Why do these things always happen to me? It isn't fair. None of it is. Lord why do you try me this way? What have I done to deserve it?
I ran up to my spirit room and shouted at him. I knew he would be able to hear me from there. The Lord works in mysterious ways and I knew this had to be a test of some kind. I was going to do everything in my power to pass.
What is it you want me to do Lord? Please let me know so I can do it! I was tired of waiting for the answers. I sat with my back against the wall looking at my spirit room. I had decorated it just the way God had told me too. The ceiling was black and the walls were a bright red. To represent the blood shed for him. I had pictures pasted all along the walls of my sacrifices over the years. The boys who had pleaded with me to spare their lives. I wanted to but I didn't. It made me sad but it was a small price to pay to be allowed to enter into God's kingdom.
I know, you are using Nick as the ultimate test aren't you? Because I care about him. Because he looks so much like my brother. You think I will back out of killing him don't you? Well, I think he is dead already so there!
I laid there and cried.
"Son" I looked up. There he was, sitting right next to me.
"Yes, father" I said placing my head in his lap.
"I know this has been hard for you. It is almost done." He gently caressed my hair and rubbed my back.
"I have tried to be a good boy for you. What should I do next?" He said nothing only rubbed my back and hummed to me. Amazing Grace, my favorite hymn. I shut my eyes and tried to calm myself down. I wish Trish was here with me, she would make things better. She always did.
"Son, you know what has to be done" I started shaking when he said that.
"But father it is too soon! He has only been with us for a little while. Not nearly enough time."
"Joseph, listen to me, you are so brave and strong. You must do what is right. Go to the boy and see if he is alive" I shuddered. I didn't want to think of Nick as not being alive. I loved Nick. He was my friend.
"Father"
"Yes, son?"
"Do you love me?" I closed my eyes fearful of the reply I would get.
Nothing. I opened my eyes to see myself lying on the floor all alone. I sat up and called to him.
Father! Father!
Still nothing. I cried some more. I knew what needed to be done. I made my way out of the spirit room and back down to my sacrificial lamb.
"AJ would you please stop pacing? You are making me nervous" Kevin said as he watched his band mate walk back and forth repeatedly waiting for everyone else to arrive.
"Where is everybody?" Howie wondered aloud. I was thinking the same thing. The police were to show up as well as all of security, personnel and the four of us. Yet, only we were here.
"This stuff just pisses me off!" Kevin said leafing through the things we found in Nick's nightstand.
"I mean how come he didn't tell me about this? I flat out asked him for Christsakes!" I'm glad I wasn't the only one angry at Nick. How could he be so stupid? It amazed me sometimes. He treated things like this almost like a kid playing manhunt. Only now, we were looking for him for real.
The doorbell rang and Sarah ran to answer it. I'm glad that the women were here for this. They relaxed us. Sarah ushered in about three policeman Four FBI officers, and our security guys. They came in and took a seat at the table. Shortly after, everyone started to arrive in small groups with Trish bringing up the rear. I don't know why, but I still didn't trust her. She looked a little nervous.
We told everyone all together about what we had found in Nick's hotel room and how AJ had called Joe. I kept my eyes on Trish the entire time looking for any sign of suspicion. She just remained still and looked down at the floor. Howie and Kevin looked so worried. I think this experience has aged them by ten years. All of us.
When we were through with our rather quick meeting, the police took the bag and thanked us for our detective work. I could see how badly AJ was refraining from saying something sarcastic. I just gave them a dirty look. The room cleared out and everyone left to go home leaving the four of us alone with our thoughts. Trish poked her head back into the room.
"Brian?"
"Yeah Trish?"
"I just wanted to say thanks for going against my wishes and finding the evidence in there! Now maybe we will find him soon." I walked over and hugged her.
"I hope you are right" She then left wiping her cheeks of tears that had fallen. I plopped down on the couch in the living room next to Howie.
"So what now?" Howie asked.
"I guess now we wait!" I said realizing that I was so stupid to think that Trish could have had anything to do with this!
I slowly made my way down the stairs, all the way down into his room. It was so still, so quiet. I almost wanted to just turn around and leave him be. I didn't though. I had a job to do. The room was a disaster, things were thrown everywhere. It was not going to be fun cleaning this up.
I went over to the overturned bed to see his feet lying there underneath. It looked like he hadn't moved since he forced me to do that to him. I started to cry again.
I'm so sorry Nicky! Please forgive me! You wouldn't listen though. You wouldn't stop!
I grabbed the bed and yanked it off of him with all of my might. It landed with a big thud on the floor making me scream. There he lay quiet and calm. Like a sleeping angel. His head was bleeding. I quickly moved into action. I went over to his sink and ran a towel under the water. I made my way back over to his sleeping form and wiped the blood away. I grabbed him and pulled him close to me. He just remained still. Hands dangling at his side, neck moving in rhythm to my movements.
I moved him onto my lap. Sweetly singing “Amazing Grace” through tears. He started to move slightly. I could tell he was trying to open his eyes.
"Come on Nick, you can do it." I rocked him. He grunted.
"What are you doing son?" I dropped Nick and looked at my mother's scolding face. I ran over to the corner. I didn't want her to hurt me.
"Please Mommy I'll be good"
"I said what are you doing?" She walked towards me and I cowered. Hands over my ears rocking, trying to block out my mother's words. I hated when she came to visit me.
"Joseph you are a no good little puke faced loser!"
Amazing Grace How sweet the sound..
"Joseph, you should have died instead of Jacob, you aren't worthy of life you awful idiot!"
that saved a retch like me...
"Are you listening to me Joseph?"
I once was lost but now am found..
"I want you and your rotten awful whore of a sister to die Joseph"
was blind but now I see... I rocked and sang the chorus over and over again. When Mom's voice stopped I looked up to see her just staring at me with my father behind her. both laughing.
"You aren't gonna do it? Are ya wussy boy?" I rocked back and forth crying
"Yes, I am!"
"No, I don't think you are because you can't do anything right!" Mom let out a cackling laugh. I held a hand to my head, I was getting a really bad headache. I needed her to stop. I need them all to stop!
"Joseph, you know what needs to be done" The calm voice of my father, My Lord.
"Yes I do"
"Take him to the spirit room my son" My mother and father echoed the Lord's words. I walked over to Nick's limp body and carried him up the stairs.
When we reached the Spirit room I dropped him in the middle. He remained quiet although he was fluttering his eyelids. I wanted to wake him up so I could say good-bye. I started to cry again.
Lord why me? Why him? Why any of this?
"Lord why me?" My mother mocked.
"You're such a wimp Joe always have been and always will be"
"Shut up Mom"
"Son. it's time" I looked over to see the Lord pointing to the knife. I walked over and grabbed it. I looked down at my Nick. He was so young and peaceful.
"Do IT!!" Mom yelled
"Do it!" My Dad echoed.
"DO IT MY SON!" The Lord said. They kept repeating the words over and over again. I ran towards the lamb with knife in hand yelling the words to Amazing Grace..
Revelation by Mare
