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Chapter 69:

My heart stopped as I felt Nastasia's eyes penetrate the deepest parts of my heart. She really wanted the answer. She wasn't kidding... How could she be serious?

"Laurie?" Nastasia asked me softly, trying to bring me out of my trance.

" What? " I asked as I shook my head and stared at my friend, coming back to reality and seeing the pair of dull eyes staring back at me.

"Would you miss me?" Nastasia asked again, only refrasing the question.

" I can't believe you would even need to ask that...I would never be able to forgive myself if something ever happened to you, " I answered truefully.

"Honestly? Right hand up?" Nastasia asked, tears springing from her puffy eyes. She looked so frail at the moment.

" Girl scounts honor, " I laughed as a tear escaped from my eye. We had been in the girl scouts together when we were young girls, that's how we had met. And we stayed friends all the way through highschool and beyond. I knew Nastasia had a lot of hard times ahead of her. She was going to need a lot of help and I was gonna make sure I would be there for her every step of the way, like she had been for me.

"I still think you're a dork, you and them braces." Nastasia laughed as she knew just about what I was thinking. She had been the perfect teenager, well, with the looks anyway.

" Thanks alot Stazzie, " I said saracastically, glad I was getting some humor out of her. It was progress...

"Hey, Your buck teeth were cute back then." She whispered, but out of the blue she started to cry. Large sobs rattling her tiny figure.

" Stazzie, what's wrong? " I asked as I brought her into a big hug.

"I hate this...I hate everyone looking at me weird...I hate it..."

" Look at you wierd? What do you mean? "

"Mom, you, JJ, Howie...Don't deny it, and lord knows Bri-Bear and Nicky will know in the morning..." Nastasia sniffled.

" Don't forget kevin, but c'mon, how do they look at you wierd? "

"Like you can't tell." Nastasia snapped suddenly.

" No, actually, I can't. Care to fill me in? "

"They all look at me like...like...like I'm some sort of murderer or something..." Nastasia shivered.

" That's not true Stazzie, " I said, a frown appearing on my face.

"Why'd you frown then? You know it's true...because I am one..." Nastasia answered, closing herself off from me.

" No I don't. I frowned because I'm sick and tired of you saying crap like that, especially when you know none of it's true, " I scorned, not meaning to, I wanted to help her, we all did and then she just closed herself off from everyone.

"Oh, thanks for the help there Lauren. You're so sentimental when you wanna be. You think I didn't get tired of the woe me's when you were pregnant with Chase? God, look, he came out great! And you love him to death..." Nastasia drifted away.

" Why can't you just except the fact that your pregnant and there's nothing you can do to change it?! "

"I could change it damnit!"

" Yeah and then they would look at you like you're a murderer! " I snapped, but instantly regretted. Wrong thing to say...

"Really? Is that what you think? God, I can't even talk with you anymore. I just need one friend damnit, and guess I don't have them anymore either. Thanks Lauren, thanks a lot." Nastasia whispered as tears fell from her dull eyes. She stood up carefully and walked out the door.

" Shit! " I swore as I ran out the door after her. Me and my big mouth. Once again, I just cause more problems. " Stazzie, wait! "

Nastasia turned back around to face me, "What else could there be for you to say to me? You say I need to deal, I try to deal, you throw it back in my face, and then you call me a MURDERER? What ELSE could you WANT to say?"

" Damnit, I'm sorry! I shouldn't of said that, and I'm sorry. "

"Sometimes you can't take back the things you say..." Nastasia answered quietly.

I closed my eyes as I took in a deep breath. " Stazzie, I'm serious. I'm sorry! "

"What do you honestly think about me?"

" What kind of question is that? "

"The kind of question a best friend asks when she's not so sure about what the other friend is seriously thinking about her."

" What are you trying to say? You doubt our friendship? " I asked shakily, my voice coated with hurt. If that wasn't what she was leaning towards, then what was it?

"I don't doubt our friendship...I doubt your thinking..."

" Maybe I've said some wrong things. I'm not doing it to make you feel like dirt, cause you aren't. I just want to be there for you like you were there for me. "

"That's all I needed to hear...." Nastasia whispered softly.