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By the next day, AJ still hadn't thought about what Dr. Ritland had shared with him; something else was occupying his mind. Lying in the hospital bed, AJ was feeling vulnerable and increasingly uncomfortable, so he tried to think of something safe, something to make him feel better, and Brian immediately popped into his head.

He thought about how much safer he would feel if Brian was with him now. The way Brian would embrace him without hesitation instead of shying away from him or tip-toeing around him like he was walking on egg shells. How, even when the other guys were too fed-up with AJ's antics, Brian would help him into his hotel room every night, still staying with him after AJ would put up a fight if Brian would try to leave. All he ever did was overplay his drunkenness so that Brian would be too concerned to leave him on his own.

Sometimes AJ got a bit scared or felt guilty about doing it so often to Brian, but he knew he would never have enough pride to simply ask Brian to stay with him if he was sober, so AJ really had no other option. He was more lonely than he cared to admit, so he wasn't about to throw away any chance he had for some company, especially when Brian seemed to care so much.

That's what friends are for, and Brian had been a perfect example of a true friend. Brian was always there for AJ, even when it was obvious that he didn't understand what AJ was going through. No matter what, Brian had always been a shoulder for AJ to cry on.

It was no secret to anyone on the tour that AJ liked to party. He'd come home nearly every night, or early the next morning, incredibly drunk and usually not ready to quit partying but forced to come home by his bodyguard or one of his groupmates, on the rare occasions that they joined him.

But the one thing AJ could always count on was Brian. Never fail, whenever AJ came home, Brian was at his door within minutes to check on him.

It confused AJ why Brian was always up at four or five o'clock in the morning, and he always asked if he was going to stay up that late why he didn't just go out with him, but Brian would just insist that he liked getting up early to watch the sunrise.

"Watching the sun rise?" AJ asked, a look on his face as if it were probably the most boring thing on the face of the earth.

"Yeah," Brian laughed. "There's nothing like seeing the sun come up."

And, not in the mood to argue or pursue the topic any further, AJ would let it go, instead giving Brian a good laugh at his drunk antics as he attempted to shower and change before he slid into bed.

And, every night, they followed the same routine.

"You really like to watch the sunrise?" AJ asked, coming out of the bathroom, freshly showered.

"Yeah," Brian nodded.

"You're weird."

"I'm not the one with my boxers on backwards."

AJ looked down and saw that, sure enough, his boxers were on backwards. "Oops," he grinned, quickly slipping them off and turning them the right way. "Better?"

"Much," Brian smiled. "Now c'mon, get in bed. You're never going to wake up tomorrow."

"Sure I will," AJ said, slipping into bed. "I always do."

Brian would help AJ into bed, and then to AJ's persistent pleading Brian would stay with him.

"Please?" AJ begged. "Just for a little bit."

Brian laughed. "It's always just for a little bit," he said, mocking the way AJ always seemed to talk him into it.

"But it helps."

Brian let out a defeated sigh, and AJ knew he'd won by the half-smile on his face. "Fine," Brian finally relented, "but seriously, I'm not staying in here forever."

"You don't have to," AJ agreed.

Brian reluctantly joined AJ on the bed, pulling himself up so that he was leaning back against the headboard. With a smile on his face, AJ slid under the covers himself, rolling onto his side so that his back was facing Brian, but still able to feel the warmth that Brian's simple presence brought him.

On his favorite nights, it would turn out that Brian would be asleep before AJ, and so the two of them would wake up the next morning cuddled together until they realized that they were late because AJ hadn't set his alarm. And Brian would never be mad that he'd spent the night in AJ's room, only flustered that they were late and then the mother hen instinct would kick in and he would help AJ get his things ready for the day ahead of them. Sometimes Brian wouldn't even have time to go back to his room, so he would end up wearing AJ's clothes and using his brush or deodorant.

It sounded silly, but to AJ it was all he had left. He'd pushed everyone else away from him, and he still had too much pride to admit how much he was hurting; how much simple acts of kindness like what Brian was giving him really made him miss how things used to be.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was that same day that AJ had started thinking about Brian, that Brian came to visit. Luckily, AJ had only been lying in bed staring at the television, starting to fall asleep but fighting it long enough to see the end of the movie he'd found. Not that he didn't want to see Brian, he just didn't want to talk to him.

So he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He concentrated on keeping his eyelids still and even out his breathing, but it was hard when he was trying to figure out what Brian was doing at the same time. He could feel when he was near his bed, because Brian was breathing so loudly.

What nearly made AJ blow his cover was when Brian took his hand and cupped in both of his own, squeezing it tightly, like he didn't want to ever let go. It reminded AJ of when none of them would hesitate to give each other a hug or hold each other's hands. They had been so close to each other, and now he had ruined it all.