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Sometimes waiting was the worst part. Everything that could have been done was done. After days of planning, crafting of words, tears, laughter and love they had crafted a statement they felt reflected not only who they were as performers, but also who they were as a couple. It had been signed off on by the rest of the guys and their management. They had sent it to the lawyer and they along with their management team would be sending it out sometime that very afternoon. Kevin had spent most of the morning on the phone with his mother. Deciding it was best to give her a heads up before her phone began imploding. Nick wasn't sure what all had been said but Kevin had insisted it had been positive.

Kristin, god love her, had offered to take both of Nick's kids home with her for the evening to give Kevin and Nick a kid free night when she came to make the weekly switch. Nick had hesitated, not wanting anyone else to have to be responsible for his children, but she had insisted and when Maxwell had begged for Odin to come too Nick was hard pressed to say no.

The prospect of an entire evening alone with his lover was exhilarating. Kevin had been excited about it as well. So excited in fact that he had sent Nick to his old bedroom and told him he wasn't allowed to come out until Kevin told him otherwise. He'd also confiscated Nick's phone and laptop. They had made this decision ahead of time together. Turning off all phones and putting all electronics in the kitchen so they wouldn't be tempted to look and see if the announcement had been made every five minutes. They had both agreed they wouldn't even touch them until Kristin brought Odin and Saoirse home the next night.

Alone in the bedroom with nothing to entertain himself, Nick took these quiet moments to reflect on the past month and a half. In his wildest fantasies, and there had been several featuring the older man, he's never imagined this. He'd never allowed himself to get to a point where he could imagine them ever having life together. Couldn't ever imagine that Kevin would love him, especially not as much as he claimed too. Nick really had no reason to doubt him either. Kevin was honest to a fault, always over analyzing every action and decision before moving forward. The fact that he'd not only made the moves to tell his family, their brothers and the entire world should be enough for Nick to believe him when he said I love you. And he did really. It was only in quiet moments like this when his doubts and insecurities were so loud they tried to down out the soft southern drawl of his love. Nick had been dealing with his insecurities for so long, every relationship only encouraging them to grow and suffocate him. He'd never been with someone who tried so hard to make him feel comfortable not only together, but comfortable in his own skin. It was wonderful and loving and Nick had no idea how to handle it.

Nick wasn't sure why things always seemed to be so hard for him to believe. He was so afraid that he would give himself over to the other man so completely and then the bottom would fall out and he wouldn't be able to catch himself. How could he get to a place where the possibility of those bad things happening weren't real? How did other people do it?

He hasn't even missed Lauren. That was something he'd thought of that morning after hitting send on their announcement. He could honestly care less if he ever had to deal with her again. That was sad for him, especially seeing how well Kevin and Kristin seemed to navigate divorce, but it only solidified in his mind that outside of the children, his whole relationship with her had been a mistake. Although maybe the mistake was too harsh of a word. The kids were everything and he reminded himself that each and every one of these experiences brought him to the place he was now. If things with Lauren hadn't come crashing down around him, there might not have ever been anything of significance to force him to seek solace in the older man and then what? Nick didn't even want to think about a circumstance where they never got to this place together. Maybe he should thank her, after all, because of her he ended up with the three most important things in his life. Their relationship may have been toxic but the end result was heaven. He'd found that, the moment he'd arrived on Kevin's doorstep.

He threw himself against the mattress. He was getting restless. Kevin had been gone for more than an hour. How much longer was he supposed to stay locked in this room with nothing to do. He wondered how his kids were, worried they were too much for Kristin to handle. Odin could be a handful and four kids sounded easy, but he had quickly learned over the last week that trying to get four kids to do anything at the same time was anything less than a nightmare. But it was a nightmare he looked forward to every morning when he woke up. He actually preferred the weeks they had all the kids. The added chao seemed to motivate him to push harder, hang on tighter to those he loved and so far his relationship with Kevin’s sons had only improved. He was looking forward to Thanksgiving and their first official holiday as a family of six. He loved saying that out loud. Family of six. Gun to his head, someone asking him to predict his future, he never would have been able to imagine a world where he was with the love of his life and four wonderful kids. His heart had never felt this full.

He was startled out of his thoughts as a piece of folded paper was slid underneath the bedroom door. Curiosity peaked, he climbed off the bed and bent to pick it up. He unfolded it gingerly, not ready for what was written inside. The words caused a grin to spread across his face a mile long.

“I never knew love until I had you. Meet me in the studio in 10 minutes. Come naked.“

He giggled by the forwardness of it all. They hadn’t been able to be this free with each other yet. There was always the possibility of a child needing attention, or someone finding them. With the exception of that incredible day in the kitchen, they’d never been naked together in any other room of the house and even then, they had barely removed any clothing at all. The thrill of what was to come was exhilarating. He had no idea what Kevin had planned, but he was determined to enjoy every moment of it. Trying not to let the voice in his head have any say in his evening, he quickly pulled his shirt from his head and tossed it towards the hamper. His jeans and boxers headed in the same direction. Once he was naked, he was even more anxious than he’d been before. It hadn’t quite been ten minutes, but he was afraid if he stood in this room alone any longer he would chicken out and end up putting his clothes back on. Taking a deep breath and allowing his desire to drive him, he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

The hallway was dark, all floors seemed that way from where he stood. The door to their bedroom was shut and he wondered fleetingly what all Kevin had managed to do in an hour. He’s never actually been inside of Kevin’s studio, so he didn’t know exactly what to expect. But when he stepped inside, it was something like he’d never imagined. The room was ablaze with candles. They seemed to cover every surface, all varying sizes and shapes. And there, in the center of the candlelight sat the most gorgeous man he’d ever laid eyes on.

Kevin was seated at the piano, his green eyes glowing in the soft light, completely naked. Nick felt his heart leap into his throat and had a hard time swallowing, let alone breathing. Kevin was absolutely breathtaking. Kevin scooted on the piano bench and motioned for Nick to join him. Nick hesitated only for a second before crossing the room and taking a seat beside his lover. Kevin smiled and leaned in, brushing his lips lightly against the blondes. Nick opened his mouth, urging Kevin to deepen the kiss. And he did. Kevin took Nick’s face in either hand and brought his mouth down on him hard and fast, lapping at his mouth and tongue. Only pulling apart for air, Kevin laid his forehead against Nick’s. “I love you baby.” he said, his voice soft and his accent thick. Nick’s face was flushed and his breathing labored. Already the man was having a serious effect on him. He was already hard, being in such a romantic setting, so close, so loved by this man was driving him wild. He wanted to touch, taste and kiss the older man everywhere, but sensing there was purpose for being in this room, Nick tried to calm his breathing and practice patience. “I love you too Kev.” Nick whispered, afraid to talk any louder and break the moment.

Kevin pulled away and took one of Nick’s hands in his own. “I finished the song I’ve been working on this morning, actually, I had been trying to write one song and it just wasn’t working how I wanted it to go and so I scratched it. The events of the past month have been the most important of my entire life and so when I took the time to sit and reflect and started trying to put into words what this time, what you have and will always mean to me, the song just wrote itself. I envision a much more complete arrangement with drums and guitar, and since it’s about you, I would like to play it for you on the piano. Would you like to hear it?”

Nick nodded, unable to speak at the emotion in Kevin’s voice and that look he was giving him. He was very excited to hear the song, had been thinking about what Kevin had been so hard at work creating, what it could possibly sound like and now was his chance. The thought of hearing Kevin sing, alone, in this room full of candles and love, was almost too much. Nick could feel the tears forming and Kevin hadn’t even done anything yet. The enormity of the situation was not lost on Nick. He was willing to bet there were very few who were ever allowed to hear Kevin in this way and was very touched to be able to experience it. Kevin turned toward the piano and flexed his hands a few times before he began to play.



Hold your breath, don't look down, keep trying
Darling, it's okay to be scared, it's frightening
At times it just feels like the world is trying hard to knock us down
But there's a reason that we're still here when no one else is around

How we've grown
Every single day I'm proud
I swear, I won't
Let anything stop us now

There was absolutely no way to control the tears that came falling down around him. Kevin’s voice was beautiful, haunting. Nick was finding it hard to breath between the tears and the emotion swelling in his chest. A quick glance at Kevin told him he was having the same problem. Tears were falling softly down his cheeks, his voice growing thicker with emotion.

I'm not a soldier
But I'll fight through our darkest of days
Get on my shoulders
And I'll carry you all of the way
'Cause there's no life worth living in

If you're not with me in it
I'm not a soldier
But you make me wanna be brave
Yeah, you do

Through the depths of despair, we've stumbled
And all that distance between us, we've crumbled
We've ignored all of the rumours and jealous disapprovals
And we've come out the other side with something beautiful

The words just kept getting more intense, detailing the pain and love they had shared, not only over the past month but for so many years of loving one another and not being able to express it to anyone else, let alone each other. Each word that was uttered from Kevin’s mouth touched him deeper. How was the other man still able to sing this, let alone write it. Kevin wrote this stunning song for him, for them.

Oh, how we've grown
Every single day I'm proud
And now I know
There's nothing that can stop us now
I'm not a soldier
But I'll fight through our darkest of days
Get on my shoulders
And I'll carry you all of the way
'Cause there's no life worth living in
If you're not with me in it
I'm not a soldier
But you make me wanna be brave
Yeah, you do

Only we know where we're going
Every day we're gonna keep on growing
Learning from the tears and the mistakes
We're not perfect but we've come such a long way
As long as I got you by my side
I know what I wanna do in this life
One day when our kids fall in love
We can tell them that the odds were against us

The sob was so loud Nick jumped before realizing it had come from his own throat. Kevin stopped playing, his tears were too strong to continue. As soon as Kevin turned toward him Nick threw himself in the other man’s arms, wrapping his arms around his neck and sobbing for all he was worth. Kevin wept with him, holding him as tight as possible. The two sat on the bench holding each other, both overcome with so much emotion they couldn’t fathom letting go. Nick felt like his heart would explode. He couldn’t believe these words, couldn’t believe they were written about him, about them. He was so moved he wasn’t even sure he could speak. How could he ever tell Kevin just how much this song had touched him. And oh god, hearing Kevin’s voice bringing the words to life, was another experience in and of itself.

Kevin finally pulled away from him, wiping the stray tears from Nick’s cheeks. He smiled weakly, his own tear stained face glowing in the candlelight. “Did you like it?” he asked sheepishly.

The tears returned as Nick nodded. “Kev,” he started but his voice broke and it took several deep breaths to calm himself enough to attempt to speak again. “I’ve never heard anything more beautiful. I cannot believe you wrote that for me, it’s better than anything I’ve ever heard. It’s so perfect, the lyrics, the arrangement, my god your voice. You cannot give this song to anyone else. If it’s recorded it has to be recorded by you, only you. No one else.”

Kevin started to protest but Nick stopped him. “No, promise me, promise me this song is just for us and if anyone else ever hears it it's because you released it. You baby. You’re the only one I can ever hear sing these breathtaking words. It means so much to me that you understand how wonderful you are, not only as a songwriter, but also as a solo artist. I’m telling you, this was the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard. I will remember this for the rest of my life.”

Kevin blushed. “You really think so?”

Nick nodded. “More than I’ve ever believed in anything else. You are made for this.”

Kevin pulled him close, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man. Nick’s encouragement meant everything. He was incredibly proud of the song, and wanted the world to know how much the other man meant to him, but he still wasn’t quite sure anyone would want to hear a solo record with only his voice. He didn’t have the harmony that Brian had or the sex appeal that AJ had. His voice didn’t hold a candle to Nick’s either, he just couldn’t see it, but the words spoken by this man were still exactly what he needed to hear.

Nick grabbed Kevin by the face and pulled his mouth down until their lips brushed against each other. Their mouths coming together, mixing their tears of love and adoration together as they licked and sucked. Nick scooted closer to the other man until he was practically straddling him on the piano bench. Both were already hard and Nick wasted no time in pressing himself into the heat of Kevin’s middle. Kevin moaned softly as Nick’s erection rubbed against his own. He brought his arms down around the blonde, resting his hands on Nick’s hips. He pulled the other man closer and moaned again as their hips rocked together. Nick pulled him closer, placing soft kisses down the side of his neck and his collarbone as he ground their erections together. Kevin slid his hands down further until they cupped Nick’s ass and began pushing Nick closer in time as he thrust back against him. Nick moaned, breaking his lips from Kevin’s flesh as the sensations became too much. “Baby,” he rasped out as Kevin began moving faster. “I’m close.”

Kevin nodded and increased the speed of his hips. They had all night, he intended to make the most of it, but right now the need for release was so strong he could taste it. Playing the song, feeling the naked heat of his lover so close was almost too much for him. He couldn’t believe that Nick had felt comfortable enough to do as he’d asked. Kevin fully expected Nick to have waffled, uncomfortable entering the room naked, but the moment he’d stepped inside, his golden features illuminated in the candlelight, the only thing Kevin could think of was taking him. And he had plans for that as well.

“That’s it Nicky, let go baby. Come with me.” Kevin mumbled against Nick’s skin as he leaned down to lick and bite the side of Nick’s neck. Nick bucked against him frantically, trying to get as close as possible. Kevin smiled and squeezed Nick’s ass as he gave one last thrust against him. With a garbled, “I love you,” they were coming together on the piano seat and each other.

It took several minutes for the breathing in the room to return to normal. “I’m sorry.” Nick mumbled. “I didn’t mean to make it all happen so quickly, “ he started.

Kevin smiled. “Shhh. I’m not done with you yet.”