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Chapter 29: Misleading Thoughts

Finding himself alone to do whatever he pleased for the several hours of downtime they'd been granted upon their arrival in the next city didn't bother AJ one bit. Considering he could barely keep his eyes open as the bus pulled up in the back of their new hotel, sleep didn't present itself as an issue. AJ had to will his feet to move in order to drag himself off the tour bus and barely remembered making his way through the crowd of fans that had gathered to greet them upon their arrival. He made the slow journey up to the respective floor his assigned room was located on and was almost out like a light before his head had even hit the pillow.

Two and a half hours later AJ woke up feeling completely refreshed without a trace of exhaustion slowing him down. He wasn't too surprised to see that his luggage, a suitcase and duffle bag, had been brought to his room while he was asleep and was waiting for him at the foot of his bed. Compliments of his mother, AJ was sure. A hot shower and a new set of clothes brought him fully awake and he set to ordering room service as his stomach was growling the word 'neglect' rather terribly. Now he sat on the edge of his bed stuffing the last french fry drenched with ketchup from his meal consisting of a bacon cheeseburger and fries into his mouth and downed it with a big gulp of Dr. Pepper. The television only feet in front of him had been previously set to some spanish soap opera channel and AJ hadn't bothered to reach for the remote and change it to something he could actually understand, blaming it on pure laziness. The show, whatever the heck was going on, was rather hilarious and AJ made a mental note to sit Howie down one day and have him translate it as they watched it. Now that would be pure entertainment in AJ's opinion.

The joy of feeling free to do whatever he wanted for hours on end soon melted away as AJ found himself setting the tray aside and mindlessly walking around the room. Ok, so he easily grew bored of the spanish soap opera without his translator friend around. 'Wouldn't D like to know he's been branded that title...' AJ thought to himself with a silent laugh. That's when he caught sight of his cellphone lying neglected atop his open suitcase and he seriously considered ringing his buddy up to break the news to him, or even send a prank call to Nick since he hadn't really spoken many words to him all day. But he was struck with a different thought.

'Call her.' AJ's mind taunted him mercilessly, had been taunting him, rather he just now really started tuning into that thought. Being presented with the actual chance to do so at the present moment, his cellphone lying in front of him and seemingly calling out to him to pick it up... coincidence maybe? But who was AJ trying to fool? Without a doubt he wanted to call her, beside the anger and confusion clashing inside him. He hesitated, though, with the lingering thought that to do so could cause even more problems to arise and that was something he just didn't want to have to deal with at the moment.

Then again, the worst thing that could possibly happen was Jameelah would hang up, ignore his repeating calls, and eventually block his number. Well, if that were to happen AJ would get the damn point, but the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach wouldn't allow him to dwell on such pessimistic thoughts and caused him to bend over and reach for the tiny phone. Seconds later when he heard the distinct ringing in his ears, AJ sunk into the chair that had been placed next to the large window and waited in a dreadful state of anticipation for an answer.

And when the line was picked up on the other end, he couldn't find any words able to escape from his mouth.

*****

Kevin felt a sense of relief wash over him as he pushed the door open and walked into the hotel's fairly large gym setting, enveloped by an odd sounding silence but not being taken aback by the fact that he was alone. He was feeling better about being alone and being left alone rather then by being in someone's company. He preferred it that way at least.

The bench press across the room immediately caught his attention, looking promising for a bit of tension release, and drew Kevin in it's direction. But with each step he took, Kevin couldn't brush away the heaviness he felt pressing upon his shoulders. He hadn't been able to since everything had seemed to go down during the therapy session he and the fellas had participated in the day before.

Kevin sighed and set the weights appropriately to fit in the range that he could lift, then got into position on the bench.

He really had been all for the idea of them participating in one of AJ's sessions, had supported it one hundred percent because he was determined to be part of the help that got AJ well and back to normal. But Kevin would have never guessed, or thought, that it would have been turned against him. Sadly, Kevin never saw or understood all that AJ was telling him until that moment when AJ was spilling his thoughts and feelings about how Kevin had been treating him and the way he talked to him. In Kevin's mind, he never saw there was a problem. But AJ had made him see how blind he was acting and the realization struck Kevin hard.

As a group, Kevin and the others had all been through interviews and the such where they had to sit and endure endless questions and accusations that were made against them, but over time, going through such things became easy and was something Kevin grew accustomed to doing. But when he'd found himself presented with accusations being told to his face by one of his closest friends, he'd never found it so hard to just sit there and listen to it. Maybe it was because he was being forced to see that what was being said was true and his pride just didn't want to face it. As much as he never wanted to admit it, Kevin had the biggest ego out of the entire group, which often led him to being pretty blind to how he could act at times.

There was no use in Kevin trying to deny that he had been hurt with all that AJ said to him the previous day. That was something his ego was not capable of keeping secret and he'd already confided in his wife about such feelings. He didn't feel offended though, as he was afraid AJ, or the others, might now think. In all honesty Kevin was thankful that AJ had the courage to actually open up and tell him exactly how things were. For that, Kevin developed more respect for the younger man. But Kevin kept coming back to the fact that it hurt. Only, he couldn't decide which hurt more: the fact that he had treated AJ so badly to begin with or the fact that he'd been blind to it all along and needed someone to tell it to his face bluntly. Either way Kevin could definitely say he was highly embarrassed and disappointed, in himself that is.

He'd never meant to treat AJ so horribly and to think he'd played a big part in his 'brother's' downfall made him reevaluate himself as a friend. AJ may not have said it outloud, but deep inside Kevin could feel the hatred AJ had for him. It was only obvious and when it came down to it, Kevin could not blame him. Then there were the others. He'd been straying away from them in fear of what they now thought of him from all that AJ had said. Afterall, they didn't recieve nearly as much reprimanding as Kevin had. Being the oldest of the group, it had always been put upon Kevin to set good examples and he was always lecturing them about treating others with respect. Yet there he had been, blind to his own actions, and going against what he always preached. He was embarrassed, hurt, and his ego had been bruised...

Kevin continued to push the bar up and down, barely feeling the tiring effects it was having on his arms. He stared, squinting up at the ceiling and clentching his teeth as he counted reps within his head. The echoing of the door opening and closing didn't catch his attention and it wasn't until someone sat down on the bench next to his that he finally looked away from the spot on the ceiling he'd been focusing on. Kevin was surprised to see his cousin sitting there, decked out in a pair of black Nike pants, a white wife beater, and a Kentucky Baseball cap he wore backwards, looking ready for a workout himself.

"What?" Kevin finally asked, letting the bar hover less then an inch above his chest. He felt a sense of uneasiness pass over him as Brian continued to sit there, not saying a word.

"Nothing," Brian answered casually with a small shrug. "Thought I'd find you here though."

'Yeah, I was lookin' to be alone too' Kevin thought, pushing the bar back up. But he knew better then to say so outloud as he'd hate to offend someone else. "Yeah, thought I'd lift some weights to help the time pass," he chose to say instead.

"All in the family," Brian attempted to joke as he reached for a free weight. He tossed it back and forth in his hand. "We have the same idea."

"I'd say," Kevin mumbled. He placed the bar back upon it's support landings and sat up, rubbing the back of his neck.

"So..." Brian trailed as he watched Kevin stand up from the bench and get into the push up position on the floor.

"So what?" Kevin huffed out.

Brian chewed at the inside of his cheek. "Ya talk to AJ at all?" he suddenly blurted out, watching as his cousin paused in between a push up, but quickly continued as if he hadn't even heard Brian's question. Kevin didn't answer and Brian subconciously furled his eyebrows. "Kev?" he repeated, curling his fingers tightly around the weight and flexing the muscles in his arm.

"What?" Kevin asked with a slight hint of exasperation in his voice.

"I asked if ya talked to AJ at all-"

"No." Kevin cut his cousin off with such a short answer, it took Brian aback with surprise. Crystal blue eyes locked gazes with emerald green ones and the two cousins set to sharing an uncomfortable moment of silence. Kevin was the one to break the look away, though, and pushed himself through another rigorous set of push ups.

Brian on the other hand dropped the weight back onto the rack, ignoring the clinking sound it made as metal came in contact with metal. If there was one thing that irked him greatly about his cousin, it was how stubborn the older Kentuckian could choose to be. That was one thing Brian had been quick to learn about his cousin while growing up around him. Not only was Kevin a perfectionist to say the least, he had one of the worst stubborn streaks Brian had ever known and at the present time, it was most definitely surfacing. "Why not?" Brian finally pressed for an answer, not moving an inch from where he sat. "Don't you think you should at least talk to him?"

"Honestly Brian, no I don't," Kevin answered, clearly showing with just his facial features that this wasn't the best subject to be pressing towards. "What for anyway, huh? He's told me all he has to say. I don't have anything else to say to him."

Brian nearly choked on the laugh he was trying to stiffle.

"And besides, he hates me."

Brian immediately fell silent, AJ's words from that morning on the tour bus replaying in his head, matching the same tone drifting in Kevin's voice and for a moment he found himself speechless. "Kev-"

"I realize I was a jerk and pretty much a fool to not see how I was acting, and well, AJ did a good job to make me see that. I made a mistake and I know that now, so let me deal with my problems my own way. I don't need you to be-"

"Did ya ever stop to think that maybe J thinks you have some pent up hatred towards him?" Brian interrupted.

"I don't know where you get your information because I have no reason to hate him. You know that."

"But he doesn't. Kev, I talked to him this morning. He honestly believes you hate his guts right about now-"

"He's foolin' ya, cuz."

"He's foolin' me? I really think ya oughta go talk to him later."

Kevin's eyes turned a darker shade of green as he stood up from the floor, brushing off his pants without a second thought. "And I really think you oughta just leave well enough alone," he answered in a low voice, his features downcasted and void of any strength. "I'll deal with my problems on my own terms. I don't need you or anyone else making me feel worse then I already do." Kevin let go of an angry/frustrated mixture of a sigh, offering Brian an apologetic look for his less then friendly demeanor during their short conversation before storming out through the gym door.

*****

"Hello?"

The voice sharply pierced AJ's deepest thoughts where he found himself suddenly residing and he blinked his eyes rapidly to focus better on the task at hand. He hadn't expected his call to be answered so quickly, or rather in all honesty, he hadn't expected it to be answered at all. Yet AJ sat there listening to the one voice he'd been dying to hear and he couldn't find a single word to say. It wasn't helping the situation either.

"Hello?"

Jameelah's tone was very cold and unfamiliar to that of which AJ could remember from when he'd first met her, not including the past few times he had spoken to her, which had not gone well. Still his lips lay slightly agape and he begged his mind silently to say something...anything. All AJ recieved from himself was stupid silence.

"Listen here, whoever the Hell this is! Don't fucking call if you're not going to say a damn word! You're wasting my time and I swear to God I will not hesitate to track this call and hunt you down to give you a piece of my mind! So fuck off!"

"Cussing doesn't fit you, ya know." The words had slipped so suddenly from AJ's lips that he couldn't stop himself from saying them. Jameelah's choice of words had shocked him to say the least as he couldn't even begin to imagine her talking like such as he'd just heard. And from what he knew it didn't fit her personality. Then again, what did he really know?

"I beg your pardon?" Jameelah questioned, sounding oddly confused, but never the less annoyed and agitated with AJ's previous lack of voice. Then again, he doubted that she knew it were him speaking as her voice had shown no sound of recognition yet.

"It just doesn't fit you...cussing that is," AJ repeated, closing his eyes for a brief moment and trying to imagine that he were speaking to her face to face, but failing miserably.

"Who is this?" Jameelah demanded.

AJ didn't answer at first.

"I said who is this?"

"It's Alex."

It became deadly silent on the other end of the line and AJ was seriously beginning to wonder if he had once again been hung up on, but Jameelah regained her voice and it was just as cold as ever. "You obviously make it a serious habit to call and not say a damn word," she replied in a low tone of voice, causing AJ to wince slightly on his end.

"It's not a habit, it's just-"

"It's what, huh? If it's not a habit?"

"Jaymee, I just wanna talk," AJ finally opted to say, hoping with all hope that it would at least buy him a little time to say exactly what he was thinking in a civilized manner, seeing as the last time they'd conversed, things had blown up and caused all Hell for both.

"I'm finding that hard to believe..." Jameelah answered shortly after a few moments of added silence.

"Why are you saying that?" AJ questioned.

"I'm not going through this again."

"Would you just listen for one moment? I mean, honestly, just hear me out!"

"I don't have the time-"

"You don't have the time?" AJ chuckled sarcastically, his brows furling deeply. "That's funny because as I seem to remember, the last time we talked you told me I don't have the time to talk to you, yet I'm making it a point to take the time to call you, even after you told me not to give you another call! That's gotta count for something."

"No it does not-"

"Jaymee, please. I'm sorry. For whatever it is I've done to cause you to be angry with me, just know that I'm sorry," AJ sighed, calming his nerves to keep from blowing his top like he'd just nearly done. "I honestly don't know what it is that I have done to cause all of this, but I'm willing to do what I need to do to make it up to you. Just tell me what I've done wrong."

But AJ never recieved an answer. He could distinctly hear the phone on the other end roughly coming in contact with the floor and footsteps quickly retreating away. AJ didn't understand. He knew he was being sincere with everything he had just said, yet once again things didn't turn out the way he'd wanted it to, the way he was hoping it would. And Jameelah was still refusing to speak to him. Even after he had just apologized profusely and with all honesty of his heart.

"AJ?"

He realized he had pulled his cellphone away from his ear and was currently staring at it when he heard a voice, distanced in sound, catch his attention. AJ had his finger ready to turn the device off, but stopped upon hearing the new, familiar voice. Unwillingly AJ brought the phone back to rest gently against his answer. "What?" he asked, his tone suddenly scratchy and faltering.

"I thought you would have been quick to hang up," the voice replied without humor to match it's statement.

"Jenny?" AJ asked wearily.

"Yeah," Jenny answered. "You willing to talk?"

"Not unless you know what the Hell is going on with Jaymee..."

"Actually, that was what I was gonna ask you."

"I haven't got a shitty clue."

"I'm sorry?"

"I don't know what's going on with Jaymee. All I do know is that she's pissed off at me for God knows what reason and she won't tell me," AJ answered, not understanding why he was now talking to Jameelah's roomate or why she had picked up the phone after it had been thrown down in the first place. "I would think if anyone would know what her problem is, it would be you."

"She's been pretty cold lately and untalkative," Jenny replied carefully. "But she won't tell me why."

"Well that provides me a whole lot of help," AJ said sarcastically, slumping down in the chair he was sitting in.

"What'd she say to you?"

"Absolutely nothing."

AJ began to zone out at that moment as Jenny started speaking again, not hearing or comprehending a word she was saying. In one ear and out the other. That's when he realized the phone call had been a total mistake on his part. He should have just respected Jameelah's wishes and forgotten all about her, but of course, as always, his heart wouldn't let him. And his brain continued to throw him in every which direction, leading him to the same conclusion. He was still clueless.

"Jenny, I gotta go," AJ interrupted quietly and hung up before Jenny could object.