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Chapter 13

Kevin stopped his car outside of the hospital and Nick looked over at him. There was fear in Nicks eyes and on his face. He didn't say anything, his eyes remained on Kevin and Kevin returned his stare.

"You're going to be alright Nick," Kevin finally said.

"I hope so," Nick replied.

"If you need or want to talk to any of us, we're there for you whenever you need us ya know," Kevin reminded him, "don't hesitate about calling if you need to."

"I know, and I will," Nick answered as he stepped out of the car and shut the door behind him. Kevin watched as Nick walked towards the enterance of the hospital. Nick glanced back quickly, but didn't stop. When he reched the front door he took in a deep breath and opened the door. This was it, this was all he had to do to prove to Kerry that he was sorry for what he did and that he could change. Nicks eyes roamed over the room. They stopped on a woman whom he had assumed to be the secratary.

"Excuse me," Nick said with his voice soft and nervious, "um.... my names Nick, and uh my friends called for me to stay here and uh..."

"Carter?" she asked after she looked up from her papers.

"Yes," he answered.

"Go to room 206," she told him, "there will be someone up there to talk to you soon."

"Alright, thank you," he answered and slowly started to walk down the hallways towards the room where the woman told him to wait. Nick continued to walk down the hall but he still couldn't find his room. He sighed and looked around again. He knew that he couldn't turn back now, even though he wanted to. After a few minutes, he finally found the room he had been directed to. He slowly opened the door and stuck his head into the room and saw that no one was in there yet.

He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. His eyes again scanned his new surroundings. When he spotted the couch, he walked over to it and sat down. He ran his fingers through his hair and tried to keep himself calm. His mind then started to wonder. What were the guys going to tell the fans? I mean they were cool about AJ, but would they support him too? In his heart, he felt that he somehow needed to know that they cared too. If Kerry didn't care about him, he needed someone to support him.

He'd let the guys down too many times and he wasn't sure if he messed up again if they would remain at his side. They've already put them through so much already and part of him wasn't sure if he let them down again that they would be able to forgive him again. The person that he wanted to be forgiven by the most, Kerry, would probably never love him or even trust him again that made going through this somehow seem as if it wasn't worth it. Who else was there? Yeah, there was the guys, but they all had their own lives and they weren't going to be around forever. His family, there had been too many fights between them that he wasn't even sure if they gave a damn about the fact that he had almost died.

They hadn't called so that basically convinced him that they just didn't care. Did it really matter though? Lately, they hadn't supported anything that he wanted to do. That wasn't just everything that he had been putting himself through, it was just about everything. Good and bad. Nick sighed again as he let his head fall onto the back of the couch. What if this didn't work? Just getting there, he already wanted to quit and go home. What was going to happen when the program actually started? Was he going to be able to complete it? AJ was able to get through it. That was AJ, Nick thought. He's a hell of a lot stronger. A year later he was so much better, it was like he was the same guy that he was before he started drinking. Was Nick going to be able to go back to being the old Nick?

Never, he told himself. He'd seen too many things to go back to that same innocent Nick that he was before all of this started. He'd done too many things, hurt too many people. He was never going to be the same again and now he was sure of that. Maybe he didn't want to be the same person. Knowing what he now knew, in a way made him a better person. He knew what it was like to be on the bad end of life. To be in a personal low. He knew what it was like to turn to drugs and alcohol as a way to hopefully make things better. Now that he thought about it, maybe now he could help people, touch them even better than he could before. Now he knew were a lot of kids were coming from because he'd been through it and maybe he could save people. In a way, he could become a hero.

"Nick?" a lady asked as she walked into the room where Nick was waiting, thinking about how he was going to make the world better.

"Yes, that would be me," he answered sitting up so that he could look at the woman who had just walked into the room.
"It's nice to meet you. My name is Doctor Santiago, but you can just call me Maria," she told him as she extended her hand to him. He nodded and took her hand for a hand shake. "So Nick, what made you want to come here today?"

"It's not really as much what it's as much who," he said with a small smile appearing on his face then disappearing again, "I mean, everyone. It was just everything."

"Who exactly is everyone?"

"My friends, my ex-girlfriend," he answered, hurt by the fact that he had to use the phrase 'ex-girlfriend' when referring to Kerry.

"Why don't you tell me a little bit about them," she asked sitting on a chair next to Nick. He continued to look at her and he took a deep breath and began to talk.

"Well, there's Brian. He's my best friend. We've been friends for like nine years now. We're really close cause we both can get kinda goofy. Then there's Howie, a close friend of mine. He's been looking out for me for like ten years now. He's been a really good friend. Kevin, well, he's like the big brother I never had. Ya know? AJ, he kinda understands what I'm going through a little more because we're closest in age. That and he's been where I am right now. He was the one that really took charge and wanted me to get help even if he had to physically attack me. Then there's Kerry," he said with his voice trailing off.

"What about Kerry?"

"She's my ex-girlfriend," he answered brokenheartedly, "One of the only girls to love me for the person that I am, not because of my career and I messed that up. I hurt her by doing all of this."

"Well Nick," Maria said, "this had an effect on her life too. She loved you and she had to put up with what you were doing and that could put a lot of stress on a relationship. Sometimes the person dealing with the stress decides that they just can't take it anymore so they decide that they best thing to do is to put an end to the relationship. In hopes that they will be able to heal."

"But you don't know what went on between us. It wasn't as much the stress as it was what I put her through."

"What do you feel that you put her through?"

"A lot. I was drunk all of the time. I became a whole other person. He was angry at just about everything for no good reason. He did a lot of stupid things to Kerry."

"Like what?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Nick answered, getting a little nervious about answering her question.

"It's alright Nick. You can tell me anything about what happened. Everything that you say in here with me, stays between you and I, but if you don't feel up to talking about it right now, that's alright because we are going to be talking often."

"How often?"

"It depends. There are times when patients only need a short time to talk while others, they need a while. Also, they need to become comfortable and trusting towards the person that they're talking to and that's natural. Some people don't like to talk about their personal lifes with complete strangers."

"What happens if you can't get a person to talk?"

"That hasn't really happened yet. The people that come here want help so they talk because they know that it's going to help them. Everyone that I've talked to felt that they needed to get help and that's why they came here. Weather it was because their friends made them, you know that somewhere inside that person wanted help or if they did it themselves."

"Ever have anyone really stubborn?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," she answered with a slight laugh, "there are people out there like that, but I don't mind it. It's just a little more work. That and I'm always up for a good challange."

"Why did you get into this profession?"

"I wanted to help people."

"You could do that other ways."

"Yeah I know, but a lot of problems with people now a days are in there minds so I wanted to get to the root of the problem and completely get rid of it."

"That's cool."

"Well Nick, I'm going to show you were you're going to be staying. If you need any clothes or anything, there is a phone in the hall and you can always call someone for you, but don't have them try and bring anything into this place. We will catch them. We have high security for visitors. That and if we find it on them, they will be arrested. So now if you don't mind, please come with me," she told him. He nodded and followed her out of the room.