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Chapter 66:

AJ tossed Nastasia onto my bed gently. She began to shake violently as we all sat in available chairs around her. Howie just stared at her as he sat down, life had no meaning to him right now. And, that's what Nastasia could see in his eyes.

"Okay, we're all going to sit here and talk. Because I know everyone has something on their minds and we're solving it today." AJ ordered as Denise glanced at her son with confusion.

"Wait...Alex what's going on..." Denise asked as she stared back at Nastasia, who looked to her 'mother' and winced.

"Nastasia's pregnant." Howie whispered as Denise's eyes popped open. AJ looked to the floor with remorse as I stared at the wall, avioding contact with Denise's eyes.

"You mean...all the sickness...and sleeping...and anger... Because...Oh my...Stazzie, how?" Denise whispered, surprise written all over her face. I winced, what a way for a 'mother' to find out.

"Howie's fault." Nastasia mumbled coldly. Howie's eyes snapped up as Denise winced. AJ looked surprised as everyone averted their attention to Nastasia.

"How can it just be MY fault Staz? Explain this to me...I'd like to know." Howie snapped.

"Because, you and..." Nastasia started to flare...

"SHUTUP STAZ! THAT'S BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT!!!" Howie yelled loudly as he stood up, fear was etched in Nastasia's eyes as Howie neared her.

"You really want to hit me?! God you do! Do it Howie! Go ahead! Kill me! Kill me! Kill your baby inside me! You sure as HELL don't want it anyway! HIT ME AND GET IT OVER WITH!" Nastasia yelled back, tears burning her eyes.

He reached his arm back, sobbing like a child.

"WOOOAH! WAIT!" AJ screamed as he jumped across to hold Howie back, who stuggled under AJ's small weight. "Come on, not this way...we don't want to kill Stazzie while we're here."

"Please, do me a favor..." Nastasia whimpered as she bowed her head down. I winced myself as Chase started to become awake. He looked around at everyone in the room and smiled brightly. His curly hair a mess of tangles, and his rumpled Backstreet t-shirt and a pair of 'boxers'. He looked adorable.

"Pardie for Chazzie?" Chase asked adorably as Howie pushed AJ away. Chase looked around and saw his Aunt Stazzie. He squealed as he ran and jumped into her arms, "Me missd Aunt Stazzie!"

"Hey Chazzie." Nastasia whimpered as she hugged him back, her tears falling down her pale cheeks. She looked into Chase's dark eyes and realized something, he loved her...

"Hey Chase! Grammy's got some icecream down in her room. She was waiting for you to wake up! How bout me, you, grammy, and mommy go get some?" AJ asked as Chase hugged onto Nastasia tightly.

"Me want me Aunt Staz, no daddy." Chase replied, his stubborness streaking at a terrible time. I tried not to laugh at the cuteness Chase brought into my heart. I thanked God every day for him, why couldn't Nastasia be liked that.

"Come on Chase. Grammy has a present too." Denise chuckled as Chase looked from his grandmother, then to Nastasia.

"Aunt Staz sleep wid me todight?" Chase asked as his brown eyes twinkled with hope and warmth. Nastasia titled her head and smiled, one of the first true smiles she had in awhile.

"Sure babydoll. I'll be there tonight..." She whispered softly to him. Chase nodded thoughtfully as he kissed her cheek and jumped into Denise's arms. At least I knew I wouldn't have to worry about her suicide attempt tonight, which was a little helper.

"Stazzie, just talk with Howie. Please? That's all we ask." AJ whispered to her as I waited at the door. Denise had already taken Chase out.

Nastasia looked up at AJ and gave him a childlike nod. He gave her a smile as he kissed her cheek affectionantly and reached for my hand. I grabbed it as we left, hoping something of a miracle would happen.

***********

"How could you say I was the fault of this baby?" Howie asked as soon as AJ and Lauren left. He didn't waste any time as he pointed to Nastasia's slim stomach. She looked up, hurt coarsing through her eyes.

"You didn't use protection...God, how many times did...Did...God that isn't the point..." Nastasia whimpered as she fell back onto the bed, tears springing out of her already swollen eyes.

"Then what is the point?" Howie asked softly as he made his move to sit on the bed beside her. For once she didn't push him away. She just stared at him for a moment, abosorbing the hurt in his eyes.

"God...the point is that I want to die...I don't want the hassles of this...I just don't want to live anymore. My dad was right...all I am is trash..." Nastasia whispered as she turned her gaze up to the ceiling. Howie turned away for a moment, tears streaming down his face.

Nastasia had given up all hopes at the moment. She didn't want to live, or fight. Usually she was so happy and content, but now... Nothing, Nothing was passioned in her eyes. Howie thought to himself, 'Did I do it?'

"I'll go get the a-a-abortion...I promise. Tomorrow, I'll do it...Then I'll leave and go commit suicide...I don't want to live anymore..." Nastasia repeated as Howie turned back to her, his cold brown eyes staring directly into hers.

"Nastasia, you haven't listened to a word I've said. You haven't even talked to me about the baby, only about what you think I want..." Howie whimpered.

"And what DO you want Howie?" Nastasia replied turning over on her side, her eyes softening a bit as his warmed a little. She was still crying, Howie wanted to reach out and wipe the tears away.

But didn't.

"I want the baby, and you, why can't you see that?"