[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
During this whole pregnancy, well it's been hectic. I'm losing Nick, and the worst part about it is, he doesn't realize it.

I was sitting at the counter when Brian and Howie came in.

"Hey girl", greeted Howie, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Where's Nick?" Brian asked, looking around the kitchen.

"Baby shopping", I said, in a mock tone, not looking up from the newspaper I was reading.

All the guys knew about the whole baby ordeal.

"Oh", Brian manage to say, suddenly feeling guilty.

"So how are you doing?" asked Howie, breaking the awkard silence.

"Alright I guess", I said, still not looking up from my paper.

"Can I ask you a question?" Brian asked, grabbing the paper from me.

"What Brian?" I said, slightly raising my voice.

"Well someone's grouchy this morning" laughed Howie, sitting down beside me at the counter.

"How do you feel about the whole baby issue", Brian continued to ask.

"I don't now. I don't know whether to be angry, sad, happy for him. I'm just so confused right now", I began, trying to hold back tears.

"Why are you confused?" asked Howie, with a look of concern on his face.

"I mean a part of me is proud of Nick for taking responsibilty for his actions or mistakes and another part of me feels angry that were even in this postion. I don't know why I'm holding on", I said, trying to stay calm.

"You know you don't have to be strong about this. What I don't understand is why your still even here", answered Howie, quickly, trying to get a few words in.

"Well I love Nick dearly. He means the world to me and I feel this is a time where he needs me the most. I'm not jealous or anything. I think it's just a fuck up way to use a baby to get a man", I started crying and Brian tried to comfort me.

"Ashley I can't say I know what your going through, but to be honest when I first heard about this I immediatly thought about you. And the worst part about it is there's a baby involved out of scheme, not love", Howie said, rubbing my back.

"I know, but I try to be there for him and support him. And I know that's wrong, but the only thing I know how to do", I said, wipin my tears from my eyes.

"Why do you say your losing him?" asked Brian, confused, pulling up a seat right next to me.

"Well we never do anything anymore. He has this "baby pager" now and whenever we go out it always goes off indicating something's wrong", I continued, tears pouring out more.

"Baby pager?" asked Howie, soothing my hair.

"Yeah, whenever we go out, I don't even put my things down anymore because I know that pager is gonna go off and usually's its always a false alarm", I said calming down a little.

"I don't know what to tell you", answered Howie, looking down.

"You know what sort of makes me mad? I know that this kinda sounds selfish, but oh well. I followed his dream, you know putting up with the whole music thing. I'm about to finish community college and go to a university, but I wanted to move to Maryland and become a small business owner, but now my plans are ruined", I said, queitly, feeling my tears returning to me.

"Why are your plans ruined?" asked Brian, confused.

"Now he's got a brand new life ahead of him. He's not gonna want to move to Maryland now", I said, playing with my coffee mug.

"He might not go, but are you?" Howie asked, throwing me off guard.

"What do you mean?" I asked, staring at him.

"I mean you don't need Nick to follow your dreams. Yeah maybe you wanted to move to Maryland with him, but now your plans have changed", smiled Brian.

"You know what? Your right. I love Nick and I'll always will but I don't need him. I can live on my own", I said, bringing a smile on my face. I put my coffee mug in the sink and the boys followed me to the couch.

5 months later

Angela finally had the baby. It was a girl. The boys decided to take a couple months off so Nick can get situated.

Nick was over Angela's visiting the baby while I was home and Brian stopped by.

"Hey Brian. What are you doing here?" I asked, doing the dishes.

"Hey can we talk?" he asked, looking at me sadly.

"Yeah sure", I said, drying my hands and walking toward the couch. We both sat down.

"What's up?" I asked, concerned and curious.

"What do you think of the baby?" he suddenly asked, catching me off guard.

"She's a cute baby, but it looks nothing like Nick", I said all the sudden.

"Yeah I saw the baby yesterday and I thought maybe the dark hair came from Angela and the brown eyes came from her side of the family", he said, forcing a smile.

"Yeah 'cause Angela has green eyes and Nick has blue", I replied.

"I'm thinking Nick's not the real father. I told him to take a maternity test, but he got mad and said no", Brian quietly replied.

"I don't know. How do you feel about this?" I suddenly asked.

"I don't know. I'm not happy about this. I mean putting the tour on hold. Everybody was pissed", said Brian, throwing his hands up.

"Yeah I can imagine", I said, slightly laughing.

"Hey I have an idea", Brian said all the sudden.

"What's that?" I asked, recovering from laughter.

"Let's go on the internet and find you a place to live in Maryland", he said, looking straight into my eyes.

I stopped laughing right away and finally agreed to it. It wasn't long until I found the perfect apartment. Then Nick came home. He looked tired.

"Hey honey", Nick greeted, giving me a kiss. "what's up?"

"Nothing. You just missed Brian", I said letting go of him. I was sitting on the couch watching t.v.

"Honey you look exhausted. What's wrong?" I asked, feeling good 'cause he was feeling bad. Then guilt washed over me when I felt that way.

"Hectic. All the baby does is cry and Angela bitches and complains", Nick wined, laying his head on my lap. "I missed you". He got up and held me in his arms. 'Gosh it feels so good to hold her again' he thought to himself.

Soon we started making out and he carried me up to the bedroom for an all night of love making.

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. Nick was sleeping beside me.

"Hello" I answered, grumply and tired.

"Who's this?" asked the person on the other line.

"Who's this? You called me" I replied back, knowing damn well who it was.

"This is Angela", she said in a snotty tone. "Is Nick there?"

"Yeah he's sleeping and I ain't waking him up either", repeating her tone of voice.

"Well he's suppose to come over today", replied Angela.

"Did he say he was coming over or did you say he was coming over?" I asked, proud of myself.

"Look he said he was gonna help me out with this baby and by doing that, he's coming over today", she screamed in the telephone.

I looked at him sleeping and I hung up on Angela. I knew what I had to do. I woke him up.

"Hey honey", Nick said, giving me a kiss.

"Angela called", I told him, looking at him.

"Jesus! What the fuck does she want now?" Nick screamed in the air.

"She wanted you to come over today and help her with the baby", I quickly replied, moving a strand of hair out of his face. I was upset.

"I love you so much Ashley", he said all the sudden and giving me a kiss and a hug. I knew he was gonna go.

"I'll be home later today okay?" he whispered and got up and got dresses. "We'll go out today okay?"

"I'm not gonna be here", I quielty said to myself as I nodded yes to him.

After a couple of minutes, Nick left and I called up my friend Nikki. She was moving to Maryland with me. Then I called Brian.

"Hey girl. It's Ashley", I said to Nikki on the phone.

"Oh hey what's up", Nikki said in the other line.

"Are you ready? Are you packed yet?" I asked, hoping she was.

"Yup. Are you?" she asked.

"Almost", I answered, putting stuff in a suitcase. "I'll be over in an hour or so".

"Alright girl, see you then", she said then hung up.

I called Brian. "Brian?" I asked, on the phone.

"Hey Ash. What's up?" he asked, cheery.

"Brian I'm leaving", I said all the sudden. "Don't tell Nick where I am".

"I won't and Ashley?" he said, becoming concerned,

"Yeah?" answering him, finishing packing up and running around the room.

"You take care of yourself alright?" he suddenly said.

"Thanks Brian", I said, then hanging up. I finally finished packing and loading everything in my car. I wrote Nick a letter, took one final look and left.