AJ felt like being sick. The scene before him was playing out like a nightmare, a nightmare from his own past. The man he had trusted so easily earlier that day was now standing, towering over the young Nick who was in the corner begging not to be hurt for something as simple as spilling a pot on the floor. He looked around him and saw that both Howie and Brian had the same, stunned, shocked, frightened look on their faces.
The only one who didn’t seem phased, was the dark man.
He stepped forward, closing in on Nick. As he came nearer Nick tried even harder to push himself into the corner. He pulled his hands against his head, screaming louder. The dark man knelt down in front of Nick. He brought his hands up to Nick’s face, causing a renewed frenzy in Nick’s struggles.
Kevin gently pulled Nick’s hands away and cupped Nick’s chin, lifting his face. He moved both his hands to cradle Nick’s tear-stained face in his large, strong hands. “Nicky, shhh, it’s okay. Shh, it’s okay. Look at me. Look at me Nicky. Try to see. See what’s really around you. Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay. Look at me Nicky, do you see me?” Kevin’s voice was soft and very, very gentle.
AJ watched as Nick’s struggles eased and he looked straight at Kevin. His face crumpled as fresh, but calmer, tears flooded his eyes. “I’m sorry … I’m sorry, …” he whispered as his tears ran over Kevin’s hands.
“Shh, I know. I know. It’s okay Nicky. It’s okay. Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you. I won’t hurt you. Shh, it’s okay. Look at me Nicky, it’s alright.” Kevin soothed as he smoothed Nick’s hair back, the gentleness in his movements mesmerizing AJ.
A few minutes later, Kevin turned to look at the shocked ensemble behind him. He locked eyes with AJ, then said: “Howie, please take care of AJ.”
“Y-yes Kevin.” Howie took AJ by the arm and led him out of the kitchen. As they left they heard Kevin speak again. “And Brian, order some take-out.”
*******************************
AJ didn’t say a word as Howie led him upstairs to his room. Only once inside the room, with the door closed, did Howie let go of the breath he had been holding the whole way.
“Ah man … I had no idea … if I did then … I wouldn’t have … ah man …” Howie sighed again, sinking down onto the bed. He rubbed his hands over his face. He looked up again and saw the deathly pale AJ staring at him. His eyes were wide and very, very frightened. “Ah man, …” he said again as he walked over to the younger man.
AJ didn’t seem to register Howie’s arms around him, and Howie had to gently push him to get him to sit down on the bed. Howie sat down beside him, trying to shake him out of his shocked state. “AJ, hey AJ.”
After a few moments AJ lifted his eyes to Howie’s. AJ shook his head, his tongue rebelling against the words he wanted to speak. Only incoherent sounds issued from his mouth.
Howie tried again. “AJ, listen to me. What you saw tonight … what happened down in the kitchen … that doesn’t normally happen. I mean, … “ he sighed again. “AJ, Kevin has never hurt any of us. In any way. He has never hit us, or anything. He has never threatened us, or mistreated us. Or … frightened us out of malice or anger. Nick’s reaction had nothing to do with that.” Howie got off the bed and knelt before AJ. “AJ, Nicky … comes out of a really bad place. He’s been through a lot. The place he came from … there … if you just happened to … I don’t know … breathe in the wrong way, someone would hit you. And hit you hard. That … fear has never left him. And sometimes, like tonight, when he’s really stressed out, the memories just … it’s just like flashbacks, you know? Something happens, and in that instant he seems to think back on what happened before and he … freaks out. Like that.” Howie shook AJ’s shoulders again. “AJ listen to me. You don’t have to be afraid. Kevin has never hurt us. He never, ever will. He’s never, ever hurt Nick in any way. He’s never hit him. Do you hear me?”
AJ looked up, nodding his head slowly. “But … but he … Nick … was so scared. And I saw it earlier too. In the … hospital … thing. Nick looked so afraid of him! Like … I don’t know …”
“I know. Look, I’m gonna let Kevin explain everything about Nick to you. He’ll come later, I’m sure of it. The only thing right now that’s really, really important is that you understand this: You don’t have to be afraid of Kevin. What you saw down in the kitchen … I know it looks bad. But it is very definitely not how it looked. Okay? You’ll understand when Kevin speaks to you later. Please trust me on this. I’ve been living here for a very long time. I trust Kevin with my life, and you can too. Just, right now, be open. And don’t be afraid of him. He won’t hurt you. And don’t be afraid to ask him if you don’t understand, okay?”
AJ nodded his head, once again not knowing what to say. Howie seemed satisfied though. “Okay. Now let’s get you sorted out. It’s been a really long day. And you’ll need a lot of rest to recover all your strength. I know you don’t have any clothes here but don’t worry; I’ll lend you some of mine until we can get you properly organized. And before your mind start spinning again: Don’t think. Right now just trust. It’ll all be okay really soon. Now; see bathroom?”
AJ nodded his head again.
“Good! Have shower!” Howie smiled playfully as he pointed in the direction of the bathroom.
