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There's something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming
Confusing
This lack of self-control
I fear is never ending
Controlling
I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in...

Darkness... black... consumes my soul. The light has gone out so long ago, I can't even remember what it looks like. Am I too gone to be seen? To be heard? I don't even feel alive anymore. I'm so tired... so tired... I just want to dive into this darkness and never wake up... would I be missed? Would anyone even notice that I'm not here? Since the darkness consumed me, I can't remember what it's like to feel anything except for pain, sadness, insanity and loneliness. Happiness? Humor? Living? Sanity? These things, I do not know of anymore. No one can help me. No one knows what it's like to lose yourself in the darkness. How helpless you feel as you swim through the black, trying to find what was once yourself. I thought that alcohol and drugs was the reason I was a shell of a man. I soon realized after stopping that I needed those two sins in order to find myself. But... I was too late. Now I am all alone in this darkness. There's only one thing left to do.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real...

AJ walks into the bathroom, opening the cabinet. His pale, hollow eyes lock onto a lone razor laying on the shelf. Grabbing it, the metal glitters in the harsh light above him. It seemed to be beckoning him, beckoning his flesh. AJ sighed as he imagined the scarlet blood rushing out of his cut wrists, knowing he finally be able to rest. After all the years of being who he was, he would be AJ no more. He would be the darkness that now filled his heart and soul.

Heart? What heart? I lost that along with my soul. Now it's time to be a part of the darkness I fell victim to so long ago. It's crawling through me, chilling my insides until they're ice. I don't feel anything anymore... I need this to stop... I need to stop the pain I'm causing for everyone else. They say I'm not, but I know that is a lie. While my own eyes are empty, I look into theirs and can see what they're feeling. It's amazing... how you can stop feeling yourself, but still see it in others. You won't have to worry anymore... Soon I won't be in any pain nor will I cause any.

Placing the blade over his left wrist, AJ took a deep breath and made a slashing movement over the thin flesh. Warmth flowed down his arm. Not even feeling the stinging, he did the other wrist. The room started to spin as the scarlet blood flowed freely, like water from a faucet. He gripped the counter for a moment, trying to muster one last thought. His blood made tiny rivers of red along the white marble and cascaded down into the ivory sink. AJ could see how bright it looked through his blurry vision. His breaths became shallow, sweat breaking out on his skin.

And now the darkness is my home... forever...

AJ McLean fell to the floor, eyes wide open as his wrists continued to bleed. The lights in the room made the blood glitter and shine as Death came knocking at the door.

My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied Christ
Tourniquet
My suicide


Credits to Linkin Park "Crawling" and Evanescence "Tourniquet"