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Chapter 70:

Nastasia slept very well that night, she slept in my bed for most of the night, although she was up earlier with morning sickness. I felt bad, even though I helped her. Today was the day though. AJ had filled me in on what Howie had told him. Nastasia would tell him today if she chose to keep the baby or not. And if she still wanted him.

Brian and Nick were bugging me as to what was going on with Nastasia. I knew they were really worried about her, especially Brian. Kevin was completely clueless, although he didn't hassel me for answers as much as Brian and Nick. But I refused to say anything. It was Nastasia's decision to tell them. I didn't want to make another mistake.

I guess everyone's hearts began to race as we all piled into the tourbus. Nick and Brian waited anxiously with me as Howie jumped onto the bus. He looked very worried still, it looked like he hadn't slept again too.

I watched anxiously as Nastasia climbed aboard with Chase in her arms. I smiled, she was smiling at that moment. Chase always brought her bad moods around. Everyone stared at her. "What's all y'alls problem?" she asked.

" I don't have a problem, " Brian hesitantly said, taken aback when Nastasia snapped. Nick chose to stay quiet and walked off to the back of the bus.

"All right then, can I just have a hug?" She asked timidly, her moods like her ocean eyes, taking the wild tides in and out. Changing frequently.

Brian grinned widely at her and took both her and Chase into's his arms for a huge hug.

" B-wok skished me! " Chase said with a funny look.

"Skished you?" Brian asked as Nastasia chuckled a bit. Chase still didn't want out of her arms. I figured he thought she'd disappear again.

" Yeah Bri Bear, you skished him, " Nastasia laughed, letting a genuine smile appear on her face.

"Is that Stazzie laughing up there?" AJ asked as he popped his head out from the back of the bus. Which was the entertainment room. Howie was back there, I guessed AJ was giving him a pep talk. "I was laughing at Bri-Bear. He skished Chazzie." Nastasia laughed as AJ came out. The bus was starting up, which meant everyone better be there.

" You hurt my son, I kick yo' ass Rok! " A.J joked.

"Daddy sweard Aunt Stazzie!" Chase whispered in an amazed tone. Nastasia pretended to be shocked.

"Daddy's not allowed to sweard is he Chazzie?" Nastasia asked.

"NO!!!!"

" Good example setting, J! " Brian laughed.

"He's allowed to swear if he wants!" AJ boasted cooly. I glanced at him, raising one of my dark blonde eyebrows at him in question. "I think Daddy is in trouble " Nastasia laughed.

" Daddy in big twouble! " Chase stated wagging a finger at A.J.

"He gets that from his mother's side of the family." Nastasia chuckled as Brian held onto Chase's finger. She felt a little more lighthearted, that was, until she got to the back with Howie.

After handing Chase over to Brian, Nastasia slowly made her way to the back of the bus. She found Howie gazing at nothing out the window, the same sad look on his face that he had been holding the past few days.

"You alive in there? Or should I come back another time?" Nastasia called softly, hoping to break him out of his dreary thoughts. She didn't know what she could do though.

Howie's head snapped in her direction. " Stazzie! Hey! No, stay, " he said, his face lighting a bit when he realized she was there.

"You sure? You look to be off in your own world, I don't think I have enough money to be there." Nastasia asked as she sat down next to him on the couch. She tried to make their conversation more lighter, but it wasn't happening.

" No, I...I was thinking...about stuff, " Howie said quietly as the bus pulled out of the hotel parking lot.

"Stuff?"

" Yeah, so, how are you feeling? " Howie asked, quickly changing the subject, as the worried showed in his eyes.

"God, I'm sicker than a dog..." She answered, chuckling a bit under her breath, how else was she suppose to handle this, she was uncomfortable.

Howie frowned sadly. " That's not good Stazzie... "

"It's normal....Laurie was in the bathroom from six in the morning till like ten..." Nastasia answered as her voice drifted off.

" No, it's not normal, " Howie said. " It can't be normal. I've heard of women having morning sickness, but you have it really bad. It can't be normal... "

"So I puke up more than what's required, so?"

" I'm saying it's not normal and I'm worried about you. "

"So if it doesn't clear up I'll see a doctor. Gosh, seems like everyone's pmsing around here..." Nastasia replied with a shrug, not really worrying about her condition.

" Maybe that's because we're all worried about you Stazzie... "

"Maybe you guys are worried about the wrong person."

" What do you mean by that? "

"You're the one walking around like a little lost puppy, and you're worried about me?" Nastasia asked, getting a bit defensive.

" That's because I care about you and I'm worried. It comes with being your boyfriend. "

"You still are?"

" At least, that's what I thought. Am I wrong? "

"I don't know...it was all up to you in the first place." Nastasia answered softly, looking away for a moment. She desperatly wanted the tears to stop flowing, she knew she loved Howie. She just didn't know what he wanted.

" How? I tried being there for you and you kept pushing me away. "

"You had no clue what was going on."

" Because you wouldn't let me know... "

"Because I was afraid of your reaction..." Nastasia answered curtly, tired of having to defend her actions.

" We're supposed to share trust for each other. I'm here for you, but why can't you accept that? "

"I can't accept that because I was never shone that." Nastasia answered as she turned away from him, unable to hide her tears of fustration and anger.

" What?! " Howie didn't understand why she had said that. He was always trying to be there for her.

"You think I just came into this world loving and caring. Do you have any idea what my dad used to do? How he treated me? What I had to do just to survive? How can I learn to trust another male when I can't even trust the one who gave me life?" She answered, her back still facing to him, tears rolling.

" Y-you never told me that... " Howie said slowly, surprised at her answer. He never realized how much pain she had suffered through out her life. He had no idea.

"I never told anyone...wait...scratch that...M-M-Mom knew, L-Laurie and JJ," Nastasia answered as she wrapped her arms around her knees and held them tightly, looking for warmth in the freezing room.

" But you never told me? "

"No...the only reason Denise and JJ knew...was because I knew him when we were little...we've always been friends...when I had problems...and things...I went to JJ...or Laur...." Nastasia answered, remembering the horrible nightmares. The screaming. The hitting. The blood. The running...

Howie stared at his girlfriend, speechless. " My god Stazzie... "

"Ask JJ if you don't believe me...Or Lauren...they'll tell you..."

" No, I believe you. "

Nastasia turned around for a moment and stared into Howie's eyes. They looked shocked and scared by what Nastasia had revieled.

"I think you should ask JJ and Laurie...I think somehow you don't believe me. But that's not the point. I came to tell you that I'm keeping the baby, which you're thrilled about. But if you'll excuse me now, the one who helped me with my desision is begging me to read him a story." Nastasia replied with no emotion at all. She stood carefully and wiped her tears away. She gave Howie a quick nod and walked out, before the tears flew away again.