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Chapter 37:

Finally I was basically alone with A.J. I sat there in silence as I watched Chase sit on his father's lap, the happiest smile that I had ever seen from him retreated on his face. A.J too was smiling warmly at his son.

" Daddy got no more boo boos? " Chase asked as he looked up into A.J's eyes.

" Nope Chasers, no more boo boos, " A.J replied with a laugh, ruffling up Chase's hair with his left hand. Chase just giggled.

I found myself at ease without Nastasia around. She would make me fight for AJ's attention. And now I really didn't have to. God it made me feel more at ease with myself. I even found myself smiling happily. "Why Daddy get boo-boo?" Chase asked for a moment as he gazed at the brace holding AJ's badly hurt hand. I found myself wondering if he did that when I left him.

" Daddy had an accident, " A.J answered, non too willingly. Chase looked at A.J questioningly.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't get myself to say anything. All I could do was sit there and watch.

"Addident?" Chase asked him questiongly, I could see Chase wasn't understanding what AJ had said. AJ had a look of regret in his eyes, they became misty as he stared back at his child. Our child.

" Yeah... " A.J barely choked out as a tear slipped from his eye. I could tell he was now regretting what he had done. I could see in his eyes that he wished he could go back in time and change what he had tried to do.

" Daddy, NO cry! " Chase said stubbornly.

"Sorry Chaser....Your mom made me!" AJ stated, trying to turn this whole thing into one big joke. Which upset me more than anything. He almost took his life and he's joking like that? I wanted to scream at him.

"Chase, why don't you go watch a movie in the game room of Aunt Stazzie's?" I asked, hoping that Chase would go to sleep. Nastasia always had tons of blankets in that room.

"God yes, I don't think you want him upstairs." AJ laughed, trying to push the ugly thoughts from his mind.

"Daddy no cry no dore?" Chase asked.

" No, Daddy won't cry no more. "

" Pomise? "

" Yeah, I promise Chasers. "

I stood up from the chair and got Chase from A.J's lap. " You want to go watch Pokemon? Auntie Staz told me she bought you some new Pokemon movies! "

I watched as Chase's eyes lit up. " Yeah! Yeah! " Not saying a word to A.J, I turned around and headed towards the game room to set a movie up for Chase. I placed him down on the big fluffy couch that was in there and cuddled him up with some blankets.

"Wherd mommy going?" Chase asked as I dimmed the lights a bit and started to walk out of the room. I paused and turned back to my son. "Mommy's going to talk with Daddy. Ok?"

"Come back wid daddy?"

"Sure sweetheart."

I smiled and made my way back into the living-room, walking back over to the rocking chair I had been sitting in before. A.J made eye contact with me as soon I entered the room, but didn't say anything.

"Do I have a big zit or something?" I asked impatiently, tired of the stares he was giving me. He would spark up a conversation with Nastasia the second she was in the door, or not even in the door. Why did it have to be different with me?

"Uh....NO....." AJ stuttered, I knew he felt uncomfortable around me, which made me angerier at Nastasia. It hurt me even more to know Nastasia was so tight with him. And I just wanted him back.

" If you didn't know, it's rude to stare, " I snapped, looking away from him. I had no idea why I was acting like this right now, when he wasn't even the one I was angry with. I guess I really didn't know what to say, so this was just the only way I could think of how to get it out.

"Oh, you're real mature there!" AJ fumed back at me. I guess I had hit an irritated spot on him. I didn't know what to say. I just stared back at him, the same fire in my eyes.

" If you wouldn't be so damn rude all the time, I wouldn't act like this! "

"How the heck have I been rude?!" AJ shouted back at me, his voice cracking under the pressure he was in.

" Don't even get me started, " I said quietly. I was in no mood to be getting into an argument, let alone with him.

"Why? You started with me, so you might as well get all of your damn problems out!"

I was about ready to blow. I could feel it and I didn't like it one bit. " Damnit A.J! Why do you always have to be like this?! "

"I'm not like this! I just want to know what the hell's your problem. I mean I saw the way you were looking at Stazzie and I don't understand a damn thing your saying or why you're blowing up at me!" He yelled at me.

My face was red hot now. " You're my damn problem! " I yelled and stormed into the kitchen, feeling the tears coming on.

I collapsed onto Nastasia's kitchen floor. I felt the sobs rattling my insides. I felt horrid, the way I had been so mad at Nastasia, and still was, just everything. Then I heard footsteps.

I looked up and turned my head to find A.J standing in the door way. I quickly looked away. I couldn't bere to look at him.

"Can you just tell me what's wrong? God I hate when women cry." AJ said to me in a quieter tone. I knew that was his way of apologizing to me...

I felt myself soften a bit, yet, I still didn't know what to say to him. What could I say? I was jealous of how close him and Nastasia were? How desperately now I wanted him back? How I've always wanted him back?

"Lauren?" I heard AJ call, waiting for my answer.

" N-nothing, " I said quietly, still facing my back towards him.

"Can you talk to me? "

" What's there to talk about? "

" Why you're so angery? "

" I-I...just forget about it, " I said, trying to dismiss the whole subject.

"Uh...Hell no." He replied casually to me, causing me to break a smile. Even though I hated it, he always did that.

" It's stupid... "

"Um...not in my mind. Trust me, it's better to say things straight out....although it didn't have a good affect with me...." AJ said with a sad sigh, I knew he wanted me to spill it, and I knew I should. But did I really want to?

I stood up shakily and turned around to face him, looking into those sexy brown eyes of his, the ones that always made me melt. The ones that were making me melt right now as my own watered with tears.

"Am I getting an answer?" He asked once more.

" Not once since that awful night have I ever stopped loving you, Alex. And having to suffer through all these years realizing that I still loved you, even more then ever, and knowing that I can't have you because of a stupid mistake and misunderstanding. Do you even realize what it's been like for me?! " My voice broke between my sobs as I poured out all my feelings about him that I had kept bottled up inside me.

AJ stood there, stunned. I knew he was digesting all the feelings that had poured from my quivering lips. His eyes softened a bit as he looked at me. I paused for a moment. Wondering what he might possibly say.

"Jezz....Laur....I...I....What d-d-did happen that n-night?" AJ stuttered....Did he deserve an explination of that night? The night I had suffered along with him. The night I had been thrown out. Did I owe it to both of us?