else seem small and insignificant, it was all consuming.

He was excited to be kissing her again, after accepting that he wouldn’t get to tonight.

“Were you going to say something?” He asked as he pulled away from her briefly.

His face was still so close to hers, his lips grazed hers as he spoke and she was sure she would explode. Her body felt hollow and heavy at the same time. She was holding her breath. The floor felt like it was tilting under her
She searched his face and tried to bring the courage back up. She shook her head, she couldn’t think clearly, everything was foggy. “I just-“ she licked her lips. She smiled, say it. Just say it. Nick, I’m in love with you. Just say it. “Nick… I’m …” Shit. “I love…”

His eyes were wide, his body tensed.

Her mind went blank. “I love kissing you.” Dammit

He smiled and brought his hands to her jaw, and began to kiss her again, slower this time and deeper. Too deep for not talking about how deep it was, too deep for ever going back to not kissing him. Her mind was in a race against her body - one of them was going to win. Her instincts were screaming, running for an answer, but her body was running fast toward more of him, not caring what it meant because it felt so good. She felt some tears in her eyes and tried to blink them away but he noticed.

“Are you crying?”

“No…?”

He smirked at her, “you always do that.”

“Do what?”

“When you don’t wanna tell the truth so you say something else but you say it like .. will they buy this?”

“I do not…” She hung her head, hiding her smile, knowing for sure that is exactly what she always did.

“You do. It’s cute.”

He knew her - she felt it. It felt right. It made her dizzy.

She looked him in the eye, “I just…” She couldn’t think. His eyes staring into her was destroying her. There was nothing left, she couldn’t think. “Happy,” she breathed.

His lips landed on her cheek, the feathery touch sending a chill through her body.

“Me too,” He said quietly before putting his mouth on her cheek, then her neck. She didn’t know what to do, her body felt like it didn’t belong to her, she felt him moving her closer to his bed and guiding her back so she was laying on it.

“Nick.” She said quickly as he kissed her neck.

“Coll.” He took a deep breath, “I-“ Tell her. But only if you can do it the right way. “I love-” his mouth felt dry. She was watching him and he lost his nerve. “I love kissing you too.” pathetic.

She was simultaneously annoyed and in ecstasy, she didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear but she loved it anyway.

“Do you still feel like you want more?” She asked quietly.

“Of course.”

“... me too.”

He slid his hand under her pajama top and across her stomach, then around her back, pressing his face into the curve between her neck and shoulder as he did. She laid there quietly indulging in the feel of his hands on her skin. She thought about the fans and how many other women he could be with right now but he was with her. He wanted her.

He began working her top off by unbuttoning it. She looked at him and sat up a bit so he could slip it off her body entirely. He traced a line with his finger tip from her bare shoulder to her wrist and she fell into a deep bliss, her eyes closed and her head tilted back.

While he wondered how much of this she experienced with other people she thought about how he was better at it than anyone.

He kissed her jaw and her neck and made his way down to her collarbone as his hands found hers and he laced their fingers together on either side of her body briefly.

He looked back at her, she was happy, he could tell. But he hated that anyone else might have ever had more of her than he had… and he knew she might feel the same way about him.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

She nodded.

He let her hands go and began using them to slip the straps of her bra over her shoulders kissing the spot they were and working his hands around to the clasp.

She felt her body relax.

He easily unhooked her bra and removed it. The stray light in his room caught her curves and he felt himself falling deeper into her.

“You are so perfect.” He whispered as he began kissing across her newly exposed skin, her hands settled on his shoulders and in his hair and she let him do whatever he wanted.

His mouth was moving so slowly across her skin, savoring every inch of it. Her body was on fire and she felt so many things it was hard to concentrate on any of them.

“I was really trying to be okay with leaving you alone tonight.” He said. “But I’d rather sleep next to you.”

The teetering was so severe.

She shook her head, “I don’t want to be left alone.”

“You'll never really be alone.”

A wave of pure joy rushed through her, for all the things she had thought to say to him or that he might say to her - what he was actually saying was wonderful.

“What?” She asked breathlessly.

“You are incredible.” He replied, not really answering her, as his lips landed on hers again.

They spent the next hour in near silence, with his mouth all over her, her hands in his hair, his body on top of hers… there wasn’t anything to talk about. One tantalizing thing led to another, from her lips to her jaw and across her collarbone, to the center of her chest and the curve of her breasts.

Now she was laying nearly naked under a sheet, her body turned on its side, facing him, both of her arms piled under her head.

He smiled at her, reaching over to push some hair over her shoulder.

Her eyes fell darker as he slid closer to her, draping his arm across her waist.

“You are so gorgeous.”

She closed her eyes and hid her face in her arm.

“What?”

Her heart was racing.

“Nick…” she looked back to him and reached out to touch his arm.

“Yeah.”

She remembered why she came to him in the first place and her belly felt nervous. So much had happened since then - he made her feel even more things she wanted him to know about but had no idea how to articulate. And she wasn’t sure now was the best time for it anymore… she wanted to enjoy it without any risk of throwing things off. But she knew that if she was truly committed to going all in, telling him was part of that. but maybe not right now.

“Coll.” He said before she could begin.

She was silent, watching him talk.

do better.

“I want to be something.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want you to have perfect things. You deserve perfect things.”

She connected his two statements and understood them.

“I want to have things that are perfect for me… which has nothing to do with being perfect at all.”

He felt a tiny explosion inside his body and he knew he’d never love anyone else the way he loved her.

He leaned in and kissed her again, softly.

His mind wandered back to Italy, the fountain and the way she had looked at him. He had never experienced anything like her before.

“So much has happened.” She whispered.

He nodded. “I’m really glad it did.”

It punched the air out of her lungs, his voice was so sweet and sincere and she knew his feelings for her were unquestionably the same as hers.
“Nick, I don’t want to go back.”

“Stay here.”

“I mean to before. Before … all of this.”

“I don’t want to either.”