“That was brilliant, Kevin,” Brian complemented, “Think you can keep up the good work?”
Another two months had passed. Within the past week, Kevin’s mood had increased by a lot. He was brighter and happier all around. Nobody knew what had gotten into him but were glad that he’d finally decided to snap out of is depressed funk. Kevin had suggested recording and the guys had jumped on the opportunity before he could sink into a low state again. They had to take advantage of every chance they got to record while they knew that it would turn out good. What nobody knew was that Kevin’s positive outlook was fake and just a show so they didn’t suspect what he was really feeling deep down inside.
“Yes,” Kevin replied, “I have to keep it up. This album needs to be done by Tuesday at the very latest.”
Kevin got looks from all around that told him that the others thought he was insane. Nick raised an eyebrow and A.J. grunted. He couldn’t believe that Kevin was going to expect them to work to death to make up for time he’d caused them to lose in the first place.
“Kevin, that’s six days away,” Brian informed him, “You do realize that, right? I mean, weeks haven’t exactly gotten longer.”
“We can do it,” Kevin said with confidence, “We already have a good five songs completed. There’s seven or eight more. If we work extra hard, maybe eight hours a day times six, that’s forty eight hours, we should have no problem getting it done.”
“Whatever you say,” Howie replied, running a hand through his hair, “We’d better get back to work then.”
The group took a short fifteen minute break to refresh themselves. They knew that if they didn’t, their voices would become tired and they wouldn’t sound nearly as good as they would if they’d given their voices a chance to rest.
“There’s a special song I want to sing alone here,” Kevin said, “Maybe on the last day of recording. Something that I wrote to sing as a solo.”
“Wow,” Brian said, “Have you been working on it for long?”
“Probably for the past three weeks,” Kevin replied, “But when I record it, I’d like to do it alone. Kind of emotional, ya know?”
His friends stared at him in shock and he wondered why it came to such a surprise to them that he’d written something himself. It had been something that had meant to be a poem at first, but turned into a song the more that he wrote. The part that had taken him the longest was editing it. He felt that it was near perfect though. It was everything that he’d gone through and he wanted the world, their fans, to hear it. The thing was, he knew that he’d have to find someone else to sing it for him during shows when the Boys started touring again.
“Sure, no problem,” Brian answered, understanding completely. He knew what the song was most likely about and knew that it would be a struggle for him to sing it with the others
around, “I’m impressed though.”
Kevin shrugged, not knowing what to say. Brian wouldn’t be saying that after he heard the song. None of them would be. It brought tears to his own eyes when he read it over. He knew it would be worse for them. They would honestly understand what he’d been going through and feeling for the first time though.
“Okay, lets get back to work now,” Kevin stated out loud, “Lets try to do one more song before the end of the day.”
“Sounds good, boss,” Nick joked, “I’m ready to go home for the day. I need to sleep or something.”
The guys all laughed, knowing exactly why Nick was in such a big hurry to get home. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out. Kevin smiled tightly. He just wanted this album to be the very best that it could be and be out in stores within the next couple of months because the way things were going, it would be their last.
Stephanie sighed in content happiness as she slid into the hot tub in her back yard. It was a cool day and she figured nothing would be better than lying in a pool of steaming hot water surrounding her.
“This is the life,” she murmured.
Stephanie closed her eyes. She knew that she could easily fall asleep. There was something soothing about the water bubbling up gently around her. She was completely relaxed. Just as she was almost in a deep sleep, Nick came running up, doing a cannon ball in the Olympic sized pool that was less than five feet from her. Icy cold water splashed in all directions, hitting her exposed body. Stephanie’s eyes flew open in shock, shivers running down her spine as the cold water dripped from her face, neck, and shoulders.
“Nickolas,” she screeched, “I’m going to kill you.”
Nick jumped out of the pool and hopped into the hot tub next to Stephanie, grinning impishly. Stephanie couldn’t believe how cute he thought that he was. To her, he was acting immature and selfish.
“The hot water feels better now,” he replied.
“But did you have to get me wet in the process?” she asked with a scowl, “I was almost asleep. Leave it to you though.”
A hurt look came over Nick’s eyes as he felt a sense of being unwanted at that particular moment. He started to get up and leave but Stephanie reached up and grabbed his hand, pulling him back down.
“You might as well stay and talk to me.” She offered, snuggling in close to his side, “And keep me warm after that stunt you just pulled.”
I’m sorry,” Nick apologized.
Stephanie laughed. He was so cute. Immature and childish, but he meant well, she knew.
“So, how is recording going?” Stephanie asked, knowing that they’d been gone a lot again to the studio.”
“Great, actually,” Nick said, “Kevin’s really pulled it together in the past couple of weeks. I think that maybe he’s actually started to deal with his paralysis and is through with being spiteful over it.”
Stephanie raised an eyebrow. The transition had been so sudden. It hadn’t been gradual at all, but rather pretty much happened over night. She didn’t honestly think that anybody could change that quickly. But maybe Kevin had just put his mind to it and decided that he didn’t want to be depressed anymore. Maybe he had actually figured that his chances of recovering quicker were more likely if he was positive. It was about time.
“When do you think the album will be out?”
“Kevin wants it to be out in stores in a few months, and is set on the recording being finished by Tuesday.”
“That’s only four days away,” Stephanie protested, “There’s no way you can finish recording an album in two weeks.”
“It’s getting done,” Nick said, “And surprisingly, it is turning out really well. We’re all working our asses off, but, we want to keep Kevin happy. He’s been down for so long that we just want to go along with what he wants.”
Stephanie just shrugged, sinking lower into the hot water to warm her upper body. She didn’t know how well the plan was going to work out. She wondered what was going on between the band. Why would Kevin want to try to record an entire album and complete it in such short time? It was great that he was working hard and singing good again, but something wasn’t right. Normally, he would want them to take their time and have the recording part take at least two months.
“As long as everything is okay,” Stephanie finally said out loud, “It’s about damn time.”
“Yeah,” Nick replied, a slight look of concern in his eyes, “Everything is going perfect. It couldn’t be better.”
Stephanie smiled. She wanted to believe Nick, but something about the way he’d said it wasn’t very convincing. She wished she knew what was going on, but decided that it was none of her business, either that, nobody knew and they were all on the same boat. She just hoped that Kevin stayed happy and didn’t sink into a low state again. As long as he was in high spirits, she believed everything actually could turn out to be okay.
“So, you finished recording today?” Anna asked as she drove Kevin home from the recording studio.
“Yep,” Kevin said proudly, “It’s going to be our best album yet. I know it. We all worked hard.”
“I know that you did,” she told him with a smile.
They were quiet for a few minutes. Anna could tell that Kevin was exhausted. For the past half of a month, all he’d had time to do was record, go through therapy and sleep. He’d constantly been busy doing things that had to get done.
“I am so proud of you,” Anna stated, “You’ve really come a long way in the past couple of weeks. I know that the guy’s are happy with your change in direction. I just know we’re all happy that you are now.”
Kevin reached over and took Anna’s right hand in his, holding it lightly. He gave it a quick squeeze. He looked deep in to her eyes, taking in her beauty.
“Thanks,” he said softly, happy that the recording was over with. He knew that the other guys were glad that it was too, even though it had taken up all of their free time to do it. The album was complete. He wouldn’t have to worry about it not getting done at all now.
Anna turned off onto their street and two minutes later they were in the driveway. Kevin waited for Anna to get his chair out of the trunk. When it was next to him, he got into it, pushing himself up the ramps that were made permanent at his house.
“I need to go to the store,” Anna informed Kevin once they were inside, “Is there anything in particular that you want?”
Kevin shook his head, “Nope. Get whatever you want.”
“Kev, just tell me something to get and I will buy it,” Anna laughed, “That way, I don’t make something you’ll try to hide under the table until I am not looking.”
“Whatever you decide to get,” He said again.
Anna shook her head. Why did he have to be so stubborn? She pretty much knew what to get anyways. Same as every other week.
“I’ll be back in about an hour or so,” Anna told him, beginning to walk out the door.
“Hey, baby,” Kevin called, “Come here.”
Anna walked over to Kevin and he pulled her into his arms, kissing her passionately on the mouth. Anna drew back, a smile forming on her lips.
“What was that for, Prince Charming?” she asked.
Kevin said nothing, staring deeply into her eyes again. They were the prettiest color of dark brown.
“I love you so much, Anna,” he said softly, holding her closely “Please, don’t ever doubt my feelings for you.”
Anna looked at him strangely, "I'm just going to get groceries," she joked, "I love you too. I'll be back in about an hour, maybe a little longer.."
Kevin let go of her as she walked out the door. He sighed, pulling the journal entry he’d started out of his pocket. He needed to be alone to finish it. Writing down everything, it all came out quickly, flowing over the blank lines. He quickly ended the writing, realizing that it had come to just about two pages. It shocked him, yet he felt like he hadn’t written enough to express himself. Kevin set the papers on the kitchen table, ready for Anna to read it. With a sigh, he looked around the downstairs of his house before going over to the elevator that had been installed just weeks before and getting inside. He pressed the UP button to take him to his room. It was time for him to sleep.
“Baby,” Anna called, struggling to carry three brown paper bags full of groceries, “I’m home.”
Anna walked into the kitchen and set the bags down on the counter wondering why Kevin wasn’t coming. She walked around and saw a piece of paper on the table. Walking over, Anna picked up the piece of paper, figuring that Kevin had probably gone out with the guys and was just telling her, but then saw how long it was, knowing that that wasn’t it after all. She looked around to make sure that Kevin wasn’t watching her as curiosity got the best of her. She knew that she was probably sticking her nose into business that wasn’t hers. She begun to read when she saw that he wasn’t anywhere to be seen.
Well, if you are reading this, then I guess it means I am no longer here and I carried through with my plan. I hate to do this to everyone, but my happy act was just so nobody would suspect anything. I guess in the last couple of weeks, I really have been calm about things though. It was only because I knew that it would only be a short time until I wouldn’t have to deal with the feelings of having no self worth and being a complete failure. I wanted to finish the album up because I knew it would be our last. I felt I owed it to the Guys and to the fans to put out one last album as a whole group. But please, continue touring without me. Replace me if you’d like. Keep my promise to Bluewave and have them tour with you guys again when you are ready.
Anna. You are the most beautiful person I know, inside and out. You’ve stayed so strong for me throughout everything and made my last few months so much happier. I love you so much. Don’t think that just because I am doing this that I don’t. It has nothing to do with you. It’s me. You are amazing. Thanks for giving me a chance. I just wish that we could have spent more time together or that I at least made you as happy as you’ve made me. I regret being such a sad soul for the majority of our relationship. I love you more than anything. Hopefully whoever you are with after me will appreciate you as much as I have and treats you as special as you are.
Brian. Well, little cousin…I guess that this proves it. You are a much strong person than I am, and I look up to you for that. I admire your strength. You’ve been through hell and back but you never let it get you down. I’m letting mine destroy me all together. It’s just the way it is. Thanks for helping me out when times were rough. Thanks for keeping things together for me and defending me. But most of all, thanks for being such great family. I love ya, cuz.
A.J. I’m sorry that we ended on such bad terms. We really never did make up completely and I regret that. I never meant to hurt you in any way, but I can see now that I did. I felt terrible and lived every day with the feeling of knowing that I’d caused someone who I care for a lot pain. You’re right though. I guess I am a hypocrite. You didn’t deserve what I was thinking. Even though I didn’t use words, I guess that it hurt just as much. Just know that I really do care and that I mean it when I say that I am sorry.
Nick. Good ole Nicky. You always knew how to keep things light, even the worst of the situations. I’m sorry that I got on you so much for everything. I did it way too much. You really are a funny guy though. I was just way too serious. Do me a favor and don’t change. Especially now. Everybody will need your humor to help them cope. I know it will be hard to be funny and clown around, but just try to. This sounds horrible, I know, but everybody will be grateful in the end. You’re a very talented kid. No, you’re a very talented young man.
Howie. You were also an inspiration to me. You always had such a soft, sweet nature to you. Hence the nickname. You’re very talented. All I can hope for is that you get to sing more solos. It’s a request I’d really like to have happen. Keep your head up. I know you’ve lost loved ones in your family and know that you’re a very sensitive person. Try not to get emotional though. Your tears aren’t worth crying over me. I don’t deserve it. Help Brian keep things running smoothly. You two are the most business-like and you can help each other.
Stephanie and Jaime. I never really got the chance to know you guys very well. All I know is that you’ve been great friends to Anna and she’ll need you now more than ever. Be there for her. I know she is weak and extremely sensitive. Good luck with your relationships with Nick and Aje. They think the world of you two. Believe me, they think you are something special…and Jaime, since I know you are rolling your eyes, A.J. doesn’t mean to treat you so badly right now. It’s just a phase. He talks about you all of the time. I wouldn’t lie.
To the fans. All I can say is thank you for your support. Thank you for helping us get where we are today. You’re the best that anyone could ever ask for. You’re amazing. I can’t give you enough gratitude.
To Jive. I have three words for you. GO FUCK YOURSELVES. Leave the rest of the band alone and quit trying to ruin them.
Here are a few lines from the solo that I wrote. It doesn’t matter who sings it at shows, or if it is done as a group. I just want it to be done. I guess it’s kind of like my last request. Anyways, here it goes:
No more pain
No more suffering
The end has come
I am finally at peace
No longer will I have to live
With knowing that I am not complete
Realizing I will never be the same again
This is goodbye
Take me away
I am free…
I want to thank all of you again for being such wonderful friends to me. It’s made making it as far as I have a whole lot easier, but I can only handle so much. I can only cope with the pain and overwhelming emotions for so long before I myself can’t handle it any more.. I am sorry. I love you all of you so much. Try to forgive me over time, although I know you’ll be angry and hate me at first. My very last request, or wish rather, please don’t forget me.
P.S. There is a journal entry in the top drawer of my dresser. Anna, please try to submit it to a book or magazine to be published. Maybe it will save a life. For me, its too late to be saved.
Anna’s head whipped up from the letter. Kevin’s suicide letter. Her eyes had been glued while she’d read the entire thing, but there was nothing left to read. She couldn’t believe it. She hadn’t seen any of it coming. She dropped the letter as she ran out of the front door.
“Kevin,” she screamed at the top of her lungs, tears coming out of her eyes quickly and falling hard, “Kevin.”
She ran around the yard, wondering if he was outside somewhere nearby. She couldn’t see any trace of him anywhere. Sprinting back into the house, she decided that if he was anywhere, he would be inside. Her first thought was to look in the basement. Running down the carpeted steps, she flipped on the light switch.
“Kevin,” she yelled, “Where are you. Kevin.”
Anna couldn’t find him anywhere as she looked in every corner, every room, every section of the basement. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Taking the steps two at a time, she was ready to take on round two of her search.
He couldn’t have gone through with it,” Anna muttered, then raised her voice to call out for him again, “KEVIN,” she yelled, her heart pounding in her chest, breath coming out short and quick.
Anna searched the entire downstairs, going from room to room, searching every closet and bathroom, not seeing Kevin anywhere. She wondered where he had gone, where he was. She ran out back to the pool to see if he was at the bottom. Rushing over to the side, she forced herself to look down. Nothing was there but a few leaves. Anna ran back into the house, whipping her head from side to side for any sign of her boyfriend.
“Kevin,” she shrieked, “Kevin.”
Anna began choking on her tears as she opened the door to the silver elevator. Kevin wasn’t in there either. She stepped inside, letting it take her to the second floor of the mansion. She couldn’t waste any time. Anna frantically ran around the top floor. It was her last hope. If he wasn’t upstairs, then he wouldn’t be anywhere that she could guess. There were a million places that he could have gone, and if she left the house, she might miss something.
“Kevin,” she yelled again, running into their bedroom, “Kevin,” she sobbed helplessly, looking in every direction.
Her heart stopped when she spotted his wheelchair sitting by the bathroom door empty. Anna’s whole body started to shake violently as she slowly and nervously walked over to the wheelchair. She touched the seat. It was cold, which meant that he hadn’t been sitting in it for a while. Anna walked into the bathroom, looking around cautiously. She was almost afraid to see what she would find. Slowly looking around, she spotted a lump in the shadows, coming half way out of the closet on the other side of the bathroom. Trembling, she quickly hurried over and the closer she that she got, she noticed that the lump was two legs emerging from the door that was half way open. Anna’s eyes widened as she opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came out. She felt sick and woozy, but forced herself to get closer.
“Kevin,” she cried softly, bending down, “Kevin,”
She gently touched his leg, forgetting that he couldn’t feel anything. His skin was cold to her touch. Anna stumbled backwards as she clamped her hands over her mouth tightly and screamed.