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Chapter 64:

Nastasia never showed up for the show that night. I hadn't talked to her all day and I was worried sick. Something just was not right. This was not like her. Why was she keeping herself away from us? She needed the help and she knew it. She even wanted the help, but she was keeping herself away from what she so desperately needed.

I hated the way she was doing this. Howie was a complete wreck the rest of the day. He wouldn't talk to anyone. None of us knew what was going through his mind.The performance he gave was far from his best. He stumbled alot and often seemed zoned out. He had no energy - he seemed lifeless. I felt horrible. If only I had told him when I had found out, than maybe it wouldn't be this bad.

*****

" Yo D! Man, open up! " A.J called as he banged on Howie's hotel room door. He had booked it from the arena right after the show, back to the hotel before A.J had even had a chance to confront him. " C'mon D! Open up man! "

He heard a small comotion in the room and the door slowly opened, Howie
appearing in the doorway. He didn't speak to A.J only stared at him, hurt showing in his every move. He looked in no mood to talk.

" Um, can I come in? " A.J asked hesitantly, worried about his friend's
reaction if he spoke anything too suddenly.

Howie nodded slightly, almost unoticable. A.J walked into the room and had to allow his eyes to focus to the dimly lit room. " A little dark in here, ain't it? " he joked. Howie just grumbled. A.J sighed and sat down in the chair against the far wall. " I know your pissed right now, and I don't blame you. I know this hard, but it will work out. "

" How could you be the one to preach? You don't know how I feel and you
don't know what I'm going through! " Howie spat, his voice emotion filled and shakey.

" That's not true man...I know exactly what you're going through, " A.J
replied, thinking of how he had acted when he found out about Chase. He knew exactly what Howie was going through. " I was pissed man, damn pissed when I found out about Chase. Mostly for the part that it hurt I didn't know about him all this time. You're pissed at Stazzie because she didn't tell you, I know how you feel. " He paused and waited for Howie to say something, but realized he wasn't going to. " Listen D, I've never been very good at giving advice, but hear me out. It might be hard for you right now, but think of how hard this is for Stazzie. She needs you, D. You need to be there for her, because you are stuck in this together. "

Tears welled up in Howie's eyes as he sat there in silence listening to
A.J's words and letting them sink in. " She...she doesn't want...it... " he said shakily.

" What do you mean? "

" The baby. She doesn't want the baby... " Howie whimpered, as the tears began rolling down his cheeks.

" She can't be serious man. She's probably just - "

" No, she's fucking serious! She doesn't want it! She wants to kill it,
damnit! " Howie shouted with pure anger.

A.J was shocked at the words that came out of Howie's mouth. Nastasia
couldn't of possibly wanted to do that. He was basically speechless. " No man...no, she doesn't...she doesn't mean that... "

" She doesn't think that I want it so she said she didn't want it either. She wants to kill it A.J! Damnit, how could she want to? " He began to sob uncontrobally as he slid to the floor next to the bed, with his head in his hands. " She can't do that, she can't...no...no...no... "

" Shit D, calm down man... " A.J whispered as he rushed over to his friend.

" Don't let her do it. Please, God don't let her do it... "

" It's gonna be ok D, it's gonna be ok... "

*****

" Whed Daddy come back? " Chase asked tiredly as I tucked him under the
covers.

" He'll be back soon, sweetie. He just went to go talk to Howie, " I
answered as I kissed my son's forehead.

" Aunt Stazzie be hered 'morrow? "

" Yes sweetie, she will be, " I answered. I didn't know though. I hadn't talk to her the whole day. Where could she be? " Go to sleep now. We've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow. " We would be leaving to head towards our next destination, Virginia.

As I sat there and watched Chase fall asleep, I heard a sudden knock on the door. It couldn't be A.J, I thought. Because he had just left to go talk to Howie just a few minutes before. Could it be Nastasia?

I walked over to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it and felt an enormous wave of relief wash over me when I saw the tired figure of Nastasia standing in front of me. " Nastasia! My god, where have you been?! "

" Oh, I thought A.J would be here. Sorry for bothering you, " she said
smuggly and turned around to walk away, totally ignoring my question.

I walked out the door and shut it, so I could talk to her without waking Chase.

" Damnit Stazzie, what is going on with you? "

" Why should I tell you? "

" What? "

" You told Howie! You promised you wouldn't tell him and you broke that promise! Why should I tell you anything? "

" He found the pregnancy test in the trash, Stazzie. He got pissed at me because I DIDN'T tell him! What did you expect me to say when he basically shoved the test in my face? Deny it like you try to? Damnit Stazzie! This isn't going to go away! "

" I don't want the child! I don't want it to live and I don't want to live! "

My heart practically stopped when she said that. I couldn't believe that the words had actually come out of her mouth. " No Stazzie, you don't mean that! "

" I don't want to be stuck with it! I don't want to live! "

I watched in sadness as the tears started flowing from my best friend's eyes. I felt my own eyes start to water. I watched as she collapsed to the ground, crying. I fell with her and brought her into my arms. I know you don't mean that, I know you don't. "

" I don't want to live, Laurie. I don't want to live. " Nastasia sobbed as I rocked her in my arms.