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The hospital wasn't very comfortable to AJ; he couldn't wait until he got to go home. Of course, that wouldn't be for quite a while.

After breaking the news to his mom, together they'd decided that a center in Arizona seemed like the best option for him right now. He felt bad about interrupting the tour, but the guys hadn't seemed too angry about it. For a while now they'd all been pretty concerned about him, AJ realized that too now that he was having such a reality check, and he figured taking a little time off so he could get his life together wasn't too big of a sacrifice.

Plus, AJ knew now that he had a problem, and he needed help. Being in the hospital for two days was already driving him nuts. He couldn't stop sweating and he felt like he was going to jump out of his skin.

He needed a drink.

There was a knock on the door, and AJ looked up from the sink, where he was splashing cold water on his face. He looked up but had to wipe the water away from his eyelashes before he could clearly see Brian standing in the doorway.

Wiping his hands on the towel, AJ stepped over to his bed and sat down on the edge of it. "Hey."

Brian pursed his lips together in a sort of smile and let the door shut behind him.

"What's up?" AJ tried to act as normal as possible, but he felt like he was going out of his mind. He was pretty sure Brian would be able to tell, too.

Brian looked reluctant, as if there was something he needed to say but was too afraid. AJ felt his heartbeat quicken, but that was normal when Brian was around. Nonetheless, Brian remained by the door, shifting his feet and staring at the ground as if he were uncomfortable.

"Brian, what's wrong?" AJ finally asked, growing agitated.

Brian looked up at him and let out a sigh. "Kevin wants the rest of us to go to New York." He paused to let out a deep breath. "He doesn't want to lie about what's going on. He thinks that telling the truth about your problems and that you're getting help is the best way to go."

Brian paused for a moment, but AJ knew there was more.

"He thinks it'll help you stay sober, if everyone in the world knows."

AJ rolled his eyes, despite the seriousness of the situation. It was obvious that Brian had been sent to tell him about their decision, and hopefully talk him into agreeing with it.

"We don't want to do anything without you," Brian told him.

Rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, AJ let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling.

"Kevin thinks it's the best idea."

AJ lowered his head and looked over at Brian, who was still standing awkwardly by the door, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. "What do you think?"

Brian's face didn't show much of a reaction, but he allowed himself to relax and slide his hands out of his pockets, running one through his hair. "I think it's the best choice we have," he finally said.

AJ stared at Brian, their eyes locked. "Okay."

Brian kept his eyes locked with AJ's, but didn't say a word. Finally he nodded his head and let some air out of his nose. "We're flying to New York tomorrow, after you leave for Arizona. They have us on The Today Show and MTV."

AJ nodded, taking all of the information in, and tried to remain unaffected, but he felt the tears building up behind his eyes. "I can't believe I screwed everything up so bad."

Brian didn't say anything, and AJ buried his face in his hands.

"I screwed up royally," he groaned. "I lost everything."

"AJ, that's impossible." Brian's voice was closer. "There's no such thing as losing everything."

Lifting his head, AJ saw that he'd stepped closer to him. He looked at Brian with a blank expression, causing Brian to smile.

"That's what you're doing here," he said, referring to the hospital and rehab center. "So you can realize that even if you do lose your job and your house and everything else around you, there's still part of you in there."

Brian drove the point with the serious look in his eyes, the even tone in his voice, and his fingertip softly touching AJ directly over his heart.

"You'll always have yourself," Brian repeated. "That's what I've always hoped you'd realize, that it doensn't matter what other people think of you. You just need to be happy with yourself. That's the reason you're going to Arizona, so you can fix what's gone wrong in your life and use it to help make yourself whoever you want to become. So you can come to the point where you know, if you lost everything you own, you would still be the same person."

AJ heard what Brian was saying, but as much as he appreciated it, he was too stubborn at the moment to give the reaction Brian was most likely looking for. Brian seemed to realize this because he didn't look too disappointed, or too expectant.

Finding himself becoming quickly annoyed with Brian's reactions, or lack thereof, AJ rolled his eyes, falling back against the elevated head of the hospital bed. "Okay, you can go back and tell the guys you got me to agree."

Brian didn't smile. In fact, he didn't move from his spot, and when AJ looked up at him, he saw something else behind Brian's usually clear blue eyes. "I need to talk to about something else."

AJ's heart leapt into his throat, but he managed to nod his head.

Brian grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to AJ's bed, sitting down and leaning forward so his elbows were resting on his knees.

"You okay?" AJ asked.

Brian nodded, but he didn't even look up at him. Instead, he ran his hand through his hair a few times and let a deep sigh. "Leigh and I kind of decided to try and..." he trailed off, and AJ wasn't sure if he was going to finish, but then Brian took a deep breath. "We decided to try and have a baby."

AJ's eyes widened.

"We've been trying for a few months now," Brian continued, unable to look at AJ, "and we just found out that Leigh is pregnant."

AJ was surprised, but a little confused as to why this was so hard for Brian to tell him.

"I know I've been a little pre-occupied lately, but I really love her, Age. What I have with her is something I've dreamt of having my entire life. I can't explain that, either, I just know it's right. I know it is."

AJ realized that Brian was trying to apologize, and was stunned for a moment.

"I've been concentrating so hard on Leigh and trying to show her that we can have a baby through all of this, and I guess I just got too caught up in it and forgot that there were other important things..."

He trailed off, and AJ looked up at Brian, struggling to hold his tears back. He knew that if he even opened his mouth he would probably start crying, but how could he not say anything? Brian was feeling all of this pain and was trying to take the blame for what AJ had done, when in fact Brian had been his one true friend through it all.

"Jay, I'm so sorry."

The tears in Brian's voice were evident now, and AJ felt his own tears falling down his face.

"It's not your fault," he managed, choking back his tears. "Brian, you're the one reason I made it as long as I did, you have no reason to feel guilty for anything. I owe you so much, please don't feel responsible for this. I couldn't live with myself if I knew you felt responsible."

Brian didn't say anything, but AJ knew he was still beating himself up over it.

"You've been the best friend I've ever had," AJ told him. "You've been there for me so much longer than anyone else has. All of those nights you stayed with me, it meant so much to me that you cared that much, and you're the only one who's come near me in the past six months. I live for the moments you talk to me or stay with me in my room. I swear, Brian, you're the best friend I ever could have asked for. You never gave up on me."

He shouldn't have been surprised that Brian was crying - Brian and Kevin were both known for their ability to cry at the drop of a hat - but for some reason AJ was. It was just dawning on him how much his decisions were affecting not just Brian, but the whole group. He hadn't taken the time to think about anyone else, but now with Brian standing in front of him, crying because of him, it was a complete rude awakening.

"AJ, you'll always be my friend, no matter what happens to us," Brian said, his voice a little shaky from his emotions. "No matter what you go through, I'll never give up on you. I couldn't even if I wanted to, because I know what a good heart you have."

"So you don't hate me?"

The look on Brian's face softened. "Jay, I'd never hate you."

For the first time in so many months, AJ smiled - he couldn't help it. Brian had just proven to him what true friendship meant, and for the hundredth time, he wondered how he had gotten so lucky.

"You'll always be a best friend to me."

Brian's final words brought the tears back to AJ's eyes, so instead of attempting to find his voice, AJ stepped forward and embraced Brian in a fierce hug. Closing his eyes, AJ knew that the friendship he shared with Brian wasn't over. It was just beginning.