There were a few things in his life that could get through to Nick no matter what. One of them was the way Kevin would call him “Nicky”. He loved it. He knew it was childish and even stupid maybe. But he liked it. No one but Kevin ever called him that before, and he hoped no one else ever would. That was his Kevin-name. Only his.
He was still crying, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He was so afraid of telling Kevin what had happened earlier, why they were late getting to the checkout. And he was afraid of not telling him. And he was afraid of disappointing him again, he knew he did that a lot. Like all the time. He didn’t know what to do.
He felt Kevin pulling him close, encircling Nick in his strong arms. There was no place Nick felt safer than right there. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made a mess … of everything. I …I don’t know what happened. Or why … I don’t … know,” was all Nick could whisper before a new wave of sobs shook his body.
Kevin held him even tighter, whispering soothing words to him as he smoothed over his hair. Another thing Nick loved about Kevin, he always did that when he was upset and crying. Usually on his shoulder or curled up against him at night. Nick knew he would die if he ever lost that, and he feared more and more these days that that was going to happen. No matter how hard he tried, he always messed up. He knew he disappointed Kevin, and he believed that one of these days Kevin was just going to kick him out, unwilling to put up with his nonsense any longer. This thought made him cry all over again.
“Nicky. It’s okay little brother.” Kevin called him that. His little brother. It made him feel like he belonged. Like he wasn’t alone in the world, that he had family. Why can’t I just get something right for once! I can’t loose this! I can’t loose him! Please, whoever is up there listening! Please help me make things right. Please help me so Kevin won’t make me leave! Please? I don’t want to be alone again! Please? Please?
As Kevin rocked Nick back and forth, his thoughts became lulled by the comforting and took flight back to the first time he saw Kevin.
The man, bastard, had just left me. I was bleeding again. By that time I knew the drill. I started to crawl to the corner where my washbasin was. My hand froze in mid-reach as I saw the stranger looking at me through the window. I had no idea how he had managed to get that close, but right then it didn’t matter. He must have seen. He must have. I had never thought that my shame could grow any stronger, but in that moment it did. The man looking at me looked like the noblest man ever. Even holding onto a branch in the tree he had used to climb so high. And he looked dangerous. He held there, quietly observing Nick, as Nick was staring at him. He hung there for a few moments more and then like a glimmer of light he was gone.
It wouldn’t be long before I saw him again. This time standing at my door looking at the man who had a gun pressed against my head. It was the same man the stranger had seen me with the first time. My father.
“Take one step closer and I’ll blow the fucking brat’s brains out! You hear me?”
The dark man said nothing. He simply looked at my father. He still had his mask on so I couldn’t see his face. I wished that I could. I knew that I wasn’t important in whatever was going on. I just prayed that my father would shoot me before he got shot himself. I didn’t want to keep living like that. I had already been traded through more than one of my father’s “business associates”. I couldn’t bear one more day of that.
I was too afraid to cry. I just sat there, eyes closed and naked, praying for the end to come soon. I remembered the thoughts I had before, of somehow, magically, being rescued by a stranger and taken away to a place where I would never be hurt again. Where I would always be safe and welcome. Where I would be warm, and never know hunger or pain again. In my mind I laughed at my false hopes, knowing that the only salvation I would ever get was in the eternal darkness death would give.
A shot rang through the room. An instant later I felt my father’s grip loosen and then fall away. A set of hands took me by the shoulders then, and I wished more than ever that I had been killed. The hands were gloved, they did not belong to my father. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hide inside from what I knew was going to happen.
The strange hands pulled me upright, and smoothed away the tangled hair out of my face. But the movements weren’t angry. They were gentle. Soothing. Then the stranger spoke:
“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay. He’s gone now. He will never hurt you again. You are safe now. Shh, it’s okay.” As the stranger spoke he kept smoothing my hair back. Safe? I thought. Safe? That’s not possible. Not for the likes of me.
I tried to pull away from the strange man, but the man held tight. “Shh, don’t, shh, it’s okay. I know you’re really afraid now. I know you don’t understand what is happening. Listen to me, okay? I am not one of the bad people. I am not going to hurt you. Ever. I came here to stop what these people were doing to others in the world. I came sooner than I should have because I saw what this man had done to you. I will never hurt you, like that or in any other way. You are safe now. You’re safe.”
My strength gave out then, and I sagged against the strange man. I finally opened my eyes, and saw my father’s body laying just a few feet from me. I closed my eyes again, listening to what was happening around me. I heard others running up the stairs, calling for the man. The man sat holding on to me, even when the others ran into the room, firing what seemed like a thousand questions at him. The strange man never once let any of the others touch me, or even come close. He seemed to understand that one stranger was all that I could deal with right then.
After what seemed like an hour, I felt the strange man shift. He lay me down gently on the floor, then removed his jacket. I felt like screaming then, I had almost started to believe the stranger! I opened my eyes again and looked straight at him, surprised to see he had removed his mask. I saw then, for the first time, the incredibly clear green eyes that would become my lifeline. And they were full of pain.
Nick felt Kevin shift against him, and opened his eyes. He saw Brian knelt by the kitchen door, across from him. Brian smiled at him uncertainly. Nick tried to smile back, succeeding in only a small return. He felt Kevin move, then get onto his feet.
“Nicky, do you think you can make it all the way to your room?”
Nick tried to look stronger to Kevin. “Yeah.” But as he got to his feet his knees buckled and he crumpled against Kevin. Nick felt the tears well in his eyes again. Why am I so pathetic!
Kevin didn’t seem troubled though, he caught Nick as if he weighed nothing. He waved his hand at Brian, stopping him before he got any closer. “Brian, did you order something for us?”
“Um … yeah. I got some Chinese …it was Howie’s turn after all.”
“Good choice. Brian can I ask you to please take care of this?” Kevin asked, pointing at the floor. “I want to take Nick upstairs so he can rest until the order arrives.”
“Sure, no problem.”
Nick looked up at Brian, but before he could say anything Brian stepped in. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of this one and you take care of the next one I make. Okay?” Brian smiled reassuringly at Nick. It seemed to work.
Nick looked back at Kevin as he spoke. “So you ready to go upstairs?”
Nick didn’t know what to answer. He was pretty sure he would just fall over again. Before he could come up with something though, Kevin picked him up, cradling him in his arms.
“Let’s go, little brother. You look like your freezing.”
And so Kevin carried Nick all the way up the stairs.
