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He walked back towards the room and looked at his two girls. He couldn’t believe he was thinking that they where his girls, and his girls they where, he worried about them both. AJ sat down on the chair and opened the journal again.

~~~~ Jan 9th 2002
Today Gracie made you a card. And I have every intention on sending it to you. She’s so happy about being able to make things for you. Can you believe it she’s five years old our little girl is getting so big. In your card today I am sending a recent picture. You haven’t wrote us back so I am beginning to wonder if you’re even getting the cards. I love you
Randy


AJ looked up from the book, that entry struck a nerve he hadn’t ever received a card with a picture. He hadn’t even received that card. He stood again and headed from the room, dialing a number he waited and heard her voice.
“ Sarah.”
“ What?” She asked her voice dripping with contempt.
“ I have a daughter. I was told she sent me a card last year and it had a picture of her in it. What did you do with it?”
“ Oh that little thing I tossed it in the garbage. She looked very cute in her little red dress and bow, she was there with her mother.”
“ You tossed it out? What gave you the right?”
“ I gave myself the right. You didn’t need to worry about some bitches child. Face it she wasn’t even yours and you know it.”
“ You lie, Gracie is my daughter and because of you I’ve missed so much time with her. How many cards did you throw out?”
“ Every time one came in from her I would toss it out. You didn’t need that kind of stress baby. I was only thinking of you.” She said her voice dripping of sweetness.
“ Fuck you Sarah. I never want to hear from you again. If you thought we ever had a chance to get back together it’s never going to happen. I never want to hear from you ever again.” AJ hissed hanging up the phone. AJ whipped a tear away and walked back inside. He shut off his phone and placed it back in his pocket. Everyone he wanted to call him where right here in this room. He watched the small figure in the bed sturr and the open her eyes, a small smile play across her little face.
“ Hi daddy.” She said thinking he was nothing more than a dream.
“ Hey there munchkin.” AJ said moving over to her side. Gracie smiled and reached out for him. AJ pulled her small body into his arms and hugged her close as he sat down on the bed.
“ Mommy’s worried about me. I heard her crying before. I’m sorry I’m sick.” Gracie said.
“ Baby girl it’s not your fault. Mommy is just worried about everything. Don’t worry we both love you.”
“ How come you never wrote me back?” She asked, her dark eyes questioning him.
“ Someone kept me from knowing that you where sending me cards. But not anymore baby. I am here for you and your mommy.”
“ Mommy missed you loads and loads.”
“ Yeah I see that. Come here daddy wants to read something to you.” AJ said pulling Gracie’s small form into his arms. He reached out and pulled the journal.
~~~~ March 24th 1996
This is my first entry in this journal. I am keeping this book so that when I give it to you, you wont have missed anything about our little girl’s life. Today Our Little Grace Angel was born. I gave her my last name for now. But your name is on the birth certificate, it’s all offical. I don’t keep anything from anyone about who our little girls father is. I just wish you where here to celebrate in her birth. God Alex she’s an angel, her dark hair and dark brown eyes, she reminds me so much of you. I called your house today and some woman answered. I cried and hung up. You had forgotten about me already. I called your mom and she hurried to the hospital. And out of respect for me she promised she’d never tell you about Gracie. But I know some day I will tell you. A promise by me I will tell you about our daughter. But the doctor came to me today and told me that our little girl is perfect, nothing is wrong with her she’s perfect. But there is something wrong with me. I will never have another child. Gracie will never have the chance to have brothers or sisters. I had been bleeding badly after her birth and had to have surgery. I know the words are now beginning to look smudged but I’m crying. Not because I know I will never have children again but because I can’t bare being without you. I love you more than anything. Nick said he’d tell the others about Gracie, even took a picture. He’s been so helpful and a good friend to us both. Always remember Alex, Nick was only being helpful not being mean to you. I love you
Randy.


Jan 9th 1998
It’s your birthday. I watched you dance, yes I saw you. Brian looks so sick and you looked full of energy and life. I was called earlier by Nick and given special passes to come and see you at a meet and greet. I wrap up Gracie and I come to the back. But when I see you I freeze. I am stunned by how thin and sick you look off stage. I am so worried about you. I saw your mom standing off to the side of the stage and she smiles at me. I let her hold Gracie for a while. She loves her granddaughter and gave me some things that Nick had set aside. I hope your doing well my love.
Randy.


July 15th 1998
Howie called me today, his sister has passed away. I feel so badly for him. She seemed to be such a loving woman the few times I had the chance to meet her. He’s going home for the funeral. He told m that you had offered to go with him, but your manager wouldn’t allow it. He’s not even getting real time to greave the loss of his sister. All my love goes to all of you

Randy

Aug 12th 1998
Today I received a call, Brian was put in the hospital. I looked at Gracie while she played with her toys. I was worried that she would cry when she heard about Brian. I called the hospital and spoke to Kevin on the phone. He was so scared to think that his little cousin was in the hospital. I was freaked when I heard it was his heart. Brian is a wonderful friend to you and a brother to you as well. I saw what had been done and I was appaled that you where still with the same management team. It made me mad. But I still love and support all that you do.
Randy


Sept 11 2001
*tears * Yes that’s right my love tears. I saw the planes that had hit the towers and I was so scared that your plane had been the one that had hit the tower. I was so relieved that you had arrived in Canada safely. But was panicked when I saw that one of the planes where supposed to have Leighanne on it. And I was so sorry to hear one of your band members was killed going home to be with his family. A loss like that must have hit all of you hard. I got a call from your mom today. That’s how I knew you where safe. I still love you after all this time.
Randy


“ Mommy loves you.” Gracie said looking at the paper.
“ Yep that she does.” AJ said looking towards Meranda’s sleeping form. AJ couldn’t believe that no matter how long she had been gone she never once stopped loving him. Gracie snuggled further into his arms and looked down at the book.
“ Have you ever read this book munchkin?” AJ asked.
“ Nope, mommy was always writing in it.” Gracie said flipping a few more pages.
“ Read this one it’s recent daddy.” Gracie said.
“ Ok let’s see what’s going threw mommy’s head shall we.”


Oct. 25th 2002
Our baby is almost six years old. But today I got horrible news. I had seen a doctor a few weeks ago and I guess something is wrong. I don’t want to tell Gracie that mommy is sick. I have to go in for some more tests just to be sure. The doctor is hoping it’s nothing major. I wish I could just call you and tell you what was going on. I am so scared of what it was. Please forgive me. Love you always.
Randy

Nov 12th 2002
The tests where negative. Thank god. The doctor thought I had cancer and when the biopsy came back negative I nearly leaped for joy. I wish you could have seen my face. I was just so happy. Everything is just right with the world. I have to finish Christmas shopping. Gracie has a gift picked out for you, I just have to take her to the store to pick it up. I saw your picture on tv today. I wish you and the boys would get back together soon. Gracie misses seeing you. Love you
Randy



Dec 12th 2003
My baby is sick, I don’t know what happened but now she’s sick. I called Nick and he said he’d be here with you and the others soon. I have to face you today. It scares me to death that I have to tell you first you have a daughter second that she’s sick. Love you see you soon
Randy.

“ Wow mommy wrote that just yesterday. Mommy was sick?” AJ asked looking at Gracie.
“ Yep, she was scared and everything. I remember her crying. But when the doctor man called she became happy again. Is grandma coming?” Gracie asked her eyes twinkling with delight.
“ Actually yes she is. What about your other grandma?”
“ She died couple of years ago. Mommy wrote that in the book and everything.” Gracie said looking at him if he was silly.