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Chapter 68:

Nastasia stared back into Howie's eyes. The pools of brown that showed everything he was feeling. She was so confused right now. She couldn't breathe...

"Howie...y-you...you have to...give me more time..." Nastasia whispered softly as she saw Howie wince again. She looked away, hating to see him in so much pain.

"Give you time? For what?" He asked.

"To...To sort things out..."

"Like what?" Howie whispered as Nastasia stood up. She still felt dizzy, she found herself sitting back on the bed. Not able to keep herself standing.

"Like if I still w-want the baby...I don't...I don't know what to do at the moment...I'm confused...I can't see straight...Give me till tomorrow...I'll tell you on the bus...I promise..." She whispered as she looked away.

"You know I want the baby. And I want you." Howie whispered as he placed a tender kiss on Nastasia's forehead. She bowed her head as he walked out, fear gripping her heart, darkness sinking in.

*******

"Looks like you're kicked out of your bed." I whispered as AJ and I walked back into his room. Chase was behind us.

"Ahhh, that's alright...How many times will I be able to say there was a beautiful woman in my bed?" AJ joked.

"Hopefully not too many!" I laughed.

Nastasia was sleeping on AJ's bed. Her frail body curled in a tight ball, she slept like that for awhile after she got away from her father. It was a sign when she was terribly frightened. Although, she still looked like an angel sleeping there, not stirring a bit.

"AUNT STAZZIE! ME AND DADDY'S BED!!!" Chase hollared loudly as he jumped on the bed. AJ and I winced as Nastasia shot up like lightening.

"CHAZZIE!" She laughed as Chase jumped into her warm embrace. She had dark circles under her eyes, she looked like she hadn't slept in days. I felt horrible.

"Sleep wid Chase todight Aunt Stazzie?" Chase asked excitedly as Nastasia hugged him as tight as she could, afraid she might cry again. I could see the tears glistening in her eyes.

"Aunt Stazzie...is sleeping in mommy's room tonight..." Nastasia whispered as AJ gave her a secure smile.

"I don't mind if you crash in here Stazzie." He answered.

"Don't lie...you do too." Nastasia answered as she slid off the bed and attempted to stand up, only falling to the ground. AJ swooped down and helped her up, supporting her as much as he could, encircling his arms around her tiny waist.

"When's the last time you ate? Or slept?" AJ asked, worry etching in his face. I watched Nastasia close her eyes for a moment and think.

"I haven't...had an appetite in days so I haven't ate... Sleeping...I've been afraid to sleep." Nastasia whispered.

"Well, how about you go lay down and I'll grab some icecream for you? Then you can sleep, and sleep, and sleep." AJ asked as Nastasia made a face.

"I'm not hungry JJ."

"Too bad. Mom wants you to eat."

"No JJ."

"What about the baby?" I blurted out. Nastasia glanced at me, hurt reflecting in her dull green eyes.

"I'm NOT hungry." She repeated.

"Chase eat Aunt Stazzie icedream." Chase giggled.

"Okay Chazzie, eat my icedream." She said, offering him a smile.

"Come on, we'll go to bed." I replied softly as I looped my arms around where AJ's had been. He looked at me and offered a smile, he knew I needed it. Chase looked at all the adults, confusion on his face.

"Wherd me sleep todight?" He asked.

"How about with Daddy?" AJ suggested.

"Me want Aunt Stazzie." Chase whimpered.

"But Aunt Stazzie don't feel good. How about you take a nap with her on the bus tomorrow?" AJ asked as I started to walk out the door with Nastasia. I guess Chase agreed, because the door shut slowly behind us.

************

"Feel better?" I asked as Nastasia walked slowly out of the bathroom. She had been sick at first, and went to vomit, but I didn't think anything but fluid came up. Afterwards she jumped in the shower. She needed one to relax.

"I feel wretched." She mumbled as she climbed into my bed and slid under the covers. I watched as she rested her eyes for a moment, breathing slowly.

"What'd Howie say?" I asked after a few moments.

"He wants...He wants it."

"It?"

"The baby." She replied, sort of irritated with my question.

"And what do you want?" I asked.

"I personally want to die."

"But-"

"BUT, Chase needs me right now. No matter how many realitives he has. That's it. And he's the only one who really changed my desision." Nastasia whispered.

Always thinking of others. Never herself. That was my Nastasia.

"Only Chase needs you?"

"Well...JJ, Mom, Nick...God, Nick needs me because he needs help with his dance moves..."

"What about me?"

"Do you?" Nastasia asked me seriously.