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Chapter 12

Nick stayed on the kitchen floor crying. He didn't know what else to do. He knew that Kerry didn't forgive him. Regardless of what she had just said to him, he knew that she would never be with him again. It was his fault and he knew it. Nick looked up and saw that no one had come after him. He licked his lips and whipped the tears from his face. Slowly, he stood up from his corner and walked over to the counter. The only thing left for him to do was end it. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the bottle. He opened it and dumped it into the garbage disposial. He didn't start it though, he didn't want the guys to come into the kitchen just yet.

He took one last look at the garbage disposial and then we walked to the other end of the counter. There was one more thing that he had to do. Nick wrapped his fingers on one of the knives in the stand and pulled it out. He was going to make sure that he never hurt anyone again. Especially the people that he loved the most. As long as he was around, he knew that he would just cause pain, and he just wanted it all to end. Nick took a shaky breath and looked at the knife. It was now or never *no pun intended*. Slowly he began to bring the knife to his throat.

"Nick what are you doing?" Brian asked as he walked into the kitchen and interupted Nicks plan. Brians eyes were wide with fear when he saw Nick holding a knife to his own throat.

"I'm ending it Brian," he answered with hurt in his voice and tears pouring down his cheeks, "there isn't anything else for me to do. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

"Killing yourself isn't the answer. Please, put down the knife and let us take you to the hospital. They can help you Nick. You don't have to do this," Brian pleaded.

"Yes I do have to do this," Nick yelled, "there isn't anything else for me to do. I can't, not knowing what I did to Kerry and to you guys so please just leave me alone. Let me do this."

"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself Nick. Right now I know you think that it's the only way but really it's not. Now put down the knife and how about we talk about what's going on. We can help you," Brian said trying to hide the fact that he was scared beyond any level of fear that he had ever known. He took a step back when he saw Nick shake his head and opened the kitchen door, "I need some help out here," he called.

"I have to do this," Nick whispered as AJ came into the kitchen, with the other guys, including Kerry, stopping at the door way in shock.
"Shit," he said under his breath, "Nick come on, put down the knife. Lets go into the living room. Things are going to get better, don't worry."

"No they won't," Nick answered. AJ took a step towards Nick, "don't come any closer AJ."

"Alright," AJ replied, "but you have to put down the knife."

"No."

"Nick please," AJ answered, "none of us want you to do this. I know things look bad, but trust me, you have all of us and we're going to be there for you. Now put down the knife." Kerry grabbed onto Howie's arm as she watched AJ try to talk him into putting down the knife. Nick glanced over at her and for a second, their eyes met. In that second, he saw how scared she was. He was causing her more fear. The hand with the knife started to shake and bit his lip hoping that Nick wasn't about to go through with it. He took another step closer to Nick, but Nick made no attempt to stop him. When AJ was close enough, he took the knife from Nick. Nick dropped to the floor in tears. AJ let himself drop to his knees next to Nick. He put his arm on his shoulder.

"It's going to be alright Nick," he assured him. AJ looked up at the other guys, a little unsure of what to say or do.

"Come on Nick," Kevin said walking towards Nick and AJ, "lets go get you some help alright?"

"I'm scared," Nick confessed as he looked up and into Kevins eyes.

"It's alright to be scared," Kevin told him, "we're all scared. We thought we were going to lose you there for a minute."

"I didn't know what else to do."

"It's okay 'cause we're here for you little bro and we're going to make sure that you get better. So why don't you get up," Kevin said offering Nick his hand. Nick looked at him and then took his hand. Once Nick was standing, he looked over towards were Brian, Howie and Kerry were standing.

"I'm sorry," Nick whispered, "I'm sorry about everything. D, I'm sorry I lied to you. I did know that guy that I was talking to at the store yesterday. He gave me some more of the pills and I did take them again last night."

"Where are they now?" AJ asked.

"In the garbage disposial. I didn't start it because I didn't want any of you guys to come in here," Nick explained. AJ nodded.
"What made you want to do that?" Howie asked softly.

"I don't know. I just felt so guilty about what I did to Kerry," he said looking at Kerry, "that I didn't think I could live with myself and I just thought that I already caused enough shit. You guys didn't need any more."

"It's not about us," Brian said, "it's about you being healthy now."

"I don't know if I can do it," Nick confessed.

"It's gonna be hard," AJ told him, "but you're going to get through it. Trust me. I wouldn't lie about that."

"What if I can't?"

"You will," AJ said serisously, "you have us to make sure that you do."

"When are we leaving?" Nick asked.

"Right now," Kevin answered, "the sooner the better you know." Nick nodded and then caught a glimpse of Kerry.

"Don't hate me," Nick whispered to her.

"I don't," she answered softly, still holding on to Howies arm. He shook his head and looked over at Kevin.

"So, you want to drive me big bro?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," Kevin answered with a nod. Nick smiled lightly but let it fall from his face quickly. Kevin walked out of the kitchen and Nick took one last look at Brian, AJ, Howie and Kerry. He kept his eyes on Kerry the longest. She looked back at him.
"Maybe I'll talk to you when you get back," she said to him softly.

"I hope so," he replied as and then he turned and walked out of the kitchen. None of them said anything until they heard Nick and Kevin pull out of the driveway.

"I can't believe what just happened," Brian said softly.

"Neither can we," Howie replied.

"Do you think this is going to work?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," AJ answered, "if it worked for me, than it's gonna work for him."