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Chapter 21

A week later, Nick was released and sent back to the clinic. Only this time, he was guarded twenty-four hours. It was believed that Nick had over dosed while he was in the clinic. No one could prove that it wasn't true so security was assigened to keep an eye on Nick at all times. It was against his wishes, as well as the wishes of the other guys. They had promised him his space, but these security guards were giving him less than he had been given before this happened. Even knowing the fact that Nick admitted what he had done was wrong and that he did infact want help didn't help him gain any trust from anyone there.

No one looked at him the same way anymore. It killed him to know that no one trusted him because of something that he had no control over. He hadn't had anything when he was in the clinic. He was there because he wanted the help that they were offering. Otherwise he never would have let Kevin take him there. Not if he hadn't believed that he was doing this to help himself and because he wanted it.

Another thing that hurt him beyond words was that if the guys wanted to visit him, there had to be security in the room with them. For some reason, someone thought that Brian had brought whatever it was that hurt Nick into the clinic. It wasn't Brian, Nick had even insisted on it. Brian would have never done anything that he thought would hurt Nick in even the slightest way. Nick couldn't believe that anyone would have believed that Brian might want to hurt him. It was simply the craziest thing that he had ever heard.

What happened was his own fault and Nick knew that. He was the one that had to sneak behind the guys backs and do things that were so stupid that even came close to taking his life. The guys were the ones that were doing everything in there power to make sure that Nick was going to be alright. He couldn't understand why they couldn't be trusted. He tried to explain that to everyone, they wouldn't listen to him though. No matter how hard he tried, no one listened. A tear rolled down Nicks' cheek.

He felt so alone at that moment. There was no one for him to talk to, which was what he really needed at that point. Someone that would just listen to him for awhile and let him get out everything that he had been holding in. He didn't want to talk to security or even Maria. He wanted someone to talk to that had always been there for him even when he tried to push them away. Nick sighed as yet another tear fell from his eyes. He had never felt this alone before.

It was like he was locked away in this room away from the rest of the world. There was a time when he thought that this was the best thing in the world, but right now, he needed someone there with him. Someone that he knew, that he could trust. Everyone here was telling him that he could trust them and that he could talk to them, but if they wanted him to trust them, they were going to have to trust him.

Nick pulled the blanket up a little higher on his body so that it was now touching his chin. He didn't know what else he should do. So he just stayed there, not letting anyone in, or eating. Just staying in there alone. Another tear slowly made its way down Nicks cheek. He didn't know what else there was to do. Too many other things had caused him pain. Nothing seemed to work, just end up causing him more pain.

"Nick," he heard as someone starting banging on the door. He rolled over so that his back was now facing the door, "It's AJ." Quickly, Nick sat up and walked over to the door and opened it to see AJ, staring at him fearfully.

"Hi," Nick managed to force out.

"What are you doing to yourself man? When I came in the doctor told me you haven't been eating and you haven't been talking to anyone. What's wrong Nick?" AJ asked, partially aware of the reason why Nick was acting like this.

"I just haven't been hungry or in the mood to talk."

"In three days?" AJ asked, "come on Nick. I know you don't like how things are right now but I promise that they're going to get better. If you work with everyone here, you'll be back home soon man. Just you gotta talk to your doctors and do what they tell you. I know you don't like that we can't talk to you without security, but it's not like you have anything to hide. Is there?"

"No, I just..... it's just," Nick sighed, "I want to be trusted."

"You have to earn that right now," AJ answered a little nervously, "I mean me and the guys trust you. We're behind you 100 percent every step of the way. It's just your doctors have to see that you're worth trusting again. You know they think you ODed here. It's up to you to show them that you can live without it and that you want to get better man."

"Why can't they just believe me?"

"I told you, they have to know that you're trustworthy. Everything they think about you is based on what they know about what happened here. Show them that what they know and what they saw isn't everything about you. That you're a really cool guy beyond all that alright?"

"I just don't know if I can do that."

"You can Nick. I've known you along time and I know you're a good person just a lot of shit happened and you didn't know how to handel it. I know all about that because I've been there myself, but Nick, you can't keep yourself down and you can't let anyone take you down."

"I don't know how long I'm going to be able to do that," Nick replied.

"That's why you're here man. Your doctors and stuff want to help show you that you can be strong everyday of your life. You were before and you will be again. I know it because you want to be and because you have a great team of doctors that want to help you get better. You just have to let them Nick."

"What am I doing this for?" Nick asked unsure of himself.

"So you can be happy. That's the main thing man. Ya just gotta be happy and feel better and not be so damn depressed. It sucks I know, but you'll get through it, just like I did."

"But I'm not like you AJ. I don't know if I can do this myself."

"First of all, you're not alone. Me and the other guys are here for you, we always are. Second, you're going to be able to make it through this. Yeah, you may not be like me but a lot of people who were a lot different than me have gone through this and made it out better people so I'm sure that you will too," AJ explained.

"I'm just scared man," Nick replied.

"Yo, it's okay to be scared. This is a weird time for you but I promise that you're going to get through this and if you need help or someone to talk to, I'm always just a phone call away. Don't ya ever think that you're in this alone."

"I'll remember that," Nick replied as AJ nodded and left Nick alone in his room. Nick rested his head upon the pillow once again and let out a long sigh of fustration and confussion. Was he really going to be able to make it through this?