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Brian understood AJ, or at least he seemed to understand his endless babbling when he finally came home and he helped get him into bed.

Never fail, Brian would always be there for him, willing to help him when no one else was there. It was always Brian he could count on. Even more than himself.

That's probably why it hurt the most when Brian mentioned his drinking.

Kevin and the rest of the group had considered it a problem long ago, and AJ had long since grown tired of their attempts to get him to slow down his partying. It was just the annoying side of the group, trying to control his life and keep him from having any fun. They didn't trust him.

But when Brian finally said something to him, how concerned he was about the habits AJ was forming and the path he was headed down, it scared AJ more than he realized.

AJ told himself that Brian was turning into the rest of the guys, not wanting him to have any fun, but AJ knew the real reason.

Brian wouldn't have said anything if he didn't really think AJ might have a problem, and that was the most frightening thing for AJ to come to terms with. He didn't want to think about the amount of alcohol he was consuming, or the new drugs he was trying without hesitation. He didn't want to think about how he couldn't go an entire day without drinking and how he it had started to interfere with his performances. So long ago, he'd never had to have any substances in his body when he performed, but now he couldn't remember the last time he'd done a concert sober.

So, since all of that was entirely too frightening to even think about admitting his problems to himself, AJ blew up and threw everything back in Brian's face. He couldn't remember ever being so mean to someone, but AJ didn't let his resolve waver until Brian had left his room. And once the door shut, AJ was bawling like a baby and throwing anything within reaching distance against the wall.

Kevin started banging on his door, so AJ stopped making so much noise just to get him to go away, but he spent the rest of the night getting drunk again, thanks to the stash he'd brought with him in his bag.

AJ spent days being angry with Brian and not acknowledging anyone in the group, but had eventually gotten over his pride and apologized, and it didn't take long for Brian to forgive him.

It wasn't brought up again.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sitting in his hospital bed, staring at the ceiling of his dark room, AJ remembered back to when Brian and Samantha broke up, and how it had surprised the entire group. The two of them were perfect for each other, but suddenly it was over and nobody really knew what happened.

AJ had waited to hear it from Brian, but Brian never shared it with anyone. He knew it hurt Brian a lot, though, because he kept to himself so much afterwards. And then Brian shared his songs with the group and it opened their eyes a little to the pain he was going through.

That was one thing AJ had always admired about Brian. When he was overwhelmed with any of his emotions, he dealt with it in such a healthy way; he wrote a song about it or he talked to someone, two things AJ didn't have much experience with.

AJ frowned; why couldn't he have learned that so much earlier? Maybe it would have saved all of this turmoil that he'd caused.

He remembered when Amanda broke up with him; it felt like his world was ending. Brian had tried to help him - all of the guys tried to help him - but he wouldn't listen to any of them. That was how he was, always so stubborn to learn things on his own without anyone's help.

If only he would have slowed down and taken the chance to look around. Maybe he would have noticed what he knew now. Maybe he could have avoided all of these repercussions.